Mother of all Last Minute Resistance

[BeTheChange]

Wouldn't even call this a sh*t test because she was just legit not on it...at the LAST moment.

Reactivated Tinder last week. Met this 21 year old French Malaysian from it. Definitely an 8.

I knew she was game, because she'd come from the other side of London (45 minutes), to meet me on a Friday night at 9pm. And honestly I'd just come from the gym and had that bicep hugging t shirt on (you know what I'm talking about!). Took her to a couple of bars and after less than 2 hours I suggested heading back to mine as I had some drinks in the house and that was it.

I made some scrambled egg (for me, since I skipped lunch, she wasn't interested) and we had a few more drinks. Then took her to my room and put it on her. Going well. Kissing her on the couch, then took her to my bed. I'm on top of her, ready to get her naked and she just says bluntly "Something doesn't feel right". I could tell from the way she said it, she wasn't just trying to get me to try harder or avoid feeling like a slvt. I didn't try and push it too much and just laughed it off, but she persisted. She told me this had never happened to her (I told her the same), which just p*ssed me off more to be honest....basically communicating to me that she was happy to get fvcked on the first date by other guys but not me...obviously I didn't show it my irritation, simply smiled and said it "wasn't a problem".

New experience. Can only speculate as to what went wrong. Possibly I was talking too much or was being overly negatively about Tinder (she might have assumed it meant I didn't get girls). The problem with this argument is, it was clear from my confidence and approach that this was business as usual...in fact she even commented that "I shouldn't lose my confidence because of this" (which I laughed off and told her it wasn't an issue). But given her age and the fact she wasn't looking for a boyfriend the "player" vibe shouldn't and probably wasn't the concern. The implication of the end of our conversation was that we weren't going to see each other again (her choice).

I've got a date tonight with another hottie but not as enthusiastic about this one, as she's a lot older (27). As a fairly good looking guy I think my game is less about generating attraction, which is by default going to by their based off my looks alone, and just not fvcking up...which must have happened last night. Anyway, onwards. And I basically need to STFU about other women and my dating life in general.

 

[FwoGiZ]

I blame the eggs

 

[BeTheChange]

I blame the eggs

LOL. Genuinely could have been the reason. Live and learn.

 

[AlphaNate]

Maybe she felt guilty about something else. Maybe she lied about everything. Maybe she started her period. Maybe you smell like an old boyfriend. Maybe eggs trigger her PTSD.

It's a woman. Don't sweat it.

 

[fastlife]

I had the exact same situation about 3 months ago.

• Met a girl outside the club (the girl I'd been in set with for about 45 minutes had to go in to use the bathroom) and I noticed her standing beside me.
• She was super, super high interest. Basically blew wide open and she was all over me.
• Her logistics were bad, so she insisted I took her number.
• Invited her over, hung out with friends. She initiated making out. Got her to my bedroom--she was a little upset by finding condom wrappers ('God, I don't even want to know how many girls you do this with.')
• Joked that off--but got absolutely hard no's every time I tried anything past making out. Didn't really bother my state. We said our goodbyes, walked her to her car.
• She never responded to another text.
• Saw her out a weekend or two ago where we met. I was just being friendly but all her physical cues screamed massive attraction. She ditched her friend to come talk to me. Basically the gist of her conversations was that I 'seemed like trouble,' she 'felt nervous around me--but not the good kind,' and then she gave me some huge schpiel about how she didn't know what she wanted & all this other stuff from her childhood. She said she was going to bathroom and dipped out.

Not sure I could pinpoint anything I did or said that resulted in that particular outcome, especially when that same game worked with girls before and since. I do know that for me, she was a solid 7/weak 8, just hot enough for me to bed but not hot enough for me to even consider anything longterm. And I also know that she's the type who probably absolutely does it for most guys--and here I was just sort of phoning it in.

If there's anything to take from it it's that girls still desire to be desired. Even if they can tell this ain't your first time, they still don't want to feel like they're just next in line. So your options are to either make a conscious effort to be more engaged with girls a little below your league or to meet girls who you have to have and let those things happen naturally.

 

[Serenity]

Her feelings suddenly changed for no obvious reason, that just happens to women sometimes. I would bet not even she knows why she suddenly wasn't feeling it, emotion governs them and not the other way around. Sometimes there's nothing you could have done better than you did, I don't think you fvcked up.

 

[BeTheChange]

I had the exact same situation about 3 months ago.

• Met a girl outside the club (the girl I'd been in set with for about 45 minutes had to go in to use the bathroom) and I noticed her standing beside me.
• She was super, super high interest. Basically blew wide open and she was all over me.
• Her logistics were bad, so she insisted I took her number.
• Invited her over, hung out with friends. She initiated making out. Got her to my bedroom--she was a little upset by finding condom wrappers ('God, I don't even want to know how many girls you do this with.')
• Joked that off--but got absolutely hard no's every time I tried anything past making out. Didn't really bother my state. We said our goodbyes, walked her to her car.
• She never responded to another text.
• Saw her out a weekend or two ago where we met. I was just being friendly but all her physical cues screamed massive attraction. She ditched her friend to come talk to me. Basically the gist of her conversations was that I 'seemed like trouble,' she 'felt nervous around me--but not the good kind,' and then she gave me some huge schpiel about how she didn't know what she wanted & all this other stuff from her childhood. She said she was going to bathroom and dipped out.

Not sure I could pinpoint anything I did or said that resulted in that particular outcome, especially when that same game worked with girls before and since. I do know that for me, she was a solid 7/weak 8, just hot enough for me to bed but not hot enough for me to even consider anything longterm. And I also know that she's the type who probably absolutely does it for most guys--and here I was just sort of phoning it in.

If there's anything to take from it it's that girls still desire to be desired. Even if they can tell this ain't your first time, they still don't want to feel like they're just next in line. So your options are to either make a conscious effort to be more engaged with girls a little below your league or to meet girls who you have to have and let those things happen naturally.

True. It was a bit formulaic (she wouldn't necessarilly know that unless she'd witnessed a set or been with guys like me) and did feel like I was going through the motions.

What annoyed me the most is that I ended up having a few drinks and I really don't like drinking unless there's a return at the end (club with good music or sexy time with a female).

Decided going forward I'm not even going to try and go for the SNL. First date is going to be a coffee shop date. Max an hour or two. Eases them in, avoids the player label and minimal time and cost investment. Second date wine and dinner at my place with the push for sex. Thoughts?

I like elaborate dates and spending money but only if there's a virtual certainty of sex AND it's not just a one time thing. I need that sex annuity from my investments.

 

[guru1000]

Not enough comfort. You gave her the good ol' player pump and dump vibe. What she needed was the ol' "You're an incredible girl. I have such chemistry with you. You don't find this often...," talking about future plans; coming from--YOU--the relationship, recovered Alpha guy vibe. You gave her all Alpha, and no Beta, and she knew what was coming.

Play fluidly to the girls' needs. This one needed verbalized Beta (from an Alpha guy).

Last night, I had a date with this 26yo, 8 from OLD. We talked about her recent ex. On their first date, the guy said to her, "I don't want you dating anyone anymore. You're going to dump all your orbiters and see only me. You are the one I have been looking for!" He saw her once every two weeks for four months, met her at a hotel just to smash her. He never invited her to his house and never introduced her to any of his friends/family. After four months, when she questioned his relationship motive, he dumped her on her azz and disappeared.

Know who you are dealing with, and feed her needs.

She needs alpha, give her that.
She needs beta, give her that.
She needs to feel special, give her that.
She needs a raw pump and dump, give her that.

When I'm dealing with a girl of lesser calibre, say a 7 or 8, I give her straight and unequivocal beta (from an alpha frame), as I'm already wearing the pump-and-dump black eye.

 

[fastlife]

True. It was a bit formulaic (she wouldn't necessarilly know that unless she'd witnessed a set or been with guys like me) and did feel like I was going through the motions.

Women's intuition. They're much more proficient at reading subcommunications. If it was a hotter girl, your subcomms would've been more indicative of desire. It sounds like you were more into her on an intellectual level--i.e. I want to sleep with her because I know she's objectively attractive & young and, well, another notch is always good--as opposed to an instinctive level. What @guru1000 mentions re Comfort comes into play--but I just can't fake it that well (lack of motivation?) lol.

What annoyed me the most is that I ended up having a few drinks and I really don't like drinking unless there's a return at the end (club with good music or sexy time with a female).

I have one drink tops--if a girl's into you she'll follow your pace.

Decided going forward I'm not even going to try and go for the SNL. First date is going to be a coffee shop date. Max an hour or two. Eases them in, avoids the player label and minimal time and cost investment. Second date wine and dinner at my place with the push for sex. Thoughts?

Might not be a bad play. I know guys like Blackdragon (who runs a pretty cool blog on nonmonogamous relationships) advocates coffee first. The problem with that strategy is it bombs miserably (IME) with 18-20 y/o's--GOOD LUCK getting them to show up if you don't fvck them the first night. 22 is right at the age where I've noticed a lot of girls pull a reevaluation as far as avoiding 'players.' I just run hardcore player badboy game most of the time (talk about other girls, neg, etc.)--and trust that it brings in the most innocent (or least inhibited) girls. Most girls who balk at this approach have multiple red flags--abusive ex bf's, history of dating jerks, etc. that make them unsuitable for me on almost any level; props to them for trying to change their strategy but I'm not all that into dealing with the emotional fallout from all that or into offering commitment to patch up past emotional wounds.

I like elaborate dates and spending money but only if there's a virtual certainty of sex AND it's not just a one time thing. I need that sex annuity from my investments.

For me, sex annuity comes BEFORE any investment. I run a sort of Frog/Prince game--if she sticks around for 3 or so weeks, I'll take her out. Does this approach cost me a ton of lays with girls I'm physically attracted to? Indubitably--but I usually get the ones I really want and those ones stick. High risk/High reward. I'm sure some guys want a higher yield or have a higher range of girls (especially age-wise) they're physically attracted to--and if you think that fits your profile, then I'd stick to a less polarizing, more methodical approach.

 

[ubercat]

So u bed them before dating? Or do u invite them along to whatever your doing e.g. gym, bar, shopping AKA the boyfriend experience so it s not really a date?

 

[fastlife]

So u bed them before dating? Or do u invite them along to whatever your doing e.g. gym, bar, shopping AKA the boyfriend experience so it s not really a date?

Typically meet them at a bar/social event. If she's too drunk or logistics are bad (one or both of us is out with friends), I get the number, Tell her she seems cool & I'd like to get to know her over a glass of wine sometime later in the week. If she's sober or slightly buzzed & I have enough time to really hit it off, I invite her to split a waffle at an all night diner (friends won't object) or invite her to another bar (if friends aren't an issue), then bounce to my place. Usually take her out for coffee or breakfast next morning to solidify the comfort I probably didn't have time to build the night before (if I want to see her again); if I don't I'll tell her I have to get up early in the morning and drive her home.

Usually after that I try to keep everything centered around my place--I might take her out for fast food or pool or one drink or a game of pool or an afternoon in the park (all near-free). After ~3 weeks , if she's cool & appreciative of those smaller gestures I'll take her out to nicer places or invite her out socially.

 

[ubercat]

Thanks @fastlife I'm probably a bit old for night game and these days I have a girlfriend trying to colonize my life God bless their assimilating little ways.

It seems a nice tight easy to operate structure so I'm sure the younger guys will appreciate your sharing.