Should I drop all my plates to focus on better prospects?

[BeTheChange]

I'm focused on finding a woman who meets my standards

• Young. 18 - 25
• Hot - atleast HB8
• Into fitness and keeping healthy
• College educated
• Has the ability to support herself
• Ambitious or at the very least having an understanding and appreciation for my own ambitions

Anything else doesn't interest me. But I seem to be having some trouble finding / keeping chicks who meet this profile around. It's one or all of three things:

1. My value isn't high enough
2. I'm not approaching or putting myself in situations to meet women with this profile consistently
   
3. These girls are inherently unpredictable and unstable

I can't do anything about number 3 so best to accept it and advance nonetheless.

I'm a pretty self aware guy so I don't think it's number 1. As for number 2 I'm actively working on it but could use some help.

My two questions are, one, where do you guys meet women who fit those qualities?

And two, should I cut all other plates out my life who don't meet these standards? For example, two of my plates are 30 or older. I'm at a stage where I'd rather be alone than spend time with them because it just seems like a waste. If sex is the ONLY motivation for me wanting to see you, then I'd just rather have a w*nk and get on with my day...I figured if I set the bar for my attention and time high, it would force me to find women who actually have the qualities I'm looking for.

 

[logicallefty]

If your ultimate goal is to find a woman with all of those qualities and settle down with her, then spinning plates is your best option to find such a woman. Which also means getting rid of plates who you conclude do not meet the criteria you are looking for.

 

[sazc]

I agree with both above responses.
I also applaud you for giving this situation such detailed thought.

 

[fastlife]

If you have to ask this question, the answer is Yes.

As for meeting girls with those qualities, get ready to play the numbers game HARD. You'll need to do what you can to get close to a college campus. Find gyms & coffee shops & Targets (assuming you're in the US; hot girls shop at Target) & a sushi place & make these part of your daily/weekly routine. I also meet these girls in bars & clubs (every girl goes out at least once a year). Sober girls in the first half of the night are your best bet--drunk or overtly slvtty, release quickly. Bounce them for food (easy pull) & back to your house THAT night or else you won't ever see them again.

Get ready for a lot of frustration & low return on investment. You'll have nights/weeks/months that feel like a total waste of time BUT they are out there.

 

[logicallefty]

@fastlife i have noticed the same with Target Stores. The sushi joints? I've only been to one one time in my life and I failed because I asked for "anything cooked". Oh well. Surprises me that hot girls go there. Unless they want to smell something that smells worse than their... never mind...

 

[Urbanyst]

You are having a hard time keeping an 18-25 HB8 girl around?

Why don't think harder about what you are saying. 18-25 women cannot and should not be taken seriously. You are chasing a unicorn if not a ghost. That's your problem.

Girls in that age range will change dramatically over time. She is still developing and figuring out who she is at that age. You are trying to hold on to something that does not want to be possessed in the first place. You have to be really breezy with women that age. They usually want someone strong to lean on, not some stage 5 clinger who is desperate to keep them around.

 

[BeTheChange]

@Urbanyst

You've made a lot of baseless assumptions. All my LTRs have been with girls in the 18 - 25 age bracket. Longest of which was over 3 years. Didn't you say in another thread your longest LTR was less than a year...not sure you should be the one doling out advice on "keeping women" around.

Women who don't posses the qualities I described in my OP don't interest me at all. Time is a valuable thing. I'd rather spend it on dating the best women my value can obtain. If you don't understand that, then you need continue no further in this thread.

I agree with both above responses.
I also applaud you for giving this situation such detailed thought.

Thank you. If you want something you should pursue it with conviction and vigour.

We're encouraged to be ambitious for knowledge, health, in our careers so why not women? Go big or go home right? Aim for the best you can get in all areas of life.

If you have to ask this question, the answer is Yes.

As for meeting girls with those qualities, get ready to play the numbers game HARD. You'll need to do what you can to get close to a college campus. Find gyms & coffee shops & Targets (assuming you're in the US; hot girls shop at Target) & a sushi place & make these part of your daily/weekly routine. I also meet these girls in bars & clubs (every girl goes out at least once a year). Sober girls in the first half of the night are your best bet--drunk or overtly slvtty, release quickly. Bounce them for food (easy pull) & back to your house THAT night or else you won't ever see them again.

Get ready for a lot of frustration & low return on investment. You'll have nights/weeks/months that feel like a total waste of time BUT they are out there.

Brother, I have mentally prepared myself for the unforgiving, capricious wilderness that is the 18 - 25 dating scene. I expect a lot of fun with a massive c0cktail of unpredictability. We can't control how these chicks will behave but we can control our response and how we choose to perceive the situation. Frustration is borne out of a disconnect between expectations and reality and is for the most part entirely within our ability to control.

It's called game for a reason. Let's try and keep this fun.

I matched with a 21 year old part time model and trainee lawyer on tinder today. Pretty much ticks all the boxes. And she messaged me first, with a "hi handsome how are you?". Point I'm trying to make is that I know that I have it in me (at least on paper) to attract the top tier of women I am going for. But I have to accept that by sheer probability it's unlikely to even get to the first date stage. All you can do is develop your game to maximise your chances, while keeping your eye on the bigger picture - life's enjoyment.

It's my hope that I can maintain a positive mindset and a concrete self belief in spite of what will probably be much less frequent desireable feedback than with my old plates. But as you're fond of saying, you have to reach a point at which your self-value is not dependent on external validation from women.

 

[Urbanyst]

@Urbanyst

You've made a lot of baseless assumptions. All my LTRs have been with girls in the 18 - 25 age bracket. Longest of which was over 3 years. Didn't you say in another thread your longest LTR was less than a year...not sure you should be the one doling out advice on "keeping women" around.

Women who don't posses the qualities I described in my OP don't interest me at all. Time is a valuable thing. I'd rather spend it on dating the best women my value can obtain. If you don't understand that, then you need continue no further in this thread.

All your LTR's were with girls 18-25 and all of them have ended. Correct?

Yeah, I've never had a LTR last longer than a year. I don't necessarily believe that is some kind of failing as I don't see changing yourself to keep a woman as an accomplishment.

I can't give men advice on keeping women other than, to become some kind of spineless, desperate sheep. All my married friends have become that, so I guess that is the secret to it. Not interested.

 

[BeTheChange]

All your LTR's were with girls 18-25 and all of them have ended. Correct?

Yeah, I've never had a LTR last longer than a year. I don't necessarily believe that is some kind of failing as I don't see changing yourself to keep a woman as an accomplishment.

I can't give men advice on keeping women other than, to become some kind of spineless, desperate sheep. All my married friends have become that, so I guess that is the secret to it. Not interested.

Yes. And their end had more to do with my impulse control and narcissism, not to mention their own psychological issues, than any "clinginess". Your assumption was simplistic and cartoon character like. That's why I called you up on it.

Not sure whether this comment was aimed at me but if you think anyone here is advocating "changing" ones core self in order to keep a woman you haven't been reading very well.

For me it's about finding someone who matches what I believe my own value is and a discussion of the sacrifices that necessitate that result.

Also, I don't see length of relationship as a failing either.

 

[Urbanyst]

Yes. And their end had more to do with my impulse control and narcissism, not to mention their own psychological issues, than any "clinginess". Your assumption was simplistic and cartoon character like. That's why I called you up on it.

I don't see length of relationship as a failing either.

Sorry dude, I wasn't claiming to know your situation. Just based on other dudes I know who say similar things, I make an assumption.

Whenever people ask how to keep a girl around longer, I assume they are a clinger. I just believe once you've proven your value, had sex with her a few times and decided to be exclusive.. it means the girl accepts you the way you are. Trying to change yourself to keep her longer is desperate. To me, if a girl wants to leave you, why would you want her to stay? When a person rejects who I am, I have no interest in accommodating them at that point.

 

[BeTheChange]

Sorry dude, I wasn't claiming to know your situation. Just based on other dudes I know who say similar things, I make an assumption.

Whenever people ask how to keep a girl around longer, I assume they are a clinger. I just believe once you've proven your value, had sex with her a few times and decided to be exclusive.. it means the girl accepts you the way you are. Trying to change yourself to keep her longer is desperate. To me, if a girl wants to leave you, why would you want her to stay? When a person rejects who I am, I have no interest in accommodating them at that point.

I suggest you go back and actually read the thread. No one in here is talking about changing one self to keep a woman around.

 

[Urbanyst]

I suggest you go back and actually read the thread. No one in here is talking about changing one self to keep a woman around.

I gotcha man. I was mainly focusing on this part:

But I seem to be having some trouble finding / keeping chicks who meet this profile around.

One thing to keep in mind is the top tier women will be dating your Trumps, Tom Brady's and Dwayne Johnson's for the most part. Definitely aim high, but be realistic also.

Any girl over a hb8 you can pull as a regular guy will have other issues like being crazy, being a b*tch or being low class. Which is why she is not with some celebrity or millionaire.

 

[skinnyguy]

There are plenty of girls out there who aren't worth having sex with. And they have mood swings so you sometimes won't be able to fvck them. What was you settling for a lower girl will turn into them making you feel like you're sort of privileged to be with her.

Getting laid is no big deal. Actually finding a connection is rare. For me, my connections usually don't last more than 2 weeks which is so frustrating. Been through 8 girls in the last 2 months. They were hot and stuff (I banged one a few nights ago) but they just were not keeping my interest

Now that I"m older, I'm gonna hold out until I find a quality girl who I have a connection with. Like you said, wanking can be a better option than dealing with someone who isn't worth dealing with.

 

[BeTheChange]

I gotcha man. I was mainly focusing on this

And then conveniently forgot to read the part where I say it has little to do with my value and more to do with not approaching / coming across enough women in this category.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with using women as motivation for some self improvement ("change"). For example women are probably 50% of the reason I go to the gym. The other half being the great feeling I get from lifting. However I know I could get that feeling from other forms of exercise that wouldn't provide the same kind of aesthetics so I'd be lying to myself if I said it was all about me. @Espi also relates.

I want the best things in life that my value can realistically obtain and that includes women. I make no apologies for this.

Time is valuable. Don't expect another reply from me if you're wasting it with a non-response, like the last four posts, which seems to be more about your projection than anything else.

 

[Urbanyst]

And then conveniently forgot to read the part where I say it has little to do with my value and more to do with not approaching / coming across enough women in this category.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with using women as motivation for some self improvement ("change"). For example women are probably 50% of the reason I go to the gym. The other half being the great feeling I get from lifting. However I know I could get that feeling from other forms of exercise that wouldn't provide the same kind of aesthetics so I'd be lying to myself if I said it was all about me. @Espi also relates.

I want the best things in life that my value can realistically obtain and that includes women. I make no apologies for this.

Time is valuable. Don't expect another reply from me if you're wasting it with a non-response, like the last four posts, which seems to be more about your projection than anything else.

Chill on the hostility dude.

No one is attacking you. We are just having a discussion bro. Why do you care so much what I think anyway?

Women are probably 25% of my reason for going to the gym. The rest is to feel good, be healthy and be physically strong.. which comes in handy often.

 

[fastlife]

@fastlife i have noticed the same with Target Stores. The sushi joints? I've only been to one one time in my life and I failed because I asked for "anything cooked". Oh well. Surprises me that hot girls go there. Unless they want to smell something that smells worse than their... never mind...

Yes. Hot girls love sushi. It's 'healthy' and photographs well I'd guess there's not an 8/10+ on either coast of the United States that doesn't go out for sushi at least once a month.

Brother, I have mentally prepared myself for the unforgiving, capricious wilderness that is the 18 - 25 dating scene. I expect a lot of fun with a massive c0cktail of unpredictability. We can't control how these chicks will behave but we can control our response and how we choose to perceive the situation. Frustration is borne out of a disconnect between expectations and reality and is for the most part entirely within our ability to control.

It's called game for a reason. Let's try and keep this fun.

I matched with a 21 year old part time model and trainee lawyer on tinder today. Pretty much ticks all the boxes. And she messaged me first, with a "hi handsome how are you?". Point I'm trying to make is that I know that I have it in me (at least on paper) to attract the top tier of women I am going for. But I have to accept that by sheer probability it's unlikely to even get to the first date stage. All you can do is develop your game to maximise your chances, while keeping your eye on the bigger picture - life's enjoyment.

It's my hope that I can maintain a positive mindset and a concrete self belief in spite of what will probably be much less frequent desireable feedback than with my old plates. But as you're fond of saying, you have to reach a point at which your self-value is not dependent on external validation from women.

Great mindset. And it'll only get more solid the most bullsh1t you test your beliefs against--BUT it does get frustrating. Even for me, even now--and I've had a lot of success in this demographic for the last year & a half. For instance, when you go out twice a week for a month (mostly by yourself) and don't even meet one girl who's up to par (which will happen more or less, depending on your geographical area); on those nights, you have to believe that that time's not a total waste and that it's an investment in future results, even if you're not getting feedback, and you have to find ways to make those nights fun for you. But it sucks. On those nights, I practice on & get rejected by girls I don't even want lol--and that gets to you.

When you're on a one month dry spell and you have four girls flake in one week and those girls were super solid leads and one of them hit you up to hangout....that sucks. And you know that you have to go back out there and deal with rejection & boring girls & logistical nightmares & c0ckblocks (fat friends are the worst).

Plus you have to wrestle with certain socially conditioned beliefs that rear their ugly heads from time to time, especially starting out until you have enough feedback to replace those beliefs with something more positive:

• Ugh, I'm at the bar by myself specifically to meet girls. What a loser.
• Ugh, I'm 7 years older than this girl who was in high school this time last year. What a creep.
• Ugh, this girl just totally ignored me. Maybe I am a loser.
• Ugh, this girl just called me a creep. Maybe I am a creep.

It's a definite lifestyle investment: like others have said, it's a part time job; I write it off under entertainment, but it's about the only form of entertainment I have time for other than reading books & hopping on SS every now & then.

But to me it's worth it. High highs and low lows & lots of growth! And it does get easier & you will get better. And hot young girls are really about as much of a headache after you've fvcked them as any other girl (but getting them to that point requires way more legwork).