I hung up Phone on GF - Who makes the first move?

[Reyaj]

So overall my gf has been great. She is attractive, loyal, and bangs me good. However lately she's been instigating fights with me more. We have been together almost 2 years. Maybe within the 2 years, she hung up on me twice after an argument, I was the bigger person and reached out first. But this time I don't feel like it...

She basically called me to argue and instigiate a fight and I told her I wasn't in the mood to fight and we could talk later. She then said to leave her alone and I said ok I will. Then she was like "hang up the phone on me and watch what happens..." Well as an instinct I hung up immediately lol... Like wtf don't threaten me..... Been an hour and nothing... I wonder if before I go to bed I should text her good night and say love u or something, we typically do that every night.

Thoughts?

 

[Billtx49]

If she's starting them she's not a happy camper for some reason. OR, she's looking for a way out with a way she can hamster to feel good about it. Most likely the latter, but up to you to find out which it is…

 

[sazc]

she's not a happy camper for some reason.

I vote go NC for 3-4 days and then contact if she hasn't. You both are long overdue for an honest conversation. I suggest you tell her something along the lines of "you been picking fights for X days/weeks/months now over petty stuff. I know you well enough to know these are not the real issues, they are just topics you pick. Take some time and figure out what is really eating at you so we can sit down and figure out how to solve it.

It's never about the dirty socks on the floor, it's usually about not feeling respected/valued, etc.

Finally, let me leave you with a tidbit that I just posted on FB

It's not what happens in life that causes you to be upset, it's the violation of your expectation of what is supposed to happen in life that cause you to get upset.

and then my friend replied

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

Our "feelings" are the delta between what we believe vs what we experience

Now, get out there and do some adulting and have a conversation with her.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Are you in an open relationship? Maybe she's caught on to the fact that your spinning plates?
Her spidey senses are up hence instigating fights.

I don't know your situation on that front. I'm not the moral police by any means but if you are not happy why don't you just end it and move on...

 

[SkrooU]

She's a drama queen. If you want to stay in the relationship with her, then text her to tell her when she's ready to treat you with respect and have an adult conversation then to give you a call. Then go about your life until she calls. But realize that she's probably going to keep doing this unless you get a handle on it.

 

[Once Bitten]

Tell her to put her big girl panties on and talk to you. If she won't, tell her she's free to go if she wishes, since she doesn't want to talk about it. "I don't do drama".

Something else has her hamster spinning, maybe influence from friends and/or another man. If so, just let it be. You'll be better off the sooner the truth is revealed. That's always the hardest thing to get from a woman, is the truth.

 

[speed dawg]

So overall my gf has been great. She is attractive, loyal, and bangs me good. However lately she's been instigating fights with me more. We have been together almost 2 years. Maybe within the 2 years, she hung up on me twice after an argument, I was the bigger person and reached out first. But this time I don't feel like it...

She basically called me to argue and instigiate a fight and I told her I wasn't in the mood to fight and we could talk later. She then said to leave her alone and I said ok I will. Then she was like "hang up the phone on me and watch what happens..." Well as an instinct I hung up immediately lol... Like wtf don't threaten me..... Been an hour and nothing... I wonder if before I go to bed I should text her good night and say love u or something, we typically do that every night.

Thoughts?

Without knowing other details of your relationship, it sounds like you played this one right. You called her bluff and passed her sh*t test. So don't cave in now. I went through this with my now-wife once back when we were dating. You have to be tough and not pick up that phone. I suggest going out and doing something else that night, preferably around other girls.

If she calls, she wants to be with you. If she doesn't, she doesn't. Trust me, you aren't 'messing up' or 'blowing it' with this girl. She'll contact you if she's into you. You have to be willing to walk, man.

On your history and why she's picking fights, we can't know why until you supply more details.

 

[oOh Nasty]

Then she was like "hang up the phone on me and watch what happens..." Well as an instinct I hung up immediately lol...

Well played.

Most important thing, not only for your personal self but also for the life of an LTR, is your frame. It's alright if you piss her off and shock her, but she'd better know damned well she's going to have to respect you.

Maybe within the 2 years, she hung up on me twice after an argument, I was the bigger person and reached out first.

I'm not sure how your arguments actually are (who starts them and for what reasons), but I wouldn't go as far as saying "the bigger person reaches out first." If she's a conniving drama queen b*tch, then the bigger person is the one who gracefully bows out and gives the other person the space to sulk in her own drama (as aside to allowing her to suck the energy out of you for her own needs). Not saying that's how your arguments were before, but make sure it isn't the case right now.

Been an hour and nothing... I wonder if before I go to bed I should text her good night and say love u or something, we typically do that every night.

Sounds like the beginning of the end. Start to prepare yourself mentally just in case.

 

[dude99]

So overall my gf has been great. She is attractive, loyal, and bangs me good. However lately she's been instigating fights with me more. We have been together almost 2 years. Maybe within the 2 years, she hung up on me twice after an argument, I was the bigger person and reached out first. But this time I don't feel like it...

She basically called me to argue and instigiate a fight and I told her I wasn't in the mood to fight and we could talk later. She then said to leave her alone and I said ok I will. Then she was like "hang up the phone on me and watch what happens..." Well as an instinct I hung up immediately lol... Like wtf don't threaten me..... Been an hour and nothing... I wonder if before I go to bed I should text her good night and say love u or something, we typically do that every night.

Thoughts?

Picking fights and taunting you and daring you to hang up , that is a girl Whos interest level has plummeted down to the dangerous level of no return.

Sounds like she is getting ready to branch swing on you so she doesn't care how she acts around you anymore. She dared you to hang up so she can say you were the bad guy.

How would i proceed if i were you? Dump her. Her level of disrespect is only going to get worse. She no longer cares.

 

[sazc]

The only time I would dare my man to hang the phone up on me is if I fully intended to NC him. The only reason I would intend to NC him is if I was angry/resentful with him for some reason and breaking up seemed like a viable option.

That said, I dont get petty, I TALK.

I dont know about your situation in particular, or your womans motivations, but I can say that this episode does not bode well when you consider the future and being able to communicate well to have a good relationship. I dont know what your communication style is, but the most peaceful relationships dont involve phone slamming and ultimatums, from either party.

 

[dude99]

The only time I would dare my man to hang the phone up on me is if I fully intended to NC him. The only reason I would intend to NC him is if I was angry/resentful with him for some reason and breaking up seemed like a viable option.

That said, I dont get petty, I TALK.

I dont know about your situation in particular, or your womans motivations, but I can say that this episode does not bode well when you consider the future and being able to communicate well to have a good relationship. I dont know what your communication style is, but the most peaceful relationships dont involve phone slamming and ultimatums, from either party.

I would say their Relationship is over. Someone just needs to drop the ax.

 

[Reyaj]

Do you all realize that no relationship is perfect and there's going to be things each of you do that get on each other's nerves? I think your hard rules on nexting don't necesarily apply to a relationship. I know you all mean well but you need to have give and take in a relationship. Long story short, we are back on good terms now... but there was another hicup the following day where she hung up on me... After telling her directly to tell me what her problem is she felt that I was hiding stuff and am shady about what I do when I'm not with her...

 

[Reyaj]

Didn't you just make a thread about trying to hook up with another woman?!?

More than 1 actually lol I'm meeting up with a different girl tonight, stay tuned.

 

[sazc]

Do you all realize that no relationship is perfect and there's going to be things each of you do that get on each other's nerves? I think your hard rules on nexting don't necesarily apply to a relationship. I know you all mean well but you need to have give and take in a relationship. Long story short, we are back on good terms now... but there was another hicup the following day where she hung up on me... After telling her directly to tell me what her problem is she felt that I was hiding stuff and am shady about what I do when I'm not with her...

I mean this sincerely - good luck to you.

Yes, relationships are not perfect and the people involved tend to act in a more immature manner, the younger they are. I dont like hearing that she hung up on your the day/day after you worked it out. My impression of this is that she now thinks this is an appropriate manner in which to handle her anger/unhappiness. The men on here would say that she feels as if she has frame in that she believes if she hangs up, she is in control.

If you are going to work out long term you both need to agree to talk and work things out like mature adults. No more tantrums, no more phone smashing.

 

[sazc]

More than 1 actually lol I'm meeting up with a different girl tonight, stay tuned.

so she's s plate and not your GF? oh jeez...lol. ur going to mentally mess her up f she ever finds out. she'll never trust another dude

 

[Reyaj]

so she's s plate and not your GF? oh jeez...lol. ur going to mentally mess her up f she ever finds out. she'll never trust another dude

She is my gf. I just like hooking up with other girls sometimes. I'm not married.

 

[logicallefty]

I think you handled the situation like a boss, OP.

I would do exactly this:

I vote go NC for 3-4 days

And then do this:

. If you want to stay in the relationship with her, then text her to tell her when she's ready to treat you with respect and have an adult conversation then to give you a call. Then go about your life until she calls. But realize that she's probably going to keep doing this unless you get a handle on it.

 

[ubercat]

Just sounds like 2 players head to head. Place your bets all.

 

[Reyaj]

Lol gotta love the haters

 

[sazc]

She is my gf. I just like hooking up with other girls sometimes. I'm not married.

She's your "girlfriend"? Does SHE know she's not involved in a monogamous relationship with you? Dies she know you hook up with other females?

Didn't you say she threatened to hang up on you a second time BECAUSE she thought you were lying to her? She has great intuition!

You really should just let her go.