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"Hopeless romantics" narcissistic, delusional all about me types.

9Volt

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Being there are a lot of wolves in sheep's clothing such as the self proclaimed "hopeless romantic" what if any are your experiences with them?

imo these types want the fuss made all about them while putting in little or no effort in return. the type to delude themselves by thinking the perfect person will just fall into their lap because they "deserve" them yet would have no problems dropping that same perfect person should reality interfere with their perfect fantasy world.

saw a post elsewhere that summed up these types perfectly:

Hopeless romantics initially come on strong, often idealizing the object of ther "love", although they are incapable of actually ever loving someone in a mature way that would require intimacy and committment on any level.

To them, the initial stages of a relationship that involves infatuation is like a drug and they need more and more of that injected into their empty and lifeless souls just to feel something since they are devoid of any real emotions and do not even understand themselves.

As long as they continue to believe the self-induced lie that they forced themselves to accept at the beginning of the relationship - then things will go well, at least for a while. They have to somehow convince themselves that the person they are in "love" with is "perfect" and feed off the infatuation and associated neuro-chemicals in order to be in a relationship, since in their own warped view of themselves, nothing less than a perfect partner is worth spending their time and energy on.

They typically become bored easily, have narcissistic traits and will ultimately begin to devalue the person they are with when the high intensity and endorphine fueled rushes related to the relationship/being in love are not sutainable anymore. That is why most of them will ususally keep other possible options on the side at all times (guys that are "just friends") and never let the relationship get to a point where it actually involves real intimacy or committment and they do that through a systematic and fine tuned process of known as approach-avoidance. Which is getting very close and being "in love" with the source of their emotional high when they need it and are very demanding at times, but then pulling back if the other person gets to close and/or wants more from the relationship - and more in terms of a mature, intimate and committed experience.

As much as they initially seem like they are "in love" and want to bond, they actually fear that more than anything and often substitute amazing sex as a form of intimacy when there is nothing in terms of a foundation to support it as time goes on and the relationship should or would require more than just being sexual, as the intensity, effect from pheromones and the neuro-chemicals released during physical intimacy cannot produce the same result anymore.

At that point, in a sense the end is always predetermined and inevitable when dealing with a person like that, so the choice for the other one involved is to either hang on and enjoy the pointless ride for as long as it will last or accept reality and move on.
 

sazc

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anytime anyone falls for you quickly (self proclaimed hopeless romantic, and you are their target ) that should be treated as a red flag and a major character flaw and you should run
 
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bigneil

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anytime anyone falls for you quickly (self proclaimed hopeless romantic and you are their target included) that should be treated as a red flag and a major character flaw and you should run
Come on. I agree with Coach Corey Wayne on this: nearly every relationship he (and I) ever had that was worthwhile featured a magical love at first sight moment.

Great advice. Run from the best girls possible.

Consider the strippers I dated:

1) Had sex within 15 minutes ($0 spent). Dated 2.5 years.
2) Gave me her phone number without my asking after a 5 minute conversation ($0 spent). Called me that night. Dated 18 months.
3) Gave the bouncer her number and told him she liked me ($0 spent). Dated 6 months.
4) Told me I made her swoon after 1 text. Had sex within 5 minutes of being alone together for the first time. Currently still dating in our 5th month.

Consider the non-strippers:

1) Russian girl gave her number to the grocery store manager at the NYC deli where we met. I moved in with her. She still sends me love letters 4 years later.
2) First girlfriend met me at a party and we saw eachother for 40 straight days and dated for 4 years.
3) 19 year old beauty queen told me she loved me the second time I saw her, and the next time I saw her spent the night with me.

These were some of my best women. The pattern should be clear: when they really like you things happen fast. Don't be ashamed of it.
 
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wifehunter

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Guys are fast, girls are slow.
 

sazc

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Come on. I agree with Coach Corey Wayne on this: nearly every relationship he (and I) ever had that was worthwhile featured a magical love at first sight moment.

Great advice. Run from the best girls possible.

Consider the strippers I dated:

1) Had sex within 15 minutes ($0 spent). Dated 2.5 years.
2) Gave me her phone number without my asking after a 5 minute conversation ($0 spent). Called me that night. Dated 18 months.
3) Gave the bouncer her number and told him she liked me ($0 spent). Dated 6 months.
4) Told me I made her swoon after 1 text. Had sex within 5 minutes of being alone together for the first time. Currently still dating in our 5th month.

Consider the non-strippers:

1) Russian girl gave her number to the grocery store manager at the NYC deli where we met. I moved in with her. She still sends me love letters 4 years later.
2) First girlfriend met me at a party and we saw eachother for 40 straight days and dated for 4 years.
3) 19 year old beauty queen told me she loved me the second time I saw her, and the next time I saw her spent the night with me.

These were some of my best women. The pattern should be clear: when they really like you things happen fast. Don't be ashamed of it.
In my experience (not that I date females, but I get to watch them) most relationships that burn really hot in the beginning also extinguish abruptly. I also really feel like, if a female is going to fall head over heels with you really quickly, WTF is missing from her life that she is trying to fill that void with you? These females can be the mostI unstable of the group. Of course it adds to the ability to get banged earlier, and that i always a plus for you guys - but for the men (and women) who can get pulled in quickly with these hopeless romantics, just tread with realistic caution for awhile, until longevity has proven the staying power of the relationship.

I'm glad you had generally positive experiences @bigneil That's great!
 

bigneil

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In my experience (not that I date females, but I get to watch them) most relationships that burn really hot in the beginning also extinguish abruptly.
I agree. They blew up like Supernovas eventually. Even better!

You can't turn a ho into a housewife, and why on Earth would you want to?? ;)
 
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Von

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Being there are a lot of wolves in sheep's clothing such as the self proclaimed "hopeless romantic" what if any are your experiences with them?

imo these types want the fuss made all about them while putting in little or no effort in return. the type to delude themselves by thinking the perfect person will just fall into their lap because they "deserve" them yet would have no problems dropping that same perfect person should reality interfere with their perfect fantasy world.

saw a post elsewhere that summed up these types perfectly:

Hopeless romantics initially come on strong, often idealizing the object of ther "love", although they are incapable of actually ever loving someone in a mature way that would require intimacy and committment on any level.

To them, the initial stages of a relationship that involves infatuation is like a drug and they need more and more of that injected into their empty and lifeless souls just to feel something since they are devoid of any real emotions and do not even understand themselves.

As long as they continue to believe the self-induced lie that they forced themselves to accept at the beginning of the relationship - then things will go well, at least for a while. They have to somehow convince themselves that the person they are in "love" with is "perfect" and feed off the infatuation and associated neuro-chemicals in order to be in a relationship, since in their own warped view of themselves, nothing less than a perfect partner is worth spending their time and energy on.

They typically become bored easily, have narcissistic traits and will ultimately begin to devalue the person they are with when the high intensity and endorphine fueled rushes related to the relationship/being in love are not sutainable anymore. That is why most of them will ususally keep other possible options on the side at all times (guys that are "just friends") and never let the relationship get to a point where it actually involves real intimacy or committment and they do that through a systematic and fine tuned process of known as approach-avoidance. Which is getting very close and being "in love" with the source of their emotional high when they need it and are very demanding at times, but then pulling back if the other person gets to close and/or wants more from the relationship - and more in terms of a mature, intimate and committed experience.

As much as they initially seem like they are "in love" and want to bond, they actually fear that more than anything and often substitute amazing sex as a form of intimacy when there is nothing in terms of a foundation to support it as time goes on and the relationship should or would require more than just being sexual, as the intensity, effect from pheromones and the neuro-chemicals released during physical intimacy cannot produce the same result anymore.

At that point, in a sense the end is always predetermined and inevitable when dealing with a person like that, so the choice for the other one involved is to either hang on and enjoy the pointless ride for as long as it will last or accept reality and move on.
Sounds like me... definitely have to update my scarcity thread now.
 

bigneil

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Romance works as long as you can walk away for 1-3 weeks every month or so. It doesn't work if you hump their leg all day.
 

9Volt

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I always end up deleting females on my facebook whenever they post useless romantic quotes or memes. Even if they are friends in real life. Most of them are downright train wrecks. 2-3 kids from different fathers and ethnicities, single, still living the club life (you can tell because most of their pics have them wearing heels, a skanky dress, while holding a margarita). And then out of nowhere they post some Romeo and Juliet meme. I'm like wtf? What guy is going to be stupid enough to commit to this train wreck?

Anyone who is good with women know that changing her mood and not her mind is how you seduce them. I think women feel the emotion first, acts on it, and then backwards rationalizes later. That's what the romantic memes are. Hopeless romantics are just women addicted to the emotions of romance. There is no rhyme or reason, or even consistency to their dating history. They feel something first, and then act on it like reactive machines. And when it doesn't work out but a kid pops out, they rationalize it as "It wasn't meant to be. But there is someone for everyone. One day fate will find me."

Being a hopeless romantic is like a get out of jail card for idiotic women making dumb decisions based on their emotions. That's all that is. They'll cheat on you and say "The spark was no longer there." Romance absolves women of all wrong doing because there is a force out there called "love" that makes these decisions. And love is governed by Cupid. Cupid decides who hooks up with who, so women are free from all accountability.
Great addition and post. I know a few chicks like that. living in fantasy world free from accountability where nothing is their fault, they just want "love" aka me, me, me. most of them will be horoscope nutcases which is another excuse for their behavior as if the stars pull their puppet strings and they have no responsibility themselves.

same club types, "free spirits" etc.

the universe just owes them because. while they hide behind their thinly veiled delusional public "just an innocent good hearted person looking for true love" image that's a laughable fraud.

these types are flakes as in flakes. keep others always in the wings for immediate break glass in case their "romantic prince" has the misfortune of reality bursting their cartoon world bubble by not being so "perfect" and supplying them with endless giving "romance".
 

bigneil

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The self proclaimed "hopeless romantic" what if any are your experiences with them?

imo these types want the fuss made all about them while putting in little or no effort in return. the type to delude themselves by thinking the perfect person will just fall into their lap because they "deserve" them yet would have no problems dropping that same perfect person should reality interfere with their perfect fantasy world.

saw a post elsewhere that summed up these types perfectly:

Hopeless romantics initially come on strong, often idealizing the object of ther "love", although they are incapable of actually ever loving someone in a mature way that would require intimacy and committment on any level.
At that point, in a sense the end is always predetermined and inevitable when dealing with a person like that, so the choice for the other one involved is to either hang on and enjoy the pointless ride for as long as it will last or accept reality and move on.
This basically just describes falling in love with anyone.

There is the honeymoon phase largely induced by the production of Oxytocin (which she makes after an orgasm) and Testosterone (which he makes). One makes people bond, one makes people push each other away and go mate with other people. That leads to the closeness, lovers quarrels and makeup sex excitement of the first 1-2 years. As if that's not enough drama, once the oxytocin wears off you must face reality. Some people are only happy in the honeymoon phase (and with today's women, men might consider being like this themselves). But long term love is different and can be special I'm told, though my experience hasn't been like that.

Question: why do we always attach the word hopeless to romantic? Are there any hopeful romantics? I think it's just pessimism by people who say romance doesn't exist. It definitely does and is one of the only hopes men have of keeping women long term. Romance allows a woman to produce oxytocin just thinking about you.
 
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LX12

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This is the case in my last situation. It's amazing how self centered and so involved they can be. I believe I was involved with a covert narcissist. Lack of empathy, entitlement, cold detached, aloof. Breast augmentation, veneers, hair extensions etc. I believe she was a chronic branch swinger. I'm cool to a point but I'm nobody's chump. Hate to break it to you but your not a supermodel.
 

mrgoodstuff

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This is the case in my last situation. It's amazing how self centered and so involved they can be. I believe I was involved with a covert narcissist. Lack of empathy, entitlement, cold detached, aloof. Breast augmentation, veneers, hair extensions etc. I believe she was a chronic branch swinger. I'm cool to a point but I'm nobody's chump. Hate to break it to you but your not a supermodel.
Could you have managed that situation to work out for you?
 

LX12

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I do think I could have managed it or maintained it for a bit longer. The problem was I lost frame believing a 40 y/o single mother was ready to keep it real after being in what she said was an abusive relationship. I got the victim story etc. it's important to listen in the beginning of what a woman says there were many clues that I choose to overlook. I think there was some alpha widow traits as well.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Many of the traits described here apply to my ex girlfriend.

And of course she was extremely good looking.

In the beginning, it was a great time. I guess the trick is knowing when to cut and run. However, I definitely didn't at the time. Stayed way too long and got way too involved.

I learned a lot from that one...

-Augustus-
 

wolf

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We live and learn boyos... we live and learn....
 

GoodOne123

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I've began to be very skeptical of this type.

I remember the first hopeless romantic type I dated. I never experienced anyone be so infatuated with me before, and be so into the fairytale clichés. I knew it was too good to be true, but I gave into the fuzzy warm feelings and believed in the hype. Needless to say the whole thing ended in a trainwreck and I got hurt pretty bad. Lesson learned.

I think believing in the saying"nothing good in life comes easy" helps with keeping your guard up with these types.
 
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