How To Deal With Guys Threatening/Trying To Fight You

[Tenacity]

So here's another discussion I wanted to start here to get some feedback from you guys.

So as mentioned prior, I have been dating/fvcking a lot of women over the previous 6 to 7 years. But every now and then, I run into some idiot guy lol.

- The guy might be her thug baby daddy

- The guy might be her "new" boyfriend

- The guy might just be a guy who wants to get with her in general

And I get these weird voicemails or Facebook inbox messages, with the idiot threatening to kick my a.ss lol. Here's an example of some of the voicemails I get from this thread here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/tenacity-gets-threatened-by-a-thug-listen-lol.233962/

Now, here's the honest situation:

- I've never really been that good of a "physical fighter". I think I've been in a good 10 fights in my life and I solidly lost 8 of them. The other 2 I stayed the course but I personally wouldn't say I was the winner. So I would say I'm 0-10 in street fights. So if shyt pops off, there's a 90% chance I'm not going to "win" the fight, even if the guy is my same size.

- Fighting is also very illegal and I actually HAVE something to lose, where a lot of these idiots don't (most of them are broke as hell).

I usually just laugh at them and blow them off these days, even though I USED to curse them the fvck out (goes along with my anger/rage issues).

How do you guys handle this? I'm interested because as you know I date mainly black women and if the chick has a baby daddy already, 75% of the time it's one of these thug losers. The thug loser (who is obviously jealous/pissed off that he's not in my position) always tries this tough guy shyt on my voicemail or inbox. Just wanting to know how do you guys handle this.

 

[El Payaso]

There are plenty of black women without babies......

 

[icantgetlaid]

You are a DJ with way more important sh1t to occupy yourself with than to be lowered to physical and verbal altercations with 'thugs' over pvssy. This is called dealing with some chicks baggage. It's her fault, next her.

 

[bigneil]

As someone who hasn't lost a fight since 1994 (when I was suckerpunched by a south paw who had backed down when I turned off his disco), and as someone who was jumped by 4 big bar fighters in 1997 (and tied them in a 4 on 1 for about 5 minutes before it got broken up) my advice:

1) Avoid fighting.
2) Never pick or start fights. You are permitted to defend yourself only.
3) Never throw the first punch, but land the first punch.
4) Reach is everything.
5) Watch out for southpaws to your right.
6) Watch out for sucker punches.
7) Practice with the electronic punching bag that measures power.
8) Know that the new alpha male has to come to blows with the would-be alpha male in any local environment.
9) Watch out for weapons.
10) Never use weapons - always fight clean - unless they have weapons.
11) If there is more than one enemy, you have to take one of them out with the first move.
12) Always tip the bouncers and police who work outside the establishment - they should greet you with a handshake or even a hug. They can save your life.
13) The best way to defeat your enemy is to make him your friend.
14) Always ask yourself: "What do I stand to gain, and what do I stand to lose?" It's usually nothing and everything, respectively.

 

[fastlife]

It usually takes two people to escalate anger to violence--every now and then there'll be some dude who just comes out swinging--but usually that's the case.

• Anger + Fear = Physical Confrontation
• Anger + Anger = Physical Confrontation
• Anger + Potential Loss of Social Status = Physical Confrontation

But if you throw anything else into that equation, there's a good chance you ruin the mood for a fight. Ignoring goes a long way. Staying calm, especially while positioning yourself physically, goes a long way. Being friendly or even funny goes a long way. Diffusing the situation goes a long way.

"Dude, I'm g*y, WTF" is gold--if you say it loudly enough for others to hear he'll look like the tool of the year.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Hanging with women with thug exes and wondering where the quality women are at?

LMAO, are you half-retarded, seriously?

 

[Tenacity]

Hanging with women with thug exes and wondering where the quality women are at?

LMAO, are you half-retarded, seriously?

Legend as I keep trying to tell you, when you date black women....the BULK of them have thug ex's. And I'm not talking about Tyquesha from the hood, black chicks with PhDs are dating the same type of thugs.

Why do you guys think I'm making this up? Being a THUG in the black community is the new form of "Masculinity". Matter of fact, if you aren't at least partial THUG, you aren't seen as a real man.

 

[Tenacity]

"Dude, I'm g*y, WTF" is gold--if you say it loudly enough for others to hear he'll look like the tool of the year.

Black people routinely use GAY JOKES to belittle someone. Matter of fact, when a black woman breaks up with a black guy, one of the FIRST things she does is talks about how gay he is.

So this line might work in a white area, that's not going to fly around black people.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It varies by state, but in my state it is a crime to leave a threatening voicemail, and a felony if you threaten to kill anyone. I know a girl who got charges against her for that.

And finally, the real disgrace is that you live in a major city with world-class level martial arts instruction, yet do not take advantage of that opportunity. Not everyone has that available to them. I wish I did.

 

[Mike32ct]

Never been in a fight but have been verbally threatened a few times. So I just have one point to make.

There is a BIG difference between a guy verbally "venting" (i.e. yelling at you) and maybe "showing off" in front of his girl or his boys VERSUS him yelling to distract you and set you up for a sucker punch. It's critical to be able to tell the difference.

If he's just yelling at you but keeping his distance, just LET HIM VENT. You're not "backing down," but you're not saying anything so he runs out of steam and walks away. Silence with eye contact can be alpha af.

If he starts getting closer and more "in your face" as he yells, then "fighting or self-defense" advice is appropriate. I'll defer to the others on that.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

The only fight you win is the fight you avoid.

You want to improve your life, right? Then you need to learn to avoid situations like that. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Particularly if you start to amass wealth and assets. Be better than that. Don't bring yourself down to that level.

It has nothing to do with being macho. It has everything to do with being smart.

-Augustus-

 

[fastlife]

Black people routinely use GAY JOKES to belittle someone. Matter of fact, when a black woman breaks up with a black guy, one of the FIRST things she does is talks about how gay he is.

So this line might work in a white area, that's not going to fly around black people.

Bro I've lived in majority black cities for like 95% of my life. Generally majorly homophobic; No one wants to fight a g*y dude--plus, it's plausible deniability for a guy to be seeing/hanging/apparently hitting on a girl right in front of him without being a threat.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Back in the day you could fight them. Back in the day you could throw a punch and that would be that. But today, you're damn near likely to catch a felony charge for something like this. It's sad, but you can't even fight back anymore.

 

[ubercat]

Y the heck don't u start dating non black chicks. Then at least you have a point of comparison.

Agree with the others, avoid fighting. He could pull a gun or knife.

If u go down the martial arts path join a good jujitsu club where they practice striking and weapon defence and striking is allowed in the dojo sparring. U won't go to jail and if u have control of his arm and head it's hard for him to pull a weapon.

In a multiple attacker situation run like hell. If they corner u pick up any weapon u can keep moving around quickly to make it harder for them to grab and drop the first one as quickly and viciously as possible. Let the legals get sorted out once u ve survived

 

[exhausted]

As someone who hasn't lost a fight since 1994 (when I was suckerpunched by a south paw who had backed down when I turned off his disco), and as someone who was jumped by 4 big bar fighters in 1997 (and tied them in a 4 on 1 for about 5 minutes before it got broken up) my advice:

1) Avoid fighting.
2) Never pick or start fights. You are permitted to defend yourself only.
3) Never throw the first punch, but land the first punch.
4) Reach is everything.
5) Watch out for southpaws to your right.
6) Watch out for sucker punches.
7) Practice with the electronic punching bag that measures power.
8) Know that the new alpha male has to come to blows with the would-be alpha male in any local environment.
9) Watch out for weapons.
10) Never use weapons - always fight clean - unless they have weapons.
11) If there is more than one enemy, you have to take one of them out with the first move.
12) Always tip the bouncers and police who work outside the establishment - they should greet you with a handshake or even a hug. They can save your life.
13) The best way to defeat your enemy is to make him your friend.
14) Always ask yourself: "What do I stand to gain, and what do I stand to lose?" It's usually nothing and everything, respectively.

Distance is very important as well. For a guy like this that cant fight he will not want to be in uncomfortable positions where he is grossly out of sorts. Distance spacing and sitting down on shots amd staying fleet footed to get out of harms way.
Learn to wrestle and bjj. Ive been boxing 30 years and the last 12 learned bjj. Very important to know how to handle yourself if u hit the ground.
Great points overall.

 

[bigneil]

[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 2394618, member: 127374
Learn to wrestle and bjj. Ive been boxing 30 years and the last 12 learned bjj. Very important to know how to handle yourself if u hit the ground.
Great points overall.[/QUOTE]
Tell us more about bjj. Two of the bouncers I referred to (who hugged me yesterday) are MMA wrestlers. Two men I want on my side. Two men I would not mess with.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Why not learn to fight?

 

[Julian]

If someone attacks you physically or is about to you it is within your legal right to defend yourself up to and including deadly force (guy runs at you with a knife as an example). I go by cop laws...I imagine what a cop would do in my situation.

At the end of the day like others have said, fighting is not worth it. Confrontations can lead to emotional and physical trauma.

 

[fastlife]

Why not learn to fight?

I've had two close friends shot & killed from confrontations in bars. Working in a bar before, I've seen at least a couple dozen men go to jail--the owners, managers, & restaurant staff will always side with the regulars, regardless of who instigates; the police will always go with the restaurant staff. In every fight I've witnessed outside of school, other people jump in; the odds get stacked against the odd-man-out very quickly. Unless you're a bouncer or a regular, fighting will almost end badly.

 

[TheProspect]

How to deal with guys threatening / trying to fight you?

You don't.

@fastlife is totally right.

Violence was a big part of my teenage years. I probably was in 50 fights from 15 to 19. Every single one of them was avoidable. Ever single one of them served no benefit to anyone involved. I've hospitalized people and have been hospitalized. Not proud of any of it, but I have learned from it. My last altercation was when I was drunk on my 20th birthday and I was outnumbered, got pistol whipped multiple times, and had 3 guns pointed against my head by known killers.

One decision can get you killed for no reason. One punch can get you killed for no reason.

I turn 24 this year and from 20-23 I haven't been in one fight or shouting match. I've never even came close. It's all about who you surround yourself with and the environment you put yourself in.


To make my post relevant to you, some self-defence classes can be valuable but the only surefire way of improving your ability to fight is immersing yourself in fighting, real fighting. Which is counterintuitive if that's what you're trying to avoid.

Drop any ego and self-pride, and walk away and/or diffuse the situation calmly if it's getting out of hand. It takes more maturity and self-respect to walk away from an altercation than it does it to prove to people in the vicinity that you're a "man".

In regards to threats, just ignore it lol. What beneficial purpose does entertaining someone's threats serve? I'd also remove yourself from any girls that have these type of people in their life anyway.