Need Advice Guys - How Can I Salvage This?

[Nu Vision]

Hey guys,

I need your expert advice.

Have been going out with a very nice girl who has a bunch of the qualities I'm looking for: family oriented, smart, educated, independent, makes good money, wants to have kids, craves adventure, fun to be around, etc.

We texted for about 3 weeks before we finally got to go out mainly because our schedules were very busy at the time although I sensed some hesitation on her part. First date was nice. We went to a karaoke bar, had some drinks, had fun, had great conversation, connected on a deep level. My car was at the shop so she picked me up at my place and dropped me off. At the time I had recently gotten promoted and she paid for the whole tab saying it was a gift in celebration of my promotion. I was a bit shocked. No girl had ever done this for me. I said ok thanks. I got the next tab.

I went for the kiss at the end of the date but she said no in a low voice. I felt it was some last minute resistance move and went for it anyways. She turned her cheek. She then said she's not the type to kiss on the first date and that I would get to find out more about her slowly. We said goodbye and she went home.

Our second date wasn't until after 2 weeks after the first. She had a very busy schedule the next weekend and couldn't commit. For the next weekend I invited her out again and she didn't respond at all. No reply. She kept texting me but never replied to my invite. I called her and told her I wasn't used to girls ignoring me when I ask them out. She said she didn't reply because she had some stuff going on that was tentative and didn't want to say yes to then have to cancel. Told her I understood that but I rather her reply and say no than not say anything. Also told her I wasn't going to be plan B for her. Asked if she was interested in going on a second date or if she didn't want to. She said she was and we made plans.

During this time our texting became more frequent with her often texting me early in the morning and late at night. Things seemed to be going well.

Right before first date I made what looking back I feel was a mistake. She sent me a video of a song she likes. I sent her another video and said I was dedicating that song to her. The song was very romantic and the message was I want to be with you and be everything you need sort of stuff.

We went on the second date. This one was better than the first. We had a lot of fun. I got her a little gift (probably a mistake). Nothing big. Just a mug with a quote. We are both quote junkies. Also got her some gloves because it was very cold that day and we were going to be very high up a building in cold temperatures. The date turned into 4 mini dates. We wended up going to a landmark building in the city to enjoy an amazing view, then went to a famous church that was closed (we sort of tresspassed) which was kind of fun and adventerous, then to a restaurant to grab something to eat and then to a bar very late to chill and have drinks. The ambience at the bar was relaxed and chill. We touched on different subjects and I was touching her arms, lower back, hair, etc. She asked about my relationship with my ex who I have a son with. She asked about me wanting more kids or not.

We then left. She dropped me off at my place. I was hesitant to go for the kiss (bad move). Looking back I think I missed some opportunities on this date. One of the areas I need to improve on is escalating and arousing girls I go on a date with. She complained that she would have a hard time looking for parking that late around her building. I live in a house with parking. Told her to park there and spend the night and she could drive home in the morning. She laughed and said no. Hugged and kissed her in the cheek and she drove home.

Then I started making more mistakes it seems. We took a ton of pics during this date up in the building we went to with the amazing view.

The next day for I don't know what reason I sent her a message that read "hey beautiful. I wish you smile a ton today. It's a sight to see " She does have a beautiful smile.

She didn't reply to this until hours later. Didn't say thanks or anything just said good morning and sent me some of the pics we took. We texted some during the day and then no text that night. She was busy with a party she organized. I was out and about with friends and got a text from her at 3 am with more pictures we took. I didn't reply that night (maybe I should have?)

The next morning I sent her a text: "hey beautiful. What were you doing at 3 am thinking about me? "

She didn't sent a smiley text or anything of that kind. She replied saying good afternoon. I said I noticed something about the pics. She said what? And I said I noticed that she looks really good by my side with a smiley face. She replied: "really ... maybe is the other way around ... I make you look good

I replied: Yes, you do. We make each other look good. I like it.

Then I asked how the party had gone. Didn't get a reply to that text until the next day close to 24 hrs later.

She said sorry she didn't get a chance to reply. She said the party was nice but she was very tired because she had to do a lot of cleaning and her body was sore. I replied with this text: "I'm an expert maseusse"

That was Monday around 3 pm. I haven't gotten a reply to that text since. I've been holding off on texting so I don't seem desperate but I don't know what the best move would be.

I'm now thinking maybe she got offended at my text?

Based on what I have said what do you guys think is the best way for me to salvage this. The days of no texting from me I believe help in showing her I'm not a needy guy who will chase her around.

What kind of text can I send her now to reignite communication?

"are you ok?

"did I offend you?"

"are you alive?"

"Saw something that reminded me of you."

Send her something funny to break the ice?

or ignore until she texts me first.

When we start talking again should I ask her straight up if she is interested in going out and getting to know each other? Try to see where her mind is.

I really like this girl and like I said she has a lot of great qualities. I think maybe I've made too many mistakes to salvage it but if there is a way you guys would know.

We talked during second date about possible places to go for third date. We were supposed to confirm with each other. Am I thinking too much about this? Should I just act aloof and act like nothing is happening, text her and go from there.Or am I better off not texting and hopefully upping my value that way?

Thanks for any advice guys,

 

[Nu Vision]

Damn ... sorry ... that was a long post.

 

[narcissist]

Dude. There are so many mistakes you have made its incredible this girl went on two dates with you. Not to sound like a d1ck but you have lots of work to do.

MISTAKE 1) you are WAYYY more emotioanlly invested in her then she is in you. HERE IS THE RULE: always be 10-15% less emotionally invested than the girl is NO EXCEPTIONS. she seems like she is about 20-25% invested, so you should be 5-10% invested MAX. You should be fvcking other girls, and barely messaging her.

MISTAKE 2) you are putting WAYYYY to much pressure on her to like you back and be interested in you. You gotta give her room to not like you. I know this sounds weird, but you are making it seem like it would be the end of the world if she didnt like you back, and she thus feels OBLIGATED to go on dates with you. That is a terrible way to build attraction. Just chill the fvck out, and stop putting so much pressure on her, with all this subtle hints that you want sh1t to work out.

MISTAKE 3) WAYYYYYY TO MUCH TEXTING HER. stop. please. stop it. no more texting. Texting is for LOGISTICS AND SEXTING ONLY. You have to convey that you are busy and have a life. Clearly she does have a life, and thats why shes not texting you back at times. You are bloody SUFFOCATING her with all this communication. text her 10% the amount she texts you

MISTAKE 4) giving her wayyy to much attention. why the fvck would she make out with you or fvck you, when you are already giving her all this cucky attention? stop with the compliments, tell her she looks ugly, tell her that you make her look like fvcking royalty because you are the king of the world, tell her that she better buy your drinks or youll find someone that will satisfy your kingly desires.

MISTAKE 5) not having other options. WHERE THE FVCK ARE YOUR OTHER OPTIONS? WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ALL YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET?

MISTAKE 6) ACTING AS THOUGH SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND YOU ARENT EVEN GETTING S3X OR EVEN KISSES. dont fvcking give women girlfriend benefits without getting what you want. you are already giving her what she wants. and you aint getting sh1t that you want.

MISTAKE 7) TO MANY COMPLIMENTS... NOT ENOUGH BALLS

you know what... Im too lazy to write the rest. There is just too many...

YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SH1T STRAIGHT BRO.

You pedestaled her.

Go no contact.

If she doesnt message you then you know she dont like you at all.

If she does say: "I aint going on a date. You come here and make out with me and cook me dinner. thats all you get."



ps. you can tell I am lazy as sh1t because Im speaking like a fvckin thug, I am usually very eloquent with my language...

grow some balls

 

[narcissist]

this post actually made me mad. I was eating chicken peacefully and you were so cuck with your post that I had to postpone my feast to write this. I want personal updates on this situation. I better see some progress from you.

 

[Nu Vision]

narcissist,

Can't say I disagree with you. I definitely put her on a pedestal but get this ... I was doing some stuff right though ...

I was at first calling her ugly.

I would text her and say hey ugly (in spanish). She would laugh and call me ugly back. It was after the second date that I started calling her beautiful and all that ****.

I also acted around her like I was the ****. She sometimes complained I was too ****y because i would tell her whenever things went right when she was with me that it was because she was in my presence.

I see the mistakes I've made and won't repeat them.

Being that is likely she got offended by my last text ("I'm a great masseuse. Just tell me when I should come over.") - Should I not text her back at all or just start convo again. Something like "so ... x place (something we talked about) saturday at 8?"

 

[Serenity]

Honestly, there's probably only one way you can convince her you're not needy, but even with that your odds aren't great. Stop texting until she asks you out, may never happen though. You've kinda proved you're needy.

She thinks she makes you look good, that's a fvcking burn.

 

[narcissist]

narcissist,

Can't say I disagree with you. I definitely put her on a pedestal but get this ... I was doing some stuff right though ...

I was at first calling her ugly.

I would text her and say hey ugly (in spanish). She would laugh and call me ugly back. It was after the second date that I started calling her beautiful and all that ****.

I also acted around her like I was the ****. She sometimes complained I was too ****y because i would tell her whenever things went right when she was with me that it was because she was in my presence.

I see the mistakes I've made and won't repeat them.

Being that is likely she got offended by my last text ("I'm a great masseuse. Just tell me when I should come over.") - Should I not text her back at all or just start convo again. Something like "so ... x place (something we talked about) saturday at 8?"

First thing you have to realize is that doing some good things right, in the presence of a multiple and plethora of mistakes isn't going to do you any good. You have to be the whole package. meaning no mistakes, or VERY little amount of mistakes. (like 95% boss and 5% mistake is okay.) But you are at a good 80-90% mistakes and MAYBE 10% boss.

I dont care what you do with this girl to be honest. You have so much to work on that you have to talk to at least 1000 girls this year. You need to be talking to as many girls as you can and relentlessly read the DJ bible, and start a progress journal. Forget about this girl.

If you MUST talk to her, which I feel as though you will anyways, tell her that the next date will be her coming over and cooking for you, and that she can only be granted entrance if she makes out with her, and if she doesnt then she'll have to bus home. If if that wont work (which it wont because you've shown yourself to be a cuck to her, so its not congruent), who cares, at least fvck up with SOME dignity.

You have to realize that your job right now is to talk to girls so you can grow as a man. NOT TO GET A GIRLFRIEND.

Please prove to me that you can stop with this bullsh1t. Its pathetic dude.

 

[Nu Vision]

Honestly, there's probably only one way you can convince her you're not needy, but even with that your odds aren't great. Stop texting until she asks you out, may never happen though. You've kinda proved you're needy.

She thinks she makes you look good, that's a fvcking burn.

Ok. She was joking when she said that. Just like I was joking around when I said I make her look good. Was just trying to make her laugh by being a bit ****y and funny.

 

[narcissist]

Ok. She was joking when she said that. Just like I was joking around when I said I make her look good. Was just trying to make her laugh by being a bit ****y and funny.

Okay, but your response is catalogued on a subconscious level, that you conceded that SHE made YOU look better. That SHE is better for YOU, that SHE can do BETTER than YOU. You think its just a joke but its really a sh1t test. even if its on a subconscious level.

 

[narcissist]

Come on man. Have you even read the DJ bible?

 

[Nu Vision]

Okay, but your response is catalogued on a subconscious level, that you conceded that SHE made YOU look better. That SHE is better for YOU, that SHE can do BETTER than YOU. You think its just a joke but its really a sh1t test. even if its on a subconscious level.

Ok. What would have been your reply to her saying it's the other way around that she makes you look good. Ignore and change subject?

 

[Nu Vision]

I've read many articles in the bible and other sites. I have learned some stuff and applied it. My problem is once I get to liking a girl after I get her out I start losing my frame and **** goes to hell. I gotta fix this NOW.

What articles in the bible would help me most in my situation?

 

[narcissist]

Ok. What would have been your reply to her saying it's the other way around that she makes you look good. Ignore and change subject?

No I wouldn't ignore it, I would make fun of her for thinking something so stupid. But that would only work with me.

I don't think you get it. What I would say only works with my persona. If you said what I would say you'd get slapped, but if I was to say it she'd melt and wanna fvck.

You have to work on your whole persona. It isn't about the particular and specifics of each text its who you are. You give off the impression that, its HER choice to choose YOU if she wants. But it should be the other way around.

You are too scared to offend her. Just admit it man.

 

[narcissist]

What articles in the bible would help me most in my situation?

Read everything. Start a journal. And approach 1000 women.

 

[narcissist]

Approaching the women is the most important part of that process.

 

[Nu Vision]

No I wouldn't ignore it, I would make fun of her for thinking something so stupid. But that would only work with me.

I don't think you get it. What I would say only works with my persona. If you said what I would say you'd get slapped, but if I was to say it she'd melt and wanna fvck.

You have to work on your whole persona. It isn't about the particular and specifics of each text its who you are. You give off the impression that, its HER choice to choose YOU if she wants. But it should be the other way around.

You are too scared to offend her. Just admit it man.

I was doing good I felt up until the end of the first date. After the kiss attempt went bad I grew gun-shy about being physical and started over analyzing things.

I'll get this fixed. It will take a lot of work but I will get it.

Thanks,

 

[MrWood]

she has a BF and was considering you for a branch swing

hint: read OP "2nd date"

 

[Serenity]

Ok. She was joking when she said that. Just like I was joking around when I said I make her look good. Was just trying to make her laugh by being a bit ****y and funny.

Rationalize all you want, this isn't my problem. Are you really sure she took it as a joke? Given the context of your interactions I don't think she was really joking, even though she might have seemed like she was joking.

Anyways, the sum of your actions makes this detail insignificant. You're needy and impatient, she doesn't like it. You're afraid to lose her, that's exactly what is gonna happen when you fear it.

 

[Bingo-Player]

no ,no, no, no, no

im sorry but that was actually painfull to read I cannot believe you have been here for 2 years and your texting plates !!!! not even a GF

"good morning beautiful hope you are thinking about me today"

you cannot text girls stuff like this if you want to be respected by them

this is a chick that's yet to even let you kiss her FFS ,

you sound like a lost puppy snapping at her ankles not a man who she wants to pin her down and fvck her raw

your in deep with this chick , you've fallen for her and it sounds like she's heading towards giving you the

"I think we should just be friends" talk

the only action you can take now is to go completely ghost on her for 2 weeks in the hope it sparks some form of her missing you it may also help to clear your head abit

I've been through this scenario many many times when I was younger and stupider

pull yourself together realize shes not the only girl in the world

 

[Nu Vision]

Admittedly I haven't been spinning plates. I have been on dates with girls at random times (no continuity) so the stuff I've learned here hasn't cemented. It's going to take a lot of practice.

This was my wake up call.