Need solid talk now!

[LiveFreeX]

Just get married, you'll never think about women the same way again.

 

[ZTIME]

Just get married, you'll never think about women the same way again.

Solid advice!!! Can't say I'll take it.......yet it was convincing.

 

[ZTIME]

I think I know what the problem is.... You are a human being. You like someone. Maybe, just maybe you have gotten the shallow plate-spinning pump n dumps out of the way and are feeling stronger and healthier and OMG actually invest some emotion in a woman you like. Anything involving lying is unhealthy long term IMHO.
You will never be an AFC again. If you have any understanding of game, which you do, most of the rules stay the same.

Congratulations. You found someone you can care about.

Keep yourself safe. Protect your assets. Use covert dread. Dont lose yourself or compromise your core values. Enjoy.

Yup, all of those except one thing! You can never tell when they're lying.

Yes, everything is awesome and you can bone them till the sun comes up. They'll tell you what you think you need to hear.....yet it all seems fake.

Ooohhh well! That's today's women.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

I

Just get married, you'll never think about women the same way again.

Been there, done that. Dont rate it.

 

[ZTIME]

Well, been hanging with this chick on a regular basis for a little over a month. I can say she is very cool, very respectful, pays her own way, independent, and hot. A great package as a whole.

The chick is super affectionate and very sensitive which now brings me to the next hurdle.

We spent the the weekend together and had a great time. Yesterday we just randomly hopped from place to place having fun. We stopped for dinner at a cool little place. During dinner I get this:

Her:"ZTIME I need you to know that I'm in love with you."

Me: That's sweet, thanks.

Her: I'm serious, it's not a joke! I'm scared you don't feel the same way and you're going to walk away and hurt me. (Then tears)

Me: Stop. Let's talk about this later. You don't need to be crying in a restaurant.

Her: Fine.

The mood was a bit more awkward for a bit. We did go back to her place, had great svx. And it didn't come back up.

So when it does come back up, is there a good way to handle the situation? Hell, it's been only 30 days and she's already on the " I love you bus". That's a bit quick for me.

 

[guru1000]

Her: I love you (Translation: I need to feel loved)
You : I love you too (Translation: You are loved)

 

[PantyWhisperer]

It may not have come up again that night but it will. She's thought of nothing but since - her hamster wheel is spinning on overdrive. Keep us posted.

 

[The Duke]

I had a girl tell me she loved me 3months into a relationship. I never told her I loved her back and maintained that stance for 1.5yrs. Finally she just said, "I know you probably don't love me but I love you". I always humored her and treated her good. She was really into me, I imagine deep down she hoped I would budge but I never did. Not telling her didn't seem to effect our relationship. If you don't really love her, certainly don't tell her you do. If she is totally into you, she's not going anywhere. She'll just hope for that day you might change your mind.

 

[hithard]

I'm a little concerned she brought it up in the restaurant, with a bit of public emotional blackmail and embarrassment to sway you on side. I don't know the details so it might be nothing. All girls do it to a degree, but something to watch out for.
Someone saying they love you too fast
isn't the problem. It's how they define what love is. Are they just caught up in the emotional roller-coaster? Or are they committed? Do they have a "Disney" fantasy of love or a "boots and all" approach.

No relationship is perfect. You will have flaws and so will they. It's simply about finding the best match and a woman that is practical minded when the shtf.
Also good to see a woman at her worst rather then at her best all the time. Because that mood can last for months and women handle it in different ways. People are not perfect so you need to know that their downtimes don't require too much energy, or misery.

 

[ZTIME]

I'm a little concerned she brought it up in the restaurant, with a bit of public emotional blackmail and embarrassment to sway you on side. I don't know the details so it might be nothing. All girls do it to a degree, but something to watch out for.
Someone saying they love you too fast
isn't the problem. It's how they define what love is. Are they just caught up in the emotional roller-coaster? Or are they committed? Do they have a "Disney" fantasy of love or a "boots and all" approach.

No relationship is perfect. You will have flaws and so will they. It's simply about finding the best match and a woman that is practical minded when the shtf.
Also good to see a woman at her worst rather then at her best all the time. Because that mood can last for months and women handle it in different ways. People are not perfect so you need to know that their downtimes don't require too much energy, or misery.

Little back story. She is recently divorced. She says she didn't want to fall for a guy and doesn't understand her feelings for me ( fake chick talk...I don't know).

She has a good job and can support herself, but not near my lifestyle ( maybe she's attracted to that).

She has a psychology degree which immediately throws red flags (psychologists have the worst pasts).

She seems genuine, but way to genuine. (Like nothing I've ever seen)

The restaurant thing threw me for a loop. She started talking about love but started crying saying that I would leave her. She also says that she tries to spend a lot of time with me because she thinks I won't be back the next day. ( I feel like she's hiding something that she's worried I'll discover or I'm just out of her league)

I've maintained my frame and think she's super cool, but I still think there's something I'm missing. I could be developing feelings myself but not as quickly as she seems to be.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Lol.... You are being played. She is yrying to sucker you into white knighting. The tears and I love you are designed to guilt you into staying. It erodes your frame because we dont want to hurt people. Dont fall for it.
Next time she says "I love you" tell her to prove it. Next time she says she is scared you are going to leave tell her you are not bored YET.
Let her work to keep you and enter your frame. Dont get suckered into hers.

 

[Die Hard]

Cluster B...

Surprised at how fast you're developing feelings for her and losing control over yourself?

Don't take the fact that she is eliciting strong feelings inside of you as proof that she is RIGHT for you!

Treat her like a fvckbuddy, don't pursue an LTR with her and KEEP YOUR FEELINGS IN CHECK. You'll regret it if you don't....

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yup, they always seem great in the honeymoon phase, don't they? Following the honeymoon phase, her true character will emerge.

Don't jump in (emotionally) just yet my friend. Be and stay vigilant. Keep one foot out the door, and the other foot manipulatively in. Relationships can take years to build, and then dissolve at a moment's notice.

I always say if your going to do an LTR with someone, do a background check on them. Find out how they handle relationships and situations. Don't ask them, learn from their peers and family members and ex's.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

True about psychology majors. It seems like the people who need a shrink the most often become shrinks!

 

[Spinach]

Just be aware if you don't give her what she thinks she needs within a reasonable time period she will be gone. Decide which is most important to you...your "frame" or her presence. Sometimes you cannot have both. Good luck my friend.

 

[ZTIME]

Cluster B...

Surprised at how fast you're developing feelings for her and losing control over yourself?

Feelings? Maybe, but not as escalated as how she seems to feel for me. My feelings are more of infatuation then love.

Losing control of myself? I think I've maintained a high level of control throughout. My career and social life dictate a limited amount of time. So controlling where we go and when we see each other is on auto pilot. Seeming kind of aloof is natural for me and I've not really become overly affectionate.

I post honestly here to keep myself in check. Most of you know my relationship horror stories, and for 2 years I've been working on myself and dating random meaningless women.

Now I find something else, and want to make sure I'm not missing red flags, or worse.

This isn't an "I think I have a BPD psychopath" thread. It's a "ZTIME dot your I's and cross your T's" thread.

 

[Die Hard]

Well, I'm telling you you ARE missing red flags AND WORSE...

But you're clearly in denial and it's clearly futile to try and reason with you at the moment. I did my job and tried to make you aware of things, but suit yourself...

If you have questions, I'm here.

 

[hithard]

Ztime is hardly being played. He has
maintained good frame right through. Yes this chick has thrown some red flags up. But they would hardly rate for dismissal just yet. He is barely through qualifying. Ztime is a clued in guy.

Generally I go through a 3 month exclusive when looking at a LTR, or I'm in a "s.hit or get off the pot" moment.
I usually have them half moved in. I need to see if the day to day mundane tasks throw up any problems.
Seeing someone everyday can cut through the haze. If there is any little thing that irks you now, multiply it by a thousand.
Unfortunately it can take up to a year before you really start seeing the stuff that annoys you.

There's a few things that you need to do from here:

Don't get her pregnant. This is were 90% of the f.uck ups and horror stories come from. Yeah its a no brainer, but guys do this all the time.

Don't let her move in totally. Don't let her lose her current home. She needs to be easily gotten rid of if the shtf.

Invest enough emotionally for the relationship to move forward. This is very subjective. But you need to invest enough for a relationship to be healthy. Can't be a stone and expect it to go well

Bail the first sign of contempt. Just run.


If you're happy then enjoy it. Yes there is always a price you pay when going into relationships. But be aware of problems, not just waiting for it to fail. Just remember everyone has some form of issue. You need to work out what hers is and if it is a major or minor on the "dump her azz" scale.

 

[Die Hard]

Ztime is hardly being played. He has
maintained good frame right through. Yes this chick has thrown some red flags up. But they would hardly rate for dismissal just yet. He is barely through qualifying. Ztime is a clued in guy.

You're blind...

Invest enough emotionally for the relationship to move forward. This is very subjective. But you need to invest enough for a relationship to be healthy. Can't be a stone and expect it to go well

The guy got involved with a cluster B and is already in over his head, he needs a lifeline to prevent him from getting swallowed by a whirpool. You don't realize it, but you are pushing him straight into that whirlpool with your advice...

 

[hithard]

You're blind...



The guy got involved with a cluster B and is already in over his head, he needs a lifeline to prevent him from getting swallowed by a whirpool. You don't realize it, but you are pushing him straight into that whirlpool with your advice...

You can't class every woman out there a "cluster b" just to be on the safe side (even though theres a $hitload). Either he learns how to qualify for the early stages of potential LTR, or he just gets stuck on spinning plates. Sooner or later guys need to learn how to have a mature relationship. Not some b grade effort attempt followed by a horror story.
The guys that end up in $hitty relationships, generally are the ones that preached the loudest about avoiding them. And its through a lack of experience that brings them undone.
We are grown ass men.... Either he can handle his $hit or he will soon learn. But to eject at this stage is up to his judgement. We give him a guide to potential pitfalls based on experience. Not fear based absolutes.
I've advised to drop if anything arises already.
This is where a lot of guys are f.ucking up on this board. You can no longer interact with women on a normal level. Women ain't a threat, you just walk the f.uck away.