Long distance break up and confusion

[Durant]

Hey ive read some articles and columns and i can relate to some of these. But i was wondering whats exactly going on with mine

I had a gf for a year before we broke up. We were studying for grad school at that time and after spending two months together we became bf and gf. We spent next six months together and luckily we both got into school we wanted to. The problem was that we were gonna be 4 hours away from each other by driving. Then we thought maybe we could give it a shot. We visitted each other once a month for last six months. Why not every weekend? We are both in med schools which the workload was unimaginable. But we kept it steady and good for awhile. I knew it was going at least okay because about a month ago, she said the L word for the first time. And last week, i got the "we need to talk" phrase. I noticed sign of her interest decreasing about two weeks ago and i kinda knew it was coming. Didnt do anything because 1. distance 2. workload.

She said the distance is really making things hard with crazy workload. And she feels that the relationship feels obligation that she feels more sadness than happiness. She was physically and mentally sick(actually she was) and shes not sure she cant continue this. Yeah then i knew she broke up with me for sure

But then during the call something was just off. She was saying "you know i love you right?" Then i said yeah? And she said can i call you when i make a trip down there(my city) i said no. Then she said can we be friends at least? And i still said no. Then she cried. She said maybe we could see each other happily after four years and i said maybe and good-bye

Is she just being selfish and manipulative as in she thinks of me as a back up or is she being sincere? I know she dropped me but its just mind boggling. I just need some thoughts on this

 

[dude99]

Selfish? Maybe.

But you have to put yourself first and you handled this properly.
When a girls intest suddenly plummets im a ldt its a sighn she is getting attention from a other dude and her hamster wheel is spinning in her head and she doesn't know how to handle it. How does she go feom i love you to we need to talk in a matter of weeks?

New dude attention. The reason she still wants to be friends aka keep you on a string is so she can have her cake and eat it too. If new guy doesn't work out then 10 bucks says yiu suddenly get a phone call from her wanting to work it out.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Selfish? Maybe.

But you have to put yourself first and you handled this properly.
When a girls intest suddenly plummets im a ldt its a sighn she is getting attention from a other dude and her hamster wheel is spinning in her head and she doesn't know how to handle it. How does she go feom i love you to we need to talk in a matter of weeks?

New dude attention. The reason she still wants to be friends aka keep you on a string is so she can have her cake and eat it too. If new guy doesn't work out then 10 bucks says yiu suddenly get a phone call from her wanting to work it out.

Friends is so she can get "love" attention and time from you while getting warmed up to new guy. Perhaps new guy will NEVER give the same attention and respect, etc as you and she can always pull you out even to just listen on the phone or text to receive the emotional chunks she doesn't get from her MAN. Don't give it to her. This is what they do. Don't prop her up for the new guy.

 

[dude99]

Friends is so she can get "love" attention and time from you while getting warmed up to new guy. Perhaps new guy will NEVER give the same attention and respect, etc as you and she can always pull you out even to just listen on the phone or text to receive the emotional chunks she doesn't get from her MAN. Don't give it to her. This is what they do. Don't prop her up for the new guy.

Agreed.

When they drop the "we need to talk grenade," on the relationship, the only proper response is "whew, glad it's not just me. Goodbye."

 

[RangerMIke]

Long distance relationships NEVER work out. Women just can not handle it. They need proximate physical connection. Even women with strong ties with marriage and kids... Jesus, if you've ever been deployed in a war zone for an extended period of time you know the morale chaos that women back home cause their men fighting is beyond troubling. Every couple of days a dude would hear his wife is fvcking around on him, or get a "Dear John" text. Even my ex... but she had the common decency to be discrete and and not tell me about his until I got back.

Just move on, don't get mad at them... they can't help themselves, they are women. You can not expect them to act like men. You handled this correctly...never hang around and be a 'friend' if that is not what you want.

 

[Durant]

Thanks for the thoughts. Helped me to get more insight on thia. Just one more q. Should i meet up for the one last time and close things up or just keep nc?

 

[Julian]

dont be bitter bro..meet up with her and end things on good terms.maybe leave the door open for the future ya know. be alpha about it. it will hurt a bit and u will be bitter and have some anger..but come on dude 4 hour distance...thats doomed from the getgo. good luck brother

 

[Atom Smasher]

Long distance relationships NEVER work out. Women just can not handle it. They need proximate physical connection. Even women with strong ties with marriage and kids... Jesus, if you've ever been deployed in a war zone for an extended period of time you know the morale chaos that women back home cause their men fighting is beyond troubling. Every couple of days a dude would hear his wife is fvcking around on him, or get a "Dear John" text. Even my ex... but she had the common decency to be discrete and and not tell me about his until I got back.

Just move on, don't get mad at them... they can't help themselves, they are women. You can not expect them to act like men. You handled this correctly...never hang around and be a 'friend' if that is not what you want.

I respectfully disagree about not being able to help themselves. The only reason they can't help themselves is because they're no longer held accountable for their actions, and that is OUR fault.

The birth of feminism and this abysmal situation we find ourselves in is the direct result of men abdicating their authority in this world and creating boundaries for women.

 

[RangerMIke]

I respectfully disagree about not being able to help themselves. The only reason they can't help themselves is because they're no longer held accountable for their actions, and that is OUR fault.

The birth of feminism and this abysmal situation we find ourselves in is the direct result of men abdicating their authority in this world and creating boundaries for women.

Men allowing women to behave like this is predictable. Women will, by their nature, gravitate to the top 10% of men.... If you are one of the bottom 90% your best mating strategy is to go along with feminist BS. So even men, in this case are acting within their nature... This is freaking human nature you can no more do anything about the beta whim tool, then you can do anything about the c0ck carousel riding emotionally directed chick.

We have created a society where women are no longer held accountable for their behavior. So they will act as their nature directs. Women do not think like men, they will not and CAN NOT think logically... they will be guided by their emotions because THAT is their nature... until they reach menopause. They can not help themselves and if YOU try to hold them accountable, their friends and society itself will call you a controlling misogynist. Sorry... wish it were not true, but Stella has to get her Grove.

Look imagine if we had a culture that did not hold children accountable for anything they did.... how would they act? Would it be their fault if no one taught them how to behave?

I'm not suggesting we should tolerate this, all I'm suggesting is that you are a fool if you expect women to act like men. If they behave badly then walk away from them, or just date them... hook up with them, and do not expect anything that remotely looks like a quality relationship... if it happens, then it's serendipity. Getting upset with foolish men that have gone along with this or feminist women is pointless and a waste of time....

 

[El Payaso]

Thanks for the thoughts. Helped me to get more insight on thia. Just one more q. Should i meet up for the one last time and close things up or just keep nc?

No. It will just complicate things and make it harder. If she texts, just tell her you enjoyed the time you shared with her but like she said, it just wasn't meant to be so it's time to move on.