Need advice: Am I doing the right thing?

[Manny]

I met a girl on Facebook late last month and initiated a conversation with her. We're in the same college and she told we should meet soon (and I agreed). She asked me to message her when I'm in the library the next time, which I did after about a week or so.

She was online on Facebook when I messaged her but she just decided to ignore my message. A few days passed and I thought she wasn't interested, so just went on with my life without trying to contact her again. A week went by and out of the blue she contacts me on Wednesday saying her exams are soon to be over and she could meet me on Thursday or Friday.

I said I'm free and asked her to figure a time that works for her and we could meet. She said she'd let me know when she is free on Thursday (she said she had to do other work but would let me know once she is done). I don't hear from her on Thursday, so I decided to wait .

Then on Friday at around 3PM she messages me asking if I'm free and if we could meet at 6PM. I said yes and pinned down the place. Not much back and forth chatting, just to-the-point confirmation.

I arrive at the place we decided on about 15 minutes before 6PM and wait till 6:30PM and she does not show up. I messaged her if she is around and she was not to be found online.

I decide to get back home and later at 7PM I receive a message from her on FB saying she couldn't make it as she had slept off and wanted to apologize to me. She asked if I'm still at the location, to which I replied that I'm back home. I did not get angry, just told her, "No problem. Some other time." No contact since then.

Of course she says sorry and stuff, but judging by her actions she seems too flaky and unreliable. She tries to initiate a meeting, but eventually flakes out. I've decided that the ball is now in her court and I won't contact her again (unless she contacts me).

Did I make the right choice? I would love expert advice.

 

[Tictac]

If you even want to see this woman, I would wait to hear from her before anything else. If she brings up getting together, ask her when she's free to get together. If she tells you that, set a time/place certain (simple, cheap and convenient to you) and do not follow up before the meet. She either shows or she doesn't.

If she shows, great. If she doesn't, for any reason, block her on every avenue of contact she might use to get to you. And if you see her around after that, treat her like you would anyone else but never approach her to got out again.

 

[logicallefty]

You might be one of several plates she is juggling, and not at the top of the list right now. Maybe one of her other plates trumped you?. Tictac said it best. Give her on more try if you want but don't hold your breath.

 

[Manny]

So I guess I made the right decision. Thanks to both of you for your advice. It just felt like she was not genuine in the reason she gave for flaking out, and you guys seem to think the same way. It just felt irritating to be asked to go out and getting flaked, all within a matter of just a few hours.

 

[slight]

I don't agree with asking her when she is free. I never ask women when are they free.

"We should go for a drink/coffee/whatever on wednesday at 7pm" or something along those lines works best for me.

If she genuinely can't make it, she will counteroffer if she has some real interest in you. Otherwise, she will come up with a lame excuse and you know what that means.

 

[Manny]

I don't agree with asking her when she is free. I never ask women when are they free.

"We should go for a drink/coffee/whatever on wednesday at 7pm" or something along those lines works best for me.

If she genuinely can't make it, she will counteroffer if she has some real interest in you. Otherwise, she will come up with a lame excuse and you know what that means.

Got it. I did propose a particular time, which she shot down and then immediately counter-offered. Thought it wasn't necessary to elaborate on everything here, but still appreciate your effort. To be honest, she shows signs of interest but seems to love either stringing or ****-testing. Whatever it is, I guess we'll know in the next few weeks when I don't contact her.

 

[Vivacity]

If I were you OP, the girl that stands me up on a date/meet up is an immediate next. No second chances.

If she contacts me again on her own for a meet-up, I set up a place, date, and time for meet up and then not show up at the agreed time. Essentially, I will stand her up at the next opportunity and I will not regret for doing so. Tit for tat.

I have done it before.

 

[Yewki]

I did not get angry, just told her, "No problem. Some other time."

Except... it was a problem. You let her walk over you. Every time she ignored you or stood you up, you were still there ready to jump at her command. And then when she disrespected you the final time, you told her... "no problem"? And then suggested "some other time"??

Granted, this girl doesn't exactly sound like a catch but you acted like a pushover. Not a good look, I guarantee you she lost respect for you. She doesn't see you as a "patient, understanding guy" she sees you as the "guy who will put up with anything because he doesn't have other options"

 

[Visionist]

Except... it was a problem. You let her walk over you. Every time she ignored you or stood you up, you were still there ready to jump at her command. And then when she disrespected you the final time, you told her... "no problem"? And then suggested "some other time"??

Granted, this girl doesn't exactly sound like a catch but you acted like a pushover. Not a good look, I guarantee you she lost respect for you. She doesn't see you as a "patient, understanding guy" she sees you as the "guy who will put up with anything because he doesn't have other options"

At this point not replying at-all would have been fair. Get her wheel spinning if she's at-all interested.

 

[Vivacity]

I did not get angry, just told her, "No problem. Some other time." No contact since then.

Except... it was a problem. You let her walk over you. Every time she ignored you or stood you up, you were still there ready to jump at her command. And then when she disrespected you the final time, you told her... "no problem"? And then suggested "some other time"??

I don't see a problem as long as OP has control over his frame and knows what he is doing.

I take 2 shots (1 text + 1 call [or] 2 Calls [or] 2 Texts [or] asking in person 2 times), strictly. At the time of 2nd and final shot, I get "I am busy," "I don't even know you," "I don't know you much," "I am out of city," "I have a boyfriend" excuses from girls. My natural reply would also be "No problem. Some other time" or "Fine. Maybe next time." and then immediately end the conversation with a smile (and wish her to have a nice day) and walk away. Such a reply gives an appearance to the girl that you are a cool guy and you take rejection in your stride. It comes with experience. Some guys take rejection in a negative way and they go crazy at the scene. In my mind, at the time of making that statement, I knew that she would never get that "some other time" and "next time" and in my mind, I knew she missed the bus. Such a reply would also make the girl's hamster spinning and think "WTF, I see him again, but he is not asking me out again?"

It's ok to reply that way because you are a cool and sane guy, and has good control over your emotions. It's all about controlling your frame and knowing what you are doing. And no, I am not really looking to date or meet up or spending a second of my time on that girl ever again. But hey, I am Mr. Cool, right? Sometimes, the girl that rejected me spreads the word out to her girl friends that I am a cool guy and/or even tries to set me up with her friends because she missed the bus and she does not want her girl friends to miss the bus too. Oh no, how sad? They are advantages and benefits for making such a statement too.

 

[bigneil]

You're checking her Facebook status and looking for romance?

Texting is for romances. Email is for business. Facebook is for perpetually offended dumbasses from high school who need to be desensitized.

Also, if a girl writes to say she is free Thursday but doesn't give you a time and blows you off, you are dead in the water. Something tells me the OP asked her if she was free originally, that she didn't volunteer that. OP was either 2nd choice or 0th choice. There was nothing to do except walk away.

But OP is a glutton for punishment and kept trying.

 

[RangerMIke]

I don't agree with asking her when she is free. I never ask women when are they free.

"We should go for a drink/coffee/whatever on wednesday at 7pm" or something along those lines works best for me.

If she genuinely can't make it, she will counteroffer if she has some real interest in you. Otherwise, she will come up with a lame excuse and you know what that means.

I agree in principle, but it's not a hard and fast rule. It really all depends. If you are dealing with a VERY busy woman, and you are busy as well, she's not going to counter. It's just too damned hard with both of you pulling out calendars trying to make something happen.

If I have a specific thing I'm going to that is what I will invite her to. Otherwise if I have a couple of free evenings I'll tell her when I'm free to see if she has time.

This is VERY hard, if you are busy you have to balance syncing calendars with being a bit of a mystery. I recently had a woman push back from me when in an attempt to figure out when we can get together she got scared off because she thought I was sharing too much too soon (trying to figure out when we are both free). Of course it was complete BS... because this is from a women that posts her whole freaking life on Twitter.

But hey, flaky female goofiness is just the cr@p we men have to put up with. The good news is all you have to do is flush and find a new one if one becomes too much of a @ss-pain.

 

[gonewiththefire]

I met a girl on Facebook late last month and initiated a conversation with her. We're in the same college and she told we should meet soon (and I agreed). She asked me to message her when I'm in the library the next time, which I did after about a week or so.

She was online on Facebook when I messaged her but she just decided to ignore my message. A few days passed and I thought she wasn't interested, so just went on with my life without trying to contact her again. A week went by and out of the blue she contacts me on Wednesday saying her exams are soon to be over and she could meet me on Thursday or Friday.

I said I'm free and asked her to figure a time that works for her and we could meet. She said she'd let me know when she is free on Thursday (she said she had to do other work but would let me know once she is done). I don't hear from her on Thursday, so I decided to wait .

Then on Friday at around 3PM she messages me asking if I'm free and if we could meet at 6PM. I said yes and pinned down the place. Not much back and forth chatting, just to-the-point confirmation.

I arrive at the place we decided on about 15 minutes before 6PM and wait till 6:30PM and she does not show up. I messaged her if she is around and she was not to be found online.

I decide to get back home and later at 7PM I receive a message from her on FB saying she couldn't make it as she had slept off and wanted to apologize to me. She asked if I'm still at the location, to which I replied that I'm back home. I did not get angry, just told her, "No problem. Some other time." No contact since then.

Of course she says sorry and stuff, but judging by her actions she seems too flaky and unreliable. She tries to initiate a meeting, but eventually flakes out. I've decided that the ball is now in her court and I won't contact her again (unless she contacts me).

Did I make the right choice? I would love expert advice.

Hi Manny. I think you did a fine job.

If she's not suggesting another time after the apology, then it's obviously not worth it (unless you like to put a lot of time and energy to try and make it work).

hope it helps!

gonewiththefire

 

[Yewki]

I don't see a problem as long as OP has control over his frame and knows what he is doing

I agree his "No problem. Some other time" response is good enough, the important part is that he maintains his dignity and stops pursuing her. She stood him up Friday and ignored him twice prior to that. The ball's in her court to show interest