Smh - Date for Tonight Attempts Power Play, Throws Tantrum

[Stugots26]

I've got no shortage of interested women - one coming over tonight, another buying me dinner on Thursday because she wants to (and when I said "that doesn't mean I'll put out" her response was "no means yes?", so it's on), and two more dates on Tuesday and Wednesday as well with another two different women.

The girl in question for this thread made a huge mistake, but that's on her.

 

[guru1000]

The girl in question for this thread made a huge mistake, but that's on her.

That's great that you are in abundance Stugots; as should be the case irrespective of whether you met the girl in question or not.

You said she made a huge mistake but that's on her. I disagree. She simply doesn't care, nor has probably given it a second thought. The purpose of this thread as I understand was for some feedback from the exchange. BUT, if you truly were indifferent, you (1) could have ejected after her "I asked you a question" comment; (2) you wouldn't have created this thread unless for amusement purposes; (3) you wouldn't post a week later stating she made a huge mistake. Instead you would have ejected, and been done.

You do care to an extent.

Hey there is nothing wrong with analyzing communications. This is how we learn. Nor are my posts to be confused with, "you should have banged her only." My position always was NEXT her if YOU don't like her (ancillary position) or bang her if there's play (main position); but, don't stay in the middle until she NEXTs you and then state I didn't want her anyway.

 

[DiegoSantori]

Set up a date on Thursday for tonight via text, haven't talked to her since we set it up. While I'm at work:

Her: Hey
Me: Hi, what's up?
Her: How's it goin
Me: Pretty good, but pretty busy. I'll see you tonight.
Her: Where do you work
Me: See you at 8
Her: I just asked you a question
Me: I appreciate that, but can't chat right now. Ask me tonight. Looking forward to it.
Her: I have to cancel but good luck to you!

Seriously?

LMAO. Just LMAO. You have the time to write "I appreciate that, but can't chat right now. Ask me tonight. Looking forward to it." but you are too busy to say where you work, which would take fewer words than this sentence? Lol

 

[guru1000]

• LYD, ad hominem? Really?

 

[Stugots26]

but you are too busy to say where you work, which would take fewer words than this sentence? Lol

That's not the point. Answering her question would have put me in her frame and/or only led to more conversation, whereas I tried to politely bow out. She took umbrage with that, and that was her choice.

 

[DiegoSantori]

That's not the point. Answering her question would have put me in her frame and/or only led to more conversation, whereas I tried to politely bow out. She took umbrage with that, and that was her choice.

Yeah, I know why you started this thread. You wanted to "control the power game", I caught on to it. Nevertheless it sounds like you're hiding something if you are not even willing to mention where you work, which could be done in a short and concise sentence. As a woman, I'd think you must not be very proud of your job. Would a lawyer conceal that he's a lawyer? Probably not. Would a cleaner conceal that he's wiping floors for a living? Entirely possible.

 

[guru1000]

Diego, Stugots is a lawyer from what I understand. And I concur with him to that extent of not overtly divulging the type of work in a line of questioning after the date was set (Though he could have bantered with it to loosen up the rapport). Remember, successful men vet for gold diggers and don't want to be used for their status/wealth.

However, that stated, there are more socially acute ways to have handled the exchange.

 

[Stugots26]

more socially acute ways to have handled the exchange

I am an attorney, but the last time I checked, I'm not billing time that she's going to pay.

If she had reservations or concerns, she could have expressed them directly. If she wanted to make conversation, I explained I wasn't available. But I'm not going make conversation or pull reservations/concerns out of her when it's inconvenient to me.

I haven't skipped a beat and my strategy is not harming me in the long run.

 

[DiegoSantori]

@guru1000 If you don't want gold diggers in your life, there are many other ways to spot them. Sorry, but being mysterious about your job is a bad strategy imho. As we've seen in this example, she didn't respond well. A man hiding his job is like a company hiding its address. People will be suspicious of you. Maybe she was a gold digger, maybe she wasn't. We will never know. If you're a successful man, tell her about your job, then meet her, then search for red flags. Are her friends gold diggers? Does she hate other women? Does she crave status? OP will never know since he insisted on playing an unneccessary power game, which eventually backfired.

 

[Stugots26]

I'm not purposely being mysterious about my job or purposely deemphasizing it. I've got nothing to prove to this b1tch. She asked where I worked after I already said I was busy and that I'd see her that evening.

A normal person would accept my response and wait until we were in person to ask further questions about what I did. If she assumed I was being evasive about my job, she chose to make that assumption.

 

[Stugots26]

an unneccessary power game, which eventually backfired.

How did it backfire? It saved me time in the long run. I've got four dates in four days this week with four different women, each of whom expressed more interest than the woman in question and each of whom respect my time enough not to get pushy or demanding about asking me questions via text because she needs the answer on her terms.

 

[CMNILS87]

How did it backfire? It saved me time in the long run. I've got four dates in four days this week with four different women, each of whom expressed more interest than the woman in question and each of whom respect my time enough not to get pushy or demanding about asking me questions via text because she needs the answer on her terms.

I think everyone is thinking that you should have gave a smart ass remark and been a little more playful with the conversation and then go NC. Her flake and bratty behavior is just a woman being a woman, but i think you could have pulled on her a little more. I don't mean supplicate and flat out say "a lawyer"

last week a girl asked me this. my reply
Her: what do you do for a living
Me: I work in the medical field. Dr. Frankenstein of sorts, real top secret
Her: oh shut up
Me: i cant talk much about it due to HIPAA, but i did get a minor in womanizing from college. We can talk about that.
Her: omg......you're such a tease.

 

[handle]

I am starting to have second thoughts about constantly "nexting" chicks at the first wrong thing they do...I am beginning to think guys are losing out on a lot of lays by just ditching chicks that aren't ultra-warm to them off the bat...yeah they might not be extremely interested, but that can all change in one night. Don't act desperate, don't obsess over her, but I don't see anything wrong with a little persistence every so often...women simply don't know what they want very often, and even when they do, rarely does it serve them any purpose.

I rarely agree with you but I'm with you 100% on this.
Once I became a little more persistent I had much better dating experiences. Especially with girls from certain cultures where the norms are different and we're just having early miscommunications.

You guys tend to forget that the girl might be just as bad at this whole dating thing as an AFC is, so she might be sabotaging herself even though she likes you. Sometimes you gotta provide a little guidance and persistence.

Another way of putting it is this: if you want her, then go for it... Is getting your ego a little bruised along the way really a problem (which is usually just a result of miscommunication/confusion on her part anyway)? You can change the story you tell your bros to make it sound like you were the big alpha and everything went flawlessly if you really want.

 

[Tictac]

I rarely agree with you but I'm with you 100% on this.
Once I became a little more persistent I had much better dating experiences. Especially with girls from certain cultures where the norms are different and we're just having early miscommunications.

You guys tend to forget that the girl might be just as bad at this whole dating thing as an AFC is, so she might be sabotaging herself even though she likes you. Sometimes you gotta provide a little guidance and persistence.

Another way of putting it is this: if you want her, then go for it... Is getting your ego a little bruised along the way really a problem (which is usually just a result of miscommunication/confusion on her part anyway)? You can change the story you tell your bros to make it sound like you were the big alpha and everything went flawlessly if you really want.

A very grown up sentiment and a welcome one.

Power is the ability to accomplish your desired intentions. All the rest is bluster.

 

[guru1000]

A very grown up sentiment and a welcome one.

Power is the ability to accomplish your desired intentions. All the rest is bluster.

All the rest is ex post facto excuses/rationalizations for the desired outcome that you wanted but couldn't get.

 

[Stugots26]

the desired outcome that you wanted but couldn't get.

You maintain that I wanted the same outcome at the beginning of the posted conversation as I did at the end. The conversation turned me off. As soon as she couldn't take a hint, I was turned off because I could tell that she would rather be in control than be feminine. By the end I didn't give a fvck and was happier to go home to my dog. I originally posted the conversation I had with her not for reassurance, but because it never fails to amaze me the number of women who "squeeze the egg to the point of breaking" rather than "let it sit in the palm."

She failed MY compliance test.

So far this week, two out of two dates with far younger, far hotter women, both who didn't want to be anywhere else, both of whom made the date and left the conversation for in person. (One of whom is training as an opera singer. Make it a life goal to get a bj from a woman who trains her vocal cords for a living - cvmtastic.)

Do I have time for an early 30s shrew who's so afraid of not being in control that she turns me off in five minutes? No.

 

[guru1000]

Stugots, kudos on the opera singer. Yes, this thread has been an academic exercise, but lots of wisdom can be extrapolated from our responses for some of the less seasoned DJs and veterans. So let's continue.

Do you litigate at all? What do you think a judge would say to the following:

You state you have a compliance test to which the subject failed:

Point 1
Why didn't you exercise your disqualification here?

You: Pretty good, but pretty busy. I'll see you tonight.
Her: Where do you work

or here?

You: See you at 8
Her: I just asked you a question

Point 2
How could you test for compliance with a girl that doesn't know you, never met you, and met you online in an environment replete with guys sending divck pics, fake pictures, pictures that are misaligned with their true appearances, married guys, guy in LTRs looking for a fling, guys looking for sex only, couples looking for sex, nerds or socially-uncalibrated, and frauds?

Point 3
Although her response was inappropriate, you did provoke her non-compliance here:

Her: Where do you work
Me: See you at 8

 

[ritapita20]

I personally think it's worth a look inward here:

When I'm busy, I won't respond to texts or calls.

When I call or text somebody, and they say, "I'm busy," it personally annoys the FVUCK out of me. If you're TRULY busy, then why respond??

Stugots: yes the chick is annoying...but I think there's a bigger point here.

Yea as a woman I would think you were being a jerk (not to say you were trying to be one). If you're so busy then are you texting me that? Anyways just seems like miscommunication. I dont think you were al that interested in her to begin with to write her off over something like this coupled with your description of her lol. Ehhh oh well *shrug*