Anyone here a quiet guy?

[cola]

So Im getting older..(27 in a few months) and to be blunt, alot of times I just dont feel like talking anymore.
Maybe some of the older guys can relate but when I was younger I was quite the chatterbox. Now talking feels kind of like a chore. Even typing this is mildy irritating.

Anyway people change, i suppose. I want to transition my game to a more quiet, smooth "only say the minimum" style.
Both socializing with men and dating..

Strong silent type I guess? Anyone master this?
Id imagine you would have to have very dominant body language and piercing eye contact and also be above average looks to pull this style off.. all of which I have so

Advise away

 

[BlueAlpha1]

So Im getting older..(27 in a few months) and to be blunt, alot of times I just dont feel like talking anymore.
Maybe some of the older guys can relate but when I was younger I was quite the chatterbox. Now talking feels kind of like a chore. Even typing this is mildy irritating.

Anyway people change, i suppose. I want to transition my game to a more quiet, smooth "only say the minimum" style.
Both socializing with men and dating..

Strong silent type I guess? Anyone master this?
Id imagine you would have to have very dominant body language and piercing eye contact and also be above average looks to pull this style off.. all of which I have so

Advise away

Can't really advise, all I can say is you're not alone on this one. Been through a lot the last few years, and realized expressing your emotions as a man gets you nowhere. You're supposed to be a rock - so I learned to be one and just keep to myself for the most part. Ironically that gets people you are close to thinking of you more. Brevity is the soul of wit.

It can be hard to win at game with this personality style because every 4/10 feels entitled to a super alpha these days, and still wants to be chased by him despite not being in his league. Unless you get really, really good at one thing. Then it likely gets easier.

I'll also be 27 in June. If it's not family or a few close knit male friends, I have little to say unless it can get me sex or money. And even in the case of money I don't have the temerity to be fake - to speak in corporate babble at work, to fake enthusiasm in front of in laws, etc. Kind of a tough way to live, and very lonely at times, but the world is a messed up place. Most of us are not in a position where our words can change it, and trying to change individual people is futile, so channeling motivations inward is more productive.

Only time I really come out of my shell is when I travel, because most people in my vicinity are also traveling and we have something in common right off the bat. And I'm pretty kind to animals.

 

[raider87]

Yeah I'm quiet and I'm trying to do the same thing. Just a minimalistic direct style is what I'm after. I'll try do some field reports for you in the future. I used to think you had to be overly charismatic and funny but it's not necessary. I like the Bruce Wayne character in the first Batman, You know he smashed that blonde when he got her back to the bat cave.

 

[cola]

Can't really advise, all I can say is you're not alone on this one. Been through a lot the last few years, and realized expressing your emotions as a man gets you nowhere. You're supposed to be a rock - so I learned to be one and just keep to myself for the most part. Ironically that gets people you are close to thinking of you more. Brevity is the soul of wit.

It can be hard to win at game with this personality style because every 4/10 feels entitled to a super alpha these days, and still wants to be chased by him despite not being in his league. Unless you get really, really good at one thing. Then it likely gets easier.

I'll also be 27 in June. If it's not family or a few close knit male friends, I have little to say unless it can get me sex or money. And even in the case of money I don't have the temerity to be fake - to speak in corporate babble at work, to fake enthusiasm in front of in laws, etc. Kind of a tough way to live, and very lonely at times, but the world is a messed up place. Most of us are not in a position where our words can change it, and trying to change people is futile, so channeling motivations inward is more productive.

Only time I really come out of my shell is when I travel, because most people in my vicinity are also traveling and we have something in common right off the bat. And I'm pretty kind to animals.

Aha, so this must be like a age thing. Like as you get older talking just isn't as appealing.
I feel you 100% on not talking unless it leads to sex or money.

But even with sex my attitude is like blasé as crap. Infact i think I've lost a few plates just because i didn't re initiate contact. For no other reason than I didn't feel like it, and really didn't care.

Don't get me wrong I'm not like "dark and brooding" or anything ill still smile and bid you goodmorning.
Im just not up for small talk or even venting.

We are in the same boat @BlueAlpha1 and strange we are 2 months apart in age

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Aha, so this must be like a age thing. Like as you get older talking just isn't as appealing.
I feel you 100% on not talking unless it leads to sex or money.

But even with sex my attitude is like blasé as crap. Infact i think I've lost a few plates just because i didn't re initiate contact. For no other reason than I didn't feel like it, and really didn't care.

Don't get me wrong I'm not like "dark and brooding" or anything ill still smile and bid you goodmorning.
Im just not up for small talk or even venting.

We are in the same boat @BlueAlpha1 and strange we are 2 months apart in age

I'm not sure what it is. By 25 I think the identity crisis peaks. You've been through a few bad relationships, bad jobs, petty family feuds, and you realize if you don't get your **** together you will miss your life dealing with this rubbish. I ended a BPD relationship, was laid off from a decent job, and experienced the death of a parent all within 6 months. This was the year I also became an atheist, realizing my life is 1/3 over and if I'm lucky I've got 50 years as a sentient life form.

When you realize there is no after party, you begin to set boundaries and direction, and become very strict with barriers that get in the way of your mission. Sam Harris has a great quote on this "There better be a Heaven if we're going to waste our time like this." Not surprisingly, Harris is a classic introvert who spent months meditating in a cave in Asia and who has written a dozen books. He's now a zen master with the patience of a saint. Just studying his work and making 10% of the progress he made, something like road rage seems totally assinine to me nowadays.

I've also noticed I have very little tolerance for petty family drama. My mother has a knack for instigating, but she does it far less with me now. My paternal grandfather is a lifelong beta concerned the most menial of things. Recently my car dripped some oil in the visitor parking spot at his condominium and one of the neighbors complained. He harped on this for over a week before I told my mother I didn't want to hear another word of it or I'd stop talking to him.

Not sure how this ties into game, but it's an overarching lifestyle question and a tough one to answer at that. My next big goal is to eliminate internet trolling entirely, i.e. arguing on Youtube. I already closed all my social media accounts, so no more pointless Twitter arguing. And finally, cut out the news. It's the worst thing for you. I'm about 80% news-free and recently pawned my bedroom TV.

 

[cola]

I was with you until the atheist part. Totally respect your belief, but just don't believe this beautiful world ( by beautiful i mean nature and the like, not so much people) was created by chance.

Its too structured to be a stroke of luck. That's a conversation for another forum though.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I was with you until the atheist part. Totally respect your belief, but just don't believe this beautiful world was created by chance.

Its too structured to be a stroke of luck. That's a conversation for another forum though.

We can have a gentleman's disagreement about all that. But faith or lack thereof is one small element of this nearing-30 male crisis. The next 5-10 years will determine the kind of men we are for the rest of our lives. By 35 we will have likely chosen - alpha or not alpha.

If I believed in god I don't think it would change one sentiment about my post.

 

[cola]

We can have a gentleman's disagreement about all that. But faith or lack thereof is one small element of this nearing-30 male crisis. The next 5-10 years will determine the kind of men we are for the rest of our lives. By 35 we will have likely chosen - alpha or not alpha.

If I believed in god I don't think it would change one sentiment about my post.

You are right, your religious beliefs don't change the validity of your post.

I wouldn't call it a crisis. I just think as you age you learn the futility of loose lips and how they often sink ships.
But how can we maintain the same amount of sex without being Mr Chatty at the bar?

 

[BlueAlpha1]

You are right, your religious beliefs don't change the validity of your post.

I wouldn't call it a crisis. I just think as you age you learn the futility of loose lips and how they often sink ships.
But how can we maintain the same amount of sex without being Mr Chatty at the bar?

For me it was definitely a crisis. I was in a bad way until pretty recently. My pops died October 2014 and I shut down for 15 months. Then one night in January I went out to Denver solo for a weekend and smoked some very potent marijuana in my hostel bed. After nearly freezing to death, this bad trip produced fight or flight thoughts in me that I remember vividly 4 months later which inspired me, and a lot of changes are coming from that night. Still got a long way to go.

I wish I had more on the game front. I really believe it's hard to succeed as an introvert unless you're an elite athlete, guitar player, businessman, or criminal. I believe that old adage that 20% of the men are having 80% of the sex, and I believe most of those men are extroverts because by nature men are the hunters. Only the elite introverts who are great at something or who scream badass are being chased by women.

Either dating in the west has hit an all time low, my game is mediocre at best, or both. One thing is for sure though, I'm convinced every male in my social circle pathologically lies about his notch count. My game isn't that bad that they could have all quadrupled me by now

 

[cola]

For me it was definitely a crisis. I was in a bad way until pretty recently. My pops died October 2014 and I shut down for 15 months. Then one night in January I went out to Denver solo for a weekend and smoked some very potent marijuana in my hostel bed. After nearly freezing to death, this bad trip produced fight or flight thoughts in me that I remember vividly 4 months later which inspired me, and a lot of changes are coming from that night. Still got a long way to go.

I wish I had more on the game front. I really believe it's hard to succeed as an introvert unless you're an elite athlete, guitar player, businessman, or criminal. I believe that old adage that 20% of the men are having 80% of the sex, and I believe most of those men are extroverts because by nature men are the hunters. Only the elite introverts who are great at something or who scream badass are being chased by women.

Either dating in the west has hit an all time low, my game is mediocre at best, or both. One thing is for sure though, I'm convinced every male in my social circle pathologically lies about his notch count. My game isn't that bad that they could have all quadrupled me by now

You are just dealing with some hard losses. You seem stuck in a bad moment. If you read through your posts you almost sound cynical/pessimistic.
Please don't be offended. I want you to enjoy life man, its a gift.

Their is definitely a way to get laid without being loud and extroverted.
Also yes, 10-20% are banging 80% of girls but most guys don't even have a clue.
I recently was asked by a friend what gift to give a girl on date 1. I cringed. So yeah, I'm definitely on the good side of that percentage

 

[Konada]

Well I'm 23 and I feel that way most of the time. I was quiet all my life, once by fear of judgement and now mostly I feel the need not to. I rarely talk unless its something that interests me and I trust myself to be able to carry a kickass convo when I feel like to.

Surprisingly, I found that my demeanor amplifies my direct game because my every word is held in high esteem.

All I can say is that Mr Quiet Confidence would attract an entirely different breed of women as compared to Mr Chatty, and the bar is probably not a good marketplace of women which quiet confidence appeals to. Maybe try looking in other areas?

 

[cola]

Well I'm 23 and I feel that way most of the time. I was quiet all my life, once by fear of judgement and now mostly I feel the need not to. I rarely talk unless its something that interests me and I trust myself to be able to carry a kickass convo when I feel like to.

Surprisingly, I found that my demeanor amplifies my direct game because my every word is held in high esteem.

All I can say is that Mr Quiet Confidence would attract an entirely different breed of women as compared to Mr Chatty, and the bar is probably not a good marketplace of women which quiet confidence appeals to. Maybe try looking in other areas?

That makes sense. Their is a HUGE difference between social anxiety/scared to talk and confident and just don't feel the need to. And yes you are right, Quiet confident guy probably won't kill it at the club.. Ironic because in addition to this change I'm outgrowing the night life scene as well. Going to bars seems like a waste. Id rather get a 8 hr sleep in, rehydrate and workout Sunday morning than go slobber over average girls who seem hotter because I'm drunk. What are some good spots for quiet confident guy?

 

[Who Dares Win]

Happeneded the same to me around your age, I dont think it is anything strange.

You simply no longer feel that strong need for connection while you start consider a more pragmatic life, less about creating emphaty more about going straight to the point, cant say if its good or bad.

Agree with you, I also had the feeling of losing plates because of that but at the same time to save time and energy many other times.

Suggestion is, open questions, people love to talk about themselves.

Nod and agree, not with everything they say but the with the part of what they say that you agree with, it will create emphaty while saving you time and energy.

When it comes of chatting with girls I just believe my brain realized the work/benefit ratio is higher with a less effort approach altought the general number is low.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Been like this most of my life, I am very intuitive and kind of physic (we'll save that topic for another day)

I go out alone, i'm a loner and talking just feels like a struggle to me, cause for 1 I am very private, and I like to people watch. I am good at reading people and yes I judge people with no fks given. I don't like 95 percent of the people I meet cause they so fake, and I feel like its better to have most people cut off......why? Like in that movie. I got a bad temper, but I am a nice guy and have no problem defending myself if the situation arises. Most people have no substance and gossip about their "friends" behind their backs, i'm tired of it all......

Hearing idiots talk about politics and don't know what they are following for, secret racist people, people who are friendly than wish you death behind your back I'm done....and I am a humble dude too

I'm at this point in my life great scene....i want to be GREAT i'll cut my family off at this point i'm done, like Tyrese said the women and clubs will always be there and both are overrated

 

[BlueAlpha1]

That makes sense. Their is a HUGE difference between social anxiety/scared to talk and confident and just don't feel the need to. And yes you are right, Quiet confident guy probably won't kill it at the club.. Ironic because in addition to this change I'm outgrowing the night life scene as well. Going to bars seems like a waste. Id rather get a 8 hr sleep in, rehydrate and workout Sunday morning than go slobber over average girls who seem hotter because I'm drunk. What are some good spots for quiet confident guy?

Clubbing is just awful nowadays. Except the last time I was a cruise. Girls are WAY more receptive on a ship and on vacation in general - but on the ship it's even better because logistics are great. A million places to isolate and a room walking distance.

But I really have no use for the nights on the town anymore...

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I'll be 32 in a few months and I'm with ya man.

Piercing eye contact is definitely the way to go, and it's really all you need.

Curious what differences this made for you?

 

[cola]

Curious what differences this made for you?

I can touch on that because its something I'm already good at. The eyes are the window to the soul is soo true. When you have unflinching eye contact it just sends so many subconscious signals to the other person.

An insecure person can't stare someone in the eyes for a prolonged period of time. They just can't. It gives women serious Vagina tingles.

 

[Tictac]

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
Abraham Lincoln

 

[raider87]

As a quiet guy i'd just suggest day game. Malls, cafes, shops, parks, beaches or quiet bars. Just maintain your eye contact and you'll probably find women putting themselves in your orbit.

 

[bigneil]

OP, it is a wise man who says very little. Maybe you're just no longer chatty, which is a good thing. You should be focused on your purpose, or finding one quickly.

But faith or lack thereof is one small element of this nearing-30 male crisis. The next 5-10 years will determine the kind of men we are for the rest of our lives.

That already happened. That happens around age 26. Then, the next 20 years can be very consistent if you eat right.