Guys, forgive me for keeping on at this but as some of you know, it's a long process. And I've appreciated the advice and opinion so far.
I've begun seeing a psychologist, as suggested, about it all and the depression it (amongst other things) has caused, which seems to help at the time. Although I fear I am being too biased in the sessions, giving her a bad wrap and often going all the way back to the first 6 months which probably isn't fair, he seems to be in agreement that she may have issues, probably due to her overly controlling mother who remains firmly in her life at 22 (at least as of 2 months ago anyway).
I am constantly in conflict in my head as to whether she has improved and become a much healthier and honest person due to her spending over 3 years with me, going through all that we did together. She certainly seems to have. She was young. Could she have benefited from it all? It's almost like as soon as she was fixed and strong enough, she didn't want the person who helped fix her (maybe I give myself too much credit for this though). Do these kind of women ever get better?
I am also still struggling with the blame issue. I certainly got complacent during the past year. There were times that even though we were long distance, I chose not to spend more time with her. I barely acted loving towards her. But is it better to be blamed and take responsibility as opposed to being the victim in it all? She certainly moved on very quickly.
It sucks to think she went away thinking I didn't really care about her.
I am also trying to figure out WHY I didn't realise how much she meant to me, until after she had gone for good. This frustrates me to no end. Why on earth did I not realise me feelings for her when she was around and wanting me?
I know I need to let it all go and stop thinking about it, but it seems that I've not come to peace with it all yet. I still can't see that I am better off without her. Often I feel sending her an email would help me take a weight off my chest.
