Wants to be just friends. What should I say?

[casanova_goat]

You are an orbiter, a "partial" boyfriend. You feed her ego in some areas but she doesn't see you as fit to be her lover. She'll string you along until she meets a guy who gives her the tingles.

She may even WANT to like you more than she does. The simple truth is that she doesn't feel the necessary spark.

I always say, there is no such thing as a girl who is hard to read. An interested girl makes it known.

I think you hit the nail on the head here. I think she wants me to be really attracted to her, hence her decision to invest so much in her appearance before seeing me, even though it is ostensibly at odds with her resolve to keep things at a sub-romantic level.

 

[Tictac]

I think you hit the nail on the head here. I think she wants me to be really attracted to her, hence her decision to invest so much in her appearance before seeing me, even though it is ostensibly at odds with her resolve to keep things at a sub-romantic level.

When are you going to get that it's not what she does but what YOU do that will decide this?

 

[Von]

You need to escalate with Girl B... it will makes things easier

 

[casanova_goat]

When are you going to get that it's not what she does but what YOU do that will decide this?

Well there isn't a lot I can do at this point but back off and go live my life.

 

[casanova_goat]

You need to escalate with Girl B... it will makes things easier

Make things easier with Girl A? The problem is Girl A is away at college and won't know about any hot pvssy I am getting. Unless she has some pvssy doppler radar and can see it's raining pvssy on me.

 

[casanova_goat]

That ^^^^^^^ made me laugh.

Glad I could provide comic relief.

 

[MrWood]

I just made some popcorn and a samich'....

 

[casanova_goat]

The chick texted me tonight, "I hate being home alone." She returned to college early from her Spring Break, more than one and a half hours away, the other day. 45 minutes later I said "So why are u?" to which she said "Good question!" ... I'll prob just leave it at that.

 

[casanova_goat]

How badly did I F this up and how do I proceed from here? To recap, she is back at college (alone) and contacted me last night for the first time in a few days.

HER: I hate being home alone
ME: So why are u?
HER: Good question!

I say nothing, a while later...

HER: Are you out tonight?
ME: mhmm
HER: I seeee
ME: Does that mean u r watching us? Oo oO

Well, she never responded to that. Does it seem like a blatant attempt to make her jealous. My friends pretty much called me pathetic for my intentions.

I don't know if there is any hope with this girl to begin with, but I'd like to put myself in the best position to recoup some frame when she does reach out to me, by saying the right thing (if I say anything at all).

 

[Atom Smasher]

You are entirely to focused on this chick. For your own good you need to break contact. You're being eroded from within and you don't even recognize it.

If you continue your current orbiting you're going to look back on these days with regret for a colossal waste of time and emotional energy. Stop worrying so much about "saying the right thing". What you're really saying is "say the thing that will make her want me and will not offend her". You're laying prostate before her, idolizing her in a way.

At this point you really do need to be the man that you are deep down inside and eject. Giving this woman time and space in your head is the equivalent to driving around with a leaky gas tank. Waste and dissipation.

Eject.

 

[Tictac]

Any hope you have left is dependent on your absolute silence and complete inaction with anything to do with her until and unless she reaches out to you and asks to see you.

 

[casanova_goat]

You are entirely to focused on this chick. For your own good you need to break contact. You're being eroded from within and you don't even recognize it.

If you continue your current orbiting you're going to look back on these days with regret for a colossal waste of time and emotional energy. Stop worrying so much about "saying the right thing". What you're really saying is "say the thing that will make her want me and will not offend her". You're laying prostate before her, idolizing her in a way.

At this point you really do need to be the man that you are deep down inside and eject. Giving this woman time and space in your head is the equivalent to driving around with a leaky gas tank. Waste and dissipation.

Eject.

Thanks for the resp but it's easier said than done. I can't help but recall how much I enjoy spending time with her.

 

[casanova_goat]

Any hope you have left is dependent on your absolute silence and complete inaction with anything to do with her until and unless she reaches out to you and asks to see you.

Well, like I said, she reached out to me. My plan is to only respond to anything she sends to me. It is just tough negotiating the expanse of time she is away at school. I get the impression she wants someone to be with her while she is home alone and her roomies remain on break, but I'm not going to propose anything.

 

[Tictac]

Well, like I said, she reached out to me. My plan is to only respond to anything she sends to me. It is just tough negotiating the expanse of time she is away at school. I get the impression she wants someone to be with her while she is home alone and her roomies remain on break, but I'm not going to propose anything.

What part of "and asks to see you" didn't you understand?

She likes your attention. And that's all she likes. Unless she asks to see you, say that you are busy, that it was great to hear from her, that you need to go, that she should keep in touch and goodbye.

 

[casanova_goat]

What part of "and asks to see you" didn't you understand?

She likes your attention. And that's all she likes. Unless she asks to see you, say that you are busy, that it was great to hear from her, that you need to go, that she should keep in touch and goodbye.

But are you sure she just wants my attention? You may be right, but to me it is inconclusive, or may be a combination of things.

A part of me thinks she is trying to keep tabs on me. Like after I went silent last night, she asked if I were out. Perhaps a part of her worries this erstwhile ultra-available guy is becoming a scarcer commodity. While I am dating and pursuing other women, it would be an unfounded worry on her part (since I am clearly wrapped up in her) but it doesn't take much to stoke the insecurities of many women.

Women also speak in code. Not all but many do. She may not explicitly ask to see me but her saying something may suggest I propose something. Like on Monday (when she was around) she texted me:

"Thanks for hanging today. Beth is going to the gym instead of hanging with me tonight. Ugh"

While she didn't come out and say let's do something, it was clear what she wanted.

I would love to be the mythical manly man Atomsmasher puts forth, but I am afraid I am not. If I were to feign it, it wouldn't take long for the facade to crumble. When I really like a chick (which is, mercifully, not often) I tend to think about her a lot.

I could work hard at ejecting but I rather cling to the modicum of hope I believe I have in salvaging my situation with her. It's not a matter of pride, I over-pursued and what woman wouldn't lose interest. I will go on living my life, seeking out other women but when she comes around, reaches out to me, I may come here to seek feedback ... or more obstinately defend my position.

 

[Tictac]

But are you sure she just wants my attention? You may be right, but to me it is inconclusive, or may be a combination of things.

A part of me thinks she is trying to keep tabs on me. Like after I went silent last night, she asked if I were out. Perhaps a part of her worries this erstwhile ultra-available guy is becoming a scarcer commodity. While I am dating and pursuing other women, it would be an unfounded worry on her part (since I am clearly wrapped up in her) but it doesn't take much to stoke the insecurities of many women.

Women also speak in code. Not all but many do. She may not explicitly ask to see me but her saying something may suggest I propose something. Like on Monday (when she was around) she texted me:

"Thanks for hanging today. Beth is going to the gym instead of hanging with me tonight. Ugh"

While she didn't come out and say let's do something, it was clear what she wanted.

I would love to be the mythical manly man Atomsmasher puts forth, but I am afraid I am not. If I were to feign it, it wouldn't take long for the facade to crumble. When I really like a chick (which is, mercifully, not often) I tend to think about her a lot.

I could work hard at ejecting but I rather cling to the modicum of hope I believe I have in salvaging my situation with her. It's not a matter of pride, I over-pursued and what woman wouldn't lose interest. I will go on living my life, seeking out other women but when she comes around, reaches out to me, I may come here to seek feedback ... or more obstinately defend my position.

Yes I'm sure.

Everything you just typed is further evidence that your attention is all she wants.

There is no code, there is no mystery. She wants your attention and, at the moment, nothing more.

Don't listen to anyone here. Do what you want. See hidden messages that do not exist. Listen to your thoughts instead of seeing what is happening. Do that and she will continue to move away from you. That is what you want because everything you do is causing it to happen faster and more completely.

You don't have to 'eject'. You just have to do nothing until she asks to see you. There will be no code, no hidden meanings in her words. So stop making excuses for her and you. All you have to do is wait.

 

[casanova_goat]

I see what you're saying but what I said last night really made things worse?

 

[Tictac]

I see what you're saying but what I said last night really made things worse?

Yes.

Clear enough for you?

 

[Atom Smasher]

He has to learn the hard way. There is no other way for him.

 

[casanova_goat]

Yes.

Clear enough for you?

I honestly don't feel I gave her much. I didn't prattle on with her about some random $hit and I did my best to give the impression I was preoccupied with someone or something else.