Any hope with this chick? How should I proceed?

[RangerMIke]

Bingo Player is correct. If it's a contest between you (the new hook-up) and her ex.... the ex will win out... that's just the way it is, Bingo Player is also correct that too many men waste their time and money trying to compete with something you can not defeat.

You are way too emotionally attached... trust me, she knows EXACTLY how you feel about her. Trying to pretend to be indifferent will not do you any good. You need to break contact with her and get your frame back... If she contacts you just tell her you need to move on because she isn't offering what you want and leave it at that.... you stay on this path and you will eventually lose her anyway.... better to pull the trigger now.

 

[casanova_goat]

Thanks for the responses.

Are you guys convinced the ex is really dominating her thoughts based on the limited evidence I have? On the first "date" she said criticizely her ex told her he "hopes she doesn't find anyone she likes better than him." That and what I told you guys already is the extent of what I know about her and her ex. I don't which one was more instrumental in breaking off the relationship.

The one night I asked her what she was looking for, she emphasized the only reason she didn't want to get into anything serious was because she had plans of teaching abroad for a year after graduation sometime, maybe the Fall. I sorta call bull to that but that's what she said.

I really don't know if I should just play it cool (get sex) or confront her about it (move on). Coach Corey Wayne, if anyone watches him, always says making your feelings unclear is the way to go and could change one's course. Who knows this chick may start to rethink how I feel about her and wonder, by my reticence, if I am losing interest in her?

You guys are probably right, however. I just wish I were convinced she were pining over her ex (or not).

It just sucks I got myself invested in her before knowing the extent of what I was dealing with. In the beginning, it sounded like she blew him off or it was some sort of mutual split.

 

[casanova_goat]

She brought up her ex on the first date, what more do you need to know.

BTW, IMO, women buttering you up by praising your sexual aptitude or otherwise is a red flag and a sign of disinterest if anything.

The way you should proceed is back way off, this will play into her abandonment fears at which time she may or may not chase depending on her standing with the ex or any other men around. At that point, if you are too attached, you will want to continue backing off.

So when she reaches out to me today (probable) I just don't respond? Give one word answers?

Why do you say that about sex part? You may be right.

I think it's patently clear she wants to have sex again. She also said she has never in her life experienced an orgasm ("her body does not work") and she doesn't masturbate.

 

[zinc4]

Well, I liked her before banging her. Although it may not seem this way, part of the reason I haven't banged in a while is because I am rather discriminating with women.

So, say she contacts me tomorrow, as always. How do I go about it? What would you do?

Some other poster nailed it when he said women can only give their real emotion s to one guy at a time and keep other guys dangling as backup. Hell, as a guy, I'm guilty of this as well at times.

Every poster in this thread has given good advice...but if i was in your exact situation, this is what I would do:

Next time she hits you up, tell her your ex from the past contacted you recently and you would like some time and space so you can just think things over.

When she starts probing you about it, tell her you can't help it, it may sound shallow, but the sex life with your ex was the craziest you ever experienced and she's stuck in your head. Then state again you would just like some space.

Now, watch her hampster go bats$t crazy.

You need to use savage tactics to knock this chick down to size....then get out there and meet other girls man. Time to man up and stop being this girls puppet.

 

[casanova_goat]

Lol ... I was thinking of introducing a phantom chick (maybe an intern at work I've begun to see) but she wouldn't quite buy what you suggested. The thing is, I moved up here 5 years ago for work and have already told her she is the chick I have most connected with since moving up here. When I said it on the first date, she said "aww" and kissed me.

I'm definitely guilty as charged of the backup thing. In the past, my friends would get in stitches when I told them I needed a backup. I don't think I'd mind being her backup, as opposed to nothing. Some backups take the job and run with it, look at Tom Brady.

I really should say this girl shouldn't be vilified, I mean what exactly has she done wrong? All the stress this situation has caused me is self-wrought. What has happened is I have fed all sorts of misguided convictions into a romantic fantasy which I have projected onto this not-so-rosy reality. The problem does not lie with her, but with me. Why do I become so invested in chicks I really like?

At the end of the day, this situation is the envy of many men. A beautiful woman goes on dates with me in her cute outfits, expresses her desire to have sex with me, but does not want any commitment. Like Bingo-Player said, at least this girl is giving me her body, many men have been in my situation and stuck playing two-hand touch. Existing merely as an emotional tampon.

She and I have spoken a lot, but she really doesn't take up much of my time in that regard. She has called me in the past but hasn't in a while. Lately it has been e-mails and texts we have sent back and forth. She never brings up her ex. Heck, I'm not even sure her ex was really the reason she was sad the other night. Maybe it was her period? I inferred it was ex-related, but it was just an inference.

When she spoke of her ex on the first date, I was the one who broached the subject because she was all of a sudden telling me she was single after mentioning she had a boyfriend just the night before. I also speculate she may have broken it off with him. She is the one going to college while he does nothing. I think she once said she only got back with him for "companionship" and "sex".

Who knows really, she probably has feelings for him. I just need to accept the situation, there is a very distinct possibility she and I will never be anything.

I need to just get on with my life, focus on my priorities, act single. When she does contact me (believe me the hamsters must be really spinning in their wheels and sipping from their bottles right now since I'm not reaching out to her) I should play it cool. Be friendly to her. Don't say anything which conveys clinginess. Perhaps arrange a get-together. Most importantly, accept the reality.

Thanks for all your help.

 

[movistar]

No. You never tell them you want them for their body its implied, by no random "how are you", "whatcha doing" texts.. just

"Are you free xx day" or "let's hang out xx day" .. that's it.
A screw and maybe a cheap meal. That's all she gets.


If you had other girls equally as hot you were banging, this broad wouldn't even be a thought. So go find some hot LOCAL girls you can hang with

This great advice! You sound like a true Don Juan.

 

[casanova_goat]

This great advice! You sound like a true Don Juan.

Not entirely.

I am at the point in my life where I look for more than merely a hot broad. The girl (who is the subject of this thread) and I have a lot in common and great chemistry. Though I am a superficial guy and want to tear off her clothes at a moment's notice, I have more than carnal feelings for her. But, given the circumstances of the situation, she is probably not worth it.

The world abounds with beautiful women but how many of them do you really connect with? How many of them aren't vapid? How many of them would you want to have more than a genital-to-genital relationship with?

I guess I getting old and in the pursuit of quality above quantity.

 

[Igetit!]

Next time she hits you up, tell her your ex from the past contacted you recently and you would like some time and space so you can just think things over.

DAMN. Zinc.......that's some GOOD advice.......VERY GOOD. Gotta admit,I'm impressed.

OP,you need to listen to what Zinc said here.....IN ADDITION TO the other advice from from all the other members.

The only modification I'd make to Zinc's suggestion is first,I'd blow her off a few times....I wouldn't go straight into telling her about the ex the VERY NEXT TIME you two communicate. Like I wouldn't suggest a date or hanging out with her,and I'd turn down any requests from her to hang out...don't flat out say NO,just make it seem like you can't cause you either already had plans,or that the time she suggested isn't a good one for you for some reason.

I wouldn't ignore ALL her text or calls (maybe one or two),I just would keep the talking/texting to a minimum....like tell her you have to go.....like you were in the middle of something when she called/texted,and you have to get back to it.

Hold on to something,cause what I'm about to say....will be HARD to hear,even harder to do...and you're NOT going to like it...

You may also have to turn her down if she suggests you two getting together for sex. Look.....you F#cked up by coming across as more into her than she is into you. The WHOLE POINT of everything I,Zinc,and the other members have said,ultimately.....is to UNDO the blunder you made by coming across overly-invested in her. If you slowly....gradually start to do what I and Zinc suggested,you'll start to undo your mistake. The vibe of you being overly into her will be replaced by the vibe/feeling of you seeming to lose interest.....and believe me...she'll notice. It's one thing for you to be a bit busy,but if you make up an excuse not to come over and have sex.....yeah.....like Zinc said,that'll get her hamster wheel spinning.

So I'd back off,easily,gradually for a few days....then pull out Zinc's idea.

Hard to do,I know. Thing is,you're doing things that you're not aware of that are hurting your chances. For example....

Go back and look at the second paragraph you wrote in the initial thread. There's red flag after red flag after red flag....and I mean FROM YOU...NOT her. All those things you were doing wrong,yet in the VERY NEXT sentence after all those flags,you said,"Everything sounds all fine and dandy". You said the "Not so fast" part not cause of the red flags,but because of the NEGATIVE EFFECTS of those flags that showed up in the girl's behavior.

Go back and look at that second paragraph....see if you can spot YOUR ERRORS for yourself without being told what they are.

If you can't see what you did wrong there,you might as well just throw in the towel now. Cause even if you do everything everyone suggested here,you'll UNKNOWING keep doing things to undermind our suggestions and keep pushing this girl away.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Not entirely.

I am at the point in my life where I look for more than merely a hot broad. The girl (who is the subject of this thread) and I have a lot in common and great chemistry. Though I am a superficial guy and want to tear off her clothes at a moment's notice, I have more than carnal feelings for her. But, given the circumstances of the situation, she is probably not worth it.

The world abounds with beautiful women but how many of them do you really connect with? How many of them aren't vapid? How many of them would you want to have more than a genital-to-genital relationship with?

I guess I getting old and in the pursuit of quality above quantity.

You must look at the time you waste and the stress of dealing with em.

 

[casanova_goat]

DAMN. Zinc.......that's some GOOD advice.......VERY GOOD. Gotta admit,I'm impressed.

OP,you need to listen to what Zinc said here.....IN ADDITION TO the other advice from from all the other members.

The only modification I'd make to Zinc's suggestion is first,I'd blow her off a few times....I wouldn't go straight into telling her about the ex the VERY NEXT TIME you two communicate. Like I wouldn't suggest a date or hanging out with her,and I'd turn down any requests from her to hang out...don't flat out say NO,just make it seem like you can't cause you either already had plans,or that the time she suggested isn't a good one for you for some reason.

I wouldn't ignore ALL her text or calls (maybe one or two),I just would keep the talking/texting to a minimum....like tell her you have to go.....like you were in the middle of something when she called/texted,and you have to get back to it.

Hold on to something,cause what I'm about to say....will be HARD to hear,even harder to do...and you're NOT going to like it...

You may also have to turn her down if she suggests you two getting together for sex. Look.....you F#cked up by coming across as more into her than she is into you. The WHOLE POINT of everything I,Zinc,and the other members have said,ultimately.....is to UNDO the blunder you made by coming across overly-invested in her. If you slowly....gradually start to do what I and Zinc suggested,you'll start to undo your mistake. The vibe of you being overly into her will be replaced by the vibe/feeling of you seeming to lose interest.....and believe me...she'll notice. It's one thing for you to be a bit busy,but if you make up an excuse not to come over and have sex.....yeah.....like Zinc said,that'll get her hamster wheel spinning.

So I'd back off,easily,gradually for a few days....then pull out Zinc's idea.

Hard to do,I know. Thing is,you're doing things that you're not aware of that are hurting your chances. For example....

Go back and look at the second paragraph you wrote in the initial thread. There's red flag after red flag after red flag....and I mean FROM YOU...NOT her. All those things you were doing wrong,yet in the VERY NEXT sentence after all those flags,you said,"Everything sounds all fine and dandy". You said the "Not so fast" part not cause of the red flags,but because of the NEGATIVE EFFECTS of those flags that showed up in the girl's behavior.

Go back and look at that second paragraph....see if you can spot YOUR ERRORS for yourself without being told what they are.

If you can't see what you did wrong there,you might as well just throw in the towel now. Cause even if you do everything everyone suggested here,you'll UNKNOWING keep doing things to undermind our suggestions and keep pushing this girl away.

What in the second paragraph -- the fact that we speak everyday and are all lovey dovey when together?

I guess I need to be more distant, it just annoys me since it misrepresents how I feel about her. I have acted indifferently to women in the past but it was only because I was indifferent.

I never ever initiate with her but she finds a way to contact me everyday.

On Friday I was proud of the way I played it. She asked me if I had any plans for the night. I told her I had "HUGE" plans, half jokingly. Then she asked me what I could possibly be up to. I told her it was a "secret." She would later call me. She hadn't called me in weeks. I missed the call and a while later texted her back I couldn't talk and asked if we could tomorrow. She then sent me a picture text not long after that which I didn't respond to until later. I tried to create the illusion I was on a date.

But, at the end of the day, will this sleight of hand really make a difference? Should I play my cards right, do you really think this girl sounds like someone who would want a relationship down the line? Should I just preserve the status quo and take the "free" sex whenever I can get it?

 

[casanova_goat]

You must look at the time you waste and the stress of dealing with em.

In the past week, I have managed not to waste as much time thinking about her.

Or did you mean women in general? If so, I wholeheartedly agree with you. I've come to the realization, a life without women is a life well led.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In the past week, I have managed not to waste as much time thinking about her.

Or did you mean women in general? If so, I wholeheartedly agree with you. I've come to the realization, a life without women is a life well led.

Some women are genuinely helpful, and secure in themselves not to need to play any games to feel better about themselves.

 

[casanova_goat]

Some women are genuinely helpful, and secure in themselves not to need to play any games to feel better about themselves.

I know. And, what does playing games say about the guy? Could it mean he doesn't have the confidence to win the girl without engaging in silly games? A guy who is truly secure with himself would not subscribe to someone else's tenets of seduction. He knows he has her and does as he pleases.

Regardless, I would peg the chick in question to be of the insecure/obsessive variety. Thus the aforementioned tactics would likely be effective on her.

For this reason, I feel bad about playing with her emotions. Especially if she is, at times, overcome by feelings of worthlessness.

 

[Ryan]

I'm only putting so much effort into this thread because I want to convert you to a don juan.. because getting laid is so easy we just over think it..

Say Hi to 10 girls you think are cute a day for 3 weeks and let the conversation go from there. At the laundry mat, waiting on the train, at bars.. anywhere. That's 210 girls.
I promise you, you will bang 1-2 before the months out if you are average looking.
More If you are above average

And forget this chick that's a 2 frikkin hours away

@cola

That easy eh? That means you are banging at least 2 girls a Month?