Awful experience with Anxiety.

[Skyline]

My encounter dates back to around early August of 2015. Starting eyeing this girl in my class and started to make some moves, you know how it is. She's the quiet shy type. Within the first 2 weeks(maybe first week?) I asked her out. She said yes and the day of she basically lied to my face with an awful excuse.

I was like whatever, but for some reason I kept gaming her. I chalked up to her being shy and quiet is the reason why I was rejected. I should have listened to myself right here because my gut was telling me that there was someone else. She still laughed(s) at all of my jokes and is very receptive whenever I talk(ed) to her. Over time, she kind of grew on me and I could tell I was growing on her a bit too. We have a lot in common and I'm assuming similar family backgrounds.

For somebody in my situation, finding a girl in common that isn't psycho is rare. Rare, not impossible. So I kept uping the ante in terms of game.

I started to use a lot more kino, escalate more aggressively, had some people assume were together(or should be) so she would have the idea in her head(in fact the whole class things were together/should be now), hung out with her a few times outside of school, made sure I wasn't talking her too much and wasn't too available, starting playfully pushing her around, some of my friends started to talk to her(which is a mix of both genders and remember she is the quiet shy type so she doesn't have a lot of friends), I would automatically "assume the sale," and drop subtle hints that were (in my opinion) were aggressive in the subtle game standards for women.

And even through some kino rejections I kept going...

Guys, looking back at this, I did all I could. I don't think I've ever used this much game on a girl before and actually maintained my frame throughout the whole thing while I was around her. I'm actually proud to be honest. I'm a smooth mother f*cker.

However... There was some major draw backs during that period. I decided about a two months ago to drop all of my plates. They weren't doing anything and I basically had oneitis for this girl but my frame wasn't in any sort of danger so I THOUGHT it was gonna be okay. Guys, It's not worth hiding it. Spin plates.

Throughout this whole period, I had really really bad anxiety. Some days I didn't even want to go home. Even when I was talking to other plates, I don't remember the last time I wanted a girl more than this one. I guess that thought brings a lot of anxiety out of me because I've never been close to a girl like that- is what I'm guessing. It started out once a week and then it eventually grew to almost every other night. Some of those thoughts were suicidal. It got really bad at around Christmas time, I actually asked her out during this time and got a second rejection.

Fast forward to today, I kept going. Through ignoring all of my instincts I end up here today more sad than I've been in a long time. Some of my girls were telling me that she had/was talking to someone and I just decided to ask her about it today.

She is with a guy since the beginning of this Year.

Meaning she was talking to him by around the time I started talking to her if not a bit later. The hints were obvious too, but I decided to ignore all of them. I guess I wanted to be wrong, but the game does not lie.

So today, I'm here Day One of No Contact.

I did all I could and I'm actually impressed by how much game I can muster and how well I can maintain my frame around her, just not behind closed doors. I invested a lot and that was a dumb idea. She wasn't even on board 100% and I knew that. Shot myself in the foot.

I'm more worried about my anxiety. I'm sure I can get over her but that anxiety that I experienced was something else guys, I was having suicidal thoughts and I didn't, and still don't, understand why. The anxiety wasn't actually about HER, but about me failing with a girl that I actually connect with and that translated into me being lonely/alone all the time.

I pretty much learned that I'm a really lonely guy from those times that my anxiety hit. I also learned that I really just want someone to connect with, these wam and bams aren't doing anything for me.

No shame in that, we all want different things.

Any approaches to this heavy anxiety besides Xanax?

 

[Reykhel]

Sorry you're going through that...

Yeah fvck Xanax, the last thing you want is to get dependent on that. I really believe that dealing
with anxiety in a passive way leads to all kinds of addictions and neurotic behaviour....

I would say.....walk. Take a long, evening stroll.......and think....but try not to cling on to your thoughts.....just kind of acknowledge them and let them float by like clouds in the night sky....
as night arrives with her purple legion; try to put yourself in the space between the clouds.....
walk, walk, walk.......and breath....breath deep and let go as you breath out.....
breath in deep the crisp night air and be present.........

 

[Skyline]

Sorry you're going through that...

Yeah fvck Xanax, the last thing you want is to get dependent on that. I really believe that dealing
with anxiety in a passive way leads to all kinds of addictions and neurotic behaviour....

I would say.....walk. Take a long, evening stroll.......and think....but try not to cling on to your thoughts.....just kind of acknowledge them and let them float by like clouds in the night sky....
as night arrives with her purple legion; try to put yourself in the space between the clouds.....
walk, walk, walk.......and breath....breath deep and let go as you breath out.....
breath in deep the crisp night air and be present.........

Yeah, I was outside at the park in a quiet place for a bit.

 

[Serenity]

Yeah, I know that anxiety. My advice is put your focus away from getting a girl, doesn't mean you can't interact and do whatever, just forget intentionally going in for it and hoping for things. When you eventually stumble across a good connection remember the anxiety, the mistakes and those feelings. Don't let it overcome you, use it to your advantage to really check if she's seriously into you. Don't let hopes cloud your judgement, if there's anything you hope for then don't accept it before you've verified it. Keep doing reality checks, even if you might not like what you find. This worked for me in your situation.

The most important thing is to find satisfaction and dampen the anxiety without suppressing it, you won't have good relationships anyways if you can't enjoy life in general. Find a way to independently have a good time, it's bound to attract a girl. Let her whoever it is come to you, then you do the checks and decide if she's for you or not. That means you must listen to yourself and not ignore your feelings, the internal cues that knows what's good for you.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Sorry you're going through that...

Yeah fvck Xanax, the last thing you want is to get dependent on that. I really believe that dealing
with anxiety in a passive way leads to all kinds of addictions and neurotic behaviour....

I would say.....walk. Take a long, evening stroll.......and think....but try not to cling on to your thoughts.....just kind of acknowledge them and let them float by like clouds in the night sky....
as night arrives with her purple legion; try to put yourself in the space between the clouds.....
walk, walk, walk.......and breath....breath deep and let go as you breath out.....
breath in deep the crisp night air and be present.........

This really helps. Sure, spending time with friends is good for getting ride of these feels, but spending quality and relaxing time alone with nature helps a lot. So go and take a walk in a forest, or by a river or something.

Also, sometimes it does not matter how good you are at something, you can't win. Accept it, learn what you can, and move on.

 

[Skyline]

Yeah, I'm gonna start going out for walks outdoors more often. My anxiety has gotten way too high.

I felt like sh*t when I learned that she wasn't single today so I spent almost two hours in the park and then went back home and got some sleep. And now I'm here, I feel better to be honest. Especially after writing all of that down. I learned a lot I'm not gonna lie.

I feel like she's gonna be like the other girls whom have slipped away from me and decide to keep in contact, regardless if they have a boyfriend... The only difference is that I actually care right now.

Oh yeah, some of the girls I told were a bit mad when I told them that... Not sure why, I don't think they understand how brutal the game is. I'm not upset by the way, just sad.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

One thing, and this is only my opinion, because for some people it seems to work. Maybe you will think about meditation, don't do it while you are in this state, although is sosmething really good to do when you get out of it. I'll explain myself. Meditation can give you control over your thoughts, but only after a long time practice, so if you try it now, it probably will be counter-productive because your mind will be bombed with these anxiety feels.

Also, it goes without saying, no-contact would help.

 

[Skyline]

One thing, and this is only my opinion, because for some people it seems to work. Maybe you will think about meditation, don't do it while you are in this state, although is sosmething really good to do when you get out of it. I'll explain myself. Meditation can give you control over your thoughts, but only after a long time practice, so if you try it now, it probably will be counter-productive because your mind will be bombed with these anxiety feels.

Also, it goes without saying, no-contact would help.

I'll try meditation. I attempted it once a while ago but didn't have interest to keep doing it.

My anxiety is gonna be an issue so I need to take care of that first. Just gotta do me for a bit. Probably gonna start approaching again tomorrow.

 

[Reykhel]

I'll try meditation. I attempted it once a while ago but didn't have interest to keep doing it.

My anxiety is gonna be an issue so I need to take care of that first. Just gotta do me for a bit. Probably gonna start approaching again tomorrow.

There's a ten minute/ ten day FREE guided meditation on this site.......try it, repeat it three times in a month...30 days......guarantee you'll notice a slight edge with your game too...

https://www.headspace.com/

Sad? Comedy. Taking action is the key to anxiety. Action requires courage. You'll dominate your anxiety if you keep demonstrating courage by taking action.

In one year's time...distant memory

 

[JohnChops]

However... There was some major draw backs during that period. I decided about a two months ago to drop all of my plates. They weren't doing anything and I basically had oneitis for this girl but my frame wasn't in any sort of danger so I THOUGHT it was gonna be okay. Guys, It's not worth hiding it. Spin plates.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idid the same ****ing thing and ended up going on a 2 year oneitis bender with this girl. Worst. Thing Ever. I also ended up with anxiety as well, tried every herbal supplement there was but for me it was simply cutting down on my stimulant usage (caffeine, beta 2 agonists etc).

Dont bother with xanax it is not for long term use, benzo dependency is not fun plus xanax will make you a zombie and most likely hinder your game.

I was also quite depressed for a whole semester at college, almost thought of offing myself and my response to you is to simply find something to occupy your time. Anything. Guitar, studying, gym, reading, tennis, fishing, and you can do these alone or in a group. However, if you are depressed, the worst thing to do is sit around. Some of the simplest of things can cure depression, like just going out and being around people in a social setting/getting out of the house.