Right response to a Sh*t Test? She agreed to date but had plans afterwards

[j_syrinate]

Brief background, a girl that I’ve been on again and off again a couple times (only casual dating) recently broke up with her boyfriend so we’ve been in contact the last month, she moved down south last summer and I live on the east coast. She’s flew back this week and wanted to get together. Her family lives about an hour and a half from where I live so we agreed to meet halfway (at a casino).

She texted that morning we were suppose to meet and asked if we could do late lunch because her family was getting home at 6 and she wanted to spend time with them that night. My game plan since I had a comped room at the casino was to meet her later in the day for drinks and food and have fun at the casino. So I declined that date and told her I didn’t want to be pressed for time while out with her and that the two of us will get together the next time she’s home.

The question is was that a “**** test” and did I handle it properly or should I have agreed to meet up with her and it could of ended up differently than just meeting her for an hour or two?

In addition, the rest of her time home she claims to have booked up, plans with her girlfriends the following night, and then going to the city with family and friends for the weekend, where she'll fly back from.

 

[Konada]

Brief background, a girl that I’ve been on again and off again a couple times (only casual dating) recently broke up with her boyfriend so we’ve been in contact the last month, she moved down south last summer and I live on the east coast. She’s flew back this week and wanted to get together. Her family lives about an hour and a half from where I live so we agreed to meet halfway (at a casino).

She texted that morning we were suppose to meet and asked if we could do late lunch because her family was getting home at 6 and she wanted to spend time with them that night. My game plan since I had a comped room at the casino was to meet her later in the day for drinks and food and have fun at the casino. So I declined that date and told her I didn’t want to be pressed for time while out with her and that the two of us will get together the next time she’s home.

The question is was that a “**** test” and did I handle it properly or should I have agreed to meet up with her and it could of ended up differently than just meeting her for an hour or two?

In addition, the rest of her time home she claims to have booked up, plans with her girlfriends the following night, and then going to the city with family and friends for the weekend, where she'll fly back from.

Bolded part screams "I'm okay with you buying me food/drinks but I'm sure as hell not fvcking you."
Good job.

 

[EFFORT]

Everything here is standard. Your course of action in this situation is your choice. You could have done the late lunch with her, cancelled like you did, hung out with another girl, read a book, etc.

 

[j_syrinate]

Bolded part screams "I'm okay with you buying me food/drinks but I'm sure as hell not fvcking you."
Good job.

Exactly, that's the reason why I bailed.

 

[j_syrinate]

Everything here is standard. Your course of action in this situation is your choice. You could have done the late lunch with her, cancelled like you did, hung out with another girl, read a book, etc.

The text from her sounded like sex was off the table so I cancelled and hung out with the chick I've been with the last few months. The one I cancelled with is gorgeous though, one of the best looking girls I've slept with, that's what made it difficult to say no. Plus, I haven't seen her in almost a year, but from the sounds of it I wasn't high priority for her to see.

 

[parkthebus]

Id add that shes made it clear you're not her priority if she is cancelling on seeing you for others. I get that's it family but as you said she has the rest of her stay seing family and friends. It's unlikely she would have done this to one of her girlfriends. I don't think it was a **** test but it was an indicator of her interest level.

 

[j_syrinate]

Id add that shes made it clear you're not her priority if she is cancelling on seeing you for others. I get that's it family but as you said she has the rest of her stay seing family and friends. It's unlikely she would have done this to one of her girlfriends. I don't think it was a **** test but it was an indicator of her interest level.

I agree for the most part, but it was her that hit me up days prior and wanted to get together the day after she flew in, that's what threw me off because I didn't initiate.

 

[parkthebus]

Women are up and down. One day theyre into you and the next day less or more so. She might have just felt lonely at the time.

 

[j_syrinate]

Women are up and down. One day theyre into you and the next day less or more so. She might have just felt lonely at the time.

Yep, I think more so the latter. I'll wait until she initiates again, however, only way I'll go on a date is without any constraints. I get the vibe that she's still not over her ex, we've talked over the phone and she's tried to bring him up but I'm quick to change the subject. That's another topic all together, basically the guy packed his bags and moved across five states so SHE could follow her dreams (career path), and they broke up (she dumped him, according to her) after three months living down there together.

 

[RangerMIke]

That was the correct response. When you are not getting what you want, withdraw the offer.

 

[Tictac]

Not everything a woman does that doesn't conform to your expectations is a sh*t test. If you want to go around all butt hurt over stuff like this, enjoy that.

Sounds like what she's doing makes sense for someone visiting home and family. Yes, you're not getting what you wanted.

At least you handled it well. You were clear and forthright about why her last minute change of plans did not suit you. Props for that.

 

[WanderingMan]

Sometimes you just have to go with your gut. Chicks will say they have plans afterwards so they can have an easy exit strategy if they want to use it. If she was currently really into you, she would have made the rest of the day free for you, and planned on seeing her family another time. You could have still went to see her and she then could have flaked on her family, but that would have been a roll of the dice. You did the right thing here - you called the shots - you let it be known your time is valuable.

 

[El Payaso]

Yes, that was the right response. I wouldn't want to be under time pressure when seeing someone either. You were clear and forthright.

 

[ubercat]

Hmm had a similar thing with a woman recently. Setup a weeknight drinks date. She texted we could ..catchup for an hour

Now date didn't go well. Should I have re-scheduled on the same grounds or given it was a 'school night' let it ride?

 

[Konada]

Hmm had a similar thing with a woman recently. Setup a weeknight drinks date. She texted we could ..catchup for an hour

Now date didn't go well. Should I have re-scheduled on the same grounds or given it was a 'school night' let it ride?

The date didn't go well because her interest level was low. B!tches need to be called out on their ****ty behavior, you will know either whether it was a test or simply low interest based on whether she backpedals her decision.

In your case, I would've went with something like "Sounds like a complete waste of time, maybe some other time."

 

[ubercat]

Agreed guys - thanks - ain't hindsight a wonderful thing.

 

[j_syrinate]

Not everything a woman does that doesn't conform to your expectations is a sh*t test. If you want to go around all butt hurt over stuff like this, enjoy that.

Sounds like what she's doing makes sense for someone visiting home and family. Yes, you're not getting what you wanted.

At least you handled it well. You were clear and forthright about why her last minute change of plans did not suit you. Props for that.

Agreed, rather than being a sh*t test it was a woman with low interest. It's amazing how cancelling that date has raised her attraction level. I haven't reached out since and last night she sent me a text while she was heading down to the city, however, I was out on a date and didn't respond until this morning. When I did respond, her turnaround time on her response was immediate (under a minute) and then afterwards her telling me we need to get together soon and how much she misses me. Also, this is something that she never does, she's a beautiful girl and I know for a fact that she tons of guys chasing her and cancelling on her likely isn't a common thing for her. In the end, I believe I played my cards right and if we do get together again it'll be on a night she is totally available.

 

[parkthebus]

Agreed, rather than being a sh*t test it was a woman with low interest. It's amazing how cancelling that date has raised her attraction level. I haven't reached out since and last night she sent me a text while she was heading down to the city, however, I was out on a date and didn't respond until this morning. When I did respond, her turnaround time on her response was immediate (under a minute) and then afterwards her telling me we need to get together soon and how much she misses me. Also, this is something that she never does, she's a beautiful girl and I know for a fact that she tons of guys chasing her and cancelling on her likely isn't a common thing for her. In the end, I believe I played my cards right and if we do get together again it'll be on a night she is totally available.

Just remember you have leverage and to keep it.