you must destroy self pity

[joekerr31]

gents...random ramblings to ponder...

the biggest obstacle you will face in life is not women, its not making money, its not being fit... it is self pity.

i have become increasing confident that the root of all misery is self pity.

- why is god doing this to me?
- why did she do that to me?
- why am i not happy?
- why didn't my parents teach me better?
- why did my friends screw me over?
- why aren't I more attractive?
- why do i live in a world filled with injustice?

etc x 1000.

when you drown your brain in thoughts of self pity the end result is misery.

and the reason self pity is so prevelant is that we have been raised to believe that we should 'have it all'. that our lives are suppose to be 'fun'. our parents put on a nice stage show for us and we were later indoctrinated by hollywood movies and consumer marketing. at every turn we were lead to believe in the proverbial santa claus for adults - utopic happiness.

and yet, when you look at the facts of life, we should be expecting the exact opposite. suffering, hardship and / or disappointment are MUCH more common that 'having it all'.

this is also the reason the world is filled with so many dysfunctional people - because the only way they can cope with the mess around them is to become part of it.

instead of self pity they get lost in drama.

but for those who for whatever the reason were born of strong character and fail to simply join the herd, self pity is common. for the thinking man self pity is a common affliction, for he is very aware of the injustice and superficiality of all that surrounds him.

but once again, i put forth, is it not odd how common it is to think that things ought to be better than they are - despite mountains of evidence that how things are is the norm for most people.

and yet again how odd it is that a man is so perturbed when a woman upsets him and so easily forgets the laws of the world he lives in. he is subject to the same laws as a cat who lives only 20 years, or a fly that lives only a month, or a starving child in africa.

his perturbation (yes, that is a word) is solely the result of self pity and self absorbment. he has committed a sin (in the secular sense) in thinking that the laws of nature do not apply to him. that while the dog may be unfortunately run over by a mac truck, heaven forbid he should not have to experience betrayal. that while a child dies of aids, he should not have to experience the unpleasantness of a unrequited love.

it strikes me that most of the issues on this board are not even so much a result of men not knowing what to do - but rather men to consumed with their own pain / self pity. and when this happens the correct course of action becomes clouded and hidden, and they claw like desperate men at whatever is around them (often a woman) to alleviate their sense of self pity.

I'm really beginning to think that the #1 problem in the world today is that people are utterly self absorbed with dillusional thoughts of how 'easy' or 'rewarding' their life is suppose to be.

and i do believe that this problem is much more of an issue with men than women.

women, for better or worse, seem to grasp the inequity of life at a much younger age. this may be a key variable behind their expertise at manipulation. they have embraced a world that is not based on justice, fairness, and various other ideals - but rather - they have embraced a world based the barter system, and the name of the game is to get the best deal you can.

in this sense, women have restrained self pity by embracing the parasitic nature of life. while men continue to strive for somethign more, something more idea - which for many results in them become AFCs. the alpha male seems to discard self pity and operates by natures laws of taking what he wants - and the female seems enthralled by this.

while the AFC / nice guy is concerned with fairness, respect, ideals, etc. - all things that are foreign to a woman's inner most being.

and his reward for such a state is a constant feeling of self pity and a general overall disappointment in what life has to offer.

anyway, random thoughts for consideration.

 

[KontrollerX]

women, for better or worse, seem to grasp the inequity of life at a much younger age. this may be a key variable behind their expertise at manipulation. they have embraced a world that is not based on justice, fairness, and various other ideals - but rather - they have embraced a world based the barter system, and the name of the game is to get the best deal you can.

in this sense, women have restrained self pity by embracing the parasitic nature of life. while men continue to strive for somethign more, something more idea - which for many results in them become AFCs. the alpha male seems to discard self pity and operates by natures laws of taking what he wants - and the female seems enthralled by this.

while the AFC / nice guy is concerned with fairness, respect, ideals, etc. - all things that are foreign to a woman's inner most being.

and his reward for such a state is a constant feeling of self pity and a general overall disappointment in what life has to offer.

anyway, random thoughts for consideration.

This part of your post reminds me of a great scene from the movie 187 that I'm posting below.

Trevor Garfield: "I admire you.
Like you, I used to think
the world was this great place...
where everybody lived
by the same standard I did.
Then some kid with a nail showed me I was living in his world.
A world where chaos rules, not order.
A world where righteousness
is not rewarded.

That's Cesar's world.
And if you're not willing
to play by his rules...
then you're gonna
have to pay the price."

Ellen: "I don't know you.
I don't know who you are.
I don't know you!"

Trevor Garfield: "You do know me. I'm a teacher.
Just like you."

The righteous are increasingly not rewarded in this world.

We have to cast off idealism and be cuthroat to survive because thats how everybody else is these days.

Self pity only slows us down so it must be purged from our consciousness as soon as it creeps up.

 

[edger]

Joekker, people have good reason to complain about unfortunate circumstances...as long as it's out of their control that is.

 

[Metro3pilot]

:rockon:

 

[joekerr31]

i'll also add this other thought...

i do believe, both AFCs and DJs alike, are forced to behave in ways that encourage self pity in order to get women (obviousy to different extents, the AFC being the greater).

what i mean by this is the following.... i believe, by natures laws, that men were meant to dominate. or to use Rollo's words "to lead'.

but because we live in a feminized society, women have become experts at challenging a males dominance. even DJs get challenged (we call this sh*t tests).

a man then becomes placed in what i've termed as the 'lose lose' scenario. either he compromises to appease his woman - which then causes him to repress his nature, leading to a sense of self pity (ie. he is being wronged) and ultimately a state of unhappiness - or he walks away.

this is why nexting is so critical in dealing with women. in nexting you retain your sense of self respect, you avoid a state of self pity. but if you conceed, if you pander to a womans tactics in order to keep the p*ssy train rolling along, you innnately recognize you are sacrificing your authentic self (ie. how you NATURALLY wish to behave / your manhood) to keep your woman. you have been "pussified", or put differently she has become the prize.

if you look back in history men did not have to deal with this. women knew the lines not to cross and did not cross them. and if they did, such an affront to a man's most rudimentary nature would result in harsh reprocussions - either she would get beat, cast aside, or killed.

im not going to get in to right or wrong in all this, i'm just saying that IS nature before we started medelling with it. and it worked. most men did not hit, reject or kill their women, because their women did not cross the most basic lines.

it seems today men are dealing with behaviors that no man in the history of mankind would have put up with. as a result we have millions of men walking through life with their balls tucked between their legs and their heads hanging low being lead by the collar leash by one woman or another.

such a horrific repression of ones nature can lead to nothing other than self pity and melancholy over the state of things.

and here is an interesting question... is there really anything anyone can do about all this? i don't believe there is.

on the individual scale men can use DJ principles to try and offset the feminization of society, but in the mass populous sense the tide has grown so strong that it does appear that we will all be drowned by it in good time.

the men who seem to have the high ground and who will be the last to suffer from the flood are the most attractive men and the most successful men (the top 10% if you will). for your average joe, i believe the waterline has currently risen to around his chin.

anyway, all this has been talked about before, but i've been acheiving further clarity on these topics and thought i would toss them out there for consideration.

i've always been against things like hitting a woman, using escorts, treating women like subordinates instead of equals as human beings - but im beginning to wonder if these things i've been against are actually wrong or rather symptoms of a system wherein the natural order of things has gone awry.

a man hits a woman - but is it because he is out of control or rather because women are out of control?

a man sees an escort - does he have issues with intimacy or is he simply scratching an itch with less cost and effect than it would take otherwise?

a man treats a woman as a subordinate - is he a chauvanist or is he simply behaving in accordance with what nature wished for him to be?

anyway, those particular examples werent really given for debate, merely as examples of the point i was trying to make.

i'm really beginning to think that we, as men, even many of the DJs, have been blinded to exactly how repressed our natural male nature has been over hte past decades - and how much of that is out of a lot of men's control (most men are AFCs, even successful attractive men still get pussified given enough time and the right woman).

just how far has the natural order swung out of balance? part of me wonders if in 100 years from now there will still be 'men' around, or instead if it will simply be a world filled with AFCs.

they say the pen is mightier than the sword - ie. an idea will destroy a civilization more than army ever could - and part of me wonders if feminization has permeated our world to such a great extent that really, in the long run, the battle is lost?

 

[joekerr31]

The righteous are increasingly not rewarded in this world.

We have to cast off idealism and be cuthroat to survive because thats how everybody else is these days.

Self pity only slows us down so it must be purged from our consciousness as soon as it creeps up.

and the irony becomes that the more we cast off idealism and become cut throat, the more cut throat the world becomes.

it would appear that the world has entered the point of no return with regards to the self fulfilling prophecy of 'dog eat dog'

 

[joekerr31]

Joekker, people have good reason to complain about unfortunate circumstances...as long as it's out of their control that is.

edger, i wasn't trying to say that people shouldn't complain about anything. i am trying to say though, at least for the sake of discussion, that the pain they are feeling perhaps doesn't come from the 'unfortunate circumstances' but rather from their perception of such circumstances as unfair.

they may be unfair in the idealistic sense or as it pertains to social norms or right or wrong.

but in the grand scheme of things, is it really so unfair? compared to all the other sh*t going on in the world, what other peopel are going through, is the betrayal of a woman really so horrible - or have we simply made it so as a result of self pity.

 

[Phyzzle]

"Show me one man who has never cursed his life, who has not at times thought himself the most unfortunate person who has ever lived, and I shall cast myself headfirst into the sea."

-Voltaire

 

[Mr.Positive]

they say the pen is mightier than the sword - ie. an idea will destroy a civilization more than army ever could - and part of me wonders if feminization has permeated our world to such a great extent that really, in the long run, the battle is lost?

Well, everything has a boiling point. Feminization will too I presume. It's easy to get de-sensitized to everything..a little tv ad belittling men, a fashion magazine, a small divorce law favoring women unfairly...

It all adds up. Eventually, it's going to spill over I think and one day "the light will finally come on".

That's why knowledge is KEY. By recognizing what's going on around us, and how men are being treated, will enable us, as individuals, to rise above it all.

Nature has a way of balancing things out. The out of balance we're seeing these days will level out eventually.

 

[penkitten]

joekerr, you are on a roll these days.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

but because we live in a feminized society, women have become experts at challenging a males dominance. even DJs get challenged (we call this sh*t tests).

a man then becomes placed in what i've termed as the 'lose lose' scenario. either he compromises to appease his woman - which then causes him to repress his nature, leading to a sense of self pity (ie. he is being wronged) and ultimately a state of unhappiness - or he walks away.

This is what I experienced the other day with Miss Unattractive. We aren't even going out. She used anger and ultimatums to get me to go along with her lines of HER personal morality. And instead of being understanding and supplicating like I use to be....I got angry inside. (I kept my cool outside and it worked wonders) I just said to myself "How DARE she get me to try and follow her!"

I'm going my own way, against everything this society has forced me to accept.

 

[grinder]

I have been driving by this mural on the side of a building. It was an old railroad mural of an engineer, a coal miner with a sledgehammer, and a frontiersman. It had been covered over by another building and now it was revealed.

Town counsel decided it is no longer relevant and it’s being painted over. A true “sign of the times” I’d say.

The very concept of “maleness” or being a man is being painted over, covered up: with nothing.

I have to laugh when I hear women retort: “Where have all the good men gone?”

Before you think this some pitiable insight, if you know me, you know that in a very strange way this makes me happy.

For, if most men are hidden, then we, standing there in stark contrast to all the others, with our sledgehammer, will find this genderless, pu$$ified world is ours for the taking.

 

[Interceptor]

All one needs to do is to finally realize that one has control over their life.
It may take one lifetime, it make take a thousand lifetimes of suffering and banging your head against the wall.

And the most important goal in one's life is to learn just HOW to control one's life so one can lead the life one wants.

All this suffering is just people who don't know how to get what they want.

As a result, because the human mind, out of survival instinct, usually only focuses on the negative, we program ourselves to only look at "what is". And that is usualy negative. So , of course, we only see the Negative.
"Look!" you say, there's"proof", "there's evidence!"

Yeah, maybe to you(figuratively speaking) but not to me.
I refuse to accept other people's laws or "facts" or evidence.
Because it's NOT MINE. It's yours. Don't jam me up with your perspective. (figuratively speaking)

So when one says "face the facts" , "look around you!" I call Bullsh*t.

The only facts are the ones I make real, or the ones I stupidly accept at face value.
Everything else is Bullsh*t.

P. S. Everyone needs to do themselves a favor and look up the law of Karma, and the Laws of Attraction and Creation.
After one has really familiarized themselves with those, then see ifyou can come up with a different perspectiveon your life.

 

[decades]

With most guys biggest problem in life wondering when they will get laid again, We just have to realize how incredibly fortunate we ALL are compared to most other folks on the planet.

 

[edger]

compared to all the other sh*t going on in the world, what other peopel are going through, is the betrayal of a woman really so horrible - or have we simply made it so as a result of self pity.

Yes, in my case the betrayal of a woman was the most horrible thing I could've ever experienced. I was inches away from marrying my ex a year and seven months ago. All my ex ever did to me was drill into my head constantly how we were "destined to be together forever, how I was the one she'd been searching for her whole life, how I was the reason for her existence, etc. etc. etc.". That's some POWERFUL sh*t there. And to have her walk away so ruthlessly the way she did was a BIG mindf*ck. That's something that can jade a person forever. If my ex was so unattracted to me, then why say those things she said to me? I'll never look at relationships, or women, the same way again. That will always stick in my mind and haunt me till the day I die. One of the worst things anyone can ever experience in life.

 

[ducaro]

Yes, in my case the betrayal of a woman was the most horrible thing I could've ever experienced. I was inches away from marrying my ex a year and seven months ago. All my ex ever did to me was drill into my head constantly how we were "destined to be together forever, how I was the one she'd been searching for her whole life, how I was the reason for her existence, etc. etc. etc.". That's some POWERFUL sh*t there. And to have her walk away so ruthlessly the way she did was a BIG mindf*ck. That's something that can jade a person forever. If my ex was so unattracted to me, then why say those things she said to me? I'll never look at relationships, or women, the same way again. That will always stick in my mind and haunt me till the day I die. One of the worst things anyone can ever experience in life.

Believe me when i say I know what you mean. I felt the very same way cuz the situation you were in is exactly what I was in 2 years ago..

I know it hurts. Its devastating.. leaves you wondering and turns you into a mad cap. I've been there. BUt in time, I have realized I am so lucky that there is a lot more worse stuff happening out there.. take you time and think about it. you will feel lucky. I feel lucky, yet feel really hurt and discontent for those who are literally going through hell everyday.

I mean, I now thank nature, god or whatever for simple things like breakfast and a loving family everyday!

I now firmly believe women's betrayal is the least hurtful thing among the other 'catastrophic' ones. I don't have to give you any examples.

 

[KontrollerX]

If my ex was so unattracted to me, then why say those things she said to me?

Just stringing you along until she's absolutely sure she has another branch secured as well deciding she wants that other branch over you.

My condolences though edger.

Same exact sh!t happened to me this past June.

 

[Gustavo Cerati]

bump


This is a great, thought provoking post (and thread). I think overcoming self-pity is one of the most important things you have to do to become fully mature and to improve your interpersonal/professional success.


There's only one thing I disagree with here:

the alpha male seems to discard self pity and operates by natures laws of taking what he wants - and the female seems enthralled by this.

while the AFC / nice guy is concerned with fairness, respect, ideals, etc. - all things that are foreign to a woman's inner most being.

I don't think this is really an accurate distinction. IMO, the difference between alpha male/AFC has much more to do with interpersonal dominance and social skills than moral attitude. The most "alpha" guy I know is actually very thoughtful and principled in dealing with other people, whereas the biggest AFCs I know are all manipulative creeps and emotional blackmailers.

"Nice guys" don't decry their lack of romantic success because it's unfair and unjust, they decry it because of self-interest. If things were unfair to their benefit, I doubt any of these AFCs would be complaining.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yes, in my case the betrayal of a woman was the most horrible thing I could've ever experienced. I was inches away from marrying my ex a year and seven months ago. All my ex ever did to me was drill into my head constantly how we were "destined to be together forever, how I was the one she'd been searching for her whole life, how I was the reason for her existence, etc. etc. etc.". That's some POWERFUL sh*t there. And to have her walk away so ruthlessly the way she did was a BIG mindf*ck. That's something that can jade a person forever. If my ex was so unattracted to me, then why say those things she said to me? I'll never look at relationships, or women, the same way again. That will always stick in my mind and haunt me till the day I die. One of the worst things anyone can ever experience in life.

Me too, same here. I think our story is not so uncommon.

 

[edger]

Just stringing you along until she's absolutely sure she has another branch secured as well deciding she wants that other branch over you.

My ex never swung to another branch though after breaking up with me. That I'm absolutely positive of.