When to eject in bars/clubs?

[JLW]

Let's say you open a girl at a bar or club. She's showing mild interest. She's not blowing you out or anything, but for some reason you're just not "clicking". You're putting effort into the conversation, but she kind of isn't.

At what point do you call it quits? Do you just keep going and escalating until she tells you to "get the **** away" or do you eject as soon as you feel like you're just not making a connection with her?

I will generally eject within the first 2-3 minutes if I don't feel like I'm making ground.

What I mean by "making ground" is when she starts to feel a little bit invested in the conversation. She is putting forth effort to talk to you, she's accepting your mild kino advances, etc. etc.

If she ISN'T really seeming that interested (i.e., looking around the room, not all that enthusiastic in the convo, giving short answers to your questions) then I will usually bail pretty fast.

So I guess my question is: am I doing the right thing by bailing? I don't really like to waste my time on girls that don't seem that interested. But at the same time, there is something to be said for persistence...

Another thing that I need to think about is WHY these girls are not really totally blowing me out, but at the same time not always showing interest. I think I need to think more about how I am presenting myself. Maybe it's ME who should be more interesting or extreme to them. This could lead to more interest or more blow-outs.

 

[Mike32ct]

Let's say you open a girl at a bar or club. She's showing mild interest. She's not blowing you out or anything, but for some reason you're just not "clicking". You're putting effort into the conversation, but she kind of isn't.

I know exactly what you mean.

At what point do you call it quits? Do you just keep going and escalating until she tells you to "get the **** away" or do you eject as soon as you feel like you're just not making a connection with her?

I will generally eject within the first 2-3 minutes if I don't feel like I'm making ground.

It's a judgement call based on experience. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules on this. But I think 2 to 3 minutes is probably too short. I would only eject that quickly if I was clearly being blown out or flat out ignored.

Assuming she at least responds, I would give the conversation at least 10 minutes. Some girls are initially cold/distant, but can warm up if you hang in there and keep talking.

My last two ONS' were cold/distant to me (but somewhat responsive) for the first 5 to 10 minutes. I kept talking and they opened up.

If she is still giving you one word answers after ten or 15 minutes, I would probably eject and move on.

What I mean by "making ground" is when she starts to feel a little bit invested in the conversation. She is putting forth effort to talk to you, she's accepting your mild kino advances, etc. etc.

Exactly. She should ask you some questions too.

If she ISN'T really seeming that interested (i.e., looking around the room, not all that enthusiastic in the convo, giving short answers to your questions) then I will usually bail pretty fast.

I've done that. Now I hang in there a few extra minutes, but play it cool. I don't try too hard to fill in the dead spots. But I give her a fair opportunity to open up (say 10+ minutes) and she still doesn't, I bail.

So I guess my question is: am I doing the right thing by bailing? I don't really like to waste my time on girls that don't seem that interested. But at the same time, there is something to be said for persistence...

You sort of have the right idea, but I would hang in there a little bit longer.

Another thing that I need to think about is WHY these girls are not really totally blowing me out, but at the same time not always showing interest.

Some girls just aren't (that) interested, but don't want to be rude by overtly rejecting you. So they tolerate some limited conversation.

I think I need to think more about how I am presenting myself. Maybe it's ME who should be more interesting or extreme to them. This could lead to more interest or more blow-outs.

I can't comment on your approach or conversation style because I don't know.

I'm not a fan of PUA tricks, but I do like to use Mystery's idea of standing next to the girl (shoulder to shoulder) and talking over your shoulder. If the girl is initially cold/distant or there are dead spots in the conversation, this is NOT an awkward position to be in. But if you are facing her directly and she is cold/distant, I can totally see how that could make you uncomfortable and want to eject.

 

[ZenoB]

If I find an interaction starting to linger, I'll leave. Go hit on other girls, go back to my friends, get a drink, go to the toilet, whatever. Don't even tell her you got to go, just leave. Eventually I'll make my way back to the girl(s) if I feel it's worth the effort. This builds up your rapport with them without smothering them, and gives you time away to regain your frame whenever needed. Also, it's more fun to mix your night up this way!

 

[GameTime76]

One time I went out to a club with two of my buddies. Started dancing with a girl for awhile then, asked her to come have a drink with me. She accepted and we started talking awhile. She seemed interested but, I wasnt sure if she was that interested. Well, after a bit I broke away from her for a little while. Ran into her again outside while I was smoking a cig and approached her. She says "Hey, I been looking all over for you."

I said, lets go back inside and have a seat. We start talking some more I put my arm around her, moved in for the kiss. Then, it moved forward to me f@cking her that night.

So, If you dont think she is too interested.. Go see your buddies, talk to other women, or get on the dance floor. If she is interested she will wonder where you went and try to find you.

 

[JLW]

Thanks guys, I'll keep this in mind.

I think I'm definitely ejecting a little bit too early.

I'll typically eject because I just get bored. I don't feel like wasting my time talking to a girl who is boring. I hate small talk, and I'd rather just joke around a little bit. If the girl won't loosen up, then I leave.

Next time I go out though, I'll give the girl an extra couple minutes to open up to me. I mean, I guess it is asking a lot to expect to "click" with a girl in only 2 minutes....

 

[betterthandead]

Bars?Clubs typically work for certain personalities particularly the aggressive types and thos who wanted to be dominated by them. That's if you're looking to pickup.

 

[Lexington]

Just the fact that the girl is standing there in front of you should be considered a sign of interest. If she wasn't at least entertaining the possibility, she would have walked away. You should keep escalating until you succeed or she gives you a clear cut rejection.

If you've put in the time and the effort of opening this girl etc., you should at least get a definitive rejection before moving on. I see a lot of guys give up on easy pickups simply because of a lull in the conversation or the girl doesn't show signs. As a guy, it's your job to keep advancing and it's her job to just stand there and look pretty.