When the Suave is Always On

[Upside]

I have been reading a lot of roissy lately (http://roissy.wordpress.com/) and have been perusing over the DJ Bible again and other need-to-read topics to get a bit of a refresher. There are always one or two pieces of information I may have glimpsed over in the past that I notice now that will continue to help me become a better man and lover. While there are many things that I do that this site preaches such as not being needy, don't put her on a pedestal, and the like I couldn't but help but feel this time around that despite everything I know and have available to me there is still a sense of what I am doing is still "not good enough." I have seen other posters state that because the Alpha behavior is not ingrained as a mindset like naturals, it can feel fake and robotic behaving abnormaly to what has been normal behavior in the past. Become what you do right? But sometimes what I want to do is contradictory to what some might deem is Alpha behavior. (Alpha is in the eye of the beholder, beauty is in the eye of...blah blah blah. Just using these terms for simplicity sake.) The thing is if I want to act more naturally, some of the Alpha behavior takes a backseat. I sometimes behave like an AFC, because the Alpha behavior makes me feel like what the point of it all is if I don't get any enjoyment out of it.

Roissy has an article mentioning how guys who leave right after having sex with a girl or even in the middle of the night display higher value (which is heavily preached) and thus an Alpha male would not bother cuddling and staying over to create tension and look like he doesn't need the sappy emotional crap. Well $hit looks like I failed here. First time I had sex with my girlfriend I held her for a bit, I stayed until I woke up, talked for a bit, and left. I'll be honest with myself and I actually do enjoy holding the chick. Well maybe exceptions can be made for relationships. Nope, I fvcked her on the first date and held her like an LTR. Something an Alpha wouldn't do, but I didn't really care.

This site and Roissy have a whole section dedicated to what guys should say in respone to "I have a boyfriend" when getting a number or whatever. I'll save you all the ****y & funny responses and whatever for the actual threads, but despite knowing that girls use the phrase to politely reject or for guys to use a comebacker to get her to go out with you regardless if she was telling the truth or not, I don't bother at all. Sometime in January I asked for a chicks number and she gave me the ole' boyfriend line and I told her to enjoy the rest of her night and I left. I thought about what I learned and I just didn't care. I didn't want to be THAT guy and if you lie to me in the first 20 minutes I really have no business getting to know a liar like that even more. Sure I wanted to get laid and could have done the Alpha thing to try, but I didn't want to. The natural in me overcame my Alpha knowledge.

To go off on a tangent though, it is $hit like that though that kind of disgusts me. I sure as hell hope my girlfriend wouldn't be so easily swayed to some dude saying:

Girl: “I have a boyfriend.”
Man: “Hey, my dog can juggle.”
Girl: “What?”
Man: “I’m sorry, I thought we were talking about **** that didn’t matter.”
Girl: "Hahahahaha"

Then again, it is Alpha behavior. I mean...really? I get it, I understand what is happening. Hell, I would think the girl is smart enough to understand what the guy is trying to do. It just seems so stupid to me. Heh, but it does work. Not fool proof, but enough to the point where it can be in the archieve section of this forum. Then again, if my own girlfriend had her interest that low to be swayed to begin with, the dude just accelerated the cheat and dump process anyway with nothing I can do. Sure I can behave more Alpha and stop spending nights with her, but where is the fun in that?

Because of what I know, I can't help but disect everything. When I see a couple I never even met in public, I look for body language, energy, sexual vibes, and all of that $hit to determine if it is a happy or sad relationship. Silly right? I kind of think in my head as to what the guy should do and if he does I give him like a mental high five. I use the situations of different people to determine what I would personally do. Always be gaming. I don't think of it as two people spending time together, but more of a scientific observation these days. Every text I send, every phone call, every word I can't help but dissect if I was behaving like a chump or a DJ. I have seen my GF get hit on by guys and I do watch. I'm more interested in how she reacts than how the guys try to get her. I'll be honest, a part of me likes it, and a part of me really doesn't. I never interject. I leave her alone until she comes back to me or maybe she might not :nervous: Haha. One time my GF was getting hit on and I got a girl I just met to buy me a drink. Then I fvcked my GF and cuddled. I seem to be a mix of alpha and beta. Or maybe I have the wrong perception of myself.

I am struggling to find a balance between the Alpha and DJ knowledge that I possess versus the natural "beta" that resides in me. I come here to become a natural Alpha but when the two collide I try and determine what behavior gives me the most enjoyment, and beta normally wins. I say emotional crap I shouldn't say, I text crap I normally wouldn't text, I behave like a beta at times when I know the alpha way is best. Despite knowing better, I don't use the knowledge handed down from those wisemen before me. I honestly wish I could word this better in a way for those of you reading to understand where I am coming from. I want to look my girlfriend in the eye and tell her, "You're fvcking awesome" without looking like a chump. I want to do typical chumpish $hit at times, but not lose the alpha essence. It sounds impossible. So in a way I tell myself that a lot of alpha behavior would make up for a little beta.

The thing is, I can get chicks at this point in my life. I can't get all of them, I can't even get 10% of them. But I know that as long as I try I won't go years without getting laid. I want to be the DJ and Alpha guy who the chicks desire to **** and spend time with. I don't want to be taken for some chump who any chick just throws away likes a used tampon. If and/or when I break up with my current girlfriend, I want her to do it not because she lacks respect for me. Just a genuine realization that as two people we are not compatible.

I am not always 100% "on" and if my game is just a little off then $hit will hit the fan. I think I might be looking at my entire view of relationships and dating a bit unrealistically. Then again, when I first came to this site my mind was blown. But sometimes when I read roissy I can't help but feel like I'm the one doing something wrong if I fail to be 100% alpha and that I will always be destined to fail with girls.

 

[Proselytiser]

I don't think you're the first person to post on here about roissy's writing making them feel inferior. Seeing as roissy himself, as far as the reader can tell, never has serious girlfriends, it is probably not the best place for you to go for advice on how to act with your girlfriend (if she is as serious as you make her out to be). I'd suggest reading married man game or a blog like that.

 

[synergy1]

I am not always 100% "on" and if my game is just a little off then $hit will hit the fan. I think I might be looking at my entire view of relationships and dating a bit unrealistically. Then again, when I first came to this site my mind was blown. But sometimes when I read roissy I can't help but feel like I'm the one doing something wrong if I fail to be 100% alpha and that I will always be destined to fail with girls.

No, you will fail with girls because you aren't comfortable with yourself. Setting an impossible target like being "100% alpha" is just an excuse to justify your pathetic existence with women.

I've seen people who try to be "alpha" and i'll tell you one thing, It makes them look retarded enough that people like me actually get the chicks.
We were hitting up a club in Boston and some kid tagged along with my friends. The dude was obviously insecure as hell and was trying to pull the alpha male jerk role and ....holy crap did he look stupid. I bet he read material from a web page like this! I ended up hooking up with his target, and courting the attention of the other chicks of the group. I normally don't want or even get all that attention, but this guy was trying so hard, it forced the attention onto me!

Sun Tzu said ' know yourself and know your enemy and in 100 battles you will never be in peril'. its clear you don't know yourself or understand women at all. Get out thurrr and practice, fail, and really ask yourself critical questions about your failure. Throw out all this armchair alpha sh1t and go out there and have a good time. The world is for the taking!

 

[Warrior74]

That's the problem with the Alpha persuit. It's a holy grail that can't be reached. A true Alpha, don't give a **** guy is either born that way or is made in an entirely different way than by reading and self improvement. As one of my favorite rappers said "All the real ___s are either dead or in jail" A true alpha is gonna be a bad ass Genghis Khan motherfvcker.

One of the things I learned from Player Supreme was to forget Alpha and Beta and just become a real man and don't do things to symp out (or be AFC in SS vernacular). A real man has balance. He's never going to be some stone cold killer alpha dude, but he's not some whiny crying over woman clingy AFC. He's the best man he can possibly be. He understands what works and what doesn't and does the best he can. But a real man is human, he makes mistakes. As long as he keeps learning he can hold his head up high.

A real man can do nice things or say something nice to a woman, but the minute she crosses his personal lines he's not afraid to call her on her **** and stand up to her. Basically not being a doormat. And not doing more for her than she does for you.

I read Roissy regularly (hows that for alliteration) and I just take the parts that work for me and discard the rest. Same with SS and Player Supreme. Everyone's style of game isn't a perfect fit for every person in the game. Does every championship boxer fight exactly the same? Does every MMA fighter fight exactly the same? No. They learn the rules, they develop a style and they make it their own and win some and lose some. And they keep playing the game until they retire. That's what you have to do. Look at each website or person like a coach in a different martial art and combine them all to make your style.

 

[Iceberg]

That's the problem with the Alpha persuit. It's a holy grail that can't be reached. A true Alpha, don't give a **** guy is either born that way or is made in an entirely different way than by reading and self improvement. As one of my favorite rappers said "All the real ___s are either dead or in jail" A true alpha is gonna be a bad ass Genghis Khan motherfvcker.

One of the things I learned from Player Supreme was to forget Alpha and Beta and just become a real man and don't do things to symp out (or be AFC in SS vernacular).

Absolutely right.

There's way way WAY too much focus on this "alpha" crap on this board. I don't even know what it means. Are these kids coming here seeking to be the leader of some sort of pack? How about we work on ourselves, and ruling our OWN lives instead of seeking some sort of alpha status amongst the rest of the world?

 

[maqnetik]

if its not you then shes not falling for it. do what you like and stop worrying about how youre coming accross. why be the alpha when you can be the only?

 

[KingofHearts]

What a good, honest post.

Obviously you're not alone in thinking this way. The "alpha" traits come naturally the longer you do this. Yes, a side effect is that it becomes a bit calculated. But once the calcualtions become habit, then you're acting more like a man without even thinking about it.

I've learned that trying be man is much more worthwhile than just trying be alpha. Plus it takes the focus off of women. Nothing has been more liberating than realizing I don't need women. A divorce will do that to you! After that disaster, I just have no inclination to do some of the beta stuff that I used to do. For example, you talked about cuddling in bed. Probably not a bad thing in an LTR. But after sex sometimes, I just don't feel like it. And I'm confident enough to refuse cuddling without fear of pissing her off. My 8 hours of sleep is more important.

Basically I got a lot more selfish. And it wasn't in effort to be alpha or attract girls. It's because I didn't need as much from women. And I got realistic about my own goals and priorities. Cuddling in bed for hours is not as important to me as being ready for work the next morning. The work I do pays for that bed we're sleeping on. If I have the next day off, then I still might have something fun planned the next morning. The reason she even likes me in the first place is because of what my life was like before she was a part of it. So why change now?

I remember my ex-wife used to compliment me on my hobbies, my work and what I enjoy doing for a living. I work with kids a lot. It requires a good amount of time and I loved doing it. As our relationship progressed, she got jealous of the time I spent away from her. One day I confronted her and said, "You used to appreciate the things I did. But the things you said that attracted you in the first place are now the things we fight about. Why are you pulling me away from things that you use to find attractive? Why are you jealous of me doing things that make me happy?" For a woman that loved to argue and had a response for everything, this left her totally speechless.

The past couple of years, I've worked very hard to rebuild my life after my divorce. So I take lot of pride in what I've done for myself. And that makes me very protective of my time, money and energy when I decide to slowly let a girl into my life. My goals, priorities and fun time are sacred to me. The only way she is going to get more of me is by being an asset to my life. And girls know I'm busy, so I tell them upfront that they need to bring something to the table if they want me. Even then, i don't answer back calls, texts sometimes. I just don't have time and energy for them all the time.

Is it foolproof? of course not. I do f up from time to time. But no girl is going to accuse me of acting like a wuss. And no girl has left me for being an ass. Getting the mindset is a lot more simple than analyzing every move and seeing if its alpha or not. The very act of doing so is not alpha at all.

And I started reading Roissy reguarly just within the last few weeks. I'm impressed that many of the things I do line up with his "assshole game". And his blog has really made me think about biological needs and behaviors for men and women. A lot harder to see a woman the same way I used to when I realize she that gets turned on by rape. Fantasy is one thing, but some women even orgasm from a real rape? Unbelievable. Or that she will leave me if another better looking guy comes along. Love is just a word, an emotion, not a commitment. All women are capable of cheating. So yeah, after seeing what really drives women to do what they do, I'm not inclined to expect much from them. Misogynic? Maybe, but I know men have their own dark side too. Realizing what really drives me as a man was an eye opener too. But recognizing that has helped be a better person.

The side effect of that mindset has only helped me on multiple fronts. Women don't really take me for granted. I can't remember the last time a girl nexted me. I'm well respected at work and among my friends. And I'm happier knowing that my balls are firmly in place. I'm not supplicating or trying to be something that I'm not. I'm being 100% myself and still getting what I want out of life. That is enough to keep my ego satisfied and encouragment to keep doing what I'm doing.

Point to all of that is alpha behavior comes naturally if you give it enough time. For me though, it became second nature once I get my goals and priorities straight. And accepting the dark nature of men and women has only solidified my approach to women, people and life. I'm going to do what's best for me, give when I want to give or not, and not be afraid to act like a man.

 

[Upside]

No, you will fail with girls because you aren't comfortable with yourself. Setting an impossible target like being "100% alpha" is just an excuse to justify your pathetic existence with women.

Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say my existence with women is pathetic, but I will admit to having my own insecurities. Then again, everyone has them to a degree. I don't know how Roissy really behaves outside his own blog, but if I studied it to a T I would never become the kind of man Roissy is. It isn't in me. To me, it doesn't really have to do with 100% Alpha or 50% Alpha per se, but moreso where one moment of AFC behavior hurts you more than several moments of DJ behavior benefits you. That's what gets me.

One of the things I learned from Player Supreme was to forget Alpha and Beta and just become a real man and don't do things to symp out (or be AFC in SS vernacular). A real man has balance. He's never going to be some stone cold killer alpha dude, but he's not some whiny crying over woman clingy AFC. He's the best man he can possibly be. He understands what works and what doesn't and does the best he can. But a real man is human, he makes mistakes. As long as he keeps learning he can hold his head up high.

Reading this makes sense and even makes me feel like a bit of fool for typing up my previous post. That being said, reading about Alpha, Beta, AFC, DJ, KINO, etc etc. I can't help but think it terms of the two extremes. Alpha=good Beta=bad. I may never become the bad-ass alpha in its truest sense of the word, but I sure as hell can prevent myself from becoming the whiny AFC. Making mistakes is natural and indeed part of the human element, but everyone on the board knows how ****ty the dating game can be. So one mistake may in fact spell doom in regards to a first time date, 1 year LTR, or a 10 year marriage. If the so-called sexual market didn't favor women so heavily I wouldn't care as much as I do now. I can control what I do, what I become, and who I am as a person and that alone should put me ahead of the game, but without a pair of tits and a vagina a lot of what I am and what I do/offer goes unnoticed. So at times I offer what girls want instead of what I am and want and it is an internal conflict at times. Believe me when I say I'm working on it, but it is not like turning on the light. Regardless of the fact I currently have a girlfriend, no matter who I was dating I always seemed to always do more in terms of quality. I try to give the people I hang out with the most excititing and interesting time possible, even though at times I just want to lay back and have someone else worry about it, but if I don't do it no one else will.

I read Roissy regularly (hows that for alliteration) and I just take the parts that work for me and discard the rest. Same with SS and Player Supreme. Everyone's style of game isn't a perfect fit for every person in the game. Does every championship boxer fight exactly the same? Does every MMA fighter fight exactly the same? No. They learn the rules, they develop a style and they make it their own and win some and lose some. And they keep playing the game until they retire. That's what you have to do. Look at each website or person like a coach in a different martial art and combine them all to make your style.

I find myself doing the same thing. Which is why I do some "beta" behavior which people like roissy would stone me for. I think that I do have my own style in regards to my personality and game, but it is still under development at the same time. But hell, I think of myself as a loyal and upstanding guy so when I read threads on infidelity or some **** and how people just don't CARE, it gets to me. I don't understand how they lack the decency. Different line of thinking I suppose.

Obviously you're not alone in thinking this way. The "alpha" traits come naturally the longer you do this. Yes, a side effect is that it becomes a bit calculated. But once the calcualtions become habit, then you're acting more like a man without even thinking about it.

A lot of the things I've learned early on I really struggled with for a while, but now have become second nature. It has improved me as a person no doubt about it. No self help book will ever help me like this community has.

I remember my ex-wife used to compliment me on my hobbies, my work and what I enjoy doing for a living. I work with kids a lot. It requires a good amount of time and I loved doing it. As our relationship progressed, she got jealous of the time I spent away from her. One day I confronted her and said, "You used to appreciate the things I did. But the things you said that attracted you in the first place are now the things we fight about. Why are you pulling me away from things that you use to find attractive? Why are you jealous of me doing things that make me happy?" For a woman that loved to argue and had a response for everything, this left her totally speechless.

Heh, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall there.

I do f up from time to time. But no girl is going to accuse me of acting like a wuss. And no girl has left me for being an ass.

This is the kind of balance I would like to achieve. If a girl is going to leave or cheat on me, I want it to be because of her dumb behavior all on her own, and not as a direct result of cummulative behavior from my end.

All women are capable of cheating. So yeah, after seeing what really drives women to do what they do, I'm not inclined to expect much from them. Misogynic? Maybe, but I know men have their own dark side too. Realizing what really drives me as a man was an eye opener too.

I'm somewhat more idealistic. I am CAPABLE of cheating but never have acted on it and in the past few months there have been an instance or two where I sure could have. So it would be refrshing to meet girls who have a similar mindset but it is mostly a pipedream. I don't want to be the type of guy who does cheat or helps a girl cheat with me on her boyfriend. Single people and ONS's are completely different stories and more power to those who do that.

 

[Ease]

It's only beta if you feel ashamed for it.

Roissy wouldn't be able to stone you if you said, 'yea i did, because i wanted to'.

Would it hurt your game though? Probably. But over time you learn game better, what to say and what not to say.

Roissy preaches the perfect truth, but not even himself is perfect. He too hides his flaws from us.