I don't actually have any rules laid down for her, this was in response to some emails about things that need to change... I'm realizing more and more that my pontification is mostly wasted energy and it's only when I'm with her in person that I'll be able to set examples and expect her to learn something (eating and working out).
I think my years of being wishy-washy are going to take a lot of work to undo... namely that I alternatively made strong statements about being healthy and went for long periods "treating her as equal" and giving her "the benefit of the doubt" as she essentially asked to be able to "do her thing" and she thought she would be most successful by feeling more free. However, as I'm learning, it is the freedom that creates inescapable complacency.
You spent years being wishy washy and long periods of treating her as equal, now you want to do a 360 and have a sub/Dom relatinship and wonder why she is resisting your efforts to change things, interpreting her understandable resistance as game manipulation on her part. This is what I'm am reading into your posts correct me if I'm wrong.
It's hard to completely change the dynamics of a relationship that has been established without there being resistance. You need to ask yourself if it's worth it to you to try to get her to change (men don't like it when women do this to them), or part ways and seek the kind of relationship you now want.
Because think about it, going by what you have posted:
You have been with her for four years.
She hit the wall and is not, in your eyes, high SMV material.
She has PTSD
You want her to get cosmetic surgery to turn into a living doll, which she is resisting
You want her to give up working so she can be totally dependant on your financially
You want to flirt with her hot friends
You want to use dread and other crap that invokes negative feelings in her to keep her a happy sub (?).
But, despite her being your girlfriend for the past four years, you have to come here and ask a bunch of strangers what she meant when she said xyz. After four years you should know her enough to know what she meant or at the very least be able to ask her yourself.
But you're not, which implies you either don't know her or don't trust her or both, yet you expect her to completely give herself over to you as a sub.