"What are you up to babe"

[Dark Chivalry]

It's nice that she cares and everything but it sounds like she doesn't have much of a life of her own. You should talk to her about it and set some boundaries as far as how much time you want to spend together. Her behavior probably isn't healthy for her either, she needs to work on *her* inner game, lol.

I agree, *she* is the AFC in the relationship.

The thing is, if *you* are setting the boundaries, she will only become more clingy because she will be more insecure. DJ techniques work.

If you are the AFC and she is distant, you act cool to get her to warm up and become more clingy.

How do i use this to my advantage?

What do you want?

If you like the way the relationship is right now, keep on doing what you do.

If you want her to go from AFC to DJ, take her to Barnes&Noble, self improvemnt section. Her self esteem will then be outside your control though.

If you want to changy the dynamic of the relationship while controlling her self esteem, you can use the workings of DJ to raise her self esteem a bit.

You could raise it by being more open about the things you do, saying you were thinking about her, giving a compliment, taking her out on a nice date.

You can lower it by being mysterious, evasive, by not calling, neg hits etc.

Management of a girl's self esteem gives you more control over the behaviour of a LTR.

To help her get a life, listen to her about the things she enjoys doing and encourage her to spend time on a specific pursuit by giving her compliments when she accomplishes something in that hobby. If she likes to write, act like you are crazy about her stories, if knitting is her thing, appreciate the scarves and sweaters she made, if she does ballet, admire her progress as a ballerina.
This works especially well on insecure chicks who live for your compliments.

I prefer to be with girls longer myself and having a chick who is improving herself within the boundaries of your guidance is the best of both worlds.

 

[inzone50]

What do you want?

Truth is i'm actually serious about her. like i look at her as a future wife. she is basically perfect.


so i don't know what i should to to better this situation for me? Do i want her to get more clingy? I don't want her to get self-esteem that up right? I like having the upper hand.

 

[Scorched]

My girlfriend does this same crap. Especially on Friday and Saturday night when I am not with her. "what r u up to?" etc... Sometimes on Wednesday nights I'll call her before I go to Hooters and she'll text me 30 minutes later, while she clearly knows I am at hooters and say something sweet. From "I love you" to "I miss you" etc... She is too easy to manipulate.

Although if she were to ask me what I am doing daily. I would think she doesn't trust me, becuse she doesn't trust herself.

 

[inzone50]

it gets annoying but is a good thing.

like she asked me what i did yesterday. i told her. 5 min later, did you do anything else? i was C=F and said why are you writing a bibliography about me?


so what are some ways i can use to this to manipulate her?

 

[Dark Chivalry]

Truth is i'm actually serious about her. like i look at her as a future wife. she is basically perfect.


so i don't know what i should to to better this situation for me? Do i want her to get more clingy? I don't want her to get self-esteem that up right? I like having the upper hand.

If you see her as your future wife you may want to get her to pursue a hobby. (Choose the one of her interests that you like best for her) You want her to be interesting enough to spend the rest of your life with. If all she has in her life is you, work and watching TV, you will get bored with her.

After that, see if you enjoy the level of self esteem she has, raise it to make her feel more comfortable, lower it to make her feel less comfortable. Be subtle, do not let it get too high (She'll think she is too good for you.) or too low (She'll get tired of being miserable.) if you want her for the long term.

I think giving her a hobby(raiser/pacifier), refraining from answering the phone twice a week(lowerer, day off for you) and saying/doing something sweet twice a week(raiser, increase rapport) would be a good place to start.

 

[Scorched]

"Find a hobbie in common"
Wow thats a really good idea.
I supose the gym would be the first place I'd think of.
Any other ideas?

 

[inzone50]

She likes drawing. i told her to draw my a picture.

other than that i dunno. she wants to join a class to workout...but she is doing that with her girl friend.

thing is i workout a lot already...so she will be doing cardio while i am lifting weights...that won't workout.

i hinted that we should get the same book and read it at the book store, she said we could do that but showed no further interest in that.

 

[Vulpine]

My gf txt me everyday and ask how my day went and what my plans are when we i'm not with her.

does she miss me or does she not trust me?

how do i handle this situation?

Text? Not even a call?

She is playing video games trying to get the new attention high score.

If her hands were full of an X-box controller playing the attention giving game "Boyfriend 13: I miss you!", she wouldn't bother to text.

You guys and your texty games...

 

[inzone50]

Text? Not even a call?

She is playing video games trying to get the new attention high score.

If her hands were full of an X-box controller playing the attention giving game "Boyfriend 13: I miss you!", she wouldn't bother to text.

You guys and your texty games...

She doesn't get reception on her phone. so she txts me at lunch. or she txts me at work...she doesn't call cause obviously i'm not gonna pick up and start talking to her.

 

[Dark Chivalry]

That's perfect. She can cardio with her friend, you lift weights with yours or alone.

Now you tell her that she is drawing well and that you enjoy seeing her progress etc.

Lend her some of your favorite books or buy her a book and tell her you like how well read she is.

Don't tell her to do it, compell her to do it.

Those three hobbies are a nice variety of body, brain and creativity that should enhance her life and inner game. She is not going to meet any men while doing these. She'll have something to do other that ask you what you were doing/thinkin/ate and you'll have something to talk about on dates.

The goal is not to find hobbies to share (If you want to do something you like with her just take her out.), but for her to have hobbies to keep her busy when you are doing something for yourself.

 

[inzone50]

ya, but she never drew me the picture. she doesn't draw anymore.

 

[Vulpine]

She doesn't get reception on her phone. so she txts me at lunch. or she txts me at work...she doesn't call cause obviously i'm not gonna pick up and start talking to her.

Yeah! Look at all those justifications!

Those look like great excuses. I bet that first one is the one she gave you.

She doesn't get reception on her phone? How can she send texts?
If you can't talk to her at work, how can you text? Why can't she leave a VM?

Flimsy.

Like I said, video game for women.

 

[inzone50]

she txts me at her lunch break when she is outside....dude are u slow... i don't reply to her txts right away. i check my phone when i'm not busy at work.

we talk on the phone other times....she asks me what i've been doing too.

 

[Max Power]

Can we close this thread?