Was this bad for a first date?

[Leisure Suit Larry]

I met this girl online and ran my usual online game. She gave me her #, but I was too busy to call. This morning, she called and I didn't answer. Next thing she does is text me and says she wants to meet up tonight.

I texted her back that I'd be free around 10pm and to meet me at a spot. She said Cool.

I met her there, she is very hot but I do not get the vibe she is easy at all so I don't even try for that. I just try and get to know her. We talk for about 30 minutes, and I mention I have to get up early because I have business to take care of. I told her I'm going to the restroom and I will go pay the tab.

I went to pay the tab, and the bartender is slacking hard. She brought the bill, but I was waiting 10 minutes for her to take the credit card. I started watching the Yankees game and joking with some guys at the bar.

The girl got mad, and thought I lost interest in her. She came over and said she is leaving. She tried to shake my hand but I gave her a hug. I told her I'll call her this week and she left.

How bad was this did I f/ck it up?

After realizing I possibly dissed her, I called her, told her I was waiting for the tab, I didn't forget her. She said it was OK.

 

[decentguy]

If anything, this may actually have helped you.

 

[Leisure Suit Larry]

If anything, this may actually have helped you.

The girl makes more money than I do, AND she is the one who asked to meet ME... so why was I paying the tab in the first place?

 

[Leisure Suit Larry]

She said she is "disapointed" that I left her and sat at the bar and talked to people and forgot about her. It was 5-10 minutes MAX and I explained the reason I sat there so long is because my credit card was on the bar waiting for the waitress to take it. I told her I complained about the service after she left.

She said I am not convincing and she "needs time to think"...

Well, I didn't need time. I hit delete on her from my phone.

 

[decentguy]

Dude, she is testing you and you fell right into her trap.

 

[Leisure Suit Larry]

Dude, she is testing you and you fell right into her trap.

I thought about it. Since she brought it up, I told her what really happened. I didn't fall into anything. If I hear from her again fine, but I'm not pursuing.

I don't need this BS.

 

[DJDamage]

Never apologize to a woman when you know you didn't do anything wrong.

Your rational explanation should have been sufficiently enough and if that wasn't good enough for her then NEXT her ass otherwise you will be setting a very bad precedence for future enounters with her or other women in general.

As a matter of fact, the right thing for her to do was for her to apologize to you for over-reacting.

Online dating always brings out the crazies.

 

[Leisure Suit Larry]

Never apologize to a woman when you know you didn't do anything wrong.

Your rational explanation should have been sufficiently enough and if that wasn't good enough for her then NEXT her ass otherwise you will be setting a very bad precedence for future enounters with her or other women in general.

As a matter of fact, the right thing for her to do was for her to apologize to you for over-reacting.

Online dating always brings out the crazies.

I agree. I already nexted her and deleted her. The only chance something happens is if she chases.

I don't care because I already have a main plate with high interest. It's a beautiful thing. I'm just looking for something on the side.

 

[Leisure Suit Larry]

Just an update here....

I never heard from the girl again. I have a feeling this girl just wasn't feeling me and used this as an excuse to end it. I never tried to contact her again either.

I have a problem that my online game is much better than my real life game and they get disappointed that I don't come through with the smooth talk in real life.

I'm not stressing it, because this only happens with the educated chics. I can get the stupid women with great success.

Who wants the educated chics anyway? I like them dumb and obedient.

 

[Mr. Me]

My opinion: if a chick looked like she forgot all about me and deserted me for five to ten minutes and I saw she was joking around at the bar and watching the TV game, I'd leave. I wouldn't even bother saying goodbye first.

She stuck around. She didn't know why you were held up at the bar. All she knew was that you seemed to be disregarding her for all that time. I think you really should've gone back to her quickly and just informed her that you were going to be stuck at the bar waiting until the slow-ass bartender returned your card. You could've had her join you there.

But you didn't give her that courtesy. It's the same as letting someone know you're going to be late. That you're not intentionally ignoring them. In fact, she even told you it was that you seemed to have forgotten about her.

It wasn't a "test". It wasn't any "trap". She didn't "over-react". You're the one that forgot your manners. Simple as that.

Now, if she knew you better than when just meeting you for the first time, maybe she'd cut you some slack. But on a first meet? First impressions count, dude! Any little thing and the chick will next you.
You let your guard down. Like I said, if it was me, I wouldn't even have bothered to say goodbye to you. The flag she got was that you're an inconsiderate person, and that's why you never heard from her again.

 

[Leisure Suit Larry]

My opinion: if a chick looked like she forgot all about me and deserted me for five to ten minutes and I saw she was joking around at the bar and watching the TV game, I'd leave. I wouldn't even bother saying goodbye first.

She stuck around. She didn't know why you were held up at the bar. All she knew was that you seemed to be disregarding her for all that time. I think you really should've gone back to her quickly and just informed her that you were going to be stuck at the bar waiting until the slow-ass bartender returned your card. You could've had her join you there.

But you didn't give her that courtesy. It's the same as letting someone know you're going to be late. That you're not intentionally ignoring them. In fact, she even told you it was that you seemed to have forgotten about her.

It wasn't a "test". It wasn't any "trap". She didn't "over-react". You're the one that forgot your manners. Simple as that.

Now, if she knew you better than when just meeting you for the first time, maybe she'd cut you some slack. But on a first meet? First impressions count, dude! Any little thing and the chick will next you.
You let your guard down. Like I said, if it was me, I wouldn't even have bothered to say goodbye to you. The flag she got was that you're an inconsiderate person, and that's why you never heard from her again.

Right after she left I called her and I said sorry and I told her to come back. She said no to coming back, but she said it was OK. That wasn't enough?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

What you did was kinda rude. If the roles were reversed you'd be saying the same thing. You might forgive and continue future dates if she said she'd make it up to you. Did you make a counter offer? Did you say "I'll make it up to you by doing something special"?

You should have.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

. If I hear from her again fine, but I'm not pursuing.

I don't need this BS.

Good decision. Any girl that complains about anything on a first date is not worth the trouble, even if she does have a velvet pu$$y.

NEXT

 

[jophil28]

She said she is "disapointed" that I left her and sat at the bar and talked to people and forgot about her.
.

There it is- the plain and simple reason why. Her perception was that you abandoned her and neglected her, preferring instead to chat with strangers. IT was even worse when you sat down and talked to them.

There was no trap or test, she just found a good "reason" to decide not to like you enough to want to see you again.
Many woman approach a first date with a somewhat negative mindset. They seek a reason to NOT want, or agree to a second date.

In her mind, you gave her one.

 

[DavenJuan]

agreed with Mr. Me and Jophil

but to be quite honest, i think it was more of the content of the overall date.

If she liked you ENOUGH, woman will forgive ANY behavour. the date (first date) was already on thin ice before she made the decision that this was the last straw.

if things were clicking on all cylinders the entire time, she may have been comfortable enough to walk over and wait with you. however, based on the "feel" of the date, she either didnt WANT to, or didnt know if she should.

was it rude? maybe. its all about context. but i wouldnt be so much concerned about this, than i would about what happened DURING the time you spent together and what happened.

 

[Leisure Suit Larry]

agreed with Mr. Me and Jophil

but to be quite honest, i think it was more of the content of the overall date.

If she liked you ENOUGH, woman will forgive ANY behavour. the date (first date) was already on thin ice before she made the decision that this was the last straw.

if things were clicking on all cylinders the entire time, she may have been comfortable enough to walk over and wait with you. however, based on the "feel" of the date, she either didnt WANT to, or didnt know if she should.

was it rude? maybe. its all about context. but i wouldnt be so much concerned about this, than i would about what happened DURING the time you spent together and what happened.

Correct... I don't think the date went that great leading up to the incident at the bar. Like I said, my smooth talking online game didn't translate into real life and that's why she was disappointed and the bar incident was the deal breaker.

Even if the bar thing didn't happen and we ended the date on a good note, there is a great chance I still wouldn't have seen her again.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> Right after she left I called her and I said sorry and I told her to come back. She said no to coming back, but she said it was OK. That wasn't enough? >>

Nah, the damage was done. It's too late.

Jophil has a point in that it could've been the excuse she used to not see you again, that it merely covered her already existing low interest and it just gave her an out.
He's right. They do look for reasons NOT to see you again. Sometimes they even cunningly give you the rope to hang yourself with, with a smile.
Guys ought to learn from women in this department so they can do the same weeding out process to women - but that's another thread...

But back to the main point. Even if that's what it was, she evidently had some medium level of interest to start with, to suggest meeting you and keeping the date with you, right? So why would her interest now have gone south? Well, here's the dilemma. Because you did something that came across as negligent, we can't say for sure if it was that or if you were boring (as you suspect) or if it was something else. So now it gets muddled and we can't put our finger on it.

It probably is not that your "smooth talking online game didn't translate into real life and that's why she was disappointed", but next time, try something different: Meeting a girl for the first time in real life off an internet site, make it a short meet up over coffee rather than a date or hanging out at a bar. Joke around for half an hour and say your goodbyes. This way, let's say the chick doesn't find you as good looking as she thought you'd be, or it turns out her hips are wider than her shoulders. Then you'll get your clues. You need that face-to-face first before you do anything else, really, because if you don't hit it off, it's a lousy way to spend an entire evening.

Then, if the chemistry's there, you can call for a date. But don't go for drinks and hang out sitting all night. Go to do something active and fun. Rollerblade or shoot pool or something. Then she'll be engaged in having fun with you, which won't be boring, and you don't have to stress about having smooth convos all night long.

 

[mrRuckus]

I think women weed too quickly and pick at little things that in anyone else they generally wouldn't care about. They blow things up. If it were the 5th date they wouldn't care, but if it happens on the 1st date then they bail, quickly extrapolating tiny impressions into some ball of doom surrounding you.

Learn to be choosy but don't be ridiculous about it.

I was reading a book on communications and body language and all that and the author was stressing to watch what you say as the first thing you say to people because they label you really, really fast. If the first thing they hear you say is a complaint, then you are probably forever to them "the complainer" even if it's abnormal for you. It's kinda dumb, but it is what it is.

 

[jophil28]

Many women look for 'flaws' in the guy in the first few dates. Why? Simply because woman are naturally suspicious of men, and secondly they do not want to be deceived and wind up with a 'loser" who is masquerading as a high value man.
Hence we often read posts here from guys who are convinced that their displays of status or 'game' or whatever are going to naturally attract and hold a HB9 just because they read some wordy thesis here, or on a PUA site, about creating attraction.

Above all woman seek authenticity and congruence in a man if she is looking for a potential B/f. I am assuming that initial IL is present in her and she is open to seeing you again to explore the possibilities of forming a relationship.

Yes, you can trick some of them into into the sack with PU tactics, but be aware that women 'know' what you are doing at some level. I am also convinced that they mostly go along with your seduction tactics because they WANT to be seduced.
However, if a woman wants just a ONS (or a series of them) she does not need to join an online dating site . All she needs to do is buy a push-up bra, some tight jeans and hit the bars.

Women who meet men on line are probably looking for a B/f or a potential husband. If the initial connection is made via a dating site, she ultimately needs to know whether you are "real" or just another married man or playa looking for a quickie .
IT follows then that your first 'date' with her is an audition during which she decides whether she wants to see you again, and this date is loaded with traps for men. This date is when she rates your attractiveness, your masculinity and your authenticity . And she will do so harshly and unforgivingly.

The OP failed her audition because he demonstrated behavior which she judged to be inconsiderate and negligent.

 

[jophil28]

I think women weed too quickly and pick at little things that in anyone else they generally wouldn't care about. They blow things up. If it were the 5th date they wouldn't care, but if it happens on the 1st date then they bail, quickly extrapolating tiny impressions into some ball of doom surrounding you.
QUOTE]

Agreed - for the reason I wrote about in the post above.