uuhhhh...Attention wh0re, or am I just compeltely stupid??

[Tantric]

I've known this girl casually for about 5 years. I've slept with her before, so I know there is an attraction there. But her and I have never dated or anything like that. She tends to always get involved with guys that don't care about her.

For the past 4 months her and I have been hooking up more...nothing sexual, just hanging out. But we have a HELL of a time when we are out! We are always joking, I get her laughing all the time, and there is something WAY deeper between us that her and I really have not had with anyone else.

She tells me I am the best thing in her life.

About 8 weeks ago, somehow in convo, feelings came up, and she admitted she really, really loves me. She tells me that when we are together there is something so natural about us holding hands. I admitted the same.

Normally, I would have made a move at this point, but she has a LOT of issues at the moment and going through a rough time...so I played it safe as I did not want this to be a "needy" thing, or whatever.

I sent her flowers to her new job, and she was gushing. Her phone got dis-connected for the next week (due to our schedules), so all we could do is email. She emails me almsot every day for a week about how beautiful the flowers are...how all the other girls were jealous...and she asks me if I am wooing her - becasue she really likes it. She tells me how she really did not know what "loving someone" really meant until now...and from her heart, she honestly can say she "loves me".

I have liked this girl for a while (we are both in our 30's), and she is a major hottie. Everything (actions and words) told me he was completely into me...

but...

All of a sudden she gets into some BS email argumetn with me over nothing.

We end up makiing up a few days later, and again, she tells me how miuch she loves me.

We were suppsoed to get together to see a movie a couple of weeks ago and she bails. Cancels the day of, as she has had a rough day at work and was really, really tired.

No prob.

Called her a couple of times, but no reply. 2 weeks go by.

I email her, and she replies by saying she has been working 10 days straight, and very tired. Apologizes for not calling etc. then as usual, tells me she loves me.

At this point, I am pretty confused becasue rather than BOTH actions and words showing how she felt, the next few days only become words, and her actions show the opposite.

When I try talking to her about it she blows me of completely. Says she "does not want to hurt me but she cannot offer any more than a friendship. Whatever decision I make she will respect."

I told her I really loved her.

She emailed me once after that, telling me she was looking for a new apartment...said, "I love you too" at the end.

huh???

So, now I am at a loss because I don't know if this girl is just really confused or if she was just playing. My gut tells me she really does like me...but why diss me off?

I have not responded to her last email (that was Sunday)...whould I even bother?

Thought about writing something like,

"If you love me...then why are you in such a hurry to push me away?"

Or is that a pu$$y thing to do? or should I just let this one go and let her figure it out for herself?

 

[Sinistar]

uuhhhh...Attention wh0re, or am I just compeltely stupid??

...both

 

[bigjohnson]

Stupid is too strong, how about ignorant? Soon you will know better - stick around.

 

[KontrollerX]

She use a lot of superlatives when talking to you?

Superlative examples would be words like...

Awesome, incredible, amazing etc.

Also did she laugh her head off at things you said that you know another woman wouldn't find quite so funny?

To build a connection in their victims just about all of them react to a minor joke like it was the funniest thing in the world which boosts the victims confidence making them feel good about themselves and good believing that the girl is really into them when nothing could be further from the truth.

A true AW will make you feel like you are a god with all their compliments and praise about how great you are and when you fall for it and become emotionally invested with them or if not totally emotionally invested display strong interest in them they turn it all off like a light switch leaving you shocked and incredibly hurt as you get the feeling you have lost the perfect person for you.

 

[Tantric]

uuhhhh...Attention wh0re, or am I just compeltely stupid??

...both

Ha! Yeah probably...

I think I knew how this was going to end up...deep down anyhow.

I've got an amazing sense of humour, so, no she was not laughing at things that were not funny...

My best characteristeics are my confidence and humour...so every girl I am with I can usually get laughing pretty hard, so she was really no different.

Oh well...

Just needed confirmation of what my gut insticts told me...

peace

 

[joekerr31]

when you can't figure out a situation its usually because your own desires and emotions are cloudy your ability to analysis things objectively.

this is when you should use what they call a paradigm shift. reframe the situation into something you can better look at objectively.

so lets imagine for a second that you work for acme inc.

your boss at acme inc tells you how you are his favourite employee in the whole company. how you're the smartest, the best, etc.

yet, when you ask for a raise, or a promotion he skirts the issue and ignores you. when you get in to an argument with another employee he doesn't take your side but skirts the issue.

so what is going on?

your boss is one of those people who are all words no substance. these kinds of bosses you can work for 5 years straight and never get anywhere - despite all their praises. i've had a few like this, and i bail on them the moment i can. don't TELL me how great i am, SHOW me!

its EASY to tell someone you love them. but mature people only say it when they are prepared to do the work that comes along with saying.

not returning calls, bailing on you for a movie, arguing with you on email, etc. - these are not loving behaviors.

this girl is living a fantasy. and for hte moment she feels like living the 'im in love' fantasy.

the problem with living a fantasy with some guy she only just met is that he ain't going to fall for it. he just wants to bang her.

you on the other hand are falling for it hook line and sinker. and its easy to fall for.

because what she is saying appears genuine, she doesn't sound like she is lying. and the reason is that she's not lying - she does love you as part of a FANTASY.

shes living out her very own little soap opera episode and for the time being your the main star. until of course she gets bored with the plot, then to spice it up she'll let you catch her getting a dirty sanchez by some mexican pizza boy.

id advise you to spin more plates. you don't have to dump this one, but right now you are the puppy and she's holding the leash. you gotta reverse this sh*t and get more women in your life.

im telling you right now, the odds of this working out are VERY low. so find your parachutes before the plane crashes.

the other possibility in this is that because shes in her 30s she about to pull the 'guy friend to husband' trick. i've know a number of women who have tried this. they hit that point where they feel time is or has run out. they are tired of 'new' guys and relationships never working out. so they start to think 'i know. i've had my p*ssy pounded long enough. what if i settle down with Frank. we can have kids, the white picket fence, etc."

and these women WILL do this. they will take a male 'buddy' and turn him in to a sperm donor and personal bank account. and they will trick him in to thinking that they have suddenly 'fallen in love' with him.

the one thing with these women is that because they arent genuinely in love the con isn't perfect. they lack the ability to ACT like they truly love him - the best they can do is this buddy type of flirtation.

unfortunately most guys can't see the flaw in the con. all they know is that she says she loves them and she's letting them bang them, so everything seems on the up and up.

women who love you don't f*ck with your mind like this (they at least wait for a few years of marriage to start doing that).

 

[decades]

"If you love me...then why are you in such a hurry to push me away?"

Don't send it, write it down on a post it note and stick it on your monitor.

 

[edger]

"the white picket fence, etc."

Man can I not stand that term, lol. So overused and played out. Nothing personal against you or anything.

 

[jophil28]

Tantric wrote , " She always gets involved with guys that don't care about her." There is the main clue to "understanding " her. She gets with men who treat her badly or indifferently or cruelly or whatever.
So you come along and "court" her with flowers and lots of attention and lovey dovey stuff. This is the antithesis of what she usually CREATES or EXPERIENCES with others. Being treated well and pursued with loving attention ,to her. feels all wrong so she sabotages the connection. She breaks it into pieces so that her familiar pattern of neglect and turmoil takes over. THis is what she knows and what she can navigate with some skill. THis is where she can agonize and fantasize about how it could be with the bad boy if only HE was, kinder, more reliable, more faithful etc. etc..
Your behavior (kind attentive,caring and loving ) is not what she feels comfortable with deep down. LOving someone requires you to GIVE of yourself and that is what she cannot do. By giving, I mean really making your S/O the main event in your life . She says she loves you BUT love is how you conduct yourself, not just some warm feeling..
There are lots of women like this. They cannot be mutual and reciprocal . They operate in a kind of fluff zone. They want a ROMANCE not a relationship. They are addicted to uproar and turmoil and the rollercoaster of emotions, both positive AND negative. Your actions took her into the positive up swing on the rollercoaster. THis feels OK to her -for a while .BUt she is used to the deep downward swings too. You did not provide that so SHE is doing that by creating the uncertainty and the chaos.
You are in for heartbreak brother because she is incapable of adult loving behavior.

 

[edger]

.

the other possibility in this is that because shes in her 30s she about to pull the 'guy friend to husband' trick. i've know a number of women who have tried this. they hit that point where they feel time is or has run out. they are tired of 'new' guys and relationships never working out. so they start to think 'i know. i've had my p*ssy pounded long enough. what if i settle down with Frank. we can have kids, the white picket fence, etc."

and these women WILL do this. they will take a male 'buddy' and turn him in to a sperm donor and personal bank account. and they will trick him in to thinking that they have suddenly 'fallen in love' with him.

You really think so Joekker? I don't think I can agree. Knowing how fickle women are, I could never see any woman settling, except of course for ugly/fat ones. I personally really doubt they settle and would be willing to RISK their happiness to be with some guy they're not into. I just can't see an attractive woman doing that no matter what age she is. I see many single women out there, hot attractive ones that is in their late 30's and 40's still single who have never settled.

 

[logic1]

when you can't figure out a situation its usually because your own desires and emotions are cloudy your ability to analysis things objectively.

this is when you should use what they call a paradigm shift. reframe the situation into something you can better look at objectively.

so lets imagine for a second that you work for acme inc.

your boss at acme inc tells you how you are his favourite employee in the whole company. how you're the smartest, the best, etc.

yet, when you ask for a raise, or a promotion he skirts the issue and ignores you. when you get in to an argument with another employee he doesn't take your side but skirts the issue.

so what is going on?

your boss is one of those people who are all words no substance. these kinds of bosses you can work for 5 years straight and never get anywhere - despite all their praises. i've had a few like this, and i bail on them the moment i can. don't TELL me how great i am, SHOW me!

its EASY to tell someone you love them. but mature people only say it when they are prepared to do the work that comes along with saying.

not returning calls, bailing on you for a movie, arguing with you on email, etc. - these are not loving behaviors.

this girl is living a fantasy. and for hte moment she feels like living the 'im in love' fantasy.

the problem with living a fantasy with some guy she only just met is that he ain't going to fall for it. he just wants to bang her.

you on the other hand are falling for it hook line and sinker. and its easy to fall for.

because what she is saying appears genuine, she doesn't sound like she is lying. and the reason is that she's not lying - she does love you as part of a FANTASY.

shes living out her very own little soap opera episode and for the time being your the main star. until of course she gets bored with the plot, then to spice it up she'll let you catch her getting a dirty sanchez by some mexican pizza boy.

id advise you to spin more plates. you don't have to dump this one, but right now you are the puppy and she's holding the leash. you gotta reverse this sh*t and get more women in your life.

im telling you right now, the odds of this working out are VERY low. so find your parachutes before the plane crashes.

the other possibility in this is that because shes in her 30s she about to pull the 'guy friend to husband' trick. i've know a number of women who have tried this. they hit that point where they feel time is or has run out. they are tired of 'new' guys and relationships never working out. so they start to think 'i know. i've had my p*ssy pounded long enough. what if i settle down with Frank. we can have kids, the white picket fence, etc."

and these women WILL do this. they will take a male 'buddy' and turn him in to a sperm donor and personal bank account. and they will trick him in to thinking that they have suddenly 'fallen in love' with him.

the one thing with these women is that because they arent genuinely in love the con isn't perfect. they lack the ability to ACT like they truly love him - the best they can do is this buddy type of flirtation.

unfortunately most guys can't see the flaw in the con. all they know is that she says she loves them and she's letting them bang them, so everything seems on the up and up.

women who love you don't f*ck with your mind like this (they at least wait for a few years of marriage to start doing that).

I have not logged on and posted in a long time but lurk around occasionally.

Jokkerr31, that was a great post on explaining what the OP was dealing with!!

Thumbs up

 

[jophil28]

There are some on this forum who talk about how women who act badly or with disrespect as simply having low "Interest Level." . They measure the woman's IL by the "quality" of her behavior. I believe that this approach is superficial and poorly conceived. Women(and men) act 'habitually' ,especially over the long term. Women WILL be attentive and sweet and gushy in the first few weeks. They are acting in a way that they think will guantee a close connection with you. Eventuallly their SOP will emerge as she becomes more at ease with you and then the incongruencies play out. Her behavior is likely to become inconsistent with her words and also her early behavior .
She "appears" to be changing into someone else.
THis is bewildering for men.
And this is the start of the process in which we try to "fix" it by talking to her and trying to "reason" with her. We try to understand her (even by posting here)..
The truth is this - she has reverted to her habitual behavior. She has dropped the pretense and the sex games, and what you are seeing is who and what she is.
Stay around at your own peril.

 

[Phyzzle]

Good God, is this the SAME DIPSH!T from your other threads? This is what I said in your last thread:

She was never interested in you. Never! It's been 4 years, man!! when are you finally going to get it??

Another 100,000 of her texts saying I love you aren't going to make any difference.

Is this really the guy you want to be in 2011?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=99867
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100544

 

[joekerr31]

You really think so Joekker? I don't think I can agree. Knowing how fickle women are, I could never see any woman settling, except of course for ugly/fat ones. I personally really doubt they settle and would be willing to RISK their happiness to be with some guy they're not into. I just can't see an attractive woman doing that no matter what age she is. I see many single women out there, hot attractive ones that is in their late 30's and 40's still single who have never settled.

well i know women who have done. and i know women who talk about doing it (but probably wouldn't).

when that clock starts ticking women get aweful desperate.

 

[Tantric]

Good God, is this the SAME DIPSH!T from your other threads? This is what I said in your last thread:



Another 100,000 of her texts saying I love you aren't going to make any difference.

Is this really the guy you want to be in 2011?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=99867
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100544

No, different chick...

I seem to get re-connected with old FB's and shyte like this happens...God must be telling me something...

The one you are referring to was gone a while ago... :trouble:

 

[edger]

well i know women who have done. and i know women who talk about doing it (but probably wouldn't).

when that clock starts ticking women get aweful desperate.

I believe you that you've known women who have done that. I just can't understand how any woman could be willing to sacrafice their happiness by sleeping next to some guy every night, waking up every morning and seeing his face, but not really be into him. This is a person you constantly have to see and share your space with. I would go insane if I was with someone I wasn't into. Crazy sh*t. Yet another reason among others why there are so many divorces. She goes out and cheats, he finds out, and he leaves. Or, he senses and see's she's not really into him, and he bails.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Karmic law #1

NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT COMES OUT OF HER MOUTH. ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS LISTEN TO HER BODY LANGUAGE.

Her body language cannot lie.

If you keep this rule in mind at all times it will circumvent every inch of nonsense and bologne she will "say" to you.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm 35 years old. Been around this site for awhile. I feel like I have a pretty damn good grasp on women. I'm old enough and wise enough to know better.

Yet the same sh!t happens to me, and it's REAL easy to get thrown for a loop even when you know the score.

This chick I was hooking up with a few weeks ago, I started to get worried that I might have a stalker on my hands. She told our mutual friend "I don't know what STR8UP thinks of me, but I REAAAAAALLLLY like him!" She was giddy as a school girl when we were hanging out. When I fukked her for the first time, she said she couldn't have an orgasm. I asked her why not and she said "It's because I'm with YOU and I'm nervous!" Basically, all of the signs pointed to her being totally into me.

But then she would flake on me. BIGTIME. I put up with it because by this time I knew she would be nothing more than a piece of ass, but it still left me wondering "WHAT THE FUKK?" Hadn't seen her in weeks, she is moving back home, and she texts me halfway to NY and tells me "you better stay in touch, I'm gonna miss you" Again, WTF?

You know what? It doesn't matter what the fukk. All that matters is that she can tell you she loves and until the cows come home, but it doesn't mean a damn thing unless it is totally congruent with her actions.

There are only really a handful of basic things a man needs to know when dealing with women, and this is one of them. Her words don't mean sh!t until she backs them up with her actions.

 

[Latinoman]

Tantric...like somebody in this forum once said: if you are not phucking her...then you are her GIRLFRIEND.

 

[penkitten]

you know there are some chicks out there, who tell all their friends they love them.
i haven't seen you in so long, i missed you, lets catch up i love you.

some chicks just do stuff like that.

there are other chicks that tell you their feelings, i like you so much, i just adore you, im falling in love with you....
and when they feel they are coming on too strong, they do not want to run you off and say the standard "i am so busy i can only offer friendship right now." they just don't want you to know their self esteem is so low...


then there are terrible chicks who play games. some do it on purpose and some don't even realize how bad they are.

the question is for you to figure out which one of these chicks she is and what you want from her. do you want a relationship with her?
if so how will you pursue it? do you just want a bed buddy? do you just want a friend?