Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

[cordoncordon]

Dr. Zaius you are dead wrong this time on this issue. Sorry.

Go ahead and let some guy come up and do the same thing to your gf at the bar, and see how you take it. I can gaurantee you the 2nd woman didn't "just" french kiss him. C'mon. The guy was flirting with her, and he got caught.

 

[SoCalMike]

my g/f

would have knocked the b*tch out and then punched me in the face. and she would have been right to do both.

dude, you are NOT the victim here. you could have pushed her away. YOU LET HER KISS YOU. what kind of BS are you trying to spew here?

 

[drZaius09]

Go ahead and let some guy come up and do the same thing to your gf at the bar, and see how you take it.

I would never give that kind of power over myself to another person. I repeat, N-E-V-E-R

Have you ever considered the fact that YOU are applying value to the respect of your "girlfriend," or the random wh#re at the bar, or whoever? Nobody endowed you with this point of view. YOU created it all on your own!

Let's stipulate that both parties (the guy and the girl who kissed him) both knew that the "girlfriend" was watching and willfully committed this act anyway. Now, chances are that the girl at the bar had no idea that he had a "girlfriend" or that she was actually there, but let's just assume that she did for the sake of argument (and because you've already been assuming that anyway). NOW, nobody here has been very shy in labeling these two characters and placing blame on them. But yet, their display of respect (or lack thereof) is STILL placed in the utmost regard. Why? Why is their respect worth anything at this point? They've each shown a lack of integrity and maturity-- clearly their respect is not the best indicator of what is respectable. In fact, it would be positively inconsequential to anyone who can accurately judge another person's character.

If I offered to mail you a bag of dirt, would you want it just so you could have it? Or would you say 'no thanks' because you know that a bag of dirt is WORTHLESS? Ok... Now tell me why a person's respect is so important to you, when you've already determined THEM to be worthless?

 

[cordoncordon]

Dr. Zaius,

I don't know how you could have ever been in a meaningful, close, and heartfelt relationship with that kind of attitude. You are a very jaded, cold, and non-emotional person who will never get to fully realize what a really great relationship can bring a person if you continue down this path. I am not criticizing you for this, because if it makes you happy than great.

But you say you would never give that kind of power to another person. IMO you aren't giving power to anyone. You are simply giving apart of yourself, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, so that hopefully yours and your partners life can be greatly enriched by that union. And when in a relationship, you DON'T do certain things. One of which is french kissing another female in front of your partner. It's not giving power to anyone, it's called RESPECT.

What has you so anti-women and anti-relationship?

 

[Nighthawk]

Reverse the sexes and she'd be indefensible. Drunk, caught up in the moment, or whatever, it' would feel like a slap in the face to anyone. You should be a man and apologize.

 

[Latinoman]

Dr. Zaius,


What has you so anti-women and anti-relationship?

He sometimes makes some good points on other topics. In fact, he is not a bad poster. Especially when the topic is in relation to men dealing with women that are not worthy.

However, you are right. He is “anti-relationships”. And do you know what? He is also anti "respect".

How can a man that is anti-relationships give good advice on the topic of “relationships”? He can’t. And consequently, he should stay away from giving advice to people that are trying to deal with: relationships issues. It is like an atheist trying to give advice a religious guy on how to serve God or pray. That’s the issue in here and my issue with his remarks.

Now…why is he anti-relationships? I’m sure it is a personal choice. In fact, there plenty of men out there that don’t believe in relationships. Many times that is based on some very bad experiences or having very high quality standards (and thinking there is not much out there).

DrZaiuz case? Well...he knows. And I don't care.

I know for a fact that his case cannot be one of having very high quality standards…as he has admitted that the only type of women he has been targeting for the last couple of years are OLD INTERNET DIVORCEE women. Yep…he is getting scraps. Old scraps. And in the process he has put into his mind that having “self-respect” is not an important issue, I mean…that’s the only way he can justify his low quality selection and continue to post in this place.

 

[Old Buck]

As expected, lots of interesting feedback. I agree that if the position were reversed and some guy pulled that with my gf, I would have clocked him and been mad as hell at her but once the dust settled, I wouldn't abandon the relationship. However, I have been around enough to know that sh!t can happen in bars that starts out completely innocent. I never had a clue when she asked to take a pic that her tongue would be in my mouth a moment later. I did push away from her, but trust me, I was in a state of shock. In almost 20 yrs of clubbing, I have never had a woman be that forward. Sure, there have been some who made it known they were there for the taking but not to the extent this chick did. I love my girlfriend and respect her tremendously and the fact that I hurt her so badly has caused me a great deal of anguish as well. She does deserve better treatment than this and I am sick that I let myself get in a situation that deteriorated so rapidly. I have apologized, which I would have never done unless I felt it was truly warranted, and promised her nothing of this sort will happen again. I agree with the guy who said only bad things happen in an environment where alcohol is in abundance and there are lots of single women and men around if you are with your significant other. While I don't know how much the girl had been drinking, I had consumed about 5 or 6 beers. Not enough to be drunk but certainly enough to be less inhibited than usual. I have no desire to hook up with the other chick, although she is cute, because I am quite content with my gf. She is also very attractive and much more mature and settled which at this point in my life, is what I want in a woman. It has been over three years since my divorce and this is the first serious relationship I have been involved in. I think that after my divorce, I reverted to my pre-marital self that was always on the prowl and looked at every opportunity to flirt with a woman as a way to possibly get her into bed. This being the first time in a long time I had been to a club, I failed to act appropriately due to old habits and it may end up costing me something special.

 

[Latinoman]

Old Buck...I will have to leave soon (from work).

But wanted to tell you one thing...the ability to flirt (or be charming) cannot be neglected. NEVER.

It simply that in her presence...simply be charming (including ugly and old women) in a very respectful way. And when she is not around...be flirty. That's men's nature after all.

Men have it considerably worst when it comes to adapting to the dating environment. And if some day she dumps you or something happens and you end alone...you must have those skills handy.

 

[( . )( . )]

Dr. Zaius,

I don't know how you could have ever been in a meaningful, close, and heartfelt relationship with that kind of attitude. You are a very jaded, cold, and non-emotional person who will never get to fully realize what a really great relationship can bring a person if you continue down this path. I am not criticizing you for this, because if it makes you happy than great.


What has you so anti-women and anti-relationship?

What a wanker, who the fvck are you to drown out Dr zaius's advice by using unoriginal and false mainstream shaming here? Take a look around and try to remember where you are next time.

Dr Zaius, please excuse this chump/chick. And dont let this clueless retard taint your opinions, the mature section still has some good posters, keep it up.

This thread should have been ended after the 2nd reply, its more than enough advice for this guys situation.

 

[drZaius09]

Dr Zaius, please excuse this chump/chick. And dont let this clueless retard taint your opinions, the mature section still has some good posters, keep it up.

Oh, no problems here. I know who's got their finger on the pulse and who's got their head up their ass. Hopefully the guys who really need help here can see the difference too. But thanks for the support.

Speaking of heads up their ass, why don't you get off my jock Latinoman. Once again, you don't know sh#t about me or the type of women I associate with. Unlike you, I have other pursuits in life besides the opposite sex. I have this sneaking suspicion you're just bitter because you're an OLD MAN, and you can't stand the fact that all the women you've given so much "love" to in the past are all f#cking other men now, and every day you just get OLDER and less appealing to women. So here you are, a pathetic "single dad" with nothing better to do except pawn your worthless advice to this board by averaging 53.7 posts a day, all of them filled with little more than self-important horse-sh#t about your "manly" status. Yeah... you've got real status ... that's why you spend 97% of your day picking fights on sosuave.com. So why don't you go start a couple threads... maybe one about "respect," or maybe one about desperately clinging to relationships, since that seems to be the only priority in your life. I feel sorry for you. You're a joke.

 

[realsmoothie]

Hey, there's probably a toilet around your place somewhere guys, no need for a p*ssing contest in here. LOL

 

[Latinoman]

Once again, you don't know sh#t about me or the type of women I associate with.

Yes I do.

Unlike you, I have other pursuits in life besides the opposite sex.

Really?

I have this sneaking suspicion you're just bitter because you're an OLD MAN

LOL.

Dude...I'm 38. I'm in shape. I dress very well. I make over 6 figures. I own two houses. I own two vehicles. I have two women crazily in love for me.

and you can't stand the fact that all the women you've given so much "love" to in the past are all f#cking other men now, and every day you just get OLDER and less appealing to women.

And although I have ONLY loved couple of the women in my life...fact remains, I rather have them sleeping with another men that nagging the heck out of me.

I'm more appealing to women NOW that I was in my 20s. Because now I'm appealing to women in theirs 20s all the way to their 50s.

Besides...I'm NOT average looking like you. LOL.

So here you are, a pathetic "single dad"

Pssst...psssst...come here...I'm going to share something with you. {Whisper} I CHOOSE to be a "single dad".

with nothing better to do except pawn your worthless advice to this board by averaging 53.7 posts a day, all of them filled with little more than self-important horse-sh#t about your "manly" status. Yeah... you've got real status ... that's why you spend 97% of your day picking fights on sosuave.com.

lol. I love when people go to the trouble of grabbing a calculator and estimate my post count.

I don't pick fights in here. If you notice...the one coming in here and INSULTING others by degrading their opinions is ALWAYS you. You try to put down the "DJs" opinion. The fact remains...you have limited experience in relationships. If you have had sex more than 100 times in your live, I would be extremely SHOCKED!

You cannot even hold the interest of one woman for more than 3 months. You know that...and I know that. You are the equivalent of a high school kids that say "playing sports is stupid". Then the same kid comes and try to give advice to people on how to play basketball or pitch a curve ball while at the same time saying "playing sports is stupid". That's a CLEAR indication of somebody that lack the skills to play ANY sport and his opinion is simply based on bitterness and his inability to play ANY sports.

It takes work and skills to hold a relationship. Anyone can B.S. his way into getting laid based on some fascade or getting laid with garbage. But very few have the lifestyle to keep a woman interested in him for YEARS. A QUALITY woman interested. Even after the relationship is over.

That's called "LEAVING A MARK".

You are NOT that kind of man. You have not evolved into becoming one. And with your attitude, I seriously doubt you will become one.

And if you notice something, I have NEVER posted after 5:30 PM (EST) nor during Holidays nor Weekends.

So why don't you go start a couple threads... maybe one about "respect," or maybe one about desperately clinging to relationships, since that seems to be the only priority in your life.

My priority is to get strong emotions out of people. Make people think.

Here is a FACT...by the time you reached your mid 20s...you were VERY VERY inexperience with women. To the point that you have to lower your standards. And you lack the ability to keep them interested on you for more than a couple of months. So...you are giving up. Not just giving up...you are also picking on salvage material.

Nothing wrong to avoid relationships if you are in your 20s. After all, you still very young. But trying to give advice on something you have NO CLUE...that's a different story.

I feel sorry for you. You're a joke.

And that is your weakness. Feeling sorry for people. Personally, I feel sorry for no one (unless is an innocent child).

 

[Latinoman]

That's my last post on this issue. And my last "attack" on this issue.

I appologize to everybody for the posts.

I cannot justify it as it is very IMMATURE. However, although this guy have some very good posts...he has a way of critisizing most of the advice that DJs give. It is like if he has some kind of personal agenda.

This is how I see things...if he has issues with the way DJs give advice or on the DJ concept...then why even post in here?

Nothing wrong with being against relationships or even against the concept of respect. That's personal opinion. But trying to give advice to people on issues that relate to those two topics and the critisize the advice of others...that's my personal issue. Because the advice would not longer become advice (how can it be if he doesn't believe on those two things?). It becomes more of "preaching".

That's all I have to say.

 

[drZaius09]

Besides...I'm NOT average looking like you. LOL.

Wow, you even know what I look like! Is there a satellite following me around that I don't know about? I wouldn't be surprised seeing as you're such a big shot...

Pssst...psssst...come here...I'm going to share something with you. {Whisper} I CHOOSE to be a "single dad".

Well then I'm going to share something with you-- That only makes you even MORE of a dumb a$$hole (if that's possible). As the child of divorced parents, I'm sure your kids really appreciate your choice (sarcasm).

lol. I love when people go to the trouble of grabbing a calculator and estimate my post count.

I don't need a calculator to see that you have no life and that you're full of sh#t. Just a cursory glance at your contributions here would tell me that...

The fact remains...you have limited experience in relationships. If you have had sex more than 100 times in your live, I would be extremely SHOCKED!

Shouldn't you already know that answer? For someone with so much information about me, I figured you'd at least have a rough idea...

Nothing wrong to avoid relationships if you are in your 20s. After all, you still very young. But trying to give advice on something you have NO CLUE...that's a different story.

Even if you're idiotic assumptions about my history were true... still better than taking advice from a dipsh#t like you, who has nothing but a history of consistent FAILURE and irresponsibilty in relationships. I hope everyone here is listening if they want to be a single parent someday!

However, although this guy have some very good posts...he has a way of critisizing most of the advice that DJs give. It is like if he has some kind of personal agenda.

I do have a personal agenda-- it's called "thinking for myself." I don't just blindly and mindlessly worship every last word contained on this site. You on the other hand are no better than your typical religious zealot... only your "Koran" is the "DJ Bible."

Nothing wrong with being against relationships or even against the concept of respect. That's personal opinion. But trying to give advice to people on issues that relate to those two topics and the critisize the advice of others...that's my personal issue. Because the advice would not longer become advice (how can it be if he doesn't believe on those two things?). It becomes more of "preaching".

Your overwhelming ignorance really takes center stage in this paragraph. You can't even recognize that I'm trying to give people an alternative point-of-view to the foolishness spouted on this board. No no, that can't be, right? I'm either "for it" or "against it." It's just so black & white to you... you really are a zealot.

Here's a final piece of advice-- take some sick time, go home, and get some sleep. You made a fool of yourself today.

 

[Latinoman]

Sorry about your parents divorce and the effect it had on you. I prepared my kids for almost 3 years. Perhaps, if your parents would have done the same...you would have grown up with lot of confidence. I don't make decisions irresponsibly.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I've been lurking on this thread for a bit and I was inclined to side with DR. ZAIUS, but as is usual we have an incomplete understanding of a situation with BUCK. I was hoping BUCK would offer up a bit more about his GF so I was patient. Without knowing issues such as the GF's age, conditions, issues, etc. we can only rely on basic generalizations.

That said, jealousy is a helluva drug - literally. A complex ****tail of chemicals, endorphins and hormones are released into the bloodstream when jealousy is prompted. This then elicits an emotional response, which more often than not is the cause for many rash behaviors. In fact jealousy has a strikingly similar neuro-chemical signature to the fight or flight response in not just humans, but higher order mammals as well.

Sorry to turn this event into Wild Kingdom for you, but it's important to know what you're up against and the associations that are attached to the the jealousy prompt. Your girlfriend now associates you with this chemical rush and you find this has it's uses and it's consequences. On the one hand (assuming your GF is an emotionally healthy individual) your GF will understandably associate you with that prompt and all of the negative emotion that is linked to it. She may very well end her relationship with you, and if so you're probably better off than trying to untangle a woman that would allow her emotions to make her decisions for her.

As far as I can tell this hasn't occured yet and you're still involved with her. This is promising because it implies she's conflicted in her estimation of you. As I stated you have this chemical 'jealousy rush' association now, but don't think that this 'rush' has to be negative. Whenever we are presented with situations that elicit a bio-chemical response (i.e. love, sexual arousal, fight or flight, betrayal, jealousy, even food and alcohol) we become excited.

Even the precognition of these events can be enough to trigger this 'rush.' When we watch movies that simulate these prompts our conscious experience is no different to our bodies than if we were actually participating in these prompts. Hell, everyone responding to this initial post cast themselves in the GF's role almost as an automatic response and (to a lesser degree) identified with this 'rush' - it's built into us.

The key to handling this 'rush' effectively is to turn it from a negative association into a positive one. Let's look at some of the advantages you have in this instance - The GF didn't catch you banging this girl, she caught you kissing her. This is social proof. Granted it inspired jealousy, but it socially proves (in no uncertain terms) that your attention is a commodity that other women are willing to compete for. Again it was OVERT and in here face, but if you can recover from this with her it can be a very valuable tool for you. It's exciting to be jealous, but you need to take this excitement from negative and overt to positive and covert (or subtle). This association is going to be attached to you, it's up to you to use it to your advantage.

At this stage I would encourage a more relaxed attitude, you really don't have much choice really. If you constantly try to impress upon her that it was an accident or this girl accosted you it's going to sound like you're trying too hard and will only reinforce her estimation of you. If on the other hand you've already offered a sincere appology and made your case don't re-heat it. What's done is done and negotiating your way back into her good graces will only exacerbate the negative 'rush' she already has about you. In all honesty if she's going to leave she's gonna leave. You can't control her actions.

You can however control your own. Let her be for a while, occasionally connecting with her and see what her behavior is. Don't bring up this incident again with her. If she's a mature and emotionally health woman it'll pass, if not she'll re-heat it and you'll know where she's at emotionally. Always bear in mind that women communicate feelings when they talk, not information like men do. When she does open back up to you (assuming) always ask yourself in the back of your head 'what feeling is she trying to tell me?' In this way you can properly respond to her and get under her skin so to speak. Remember, that 'rush' is still working for you. Some of the best sex and most intense women I've been with in my past (including my wife) was prompted by just the idea of jealousy. This is turning a negative into a positive and using that excitement as a stimulant, but done subversively, subtley and covertly.

 

[Old Buck]

I've been lurking on this thread for a bit and I was inclined to side with DR. ZAIUS, but as is usual we have an incomplete understanding of a situation with BUCK. I was hoping BUCK would offer up a bit more about his GF so I was patient. Without knowing issues such as the GF's age, conditions, issues, etc. we can only rely on basic generalizations.


My girlfriend is 42 and an HB9. She is in great shape, very intelligent, with a wonderful personality and sense of humor. She is a successful businesswoman with a large circle of friends but is very down to earth. I know from reading posts on this board before that some of you will say "hey dude, she is past her expiration date, once a woman is over 35, she has outlived her usefulness". While I am inclined to agree with that statement in general, there are exceptions to every rule and this girl is definitely an exception. There isn't one thing about her that I don't like and I am, and always have been, very hard to please when it comes to women. Every man that I asked about her when we first began dating, whether they were 25 or 50, all sang her praises as being very well established and a really great catch and their assessment has been dead on. Despite a lot of intimate conversation and my waiting for the other shoe to drop, I have yet to see any red flags or issues that concern me. This incident is the first stumbling block we have encountered. It does appear that we are going to get past it although it has been kind of rocky for the last couple of weeks. She did tell me that while she has always been secure and had good self-esteem, since our little incident occurred, she has caught herself wondering if she is good enough for me. She says this is a direct result of the girl kissing me in the bar and that because of these sudden feelings of insecurity that I "scare the hell out of her". She has told me enough about the men in her past that I know most of them gave up their power to her and put her on a pedestal. Surprisingly, she isn't spoiled or self-absorbed. Not surprisingly, she never developed true feelings for any of these men, either. I imagine that is why she has fallen so hard for me because I acted like she was just another pretty face and told her more than once that beautiful women come a dime a dozen and it took more than her looks to keep me interested.

 

[Latinoman]

Old Buck...for some reason I thought she was younger than you and my posts were done under this premise.

I still believe that what you did was disrespectful. No doubt. And I won't change that fact. I still side by her on this issue under this premise.

However, knowing that she is more mature than you (I have one that is around that age group too)...there is no doubt in my mind that she is going to try and manipulate you. She will use "emotions" and "guilt trip" stuff.

I would have to reconsider some of the things I posted in this thread...because ANY woman that is over 40 years old and is dating a man in his 30s is a woman that HAS and will HAVE some self-esteem issues.

That's a fact.

I don't care how established or how "exception to the rule" she is. She is just covering it up very well.

All I'm saying is treat her with respect. But be careful.

 

[Latinoman]

Gents...this guy does NOT need to bring social proof. He already has it.

The fact that he is 35 and she is in her 40s is MORE THAN ENOUGH to put him in an advantage situation.

However, he doesn't know what he is getting into. He is going to get the "I can get any man I want", "I'm independent and established", "I always do the dumping", with stages in which he will get lot of sex (to eventually decrease) and stages in which she will bring stuff to make him feel guilty.

Any woman that has lived to be 40...knows what it takes to b.s. a YOUNGER man. How to hook him up. And some are very succesful. To the point that eventually they try to get some kind of control issues.

I am dating a woman that is in her 40s. At first she presented herself as "unique" and "special". And with time started to bring some of the stuff I have described. Becoming needy and at times a little "manipulative". Thankfully, I was in a stage of self-awareness and I'm prepared. In another words, I knew what I was getting into. And it is up to me to either stay or move on.

Oldbuck is for a HUGE surprise. He just doesn't know it yet.

This woman (like mine) might be a HB8 or HB9. It might be professional, educated, established. But in the "emotional" aspects...they tend to be lower than HB5s. And trust me...they are very aware of homonal stuff and what the future brings them...so they want to truly have control over their younger man.

All that said...that does not mean that he should treat her or any woman he choose to be in a committed relationship with DISRESPECT.

They are both mature individuals. If he wants to do his thing (e.g. spin plates, etc.)...then he should do that in such a fashion that hurts no one.

That's my opinion on this issue.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

This is exactly why I hold back on jumping into threads like this; inconsistent or a complete lack of all the conditions of any given relationship. Guys want to hear certain truthes without the possibility of repercussions associated with what they already know is happening. You don't seek real advice, you seek affirmation, and affirmation is like masturbation - the only one you fukk is yourself.

That said, OLD BUCK is in a much different situation than he initially let on. It is always vitally important to know what particular details and conditions apply to an individual in conflict situations/relationships. This woman's conditions (her age, intelligence level, socio-economic status, etc.) make for a different analysis entirely.

Although I'll still stand by my assesment that she's associating you with the hormonal 'rush', her stage in life and your age difference will weigh radically in your favor. I wouldn't worry about this instance too much, if anything it might strengthen her attraction for you. You're playing the role of the younger guy for her and her professional/status conditions get reinforced by her association with you. If she is a 'professional', HB9, as you assert she is, she derives much of her peer admiration for her ability to look good, keep a younger man interested inspite of the biological imperative that makes men seek out younger women and play the professional role - in other words she's perceived as a woman who's "made it work." LATINO's correct on this, you are already a form of social proof for her, but more importantly you are a defacto source of reinforcement for her ego.

When you kissed this other woman it shook that self-image that she'd become accustomed to for sure, but it also boosted your own self-value (with social proof). You're actually in a much stronger position with this woman now if you can capitalize on it. Of course I'm going to question the wisdom of involving yourself with a 42 y.o. woman in the first place - you really ought to be applying yourself more toward younger, hotter women - but, in this instance you actually have the upper hand if you can man up enough to maintain it.