Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

[Albion10]

all of them filled with little more than self-important horse-sh#t about your "manly" status.

And you're any different, how? And I quote, "I would never give that kind of power over myself to another person. I repeat, N-E-V-E-R." Isn't that somethin'.

Although the inner instinct of humans is the same, the environment creates many different types of people in the world. There are actually women out there who don't want to be a pretty trophy sitting on some guy's mantel place.

Your advice may work like a charm with guys who want to "get with" a bunch of women but that kind of power play bull **** doesn't work for the long term; unless of course you want a hanger who has no opinion aside from yours. Even women who cannot live without a man who controls them, eventually gets sick of a man who's controlling. Eventually they will become so unhappy that they will find some other controlling a$$hole and leave. You may not care simply because you can just go out and get yourself another arm band to toss on. But, many guys here want to keep something going long term; something with a woman who stimulates more then his c0ck and the "You're better then us because you have a hot girlfriend" attitude amongst his friends. This type of relationship takes a lot of work including compromise and sometimes even tossing the ego into the trash for a while.

So to answer the original question. First you need to judge where both you and your girl stand. If you're looking for a relationship where you are in control of the entire situation, then drZaius makes a compelling argument. But if you're looking for a relationship based on friendship, trust and mental stimulation along with the physical then I would apologize to her. I would word it something like this. "I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to kiss that girl. She came out of nowhere claiming to know me and before I could stop her she kissed me. I can't say it won't happen again. It happened so fast that I had no control over the situation. I can say that I love you and only you and I would never do anything intentionally to jeopardize that." BTW, my wife told me that a similar speech I had given to her was the reason she said yes when I asked her to marry me.

So, you can call me a chump, an AFC, an old man, whatever you want because that seems to be your way of dealing with anyone who disagrees with your opinion. But, if you tell some guy to play the power play, his girl could very well tell him to go take a leap, ending what could have been a great thing. I don't know about you, but that kind of negative karma is not something I want to have weighing me down.

Peace

-Al

 

[kingwilliam]

I think you made a mistake...you could have definitely stopped this from happening.

HOWEVER....at this point your relationship with "your girl" is damged severely. That was a BAD move. You have a couple of different options.... the first one is to be totally honest with your girlfriend; tell her everything happened so fast and you TOTALLY regret it, and you want to be with HER.

Number 2 is to ask yourself why you let it happen..... (yes, you could have stopped it) Your relationship is potentially over, so perhaps you should just break up with your girlfriend of only 4 months (tsk), and contact the other girl. There's no telling what kind of adventure you could have with girl #2..she is obviously attracted to you....you could be in for a real treat.

OR....and this is the ugly one: You could make things right with your girlfriend, but BANG the other girl on the side.

 

[Old Buck]

Of course I'm going to question the wisdom of involving yourself with a 42 y.o. woman in the first place - you really ought to be applying yourself more toward younger, hotter women - but, in this instance you actually have the upper hand if you can man up enough to maintain it.

The "wisdom" of involving myself with a 42 y.o. woman stems from the fact that I learned to stop qualifying women based on their age and began to focus on their character instead. For years, I was enamored with younger women because their bodies were pristine and few of them have the ability to think independently. I married a woman who was 9 years younger and used to joke that by the time she lost her beauty, I would be too old to care. Of course, we are now divorced although that had nothing to do with her age. After my divorce, I went straight back to hustling young trim but occasionally dated women in the 35-45 age group. Now that I have custody of my children and have reached the age of 38, my goal is no longer to sleep with multiple women but rather to involve myself in a healthy, positive relationship. I noticed many of the 35-45 y.o. women had fewer issues, more stability, and were intellectually superior to their younger peers. By no means if I found myself single again would I refuse to date a woman in the 28-32 age range if she intrigued me and by the same token, I likely would not be interested in a woman over the age of 45. I live in a rural area, the closest metro area is a half hour away and contains roughly 75,000. There aren't a lot of quality women here of ANY age so the pool I am fishing in isn't as deep as L.A., Dallas, etc. I also know that many women who are hot in their 20's look like sh!t by the time they are in their late 30's. My girlfriend, while attractive in her younger years, has gotten better looking as she has aged. I am sure much of this is due to her exercise regimen. Also, she wasn't able to conceive so she escaped the horror that child birth can wreak on a woman's figure. It's true that I have no clue how she will look in 5 years but a woman who is still this beautiful in her 40's has the odds in her favor. Besides, with all the anti-aging therapy out there today, any woman who takes care of herself can remain attractive into her golden years. To each his own I suppose, but any man who refuses to date a woman just because she is over 30 is limiting his options.

 

[Nighthawk]

Halle Berry is 40.

 

[Latinoman]

I noticed many of the 35-45 y.o. women had fewer issues, more stability, and were intellectually superior to their younger peers.

No different that men in the 35-45 y.o. range being more stable and being intellectually superior to our younger peers.

However...here is the huge difference...they (women in the 35-45) have considerably MORE issues than younger women. They just know how to hide them better.

Furthermore, and this is the beauty of this...a younger women might have "less stability" and "be intellectually superior"...but wouldn't you rather LEAD and SHAPE the younger women into the FUTURE mature, more stable, and more intellectual woman as you and her mature?

Besides, with all the anti-aging therapy out there today, any woman who takes care of herself can remain attractive into her golden years.

A clear indication of a man that is clueless about the woman aging process. You have no clue about menopause and that stuff that will be coming down the corner. There is not beauty product for that. I KNOW...my girlfriend has friends currently suffering of that stuff. And I feel sorry for their partners as they are MISERABLE. Sex decreases (considerably)...they go into mood changes...lock themselves in the rooms...don't want anything to do with their partners. The thing can last months or even years. And although the moood might go back to normal...the sex NEVER goes back to normal.

It is a biological thing...that's why nature designed men to be older than their partner. Because testosterene decreases as we age...and prepare the couple to be in-sync as she reaches her own changes.

 

[Old Buck]

However...here is the huge difference...they (women in the 35-45) have considerably MORE issues than younger women. They just know how to hide them better.

Based on my experiences, I have to disagree. There are some women who just plain HAVE issues. They were headcases at 18 and they will be headcases at 80. Some women in there 20's develop issues later on due to what they perceive as the raw deal that life has dealt them. Others work out their problems as they mature and become more well-adjusted as they reach their late 30's and early 40's. There is no blanket statement that applies in every case.

Furthermore, and this is the beauty of this...a younger women might have "less stability" and "be intellectually superior"...but wouldn't you rather LEAD and SHAPE the younger women into the FUTURE mature, more stable, and more intellectual woman as you and her mature?

Shaping a younger women to one's specifications is a wonderful idea. It is also rather grandiose to believe that it will always work out as planned. I suppose sometimes it does but I also know, from personal experience as well as experience of others, of several cases where that was the master plan but somewhere along the way the woman decided she was tired of being LED and SHAPED and the guy is left standing with his dhick in his hand wondering what happened to his "experiment". So no, I would rather have a woman who has made her own choices and decisions about becoming the person she is. To each his own, I suppose. I don't always agree with your opinions. Latinoman, but you can always be counted upon to spark a worthy debate......

 

[SoCalMike]

Based on my experiences, I have to disagree. There are some women who just plain HAVE issues. They were headcases at 18 and they will be headcases at 80. Some women in there 20's develop issues later on due to what they perceive as the raw deal that life has dealt them. Others work out their problems as they mature and become more well-adjusted as they reach their late 30's and early 40's. There is no blanket statement that applies in every case.



Shaping a younger women to one's specifications is a wonderful idea. It is also rather grandiose to believe that it will always work out as planned. I suppose sometimes it does but I also know, from personal experience as well as experience of others, of several cases where that was the master plan but somewhere along the way the woman decided she was tired of being LED and SHAPED and the guy is left standing with his dhick in his hand wondering what happened to his "experiment". So no, I would rather have a woman who has made her own choices and decisions about becoming the person she is. To each his own, I suppose. I don't always agree with your opinions. Latinoman, but you can always be counted upon to spark a worthy debate......

i have to chime in here b/c i've gone through this.

i broke up with my g/f who is 8 years younger and recently met a woman who is 8 1/2 years older. she turned 40 in june, i will be 32 this month. she is amazing... so intelligent, works hard, mature, down to earth, and NO GAMES. i'm telling you, if this is how most older women are, i'm not going to limit myself to just young ones.

now it is true, that they don't look as hot as younger ones, but they can still be hot. the one i met is bangin... she takes real good care of herself - works out, watches what she eats, etc. and she gets hit on my younger men ALL the time. i hit on her thinking she was about 34. i was blown away when she told me her age. i have pics to back this up. and BTW, the sex is GREAT too... she still looks *damn* good naked, her ass and tits are both still firm.

now there is the issues of menopause and having children, both legitimate concerns. i have to admit, menopause could definitely damage the relationship, i will have to read what other men have experienced with this. if menopause = the end of sex then i will bail. but children aren't a problem if the woman is healthy. i don't know fellas... maybe a good 5-10 years of marriage or LTR with an older woman would be worth it overall, even if you broke up down the line.. ??

my 8 years younger ex still wants to get back together. and i must say that while her body is quite nice (nicer than the 40 YO) it doesn't make up for her spoiled, b*tchy, and immature attitude. i find that 90% of young (early to mid 20's) available hot girls are like her, i.e. childlike and annoying. the young hot girls who are mature, responsible, not b*tchy/spoiled, work hard, etc. are almost always married/engaged or in serious LTRs where they are happy and not looking.

generally speaking, there are pro's and cons to each age group. if you want young and hot you're usually gonna pay a price in terms of personality. with the older women you sacrifice on looks a bit but gain A LOT in other ways.

 

[Latinoman]

Based on my experiences, I have to disagree. There are some women who just plain HAVE issues. They were headcases at 18 and they will be headcases at 80. Some women in there 20's develop issues later on due to what they perceive as the raw deal that life has dealt them. Others work out their problems as they mature and become more well-adjusted as they reach their late 30's and early 40's. There is no blanket statement that applies in every case.

Chances of a woman having issues in her 30s and 40s is considerably GREATER than one in her 20s. For the most part, the one in her 20s can be "repaired". The on in her 30s MIGHT be repaired. The ones in her 40s are UNrepairable.

One thing the one in her 40s has: experience. And what she lacks is: time.

My point? She knows that she cannot mess up, because she will have to search from a VERY SMALL pool of appropriate men as most men in the 40s pool are already taken or seeking younger women. So...she cannot take a chance of going to several months relationship to then lose that man. She has to make sure she has hooked that man 100%. After all...she has LITTLE to NO TIME because once menopause hit...then sex would scarce and she won't be able to hook a YOUNGER man up.

So how the experience work to her advantage? Well...she knows the kind of bad attitude and the b.s. that came from her that eventually scared men away or destroyed past relationships. She learned that when she was in her 20s (and was able to pick and choose) and then learned in her 30s. So, in her 40s...she simply learned how to HIDE and COVER those issues better. If she is smart...she would wait until you have a ring in her hand to start showing her real issues (although, menopause would be a REAL one thanks to nature).

Shaping a younger women to one's specifications is a wonderful idea. It is also rather grandiose to believe that it will always work out as planned. I suppose sometimes it does but I also know, from personal experience as well as experience of others, of several cases where that was the master plan but somewhere along the way the woman decided she was tired of being LED and SHAPED and the guy is left standing with his dhick in his hand wondering what happened to his "experiment".

That only happen to the men that truly didn't have a clue. Men that were either too controlling or to weak. Or simply lacked masculinity (or simply had a poor choice of women).

No woman that feel ultimate respect for her husband...to the point that she sees him above anything...is a woman that would leave that man (unless he cheats or become abusive). Typically is the man that ends up leaving that woman.

Do you truly believe that you know LOT of DJs? If we are lucky, we might be able to know one or two in our circle of friends. That's how scarce we are. Being a PUA does not equip you with the skills to keep a woman FULLY interested in you for a long time.

So no, I would rather have a woman who has made her own choices and decisions about becoming the person she is. [/QUOTE}

Translation: You rather be an AFC.

Listen...you will remember my name: Latinoman. Years from now, you will remember this debate. And you will see that I'm right.

You see? The issue here is NOT that you are with a woman in her 40s. The issue here is that you don't understand what you are getting into. If you understood what you were getting into and STILL made the decision to take the chance, then I could at least say "Well...he knows what he is getting into and understand what to expect."

But you are trying very hard to validate her. I mean...once you mentioned her age...you immediatelly went on saying that she was in great shape, intelligent, etc. Would you be saying the same if you would have said she was 28? It is like if you were trying very hard to justify your relationship with her AFTER you came up with her age (you didn't bring those qualities in your original post). That on itself is a warning sign.

 

[Latinoman]

i have to chime in here b/c i've gone through this.

i broke up with my g/f who is 8 years younger and recently met a woman who is 8 1/2 years older. she turned 40 in june, i will be 32 this month. she is amazing... so intelligent, works hard, mature, down to earth, and NO GAMES. i'm telling you, if this is how most older women are, i'm not going to limit myself to just young ones.

now it is true, that they don't look as hot as younger ones, but they can still be hot. the one i met is bangin... she takes real good care of herself - works out, watches what she eats, etc. and she gets hit on my younger men ALL the time. i hit on her thinking she was about 34. i was blown away when she told me her age. i have pics to back this up. and BTW, the sex is GREAT too... she still looks *damn* good naked, her ass and tits are both still firm.

now there is the issues of menopause and having children, both legitimate concerns. i have to admit, menopause could definitely damage the relationship, i will have to read what other men have experienced with this. if menopause = the end of sex then i will bail. but children aren't a problem if the woman is healthy. i don't know fellas... maybe a good 5-10 years of marriage or LTR with an older woman would be worth it overall, even if you broke up down the line.. ??

my 8 years younger ex still wants to get back together. and i must say that while her body is quite nice (nicer than the 40 YO) it doesn't make up for her spoiled, b*tchy, and immature attitude. i find that 90% of young (early to mid 20's) available hot girls are like her, i.e. childlike and annoying. the young hot girls who are mature, responsible, not b*tchy/spoiled, work hard, etc. are almost always married/engaged or in serious LTRs where they are happy and not looking.

generally speaking, there are pro's and cons to each age group. if you want young and hot you're usually gonna pay a price in terms of personality. with the older women you sacrifice on looks a bit but gain A LOT in other ways.

You were with a woman that was 24 years old. Probably immature. What can you expect?

Now...if you would have chosen one that was independent...26-29...and had her stuff together...then you would know what I'm talking about.

I'm telling you...you guys don't know what you are getting into.

I understand if she was in her 40s...AFTER being with you for 15 years. You shaped that woman into the partner you wanted her to be.

That's what MEN do. They help shape their partners. We LEAD. We PROTECT. We PROVIDE.

Once again...age should not be a fact as long as you have a CLEAR UNDERSTANDING of what to expect.

Younger women tend to be harder, because they believe they have CHOICES. That's why being a DJ is important. It give them the false sense of choosing the best (in reallity WE are the ones making the choice -wink).

Anyway...good luck to you too. Note: Menopause does not necessary translate to end of sex...it can translate to a considerably decrease in sex.

 

[Latinoman]

In summary:

Single mothers should be avoided for a number of reasons. If you pick one UNDERSTANDING what you are getting into (or could be getting into) and what you might have to sacrifice...then that's fine.

Women that are 5+ years older than you AND happen to be 35+ years old should be avoided for a number of reasons. If you pick one UNDERSTANDING what you are getting into (or could be getting into) and what you might have to sacrifice...then that's fine.

However,

Because their are issues and MOST men don't understand what they are getting into...I personally discourage men from dating these women. If a DJ wants to date one (I have) and he does that understanding the possible consequences, then that's fine. But remember, a DJ rarely justify why he is picking one woman over another as it is clearly understood that he made the best choice based on his current situation.

In a nutshell...I don't like talking in absolutes as no every woman is the same. But I have to write and express my thoughts in "absolutes" to avoid encouraging men into doing certain things that might end up biting them in the bu_tt.

 

[Old Buck]

No woman that feel ultimate respect for her husband...to the point that she sees him above anything...is a woman that would leave that man (unless he cheats or become abusive). Typically is the man that ends up leaving that woman.

It's true that a woman who respects her man will not leave but just because she has lost respect for him doesn't imply the man has done something to cause it. Some women are very self-absorbed and only want a man to take care of them. They respect the man as long he allows her to spend money and go through life like a kid in a candy store but when he draws the line, she becomes unhappy. Other women are fine for years and then begin to feel they have missed out on something by being married and raising children and feel they must sleep with other men to validate themselves. That is total B.S. to assume every man whose wife/girlfriend has ever left could have prevented it. Maybe he could have but only at the risk of losing his SELF-RESPECT and becoming a true AFC.

Translation: You rather be an AFC.

How does it make me an AFC to be with someone who became the person she is without being "shaped" by me. She has all the qualities I want in someone and just for the record, she does follow my lead and always has since this relationship began.

But you are trying very hard to validate her. I mean...once you mentioned her age...you immediatelly went on saying that she was in great shape, intelligent, etc. Would you be saying the same if you would have said she was 28? It is like if you were trying very hard to justify your relationship with her AFTER you came up with her age (you didn't bring those qualities in your original post). That on itself is a warning sign.

I am not attempting to validate her or justify our relationship. What I am doing is providing an answer to Rollo Tomassi who questioned my reasons for being involved with a 42 y.o. If the question had been "why are you with a 28 y.o. then yes, I would have done the same. True, I didn't list all her attributes in my original post because it wasn't pertinent to the subject at hand.