Tom Leykis says no marriage?

[Desert Fox]

What do you guys think? Discuss.

Should kids grow up in a family with two people who aren't married?

 

[Smack]

Well firstly, that's his opinion and you should never follow someone's opinion unconditionally without questioning it. I also happen to agree that marriage is a raw deal for men nowadays and won't get married until things change. But that's not because Leykis says so, rather the result of my own inquisitions.

 

[Desert Fox]

Yes that's why I'm asking you guys for some input for more opinions on this matter to get all possible sides. I tend to agree, but I think growing up in a family where the parents aren't married is not ideal for the kids.

 

[Maxtro]

If you're going to have kids, you should be married. Not having their parents together can have a very negative impact on a child.

I strongly believe that having my parents divorced when I was young and being raised by a very stressed out and depressed young single mother had a negative impact on my development.

So here's my belief. Only get married if you plan on having kids. Do not get married young (none of you under 25.) Have a prenup.

 

[mpimpin]

I'm way to young to know much on the marriage subject, but I grew up with parents divorced, always fighting etc. and I must say it was better with them seperated. It's only now that I'm out of the house and older I can see things seperate and have good individual relationships with my parents rather then hating them together b/c of everything. Separating is a lot better for a kid then shaking in fear at night waiting for dad to show up and the shouting to start. It took 9 years before I finally started telling people that my parent's weren't together anymore and finally accepted it.

I've only seen one good relationship last in my life and that is my grandparents. I do believe that it has a lot to do with my grandfather waiting till he was in his 40's to finally get married.

He gave me some advice months ago advising me to avoid serious relationships until after college and my studies were over and I had established myself in my career.

 

[Maxtro]

mpimpin, I assume your parents married young. Mine did too. Highschool sweethearts and all that stuff. They lasted 5 years.

That's why I strongly believe that if people should not get married till they are older and more mature. I'm 27 now and I won't get married till I'm at least 35.

 

[mpimpin]

Yes mid 20's

 

[DJDamage]

The ideal situation for kids in a chronological order:

1) Parents are married, both are satisfied/happy and they both love each other.

2) Not married - the child usually lives with the mother and goes to visit his dad often. Both parents however love the children and respect one another.

3) Both parents are married but the father became an AFC, the wife became a controlling freak and both of them fight constantly while hating each other.

 

[Ganondorf]

I don't think it has as much to do with how old you are when you marry as it does with your mindset

Marriage is serious business, and unless you are ready to keep your promise of loving the person, and caring for them until you die, then don't do it. It's a selfless deal.

A woman i work with is a a wonderful relationship. She's been married over 25 years, have 3 kids, one of which is also happily married. her and Her Husband married at age 18

She says the key is to be selfless. She always thinks of ways to make her husband happy, and he loves her for it. he does the same for her

It's not the big things that count. It's the small things that really matter. She does something as simple as make his lunch and coffee for him for work, and he appreciates it. They have fun together, they are best friends. This is a true relationship in My opinion.

She says she married her best friend. not just someone you hang out with the most, but someone you can trust with your life, someone you share a bond with

Relationships are work, and i think that people who marry young often times don't realize this when they have to balance out so many other things such as getting a career,school, AND a relationship

But who says work can't be fun? Have fun with it!

I say marry only when you feel ready. Even if you love someone, only marry when you are ready for it.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Im old fashioned.

No point getting married if not to have children. Too much of a financial risk for it to be worthwhile. Kids are the only reason to marry IMO. If you dont want kids, never get married.

If you do want kids, then she needs to accept the fact that she is going to give up her job and stay at home to raise them. End of story. None of this raising them in daycare crap. At home, cooking and cleaning and making sure the youngsters have their mother around. I make more then enough to support a family without them wanting for much. Im not willing to accept this nonsense that she will follow a "career path" as a ****ing PA or some marketing assistant. If they value their cubicles more than the stable home environment for their kids, they dont have the values I am looking for in a potential mother to my kids. Its quite simple. If you are family orientated, then family comes before career.

If she wants, when the kids go to school then a morning job is ok with me. Or Ill throw some money into her starting her own little business of some sort.

For that, I have no problems in providing her with the security she wants in a marriage contract. I really dont. If she is going to give up her career then I will make sure she is taken care of if things dont work out. We are both at risk. Her "career" is dead while my bank balance is under threat.

My reasons for being on this site is that I struggle to meet women who I would consider marriage material, which is what I described above. Meeting women is easy. If you have money in your pocket, you are in shape and you know what you want in life you dont really battle to meet them. Finding one that is worth keeping around though is a major problem.

 

[mpimpin]

Marriage isn't bad itself I suppose..

The thing is it has only been since the Victorian age that people started marrying for "love" and the more that is done the more divorce etc.

I think I'd have better luck marrying a female friend I could get along with then marrying someone I thought I was "in love" with. Just someone I loved not in love

 

[azanon]

If you do want kids, then she needs to accept the fact that she is going to give up her job and stay at home to raise them. End of story. None of this raising them in daycare crap. At home, cooking and cleaning and making sure the youngsters have their mother around. I make more then enough to support a family without them wanting for much. Im not willing to accept this nonsense that she will follow a "career path" as a ****ing PA or some marketing assistant. If they value their cubicles more than the stable home environment for their kids, they dont have the values I am looking for in a potential mother to my kids. Its quite simple. If you are family orientated, then family comes before career.

If she wants, when the kids go to school then a morning job is ok with me. Or Ill throw some money into her starting her own little business of some sort.

For that, I have no problems in providing her with the security she wants in a marriage contract. I really dont. If she is going to give up her career then I will make sure she is taken care of if things dont work out. We are both at risk. Her "career" is dead while my bank balance is under threat.

I used to think this way too, until I became a parent myself and later realized how narrow-minded this thinking is.

Which kid is going to be further along in his overall development? The one who spends 24/7 at home possibly only with his mother and never around other kids, or one who spends a portion of the day around other kids, at a high-quality facility with a development program and with other kids to learn to interact with?

If you want your kid to be behind on social interaction, and probably not as far along education wise either, then what you want to do is not let him/her go to a high-quality day-care, and keep them quarantined in your house until age 6. I can recall to this day how frightened I was at all of the kids the first time I was around a bunch of them (age 6 for me).

Now for up to age 2, sure... one parent can take off and no harm/no foul.

 

[azanon]

Tom Leykis says no marriage?

Should kids grow up in a family with two people who aren't married?
What do you guys think? Discuss.

Should kids grow up in a family with two people who aren't married?

There's a lot of people out there that got burned in a bad marriage, and it's very popular to blame the institution of marriage instead of accepting the responsibility for either marrying the wrong person, or not doing the things necessary to ensure a healthy, and happy marriage.

I personally know of several failed marriages, and I know the individuals involved. Almost everyone of them better not even dare blame marriage for their ineptness.

Kids are best off in a happy, healthy marriage. I know my kid's happiness has a lot to do with my wife and my happiness.

 

[Maxtro]

Which kid is going to be further along in his overall development? The one who spends 24/7 at home possibly only with his mother and never around other kids, or one who spends a portion of the day around other kids, at a high-quality facility with a development program and with other kids to learn to interact with?

The answer is easy, a little of both. I see noting wrong with having a kid in daycare for half a day or something. But it isn't as good when the kid is in there from 8am to 6pm (or longer)5 days a week.

When I used to live with my grandmother she was babysitting her 2 year old great grandson two days a week. The other days he was at a babysitter. It makes me wonder who was raising the kid.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

I used to think this way too, until I became a parent myself and later realized how narrow-minded this thinking is.

Which kid is going to be further along in his overall development? The one who spends 24/7 at home possibly only with his mother and never around other kids, or one who spends a portion of the day around other kids, at a high-quality facility with a development program and with other kids to learn to interact with?

If you want your kid to be behind on social interaction, and probably not as far along education wise either, then what you want to do is not let him/her go to a high-quality day-care, and keep them quarantined in your house until age 6. I can recall to this day how frightened I was at all of the kids the first time I was around a bunch of them (age 6 for me).

Now for up to age 2, sure... one parent can take off and no harm/no foul.

I never said the kids wont go to school. From 3 years on send them to pre school. I agree that they need to learn to interact and play with other kids.

Saying that, I think that children under the age of 3 need their mothers, not some daycare centre.

 

[J Roc]

I dont want kids so i'm not getting married

 

[Guoy Darko]

You can live together and have kids and not be married. It's no big deal. There are many married people who fight all the time and where their kids suffer. There are also many people who don't get married, have kids and have a good relationship. I don't mind if my parents are married or not, as long as they love each other.

 

[STR8UP]

Leykis' entire argument against marriage can be summed up in one sentence-

"There is nothing you can do married that you can't do single"

How hard is it to grasp that concept?

The only, and I mean the ONLY issue with this is the fact that the institution of marriage is promoted by women and staunchly supported by society.

What does this mean? It means "Good luck finding a chick that sees the logic behind avoiding marriage".

First of all, women aren't logical. Little boys become men and realize that there is a difference between fairy tales and reality. Women don't share this ability to reconize the difference. They spend their entire lives searching for their prince charming, and when Prince #1 fails to live up to the fantasy she has built in her head, it's off to Prince #2.....

The "marriage for the children" argument is moot. Kids need Mommies and Daddies, not Wives and Husbands. I would argue that with the shift in a woman's psyche that marriage causes, it is actually more damaging to the children in lots of cases for the couple to be married.

And the main reason women want marriage is simple....it's a one sided contract that favors them. If divorce laws were equitable they would still want it because it is in their best interest to have a bit of assurance that the man will stick around, but the more it favors them the more they will push for it.

So really, ask yourself, "How does marriage benefit ME?"

 

[KontrollerX]

"What do you guys think?"

I think he's absolutely right.

Todays women are worthless for marriage and a clued in guy who knows the game shouldn't be wasting his youth on boning only one woman anyway when he can get so much more out of life via variety.

For a young guy to stick with only one woman is like the height of idiocy.

Even an older guy who can still attract plenty of hot new talent may be short changing himself to latch onto the old ball and chain but to each their own.

"Should kids grow up in a family with two people who aren't married?"

Irrelevant as I think Leykis is also right that smart people who are clued in to the game and how the world works avoid having kids and instead value their freedom and independence and get for themselves fresh new hot young pvssy as often as they can get it along with extra money they can make and keep due to not wasting it on a wife and kids.

Now it may be true that a kid who grows up with both parents is better off but thats only if the two parents love and care for eachother.

That same kid is going to grow up most likely to be severely fvcked up if both of his parents stay together for he and his other siblings but hate eachother all the while they are remaining a united couple.

Also this question is extra irrelevant for those of us on this board as we should be concerned primarily about getting laid not about family planning.

No offense but this how to properly raise kids and marriage talk moreso belongs on Loveshack.org than this forum.

 

[Charm&Style]

First of all you have to see the marriage condition in the US. I believe last i heard it was 2 out of 5 marriages end in divorce. If two people truly love each other why do they need a piece of paper to verify it? Why is it that in so many cases if the man wants the women to sign a prenuptial agreement she does not want to marry him any more. Marriage as become a corporate business for many women. The name alimony as turned into vaginomy.

Besides the point mentioned it has become very typical that when men and women get married the beautiful attractive wife who made the husband so hard turns into a fat careless naggy b1tch or on the other hand the husband becomes a pvssy-whipped chump so what happens..affairs happen.