Thoughts on Indifference

[OregonDuckJuan]

Hello Gents!

I wanted to hear some of your thoughts on indifference.

I am talking about the indifference you may, or may not, portray, say, on a first date or when first conversing with a woman.

There are several, differing schools of thought I am sure.

First there is the thought that acting indifferent keeps the women on edge. They aren't sure which way you are thinking..you haven't tipped your hand, and you aren't "all-over them" which they may get a lot. You make them earn your respect and you are laying back and feeling it out.
The pro: You are in control. You haven't yet put yourself out there and can decide how to take things.
The con: Someone want you to show you like them. Sometimes, I have heard that if a guy is indifferent the women will feel that way too. A girl may find you attractive but if you are too indifferent those feelings may disappear and your plan has backfired.

Second, there is the guy that is completely obvious about his interest in a girl. He compliments, he tries to sit close and his cards are on the table. Obviously, she knows whats up for better or worse--it may be a turn-off or it may work.
The pro to this is: She may want to feel wanted, so being open (in a non-verbal way) about how you feel (getting close, etc), makes her feel wanted and she likes that.
The con is: It can be abrupt, too much too soon, too sleazy, or just too aggressive


So, my question remains: What is the value of indifference? Is it a good thing? A bad thing? Is being 'hard to read' or 'indifferent' a good thing or a bad thing?

Just food for thought.

 

[Jay Jay]

I'm not sure if its "indifference" you are looking for.

I think its more about not being outcome focussed and just enjoying the moment.

 

[OregonDuckJuan]

I guess what I am asking is--what to make of being indifferent. Meaning, for me, I can act indifferent and don't mean to....meaning I am not all-over the woman and making it really obvious my interest level.

Does playing that coy, laid-back attitude, backfire? Sometimes, I've seen in real life, a guy isnt all over a girl and she says: He must be gay or something. it's a joke but she says it because he was laid-back and 'indifferent.'

It can be good in that you aren't showing too much, but it can be bad because the woman may give up because you aren't showing interest.

 

[Charm]

Indifferent means indifferent to the outcome, not to the situation at hand!!!

It means you don't care whether or not you get laid at the end of the night with this girl and therefor do not come off as being needy. You are in the moment, enjoying it and having a good time and completely indifferent to the outcome.

Example: You are doing a pickup, If you go for a number and she says no, you don't beg her for it because you are indifferent. A no is one rejection closer to a yes!

 

[bachelor]

Ok, when I talk to women I like to show some interest but at the same time I dont want to act like I'm completely interested in her... I like to keep it to the point where she is second guessing. I also like to throw in friend cards like o we make good friends... Usually shell roll her eyes and wonder does he even like me? When I interact with women I like to keep them on their toes... If you play too indifferent she might think well this guys not into me and label you in the not interested category.

 

[Jay Jay]

Take the middle path.

Okay

On one end of the spectrum is being desperate and all over a girl.

On the other end you have complete indifference.

You gotta mix em up.

The key is being interested enough to excite the girl but being indifferent enough to make her work to draw you in.

Finally, sooner or later you are going to have to show her you are interested or nothing is going to hapen is it?

 

[Tazman]

Don't pretend to be indifferent, it won't help. It would be better to have things going on in your life so you are "naturally" indifferent to things that aren't that high on your list of priorities. Spinning plates is an excellent way to do this.