BeTheChange
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2015
- Messages
- 1,466
- Reaction score
- 1,139
I'm on Day 19 not day 51...must be confusing me with another poster. And as I've said before I'm acknowledging the possibility of her reaching out because this is her pattern. Not preparing for such eventualities would only leave me like a dear in the headlights and risk the possibility of falling back into a toxic relationship like many people in this thread have done. Understand that all attempts for her to reach out at the moment will be ignored. Following through with NC has never been a problem for me in the past. And now I know what I'm dealing with it makes it a thousand times easier.As an independent observer, I have to point out you are doing an awful lot of bargaining for day 51 right now. You're having a full on two-way conversation with yourself in this thread. It's fine to get your thoughts out, but you keep repeating yourself over and over. It seems to all come back to trying to convince yourself you're okay by reminding yourself a hundred times, but always throwing in the caveat "if she reaches out, maybe X,Y,Z will happen." Get it in your head to FORGET ABOUT HER REACHING OUT. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH FROM EXPERIENCE.
I'm not trying to be a dbag and you can get upset with me, but my last suggestion is to consider that the purpose of this thread isn't neccessarily to post extremely long updates every single day, but to progressively post less and less, and eventually get to a point where being okay means you don't need to use this thread as a crutch every day. Look at me. I occasionally come back here after a lucid dream and vent from frustration, but no more than every 30 days or so. Let's not kid ourselves, you're still very heavily invested in this girl right now.
Without trying to sound like an arrogant douche I think I have a better sense of self value than the majority of people coming out of a BPD relationship. I really am ok. I havent sufferred any loss of self esteem, etc. After the emotional hurdle of the first 2 weeks (which one would experience at the end of any relationship, BDP or otherwise) things have stabilised.
I don't know your entire situation bluealpha, but when giving advice people tend to project their own experiences on to other people. So let me assure you of a few things:
- 60 days NC will NOT be a problem for me. I no longer crave her in the same way. I know my value. These things will keep me centred.
- IF she's come back she will be ignored. Then if I choose to reconnect at a later date it will be on my terms and at s time when she can have minimal impact on my life.There will be a strict set of conditions she would need to adhere to for me to even entertain having her back in my life (regular therapy, acknowledging she does have a problem, minimal contact with me in the first few months)
I am a thinker. And that's why I write. I deliberately post my thoughts here when I am feeling at my worst because it's cathartic. Perhaps that is giving you a distorted perception of how I am feeling overall. I don't think you appreciate how just knowing about her condition makes it so much easier to detach emotionally.
And I don't mean to be rude but we're not the same brother . You're still posting about her after more than a year right? It's not in my nature to hang on to any connection for that long when they aren't around.
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