The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[KiddyA]

Thanks Allin, great to hear that you're out there looking for other girls already!

Would like to ask around if anyone in this forum had the same experience as me? losing their gf to a sociopath?

I was thinking of stepping out of relationships for 6months and see if she would contact me after this jerk shows his true colors and finds some other girl. HAHA, dont know if its healthy for me mentally.

 

[xiomn]

Hi guys, I'm new here. I realize this thread is beyond super old so I'm not sure how active it is. Anyway, I read through the 2 threads posted by the original poster and I feel like I've already failed because I've made pretty much every mistake in the book when it comes to begging, pleading etc.

I'm not sure if I can link to other forums? I don't want to copy and paste it here because well, they're pretty long posts.

Here's a bit about my situation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/539166-hardest-part-me-wondering-whether-her-reasons-were-genuine-not

& http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/539192-s-only-been-2-weeks-but-i-feel-like-i-have-already-learned-lot

Anyway, I'm technically in my 2nd day of no contact at the moment (I was actually forced into it eventually by my dumper, as opposed to me forcing it on her)

 

[Wisconsin144]

Don't step out in hopes of her returning. In all honesty this is completely counter-productive as you are focusing on her. Rather laugh at her misfortune and get her out of your life, without thinking twice. This means blocking her number/email/Facebook/friends hell, even her family. She's your past, find your future.

-Jared

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 1

Day 1 motherfvckers!

Decided to give things another go with the ex. Just did not work out.

She hasn't changed. We got with other people in the interim.

Thought I'd be ok with that but it was a strain on things from both sides.

Funny thing is I know I can 100% get a better girl than her in a few months but it's still weird to let things go.

Beyond that it's just the loss of a close friend.

I'll be fine. Just sat my final exam so first time in almost 3 years I've had an unadulterated period of freedom.

Can't wait to get stuck in. Perfect time to be single.

 

[RacerEx]

Well, I blew it again. Year-long intense love with, yes, the love of my life, who has quite a few Cluster B characteristics. Broke up over Christmas, and it was devastating for us both. It's been almost 7 months since the break-up, and I've emailed her a few times, very short remarks. I haven't had closure, of course. Got into a rebound relationship right away and still haven't really grieved her. I have to fix that...meanwhile, I emailed her, lightly reminding her of how powerful our connection was - she'd admit that - and wondering if time and circumstances had changed her perspective, and inviting her to talk. I haven't had closure yet, and I have a feeling I'm about to. Grrrrr! Day 0.

Got a polite reply back, she's back with her ex, they were together a long time. Well, that's that! Got some closure! Now, going NC is on. Day 0, but brighter skies ahead. At least I got acquainted with how insidious Borderline Personality Disorder can be. Beware of that stuff!

 

[fafo]

:cheer: Yesturday was the end of my 60 day NC challenge. :cheer:
Its been a journey but this leads to a completely new adventure.

I feel like a new person now with a drive to live as I wish without other people's opinions mattering before mine.

I realized how bad my relationship was, how miserable I was without even realizing it. Even now by looking at mutual pictures I dont really find her attractive nor do I have any feeling left. Only good memories that bring some heavy tension to my heart but Its far from sadness I have grown much by this and Its only a starting point for me

Today I saw the last Viber messages of my ex before Reinstalling my PC. Everything in there was how in love she is and how she found him as her true love and will love him to the end of the days and how she cries from love for him, missing him every moment they are not together. He is typing **** like she is his soulmate and he is hers forever and he loves her uncoditionaly and will do that forever and ever, he wants to wake up next to her every morning etc you got the picture.

Dunno, now it seems kinda comical but I kinda wish there is someone to tell me that this is **** for the romantic drama movies and not real life.
If some dude here on the forums types **** like that everyone will say that he is complete beta afc but from the looks of it there is something more to this or Its just that they've been dating for about 2 months. :yawn: I was the same some time ago but with the forum I learned not to be so girly romantic, it would be really sad if It's all wrong and being cheesy is good.
Or is it possible true love exists like in the movies ? Guess only time will tell but I would really enjoy opinions :yes:

 

[BeTheChange]

It's kind of all just hit me now.

That I might never see her again...ever. That sucks man.

Because honestly she was my best friend. I'm going to embrace the pain tonight.

Settle down with a bottle of Jack Daniels and my thoughts.

Tonight I can wallow. Tomorrow my new life begins. At least it's Friday.

The first three days are always the worst.

Friday should hopefully be a short work day and I will hit the gym straight after and get a nice haircut.

Saturday I have a wedding so I'll be thoroughly entertained.

Sunday I will do some clothes shopping. Just secured a new contract from one of my clients so have some dollar to spend.

The hardest part isn't the dump. It's staying resolute. If I can make it a week or two I know I'll be ok. Just got to take every day as it comes.

EDIT: At least I was the first man to pork her in the ass. That will always bring a smile to my face.

 

[Lozboss]

Gentlemen,

Back from my Holiday and a few confirmed kills!

I'm back and ready to help anyone struggling-post it up or PM me. I'd suggest sharing it here as others may benefit.

Bethechange: As with everything- Step by Step. It doesn't happen overnight. We as humans learn by trauma and experiences and by turning them into improving ourselves.


To everyone, cheesey but you should all listen to this by R Kelly- Instant smile:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkzRHxd_4ZE

 

[Cejay]

Day 60

Here we are at Day 60. I've been travelling a lot for work and pleasure and am still on the road for another week.

Given the challenge is for 60 days, I thought I would evaluate and post where I'm at.

I've made good progress on almost all goals except not dating. I'm down a belt loop and set new, aggressive fitness and educational goals.

Not dating lasted a few weeks and I started spinning several plates, they connected with me in most cases and sort of spin themselves. I am staying out of relationships and that is working fine for me. These women are a welcome distraction and when they aren't I just ignore them. Since I don't really care it also helps me test out various DJ moves.

I won't like - I still think about the ex - but not daily and I'm not miserable anymore. I've been thinking of her a bit the past few days because we would have been on a trip together right now. I think its going to take a little while longer to fully get her off my mind.

A fundamental shift is that my mindset has changed to being glad that it's over and accepting that it wasn't going to work out in the end.

In many cases I was settling and dodged some major, future problems. Since she left I have dated some really successful, interesting women and continue to fine new ones. I also realized how much having a F/T girlfriend was holding me back from travelling and experiencing new things.

I still miss the sex and her companionship but that is largely because I haven't filled those positions yet, though I am working on it.

For those of you struggling, NC is key. Keep going! Keep busy! Read my posts. I wrote them for YOU. You'll see me miserable and struggling along the way but progressively healing. There are lots of great fellas here who will encourage you. Its not a sign of weakness to reach out for help and talk about it.

Women kick our asses in this department because they have support systems set up to discuss their feelings and get support.

I also want to thank the fellas on this thread. All of the past posters helped me in some way but a specific shot out to Jared, Lozboss, Allin, InsideOut, Drake (with camios from Muaser) for posting what they were going through and directly supporting me.

I still have a ways to go and thoroughly enjoy giving back, so I will be sticking around this thread to try and encourage you on your journey to recovery.

CJ

 

[KiddyA]

Hey Cejay, thanks for the post, encouraged me to stick to my NC.

Its the 11th day of NC for me.

weekends are the hardest for me to get by because i used to spend almost every weekend with her.

the fact that she is with a sociopath and expecting something drastic to happen few months down the road(idea supported by her mum and my mum) isnt helping me well in forgetting her completely and totally erasing the idea of us getting back together although I know its for my own good.

Part of me feels I should help her when something drastic happens because I did not do my part to prevent her from falling prey to a sociopath.

Despite all these confusion im facing, im still holding strong onto the NC challenge.

 

[Lozboss]

Here we are at Day 60. I've been travelling a lot for work and pleasure and am still on the road for another week.

Given the challenge is for 60 days, I thought I would evaluate and post where I'm at.

I've made good progress on almost all goals except not dating. I'm down a belt loop and set new, aggressive fitness and educational goals.

Not dating lasted a few weeks and I started spinning several plates, they connected with me in most cases and sort of spin themselves. I am staying out of relationships and that is working fine for me. These women are a welcome distraction and when they aren't I just ignore them. Since I don't really care it also helps me test out various DJ moves.

I won't like - I still think about the ex - but not daily and I'm not miserable anymore. I've been thinking of her a bit the past few days because we would have been on a trip together right now. I think its going to take a little while longer to fully get her off my mind.

A fundamental shift is that my mindset has changed to being glad that it's over and accepting that it wasn't going to work out in the end.

In many cases I was settling and dodged some major, future problems. Since she left I have dated some really successful, interesting women and continue to fine new ones. I also realized how much having a F/T girlfriend was holding me back from travelling and experiencing new things.

I still miss the sex and her companionship but that is largely because I haven't filled those positions yet, though I am working on it.

For those of you struggling, NC is key. Keep going! Keep busy! Read my posts. I wrote them for YOU. You'll see me miserable and struggling along the way but progressively healing. There are lots of great fellas here who will encourage you. Its not a sign of weakness to reach out for help and talk about it.

Women kick our asses in this department because they have support systems set up to discuss their feelings and get support.

I also want to thank the fellas on this thread. All of the past posters helped me in some way but a specific shot out to Jared, Lozboss, Allin, InsideOut, Drake (with camios from Muaser) for posting what they were going through and directly supporting me.

I still have a ways to go and thoroughly enjoy giving back, so I will be sticking around this thread to try and encourage you on your journey to recovery.

CJ

Congrats CJ. Certainly one of the hardest journeys I've read and it doesn't stop.

You've passed a huge milestone and become a different person- certainly in your outlook.

A BIG lesson here folks- NC and the RIGHT focus on YOU will lead you to becoming a better version of you. See this as an opportunity, however painful.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Here we are at Day 60. I've been travelling a lot for work and pleasure and am still on the road for another week.

Given the challenge is for 60 days, I thought I would evaluate and post where I'm at.

I've made good progress on almost all goals except not dating. I'm down a belt loop and set new, aggressive fitness and educational goals.

Not dating lasted a few weeks and I started spinning several plates, they connected with me in most cases and sort of spin themselves. I am staying out of relationships and that is working fine for me. These women are a welcome distraction and when they aren't I just ignore them. Since I don't really care it also helps me test out various DJ moves.

I won't like - I still think about the ex - but not daily and I'm not miserable anymore. I've been thinking of her a bit the past few days because we would have been on a trip together right now. I think its going to take a little while longer to fully get her off my mind.

A fundamental shift is that my mindset has changed to being glad that it's over and accepting that it wasn't going to work out in the end.

In many cases I was settling and dodged some major, future problems. Since she left I have dated some really successful, interesting women and continue to fine new ones. I also realized how much having a F/T girlfriend was holding me back from travelling and experiencing new things.

I still miss the sex and her companionship but that is largely because I haven't filled those positions yet, though I am working on it.

For those of you struggling, NC is key. Keep going! Keep busy! Read my posts. I wrote them for YOU. You'll see me miserable and struggling along the way but progressively healing. There are lots of great fellas here who will encourage you. Its not a sign of weakness to reach out for help and talk about it.

Women kick our asses in this department because they have support systems set up to discuss their feelings and get support.

I also want to thank the fellas on this thread. All of the past posters helped me in some way but a specific shot out to Jared, Lozboss, Allin, InsideOut, Drake (with camios from Muaser) for posting what they were going through and directly supporting me.

I still have a ways to go and thoroughly enjoy giving back, so I will be sticking around this thread to try and encourage you on your journey to recovery.

CJ

First off I would like to say I'm extremely proud and happy to see the progress you have made, funny how at one point we all thought this was the end of our happiness. Your story is an inspiration to the new members of sosuave and will hopefully allow them to see not only your progression, but their own as well. Glad to see you are making progress, we still have a long way to go, but the hardest part is in the past. Once again, congratulations, and thank you for all of the support you have shown not only me, but so many others!

-Jared

 

[beatjunkie]

Broke NC this past thursday...actually before that. she called me everyday to "see how I am doing..." this past thursday I had a bit of an incident, didn't handle it well then decided to call and basically said "I don't want my life to be about relationships only. I am ok and will be ok"

radio silence since then. NC Day 3 again. Do you think they will reach out?

 

[Cejay]

@BeatJunkie,

Hard to say. You know her, we don't.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. Don't institute NC as a strategy to get contact, do it to heal and move on. She's an ex for a reason, go get yourself a better one.

CJ.

 

[KiddyA]

Day 14

Still thinking about her on and off when my mind starts drifting.

Starting university term on the 17th of August, hope that meeting new people would help me to stop thinking about her.

Whenever I have the urge to contact her, i'll think of the negative thoughts and the NC challenge. Helps to kill the urge.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I just want to indicate that the woman who drove me to this board in 2011 still pops into my head for a few days at a time and we've has substantially less contact the last year or two, sometimes months without speaking. Like right now the last two days trekking Europe alone have been lonely and she's crept in.

I don't know if this ever truly goes away - the worse you got burned the more the candle will always burn a little bit in your minds eye. I think as humans we tend to romanticize those in our past. This is why people love their dead more than they did when the person was alive or is more willing to forgive their transgressions.

When it really flares up get laid or have a good fap to any girl other than her.

 

[Twist of Cain]

Back home for a couple weeks r&r - met up with an old buddy who's a natural player, the only wingman I've gone out with.

We lived together for over a year - I had my ex at that point, and had the ***** over a lot - they got on well.

Had a discussion today:

Him: So you still seein' her?

Me: Nah, we hooked up whenever I initiated but she never initiated - only if I asked her to within a certain timeframe or if I go ghost she'd hit me up a month down the line..

Him: What you mean within a timeframe?

Me: Say, I'd tell her to text me in a couple hours to confirm etc.. she'd comply.

Him: K, so you broke it off with her?

Me: Not exactly - I shot her a text after I dropped her off sayin' I enjoyed the time with her, but if she wants to see me she's gotta do the leg work and hit me up cuz I'm over bein' the one initiating things

Him: ..ok, what'd she reply

Me: "Alright Cain"

Him: Mistake bro. How long ago you text her this?

Me: July 21

Him: She comes through when you initiate, you give this girl these lil compliance tests, she passes.. wtf man, you're asking the world. Some *****es wanna be courted..

Me: It's complicated, man..

Him: You could probably hit her up without losin' too much hand...you can't ask her out.. somethin' random etc.. keep your game tight as **** if you're gonna follow thru.

Me: ..I'll get back to you on that

**

Thoughts? Is there a 'restart text' I can send, such as a "just met your twin" or "otw" (on the way) and if she bites, take it from there, but don't suggest a hook up? Or keep ghost. The ***** is always there with this girl, so it's a bit of a mind**** to hold back..

 

[Masi]

i am starting to doubt if i should do NoCon
i wanted to go NoCon was because the power this woman has over me was beyond normal it was not degrading but more like obssessed not that it makes that sound any better
i have been NoCon now since wednesday it's sunday now i stopped talking to her when she said she'd change her number if i didn't stop texting her so i did
i told her i'd kill myself if she'd make me contacting her impossible and really do feel that way
she has contacted me during the 5 days and i replied with that i am good but kinda busy before i ended contact she replied with are you ok
i kinda feel like i have no options
i have genuine feelings for this girl but she is very immature about talking about it
she says she loves me and would kill for me but is not in love with me
i accept that having her in my life is better than not at all
but the internet has me tripping because they assure i'll get her backif i use NoCon
i love this woman like she is my first born i simply can't live without her
i have put up with a lot of her antics and thus got clingy etc etc
i love her regardless tho i was never like this with other girls
it's been a dance of almost 2 years and a lot of stuff has happened good and bad and all this in a LDR
i would like to hear what you have to say
what should i do instead of staying in NoCon
because this is just messing me up more than i am getting her to realize she could lose me by being a rude when i try to bond with her even tho she broke up with me while weren't in a real relationship or atleast not official
it's really complicated i love her so much through everything i just don't wanna lose her i don't know what to do anymore?

i am really at a point where i'd rather kill myself then go on without her.

 

[Masi]

please help me

someone please reply i just broke NC after i saw she had a status saying taken by a sailor

i feel so fing suicidal i am about to lose my compsure

she had sent me u ok? on thursday i hadn't replied till today.
i told her i am great thank you for asking how are you?

but i am not great i am so fing lost and want to kill myself and i can't help it.

i am shaking i need help please i hae no where to turn to.
i am totally devasted and want to kill myself.

 

[Lozboss]

Masi Calm down.

First thing is first- take a deep breath and count to 10.

Get a hold of yourself man. You'll be fine. It hurts a lot but the amount this is hurting is a learning experience- it shows you how much you depended on her for happiness.

You have loved and you will love again.

You need to realize you Ex is only a person- not some Goddess. She has no super powers.

No contact is tough but it;'s the best way to heal- the more you stay in touch the more it will hurt.

DELETE her FB, delete her number. She is DEAD to you now.

You need to move on.

Wanting to kill yourself? Common man- you're better than that. Think of people who really have reasons to kill themselves and still want to keep living. You're ok- nothing but your heart is hurt. Hearts repair.

If you are seriously having issues then seek help.