The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

@LiveYourDream What a fantastic post. You are 100 per cent right. Mentally acknowledging the fact you will never see your ex is a significantly more traumatic event, physially, mentally and emotionally, than being dumped and going into NC as a hail mary tactic to win them back.

However I will say that unless your ex has done something really bad there is always a chance of reconciling so it can be difficult to let go of this. But if a relationship has ended most of the time it is the guy's fault whether indirectly (through him turning into a beta and reducing her attraction) or directly (cheating or being an *******). Reconciliation is possible but it often requires a lengthy period of time to work on yourself and heal. This is why even if NC makes your ex come back it is not a good idea to reunite as the underlying problems (e.g betaness or poor behaviour) are still there.

 

[BeTheChange]

not easy...
want to reply...
help...

Reply and then come back to the thread when she predictably doesn't respond or responds with complete indifference.

You're only making this harder on yourself.

 

[Optimus04]

She messaged me once after asking to be friends and making sure I wasnt mad at her.
But I never replied. And I haven't heard from her since then.
I think she gave up. What do you guys think?

 

[dude99]

She messaged me once after asking to be friends and making sure I wasnt mad at her.
But I never replied. And I haven't heard from her since then.
I think she gave up. What do you guys think?

You did the right thing. Stay on course

 

[MrWood]

some of you will be disappointed... I did reply.

"hello there"

she replied right away, and said shes been thinking of what happened, and said she is sorry.
I didnt acknowledge her apology and asked if that was worth a text, she said no and offered Skype, I declined.
Said we should meet face-to-face and it should be very soon, she agreed. She lives in Moscow, me in Helsinki.
Told her we need to make the plan within the week, likely for next weekend and seems agreed.
Said I am going out tonight and we can chat again tomorrow to set a date to meet , I set a time, its up to her to meet it.
I showed no excitement, gave or asked no thoughts, emotions,hope or anything else too AFC and ended the convo.

When we meet I am sticking to my principals.
She still needs to come a long way to meeting my needs from a woman, aside from her body (which she was always willing to submit)
Some of those needs are in direct contrast to how she handled our breakup, and of which I deeply believe are serious and deep seated mental issues with her. These topics will need to be brought out before I could consider a relationship beyond a sexual one and especially any future of exclusivity.

I do have other prospects and my other ex (now plate), as well as a planned 2 week meetup in September with another woman that I intend to see through regardless of outcome. I am genuinely indifferent and will stay so until I actually can see her face, hear her words and judge her actions.

oh yes, I could be setting myself up for disappointment, but her past behavior still outweighs anything she could do by going silent or anything else, if so it would already confirm what has happened, will not change, and I will be able to put her (finally) behind me if that is the case.

 

[john1234]

Hello, urgent help.

I have been on No Contact for 2months with my Ex, I saw her walking down the street with her new Boyfriens 1month after break up then informed her of No Contact.
Thing is she is now ringing my phone has sent 10 misses calls and messages! She claims I have letters there. Pls help

 

[Optimus04]

You did the right thing. Stay on course

Thanks, I still have her on snapchat and instagram.
I only kept her there because I post a lot of this new girl I'm seeing.
But we don't open/play each other's snapchat stories, neither do we like our pics on instagram lol.

I left her on my social media initially so she could see what she misses and come back.
She posted a pic days ago about being "emotionally unstable" and her presence on social media has pretty much decreased after I posted a pic of myself and the new girl at a date.

But she still wouldn't say anything. I'm finally starting to get over her now. If she does come back, I'd probably make her second choice

 

[Glassguy]

Thanks, I still have her on snapchat and instagram.
I only kept her there because I post a lot of this new girl I'm seeing.
But we don't open/play each other's snapchat stories, neither do we like our pics on instagram lol.

I left her on my social media initially so she could see what she misses and come back.
She posted a pic days ago about being "emotionally unstable" and her presence on social media has pretty much decreased after I posted a pic of myself and the new girl at a date.

But she still wouldn't say anything. I'm finally starting to get over her now. If she does come back, I'd probably make her second choice

Take it from me, and listen close. Get rid of her on social media if you guys have been broken up for several weeks or more. It's fun to put pics on there with other chicks but I can tell you first hand that when you first see her in a pic with a guy, your heart is going to hit the floor. Avoid that as well as the temptation to snoop around. It's not worth it.

It happened to me a few months ago. Out of the blue on instagram was a pic of her and her new man. I felt sick for the next 30 minutes and then I went back on and unfollowed her so I didn't endure it again. Unfriended her in Facebook too. It's mentally a big step to do, but we'll worth it.

If anything let her have the shock factor when she snoops on facebook to realize you pulled the trigger and are not there anymore as friends or she realizes that you unfollowed her on Instagram and never saw the pics she posted for them to get to you mentally.

Take it from me, pull the trigger and you'll felt much better now with a little sorrow of letting go than seeing her with another dude. Trust me.

 

[Optimus04]

Take it from me, and listen close. Get rid of her on social media if you guys have been broken up for several weeks or more. It's fun to put pics on there with other chicks but I can tell you first hand that when you first see her in a pic with a guy, your heart is going to hit the floor. Avoid that as well as the temptation to snoop around. It's not worth it.

It happened to me a few months ago. Out of the blue on instagram was a pic of her and her new man. I felt sick for the next 30 minutes and then I went back on and unfollowed her so I didn't endure it again. Unfriended her in Facebook too. It's mentally a big step to do, but we'll worth it.

If anything let her have the shock factor when she snoops on facebook to realize you pulled the trigger and are not there anymore as friends or she realizes that you unfollowed her on Instagram and never saw the pics she posted for them to get to you mentally.

Take it from me, pull the trigger and you'll felt much better now with a little sorrow of letting go than seeing her with another dude. Trust me.

This is hard to be honest and what you said is right. I've thought about it too but the thing is I'm moving to a new city and I'm gonna change my number which I would be posting on all my social media accounts for my friends to see. Once I do that, I will unfollow her and delete her.
Because now, we just basically ignore ourselves on everything.
And I don't think she would be messaging me again after I didn't reply when she did inititally.
Thanks for your advice.

 

[Glassguy]

Why would you wait until after you share your new number on social media before deleting her? Why do you want her to have the new number?

 

[Optimus04]

Why would you wait until after you share your new number on social media before deleting her? Why do you want her to have the new number?

I kinda like how she messaged me wanting to be friends again. And from what I read in this thread, more messages would come pouring. It would be nice for her to go through what I did.
I mean, me seeing another guy on her snap was one of the things that caused the breakup.
Then I realized she never took me seriously, after begging me not to lie to her again and talk to her more. I got played man...

 

[BeTheChange]

@bradd80

One thing I have noticed which seems to be common in virtually all cases in this thread is how quickly our exes seem to "move on". My ex was out clubbing with orbiters the SAME night I dumped her and I saw her with another dude 5 days later - it was later revealed that she sucked his d*ck that night so you can imagine how I felt. Then 3 days later she was outside my house rolling around on the floor begging me to let her in.

Don't take this sh*t personally. Some women lose their minds when they end a relationship because honestly these ho3s just can't stand to be alone and a breakup is massive ego destroyer. Just live your life and heal.

 

[john1234]

@bradd80

One thing I have noticed which seems to be common in virtually all cases in this thread is how quickly our exes seem to "move on". My ex was out clubbing with orbiters the SAME night I dumped her and I saw her with another dude 5 days later - it was later revealed that she sucked his d*ck that night so you can imagine how I felt. Then 3 days later she was outside my house rolling around on the floor begging me to let her in.

Don't take this sh*t personally. Some women lose their minds when they end a relationship because honestly these ho3s just can't stand to be alone and a breakup is massive ego destroyer. Just live your life and heal.

Very true, they do move on very fast! Saw my Ex holding hands with some fat-like guy like 3weeks after break up. My heart sunk, now she gave 10 missed calls yesterday!

 

[Carpathian]

Hello, urgent help.

I have been on No Contact for 2months with my Ex, I saw her walking down the street with her new Boyfriens 1month after break up then informed her of No Contact.
Thing is she is now ringing my phone has sent 10 misses calls and messages! She claims I have letters there. Pls help

Continue to ignore. Your value is increasing in her eyes, we value things that are distant or we can't have/reach. Hold the course.

 

[Carpathian]

some of you will be disappointed... I did reply.

"hello there"

she replied right away, and said shes been thinking of what happened, and said she is sorry.
I didnt acknowledge her apology and asked if that was worth a text, she said no and offered Skype, I declined.
Said we should meet face-to-face and it should be very soon, she agreed. She lives in Moscow, me in Helsinki.
Told her we need to make the plan within the week, likely for next weekend and seems agreed.
Said I am going out tonight and we can chat again tomorrow to set a date to meet , I set a time, its up to her to meet it.
I showed no excitement, gave or asked no thoughts, emotions,hope or anything else too AFC and ended the convo.

When we meet I am sticking to my principals.
She still needs to come a long way to meeting my needs from a woman, aside from her body (which she was always willing to submit)
Some of those needs are in direct contrast to how she handled our breakup, and of which I deeply believe are serious and deep seated mental issues with her. These topics will need to be brought out before I could consider a relationship beyond a sexual one and especially any future of exclusivity.

I do have other prospects and my other ex (now plate), as well as a planned 2 week meetup in September with another woman that I intend to see through regardless of outcome. I am genuinely indifferent and will stay so until I actually can see her face, hear her words and judge her actions.

oh yes, I could be setting myself up for disappointment, but her past behavior still outweighs anything she could do by going silent or anything else, if so it would already confirm what has happened, will not change, and I will be able to put her (finally) behind me if that is the case.

@MrWood You have to follow your gut instincts and do what YOU feel is right. However, you have not done anything here that increases your value in her eyes. Maybe you'll get laid again but you'll be back here with the same issues and problems with this woman. She knows that you'll always be pining for her and that you'll will eventually reach out so in her mind you are a "safe" orbiter and there is no risk with you, she can do what she likes without consequence. Hence, you'll never have any power/influence with this woman and you'll continue to be walked over.
All the same, I hope I am wrong and it works out for you with her. But I am almost 100% certain that it will not.

 

[Spinach]

No fool like an old fool....just was told that my ex of two weeks (8 yr relationship) has a profile on POF using my pet name for her as her profile handle. I feel just gutted. Doing everything I can not to contact her. SOB I was doing ok, and now this just kicked me in the nuts more than I can believe. Wow! I don't know what to do. Just a mess and I am way to old to be this vulnerable. My world just imploded. Not cool.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Spinach, I know it hurts! Resist the urge to contact her! You reaching out, whether she responds or not, feeds her ego, big time. Do not give her that satisfaction!

Reaching out puts you in a vulnerable position. She can easily choose not to respond, just for the power trip, which will only leave you feeling worse and regretful for your choice. She can use the opportunity, to humiliate you or put you down or hurt you further, which again will only leave you feeling worse and regretful for your choice.

She is not acting like an apologetic, caring and loving woman with remorse. She doesn't deserve your time and attention! Do not reach out!

She is either baiting you to hurt or anger you or maybe she is callous, cold, indifferent or just "all about her."

I know it hurts and rage and anger and disbelief can cycle in there too. Hang in there! Post here 100 times in a row if you need to!!! That's what this thread is for. Use it. You don't have an image to protect. Those here know how utterly fvcking devestating it can feel. We know how intense the urge to contact can be. Express yourself here!!! There is immense support. Allow yourself to be supported!

Do not contact her, for your own well-being.

Whoever told you about her on POF, tell them not to inform you about her or her life again. You need to heal so you can be centered in you and your life. Make it clear no mention of her is how they can best support you.

Hang in there! You will get through this!

Keep posting! Go for a run! Workout really hard! Do something physical even if you don't feel like. You'll be glad on the other side.

 

[Spinach]

Thanks Live...I am in a self induced panic...posting here...and on Red Pill site trying to deal with the gnawing jealousy that is all consuming at the moment. You are correct. She has icewater in veins and knew exactly how and where to plunge the dagger. Mission accomplished. It is night and I have to get through it. Only I can do it and no amount of bravado is going to have me pretend that it will not be intensely long. Hard to breathe. Sometimes life just sucks. This is one of those times.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Spinach, minute by minute, hour by hour you'll get through. Distract yourself however you need. Watch some action movies. Watch the Godfather trilogy (?) if that helps, or whatever movies you can lose yourself in, until you are really good and tired.

Don't stay online reading about breakups or no contact, if you can help it. You can do that later. Have a beer, make some popcorn, whatever works for you to really zone out into some movies. Give your mind something else to focus on for a while, if it can.

Post all night if you need to. Do not contact her. You'll get through this! You'll come out better on the other side!

 

[Spinach]

Thanks again. Just being a fool and feeling sorry for my self. I should hate her for doing this but just feel overwhelming sadness. Need to realize no matter what I do or don't do she will do what she wants. She knows of my jealousy for her and has used it to cut deep. And she knows it if I contact or not. She knows exactly that some one would notify me of her profile and what my response would be. As I said she knew where to make the deepest cut.