Hello Friend,
If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.
It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
BeTheChange
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2015
- Messages
- 1,466
- Reaction score
- 1,139
Interesting. Did you respond?
Had to touch base with the ex to sort out logistics and her moving out. All done now so no reason to speak to each other again.
Day 2 of pure NC.
We briefly broke up last year. Longest we went without talking was 11 days. In that period I managed to spend more time with friends, find a rebound chick and was well on my way to healing. As if she could sense this, she sent me a message on day 11 saying she was happy seeing me smile (I’d changed my whatsapp picture to me and a few friends enjoying ourselves) and that she was “happy with the guy she was now seeing”. I couldn’t believe it. I should have ignored her message but curiosity got the better of me. I asked if they’d kissed. She said yes. I asked if they’d slept together and she replied “Yes”. I’m not going to lie gents.
This floored me. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced as much pain and anger than in that situation. It’s a moment I will probably remember for the rest of my life. I told her to never contact me again. She proceeded to blow up my phone, tell me it was a mistake, she loved me, she thought things were over for good, blah blah blah. I was distraught and a few days later in a moment of weakness took her back.
Fast forward to today and things haven’t changed much. She still doesn’t take responsibility for her actions and shows no signs of changing. She initiated the break up. Probably deserved it because I have gone through periods of treating her pretty crappy – largely BECAUSE of her less than stellar personality traits. I told her if that’s what she wants then there’s no going back. The relationship has run its course.
The way I see it, the moment she slept with another guy that’s when the relationship died for me. You can say I did too but she initiated the break up and that was the major difference. Things were never the same after that.
It really is heroine. I know absolutely this relationship is not in my best interests anymore – probably for both of us. But it’s so easy to go back to the familiar and comfortable. I am 99% certain that if the emotions cleared and I had a replacement chick I would not take her back under any circumstances.
I just need to have the strength and the necessary distractions. It’s funny that if a year ago I had simply ignored her messages I would probably be in another relationship with an even better woman now. Just need to have the conviction to ignore her if and when she comes calling. My main issue is around the fact that because I didn’t treat her right I feel in some way responsible. I need to get rid of that thinking and implement change for myself and the next woman rather than trying to fix damaged goods.
Last edited:
LiveYourDream
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2014
- Messages
- 1,686
- Reaction score
- 1,743
- Location
- From the Heart and Soul, of a Woman
Be VERY, VERY careful. Do not take responding or engaging back lightly, in any way. You may feel immune right now after 35 days NC. Men often do. Opening the door and engaging again, has the potential to mess with you more than you can imagine. Many would advocate stay NC.
If you do respond, realize the risks and only do so with massive levels of centeredness. Realize your response is what will feed her satisfaction and also has the potential to restart another cycle of you two sleeping together and being together and breaking up, all over again. Especially in your case @finality she can affect you like a drug given to a former addict. Treat her and interacting with her (on any level) with no less caution.
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
Well done glassguy for having the fortitude to maintain your form under such obvious provocation from your ex. I know how difficult it is. My ex once came over to me at the supermarket checkout aisle with her new boyfriend and queued behind me deliberately even though there were other free checkout aisles available. The evil b1atch. I never even spoke to her and her boyfriend was horrified.
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
^^^^THIS^^^^
Look at what I did last week. After 60 days NC she emailed me to say sorry how we broke up and I responded and it took me back and taken me ten days to recover my frame again.
LiveYourDream
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2014
- Messages
- 1,686
- Reaction score
- 1,743
- Location
- From the Heart and Soul, of a Woman
Ten days is actually quite fortunate. Some men lose themselves into another cycle with the woman. Some lose years of their life, because they thought/hoped that she and he are both different now, so this time getting back together will be the special one where it will/can finally work out for the two of them. I understand the draw and the temptation. Be VERY, VERY careful with your choices, when opening the door to reengage on any level.
alex_in24
Don Juan
All men and women are very tempted when it comes to receiving a text from their loved ex.
But very few endure that temptation and hold frame. I know it's hard. I know that feeling in ur chest when u read that email or that sms or that incoming call. But believe me people, the feeling that u get after ignoring those calls,texts,emails etc etc is unbelievable. It is the same feeling that u get when u accomplish something big in your life by yourself and that is PURE HAPPINESS !
But very few endure that temptation and hold frame. I know it's hard. I know that feeling in ur chest when u read that email or that sms or that incoming call. But believe me people, the feeling that u get after ignoring those calls,texts,emails etc etc is unbelievable. It is the same feeling that u get when u accomplish something big in your life by yourself and that is PURE HAPPINESS !
Glassguy
Moderator
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2016
- Messages
- 4,670
- Reaction score
- 8,556
- Age
- 46
Just ignore those emails, texts, calls, etc. Its really not that hard when you stop and think about where you're going to be if you do decide to answer them. The results arent good people. The break up was for a reason. Nothing is ever going to be the same after it, so acknowledge it, embrace it and move on. Dont even respond back with "stop texting me". Just dont respond.
Hmm... I was on the fence considering making contact with my ex to apologize to what I did to her. I am now off that fence... My "no-contact" is a very different kind of thing though, it is more out of respect for her and the thing that would help her heal than for me trying to control any longing that I feel.
You all are right, an apology does not mean that you can ever return to things. The thing that caused the problems and the ultimate separation is always there, and always exists. To go back is to jump back on that doomed sinking ship. Likely the apology is just the trying to either make themselves feel better, it is not for you as one would assume. I must even admit, in assessing my own mentality I realize that the apology I was going to send was only self-serving to help relieve me of a slight burden. It does not mean they want to return to you, it just means that they want to end the story with them being the hero of it, or at the very least not being the villain.
alex_in24
Don Juan
Day 56 NC
Woke up with the smell of the linden trees that are just beneath my window. Oh god, the smell reminds me so much of her. Can't help myself but think of the times when we were at the park, chasing and fooling around.
The last friday I was at the club with my cousin and some friends. I was having a super great time until just one song came along. And it hit me. My cousin knew what it was immediately and he took me to the bar to get some drinks but i don't wanted any.
It is so fvcked up guys...u are doing great, lifting, eating,working, having any kind of distraction and then just a smell, a place, a touch, a song or a fvcking commercial on the fvcking tv can fvck u up... I am aware that i could have had these memories with any other girl ..but I have them with this particular BPD girl who brought something in my life that i couldn't have imagined that it even existed.
The break up (and the relationship) is the most traumatic thing that i have ever experienced in my life. More traumatic than my granddad's death, grandma's death and my parents ending in hospital.
It's Day 56 NC, and almost 3 months since the break up. Honestly 99% of the time I am doing pretty well, in fact super well. I go out a lot, i study a lot, I got a lot of other girls and plates and I am overall a happier person.
But If I had to choose, would I go through this relationship and break up again exactly the same way ? YES YES DOUBLE YES! Why ? Because I HAVE GROWN. I learned things. I experienced soo much pain. I endured all of that just to become a better person in the future. And I am already seeing the results from my transformation. Eventually the pain and the regret will subside, but the new me will take its place.
I just can't thank god enough for bringing me into this forum with these beautiful people here who experience the same or greater pain than me and share their experiences with all of us. We help eachother and that's a very human thing to do, remember that. I am not feeling alone, even though u may be thousands of miles away from me. Every single one of us is in pain, has felt it, and is fighting so hard against it. I admire all of u.
Best regards
Woke up with the smell of the linden trees that are just beneath my window. Oh god, the smell reminds me so much of her. Can't help myself but think of the times when we were at the park, chasing and fooling around.
The last friday I was at the club with my cousin and some friends. I was having a super great time until just one song came along. And it hit me. My cousin knew what it was immediately and he took me to the bar to get some drinks but i don't wanted any.
It is so fvcked up guys...u are doing great, lifting, eating,working, having any kind of distraction and then just a smell, a place, a touch, a song or a fvcking commercial on the fvcking tv can fvck u up... I am aware that i could have had these memories with any other girl ..but I have them with this particular BPD girl who brought something in my life that i couldn't have imagined that it even existed.
The break up (and the relationship) is the most traumatic thing that i have ever experienced in my life. More traumatic than my granddad's death, grandma's death and my parents ending in hospital.
It's Day 56 NC, and almost 3 months since the break up. Honestly 99% of the time I am doing pretty well, in fact super well. I go out a lot, i study a lot, I got a lot of other girls and plates and I am overall a happier person.
But If I had to choose, would I go through this relationship and break up again exactly the same way ? YES YES DOUBLE YES! Why ? Because I HAVE GROWN. I learned things. I experienced soo much pain. I endured all of that just to become a better person in the future. And I am already seeing the results from my transformation. Eventually the pain and the regret will subside, but the new me will take its place.
I just can't thank god enough for bringing me into this forum with these beautiful people here who experience the same or greater pain than me and share their experiences with all of us. We help eachother and that's a very human thing to do, remember that. I am not feeling alone, even though u may be thousands of miles away from me. Every single one of us is in pain, has felt it, and is fighting so hard against it. I admire all of u.
Best regards
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
You speak lovely words Alex. Yes, we are fellow brothers and sisters sharing a common cause against people who wronged us and underestimated us. We shall prevail and have the last laugh. Oh yes, we most certainly will, and they will see with their own eyes how wrong they were dumping us. Now that we are battle scarred against the misdeeds they levelled at us we fear no adversity when it confronts us henceforth. It has made us, each one of us, a better person, and ultimately a better partner to a lucky one out there we yet not know. That person will be blessed.
alex_in24
Don Juan
Day i dunno what day and i dont care
Just got back home from an epic first date. Life is good. Be happy
Just got back home from an epic first date. Life is good. Be happy
Glassguy
Moderator
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2016
- Messages
- 4,670
- Reaction score
- 8,556
- Age
- 46
My ex fiance just texted me "Happy birthday. I hope you have a great day!".
I thought about waiting 5 hours or so and simply responding "thanks". But I dont think that is a good idea. Someone please back me up on that lol.
I thought about waiting 5 hours or so and simply responding "thanks". But I dont think that is a good idea. Someone please back me up on that lol.
alex_in24
Don Juan
If u aint replying like "b1tch i aint fvcking with you", then dont even bother replying at all. Trust us on this one, u will feel a lot better when u realize that she is the one chasing after u now, and u dont give a sh1t.
Glassguy
Moderator
- Joined
- Apr 25, 2016
- Messages
- 4,670
- Reaction score
- 8,556
- Age
- 46
You're right Alex. Luckily, I dont even want her to chase me. Maybe its just her way of trying to be "friends", which I am not about. Or maybe she just sent that as a feeler. I am not biting.
alex_in24
Don Juan
@Glassguy
Bro, u got to the point where u dont even want her to chase you. U are totally indifferent now, and thats why u wont even bother or stress yourself out over writing that "thank you" reply message. But believe me when I tell u this, please dont reply, i know that u will still be indifferent whether u reply or not but she wont ! She will feel miserable when she sees that u didn't give a single fvck today. And you can take that to the bank. Period.
Bro, u got to the point where u dont even want her to chase you. U are totally indifferent now, and thats why u wont even bother or stress yourself out over writing that "thank you" reply message. But believe me when I tell u this, please dont reply, i know that u will still be indifferent whether u reply or not but she wont ! She will feel miserable when she sees that u didn't give a single fvck today. And you can take that to the bank. Period.
B
BlueAlpha1
Guest
Don't say one goddamn word
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
^^^^This
Shows you are putting her behind you. That puts YOU in the driving seat my friend.
This said, it is my birthday in a few weeks and I bet I will be asking you guys the same question! Always easier giving out advice that actually doing it don't you think comrades?! ;-)
B
BlueAlpha1
Guest
I have made big strides these past 6 days. My birthday was one revolution around the calendar and I think that was one final nail in this stubborn coffin.
And I have a date tomorrow night, albeit with another ex - my BPD's rebound. Haven't heard from her in many, many months either. But poon is poon and she was always down for a threesome. I'm back in town and after I seduce her I'm going to explore that option again, and there was zero emotional hangups for me with this one. I dumped her for some trivial nonsense because I was still so bitter about BPD.
Who knows, maybe I'll be reporting on a threesome soon
alex_in24
Don Juan
Day 59 wohoooo
Alright guys, won't say much, i'm saving my final thoughts and words for tomorrow so u can read a quite deep and big post of mine.
Just wanted to encourage all the men and women here on the forum to continue pursuing the 60 day goal since for me it has done quite amazing things.
Alright guys, won't say much, i'm saving my final thoughts and words for tomorrow so u can read a quite deep and big post of mine.
Just wanted to encourage all the men and women here on the forum to continue pursuing the 60 day goal since for me it has done quite amazing things.