The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Fireballs]

Day 7 of NC and 3 weeks since it ended. Have reached the anger stage. Work has been keeping me busy which is good. Starting to get some clarity on what happened and how I can learn from mistakes I made.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Jariel The journey you shared in the NC thread was a huge part of what inspired me to stay focused through a NC situation of my own, at the time. Thank you!!!

Your post above nailed it! It's filled with wisdom. If you are inclined, I hope to see even more new posts by you. SS would certainly benefit from your wisdom and experience.

 

[Reykhel]

Hi guys, I doubt many users here today will remember me. I was a regular member here around 10 years ago and around 2 years ago I began writing in this No Contact thread after my break up. I have never felt such despair in my life as I felt at that time. I saw no future and no point to my life and just wanted to give up on everything. Looking back, it's so irrational and alien to me now. It's hard to believe a man like me could ever think the way I did at that time, but that's how it hits you.

Here's the most important thing for anyone wanting to get back their ex. NEVER let her see you while you're in this state. You can try and hide it, fake indifference, play games, but none of it will fool her. I found myself doing all of this, trying to change myself in ways that might impress her and in the process I lost track of who I really am and who I want to be.

While you're mourning a break up you are not the man she loved and the man she respected, so I suggest you take time away from her to get yourself back to your former self....back to the man she originally fell for. It could take a while, but any contact with her in the meantime is just going to drive her further away.

A confident man is everything to a woman and she will perceive a supplicating man the same way we would perceive a fat slob of a woman. Imagine if you broke up with your girl because she was getting fat and taking less pride in her appearance. Now imagine if she continues to get fatter, stops showering, let's her legs get hairy and lets herself go. Obviously you are even less likely to take her back! You may even find yourself repulsed by her. Well this is how your ex girlfriend will see you while you're in a state of neediness, whenever you try to work things out, or whenever you contact her with your strategic texts or calls.

So imagine now if you dumped your girlfriend for getting fat then a few months later you see her and she's in great shape, taking pride in her appearance and looking hotter than ever. You'll probably regret dumping her and maybe even think of how you can get back with her. Likewise, as a man, you need to focus on improving yourself and your confidence. Take this time away from your ex to become the best you can be so that if she sees you months from now, she will see a new and improved version and will regret the day she broke up with you.

It's a tough time, I know and for me it took a very long time to get back to my old self all because I broke no contact too soon. But it does get better if you let go and focus on yourself.

One of the greatest things to come out of my break up was discovering and practising the art of being present. I started reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle and began applying his teachings. It allowed me to put everything in perspective and it had a very profound effect on me. I'm now discovering that a lot of PUAs, self help gurus and the like have discovered it too and claiming how much it helps them through hard times.

Anyway, I just thought I'd drop by to offer my support and encourage you to stick with the no contact. Trust me, it really is the best thing for you! Good luck!

Quality right there.

I hope you continue to be well and happy. For you are the cultivator of your garden.

 

[Fireballs]

Have a question.. it may seem a silly one but would like some advice..

When I get in town from work I'll be going over to her house to get my boat and drop paperwork for her to sign while she's at work. So I don't have to see her she's going to drop the papers in my mailbox.

Now to my question.. when we were in the house I broke our garage door lock.. so I ordered a new one so I could fix it when we were still together.. It came in the mail a few days ago so I was wondering that when I go to pick the boat up, should I fix it still? I did break it and was going to fix it anyway and it's unlocked with gear in there. I'm not doing it to suck up to her, or to get a reaction.. If she says anything about it in the way of a text I would just ignore it.... just that I broke something and think I should still fix it seeings as I have the part and it will take all of 5 minutes. She will be at work anyway. Or.. should I just leave it with the paperwork and she can sort it out.

 

[Reykhel]

Have a question.. it may seem a silly one but would like some advice..

When I get in town from work I'll be going over to her house to get my boat and drop paperwork for her to sign while she's at work. So I don't have to see her she's going to drop the papers in my mailbox.

Now to my question.. when we were in the house I broke our garage door lock.. so I ordered a new one so I could fix it when we were still together.. It came in the mail a few days ago so I was wondering that when I go to pick the boat up, should I fix it still? I did break it and was going to fix it anyway and it's unlocked with gear in there. I'm not doing it to suck up to her, or to get a reaction.. If she says anything about it in the way of a text I would just ignore it.... just that I broke something and think I should still fix it seeings as I have the part and it will take all of 5 minutes. She will be at work anyway. Or.. should I just leave it with the paperwork and she can sort it out.

Yes you cvnt.

Jesus I don't mean to be harsh but I can see your frame of mind exactly.

You're looking at every little action you do and wondering and maybe hoping that it's not a fvcking reaction to her.

Jesus Man, I am all for NC but this is a case of you thinking too much

 

[Reykhel]

Can't you see that you almost feel paralyzed?

You don't know how to act because you are following NC blindly......

This is dumb. NC needs to applied for a reason but in your case you put it
in too soon and too fast.

You had ****e to do first

 

[Black Sunshine]

Hi guys, I doubt many users here today will remember me. I was a regular member here around 10 years ago and around 2 years ago I began writing in this No Contact thread after my break up. I have never felt such despair in my life as I felt at that time. I saw no future and no point to my life and just wanted to give up on everything. Looking back, it's so irrational and alien to me now. It's hard to believe a man like me could ever think the way I did at that time, but that's how it hits you.

Here's the most important thing for anyone wanting to get back their ex. NEVER let her see you while you're in this state. You can try and hide it, fake indifference, play games, but none of it will fool her. I found myself doing all of this, trying to change myself in ways that might impress her and in the process I lost track of who I really am and who I want to be.

While you're mourning a break up you are not the man she loved and the man she respected, so I suggest you take time away from her to get yourself back to your former self....back to the man she originally fell for. It could take a while, but any contact with her in the meantime is just going to drive her further away.

A confident man is everything to a woman and she will perceive a supplicating man the same way we would perceive a fat slob of a woman. Imagine if you broke up with your girl because she was getting fat and taking less pride in her appearance. Now imagine if she continues to get fatter, stops showering, let's her legs get hairy and lets herself go. Obviously you are even less likely to take her back! You may even find yourself repulsed by her. Well this is how your ex girlfriend will see you while you're in a state of neediness, whenever you try to work things out, or whenever you contact her with your strategic texts or calls.

So imagine now if you dumped your girlfriend for getting fat then a few months later you see her and she's in great shape, taking pride in her appearance and looking hotter than ever. You'll probably regret dumping her and maybe even think of how you can get back with her. Likewise, as a man, you need to focus on improving yourself and your confidence. Take this time away from your ex to become the best you can be so that if she sees you months from now, she will see a new and improved version and will regret the day she broke up with you.

It's a tough time, I know and for me it took a very long time to get back to my old self all because I broke no contact too soon. But it does get better if you let go and focus on yourself.

One of the greatest things to come out of my break up was discovering and practising the art of being present. I started reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle and began applying his teachings. It allowed me to put everything in perspective and it had a very profound effect on me. I'm now discovering that a lot of PUAs, self help gurus and the like have discovered it too and claiming how much it helps them through hard times.

Anyway, I just thought I'd drop by to offer my support and encourage you to stick with the no contact. Trust me, it really is the best thing for you! Good luck!

awesome..I am feeling hopeful.... good luck too you...

 

[dustmuffin]

I haven't posted about my NC but I think I have finally reached the acceptance stage. She certainly is no unicorn. She has many issues that would not be beneficial in a LTR. She is so screwed up I don't think she will ever have a lasting relationship. It's good that she dumped me and I didn't marry her. That would have ended in disaster. Loads of drama and me ending up an emotional mess. She did me a favor. I have now swallowed the red pill and can remake myself into a self respecting man.

I have to work on my confidence and my anxiety. I will overcome this eventually and be the man I want to be. It just takes time and effort. I have plenty of both.

 

[Fireballs]

Can't you see that you almost feel paralyzed?

You don't know how to act because you are following NC blindly......

This is dumb. NC needs to applied for a reason but in your case you put it
in too soon and too fast.

You had ****e to do first

It's hard because I work away for 2 weeks then back in town for 1 week. If I worked in town I would have already got the boat/sorted stuff out and moved on with my life.

But while I'm waiting to get in and sort this stuff out, I've tried to start moving on which is hard when I know I still have to go to her house to grab my boat.

 

[dustmuffin]

Have a question.. it may seem a silly one but would like some advice..

When I get in town from work I'll be going over to her house to get my boat and drop paperwork for her to sign while she's at work. So I don't have to see her she's going to drop the papers in my mailbox.

Now to my question.. when we were in the house I broke our garage door lock.. so I ordered a new one so I could fix it when we were still together.. It came in the mail a few days ago so I was wondering that when I go to pick the boat up, should I fix it still? I did break it and was going to fix it anyway and it's unlocked with gear in there. I'm not doing it to suck up to her, or to get a reaction.. If she says anything about it in the way of a text I would just ignore it.... just that I broke something and think I should still fix it seeings as I have the part and it will take all of 5 minutes. She will be at work anyway. Or.. should I just leave it with the paperwork and she can sort it out.

Fix it if that's what you want to do. Don't mention it to her. Just do it and leave. You don't need validation from her for fixing it. If it were me I would just leave the part and let her take care of it. She dumped you and needs to take care of her own problems. Yes you did break it but she is not your responsibility any longer since she dumped you. She is on her own.

 

[Reykhel]

It's hard because I work away for 2 weeks then back in town for 1 week. If I worked in town I would have already got the boat/sorted stuff out and moved on with my life.

But while I'm waiting to get in and sort this stuff out, I've tried to start moving on which is hard when I know I still have to go to her house to grab my boat.

I almost want to punch you. You know why? Not everything is black and white and reading
your posts I know you're intelligent. But you're acting paralyzed.

Stop thinking too much. If I do this will she think that.......

Shut the fvck up with that ****e man. Do what you need to do as a Man.

If you think that needs to be fixed as a MAN, then fvcking do it. If you don't think that needs to be
fixed as a fvcking MAN then don't fvcking do it....

it's that simple no? You've got to follow your own integrity friend......

Ask yourself......"does this feel right for me?"

It don't matter if it benefits you or not.......it don't matter if she's cool or a cvnt.....

YOU, my friend, be the man that you want to be

When you make that decision......believe me, every decision is easy after that ....

 

[Black Sunshine]

just joined

hi fellow members,
here is my story:four months after my exwife of 3 years(knew each other for 13 years) and I divorced(btw,i was over her at the time:yes: ),hooked up with this 30yo girl i knew for 2 months,on september 1,2009(ironically,she and her exbf of 3 years who was back living in japan,broke up earlier that day also),but unfortunately had to move 1100 km away to the next province(on sept 2) to attend to my familys house.btw my ex and i are in Canada.we decided to be bf and gf in this long distance relationship.i went back to her city at the end of sept. to work at my hospital job that i had kept(as a casual worker)and not relinquished for 1 week and spend time with her.Then i went back to her city again at the end of october to work another 2 weeks.then went on a preplanned for 1 yr, vacation alone with my family from nov 16-jan 6 to the philippines and also attend to business matters there.My exgf and i maintained contact at least 1-2x a day via email,text,phone,or webcam throughout our 5 month relationship.she flew into my city to visit and seriously consider moving to my city by march(after her school is finished)and live in my house, on jan 7-16,but we were having problems commence already,mainly due to me being love-blind and not being aware of these issues.BTW,in hindsight,NOW I AM REFLECTING BACK ON WHAT I DID WRONG in our relationship,for example:not being so affectionate at times,controlling,etc....anyways,she had to find a new place to live by the end of january.she mentioned this to me even since early december.on jan 22,she revealed that she found a new place but with a roomie.a friend of a friends roomie.once she mentioned it was a guy,I LOST MY COOL and became a jealous,raging,n insecure freak.I BROKE up with her that day on jan 22.I called her back on jan 24 and we reconciled in a pleasant way.she told me her roomie knew that i was her bf...But from jan 25 to the 29 th,she couldnt be reached and she didnt contact me.I MADE the mistake of sending very rude n vulgar txt messges on jan 26 n 27...Finally,she emailed me and broke it off on jan 30th.....I was running on high emotions and flew down to her city on feb 2 and coincidentally met up with her after her school...she was standoffish and i begged n pleaded..she said "give me time"....on feb 5,she texted me again to say she considered her decision and still doesnt want me...so i met up with her again....and I really LOST MY COOL and became a weak man n cried etc...after that meeting,I voluntarily checked myself into a medical clinic bcoz i was suffering from insomnia(like 0 hours sleep per nite) for more than a week....on feb 11,i phoned her and told her i just want to be friends and mentioned that i was ok,health wise...she phoned me later that night but was civil....i tried phoning her feb 12 n 13 but no answer....so i stopped communication for 4 days....on feb 17 she txted me wondering how i was n if i did well on an english exam which will qualify me to teach english in japan should my ex and i move there in the future, on feb 16(i attained an A- btw:yes: )....btw,while receiving that txt,i was on my way to the airport to fly back home...so i met up with her at school b4 my flight and she was more warm and receptive than the previous 2 encounters by touching my arm etc,....but not like old times(kissing etc.)...i was supposed to text her back b4 her dismissal(btw her final exam is on feb 26 and mentioned she is not seeing anyone,has no new bf,as of feb 17) but was too late,so she texted 2x me wondering where i was.so i called her and she was irritable,distant,and made excuses....at the airport....feb. 17..i txted her goodbye...no response........feb 18,i txt message terrorism her 10x from yahoo messenger....sappy messages...no response......feb 19..i emailed her one last time...no response.......BTW,during our 5 months together....i knew for a fact that she loved me and cared just by her actions alone.she was a flexible giver.gave presents.walked to my apartment at 5am in the morning from 2 km away since i was on rotating shifts at the hospital.She was a good girl......so i initiated NC.....Im on DAY 2 now of this NC challenge and it feels reassurring to be a part of this forum despite my SOB story and I do apologize if any one feels like puking,reading this story,LOL....TKS.......any input would be appreciated.guys,this hurts by being not on good terms or even any form of warm relations with her....but i feel that NC will only make me stronger.and yeah,im now starting to realize she wasnt perfect either:whiny,secretive,nagging,blaming,etc.....i manned up and admitted my faults and am aware of being able to fix them n myself.....after reading through these previous posts,i feel empathy from them.........i deleted her phone number,yahoo messenger addy,blocked her email,hid the presents she gave me,and deleted all her pics on my computer...the only way to get into contact is if i pick up that phone....NOT! YOU guys are right....women dont have the B%LLz to breakup with you in person or on the phone....my ex did it via Email and text message.

Damn dude...

 

[Fireballs]

I almost want to punch you. You know why? Not everything is black and white and reading
your posts I know you're intelligent. But you're acting paralyzed.

Stop thinking too much. If I do this will she think that.......

Shut the fvck up with that ****e man. Do what you need to do as a Man.

If you think that needs to be fixed as a MAN, then fvcking do it. If you don't think that needs to be
fixed as a fvcking MAN then don't fvcking do it....

it's that simple no? You've got to follow your own integrity friend......

Ask yourself......"does this feel right for me?"

It don't matter if it benefits you or not.......it don't matter if she's cool or a cvnt.....

YOU, my friend, be the man that you want to be

When you make that decision......believe me, every decision is easy after that ....

I needed this, thanks.

 

[Reykhel]

I needed this, thanks.

Good man.

Everyone of us are here for you but.......

You need to help yourself. You need to act like an integrated MAN.

You need to do what's right for you and then apply NC if that's what right for you....

You see the minute you start applying NC as a tactic is the minute you start to suffer.....

Do it when the moment's right bro, no? You can't force ****e, and your intelligent enough
to understand that...

Bro, this is not you VERSUS her......

This is YOU.............and your fvcking health......

have you got the difference or not?

 

[finality]

I failed at NC again. Going to start again tomorrow. My new goal is 10 days.

I'm taking a new girl out tonight - the first girl that I met in person in a long time. I met her at a meditation class. She lives an hour out of town so there is 90% chance she will be staying the night.

 

[Reykhel]

I failed at NC again. Going to start again tomorrow. My new goal is 10 days.

I'm taking a new girl out tonight - the first girl that I met in person in a long time. I met her at a meditation class. She lives an hour out of town so there is 90% chance she will be staying the night.

You don't see how much you're being pulled by other winds.....

I'm telling you, you'll be here again and hurt........you're reactive and
you're a batch

 

[finality]

You don't see how much you're being pulled by other winds.....

I'm telling you, you'll be here again and hurt........you're reactive and
you're a batch

What would you have me do?

I read your book. I found a new NON OLD female. I joined a bunch of meet up groups.

Unfortunately I still love my ex. I wish I had the will to stop loving someone in a day but I don't possess that power. All I can do is work on myself and meet new women.

 

[S. Aureus]

I broke my NC after more the 80 days.
After the earthquake, I received a message from her asking if I was ok. I didn't knew who she was until I send that I was fine and saw her profile picture. We talked for a minute and done. At the she told me "Take care S Aureus" and I said "you too".
I felt bad for a few minute. It was weird talking to her after that long time.

 

[Dingo]

Sometimes it is painful to read some of these posts. We have all been here.... rejected and broken...... We hold on to hope that somehow things are going to work out.....

But holy crap some of you turn into supplicanting pussies.... You are dead to them... You need to see them as dead to you....

Like grieving the pain is real but realize that you are a MAN and that you can survive this. Millions before you have and millions after you will. Whether you use NC or you stay friends it is all in your head how your going to overcome.... Just grieve and move the Hell on.

 

[dustmuffin]

Sometimes it is painful to read some of these posts. We have all been here.... rejected and broken...... We hold on to hope that somehow things are going to work out.....

But holy crap some of you turn into supplicanting pussies.... You are dead to them... You need to see them as dead to you....

Like grieving the pain is real but realize that you are a MAN and that you can survive this. Millions before you have and millions after you will. Whether you use NC or you stay friends it is all in your head how your going to overcome.... Just grieve and move the Hell on.

Very good advice.....She isnt thinking about you...She has new men in her life and is thinking about them. The sooner you move on the better you will be.