the final battle... sex in longterm relationship

[fvgart]

Alright guys, you are my last hope!
After visiting hundreds of forums about sex and relationships...

I'm 30 years old and have over more than 9 years a relationship.
the situation is actually quite simple:

The sex is almost disappeared...I don't want to loose it completely
reasons:
- she has a heavy job and always tired.
(I understand this for a few days, a few weeks, but than It really hurts we I become always rejected)
- we have a 5 years old son and he ask a lot of attention
- She has no medical problems.
(It speaks for itself that I would respect that and help her)
-she tells me that she loves me.. but sex...nope... It makes me sad

Now I'm preparing for the final battle and I need advice, tips, help, tutorial, useful links to get sex back into my relationship!
She know, its a problem and that I don't want to live in a brother-sister relation.

I have lost many battles when it comes to sex in our relationship but I don't want to lose the war! I don't want to lose HER - I LOVE HER

I have a few possibility's:
- I agree with a sexless relationship (what I really don't want! never)
- I cheat on her - that would not be fair
- I change myself to become A Don Juan in my relation and go for the final battle!
I'm 1m75 - 74kg - so i'm not fat - but I go to the gym - to look at my best
I always make sure to look good - at my best!
I'm confident and ready to fight
- I break the relationship and try to seduce new girls and try to find a new girlfriend ( Hmnnn nah....I'm not ready for tis...)

So guys/girls please help me to become a don juan in my longterm relationship and get everything back on track!?

by the way I'm not a sex addict...
I would be REALLY HAPPY to make love 2 our 3 times a month.

make love = feel connected - feel passion - feel positive emotions ,
kissing, liking, make love - to feel complete TOGETHER!

 

[betheman]

you need to get other women interested in you and for your woman to notice this, if she feels you are interested in another, she might up her game, if she doesnt she is worhtless to you

 

[ive]

you have sex less than 2 times a month and you say your wife does not have health problems? Your wife is either cheating or has extremely low libido, which is in itself a health/sexual problem. Does she masturbate? You cannot fix a very low libido by flirting with other women...even if u have 0 game your wife will desire sex at certain point, not sex with you, but sex in general... and for a healthy woman that is more than 1 time a month. Is your wife on the pill ?

betheman, you have 0 understanding of women, as can be seen from ur posts. A woman upping her game has nothing to do with a woman desiring sex. A healthy woman has a healthy desire for sex and will want to "get hers" not as a way to keep her man, but as a way to get orgasm due to her psychological and physiological needs. this should definitely happen more than 1 a month

 

[( . )( . )]

by the way I'm not a sex addict...
I would be REALLY HAPPY to make love 2 our 3 times a month.

make love = feel connected - feel passion - feel positive emotions ,
kissing, liking, make love - to feel complete TOGETHER!

You don't say "make love" around her do you? That might be your problem.

 

[ive]

(.)(.) the woman is with this man for 9 years has his child. you really think she rejects him for how he is wording his desire ?
Even if she is completely bored with their sex life, she would want it more than 1 a month, unless she either has hormonal problems/depression/ is naturally with very low libido, or is sleeping with someone else. OP, are you a good lover, do you make her orgasm, when you have sex?
and has this always been an issue, or just recently?

 

[Beowolf]

betheman, you have 0 understanding of women, as can be seen from ur posts. A woman upping her game has nothing to do with a woman desiring sex. A healthy woman has a healthy desire for sex and will want to "get hers" not as a way to keep her man, but as a way to get orgasm due to her psychological and physiological needs. this should definitely happen more than 1 a month

WTF?!? You can't even get a man, that's why you came onboard here!
If she don't stay clean, don't cook good food, and don't want to suck my d*** everyday, then she can GTFO!

 

[ive]

well i cant get a man, but i still desire sex. see my point? no such thing as a healthy sexual woman wanting sex 1 a month for very prolonged periods of time. Especially a woman around 30...

 

[betheman]

betheman, you have 0 understanding of women, as can be seen from ur posts. A woman upping her game has nothing to do with a woman desiring sex. A healthy woman has a healthy desire for sex and will want to "get hers" not as a way to keep her man, but as a way to get orgasm due to her psychological and physiological needs. this should definitely happen more than 1 a month

Oh go and do yourself!

she is not attracted to him, but Ill guarantee that attraction would be at least partly increased should he find another woman interested in him. if she doesnt he needs to chuck her out

a woman...who cant get a man??? posting in the married mans forum????

 

[ive]

wanted to give my 2 cents on the issue.

 

[twentee]

BORROW money if you have to, and give her at least a weekend away from jobs and kids, a week would be MUCH better. She needs a break and some 'romance" Also, when you come back, set aside money for the next time, every 6 months, minimum, once a month for a weekend is far better. and see to it that a GOOD baby sitter takes the load off of her for a bit, frequently. Ask your familiy and her familiy for this help with the kid. they should understand, he is 8 or so years old, not that big a problem for them.

 

[fvgart]

Thanks for the reply guys!
I see this can be an interesting topic

I gonna explain some things a long the way!

First of all:
"You don't say "make love" around her do you? That might be your problem."
this is something to think about - I try this a bit...

May by I need to get her out of the "comfort zone" and shake her emotionally to wake her up and let her know that she put our relationship at risk

We try to do something every month just the 2 of us.
(diner - movie - go to a concert - ...)
sex after the date - that happened not much, rarely

I do like 75% of household - not a bad thing I guess

When we had "some" sex the past years - I do a good job
I think without being to confident and arrogant. I can make her come in less then 5 minutes - BUT
when I let her come first - her horniness decreases fast.

she doesn't masturbate - I think after all those years she doesn't know her own body
I try to motivate her to do this - but it's nothing for her she tells

- she take no pill but this thing www.nuvaring.com

I look at other girls without me to feel ashamed the last few weeks - just to let her know that I am not at resign with the situation

She tells me that she still loves me, likes me and say that i'm attractive

A positive note a few hours ago when she came home from work...
I was in the bad room -" he you looking good..."

The different thing is that I try to look at my best in the first place for myself and secondly for her
and thirdly for other girls to notice me

 

[fvgart]

Yep

- I have tought about it and I need to recognize the second option counts
for me - I'm not masculine enough - It was hard to understand your
point but I think I get it and realizing it. become slowly aware of this

- I understand these "relationship game" thjng but I need to find more of this
I get the examples... but I need some "theory" about this stuff
to learn and understand it and to apply it correctly within the right frame.

I'm searching all over the Internet now - Its time for me to turn the tide!
can you guys help me? give links,tips,tutorials,ebooks that I should read

- basically i need to be more of a provider for her without being needy or
begging for ... attention, sex, whatever?

- I have put her the past years on a pedestal and want to get her feeling good and try to get her in a positive mood, doing like almost everything for her (I did this because I love her - because I THOUGHT when I do this - there is a to chance to make love... but Nehh I didn't get any of it almost 9 out 10 times.

I need to reset my brain do some correct programming into it and apply it ofcourse - but where I start? I think I have come to the right place indeed!

 

[twentee]

Do you guys know why you drag women by their hair? If you drag them by the feet they will up with sand.

 

[fvgart]

Thanks my friends!

I will keep updating this thread!

I have already taken the first step...
I don't ask for anything anymore - certenly not sex or kisses or even hugs.
If she don't want it - its a missed opportunity for her!

First things first now - Pooks writings

thanks

any addition/opinion is welcome

 

[Down Low]

Next bed time, mount her, and say "So you're on pvssy strike? No way. I'm breaking this strike right now." And do it. Then roll over and go to sleep.

 

[ive]

O.P. a different point of view - i think the contraception may contribute to decrease in sex drive, since nuvaring is hormonal.

 

[goundra]

if have a kid, get a vasectomy, and have her do the injection into fallopian tube sterilization. Pills and shots are unhealthy

 

[evan12]

OP :
the reason why any woman does not want sex with her husband(beside health problems ) is because she no longer love him .
a lot of women even if they not feel they want sex they just let their husband have sex because they want to please him .
next time do the folliwing :
she is standing /sleeping : start kissing her and escalating to sexual act
when she reject or stop , look at her eyes in serious face (not lover face) and tell her : so you no longer love me .
her (most likely will not look in your eyes) : I love but but ... blah blah blah
you : NO you no longer love me , I think we are reaching the end of relationship
you know where that will take you , I think youd better to breakup even if she resume the sex it will be temporary

 

[evan12]

well i cant get a man, but i still desire sex. see my point? no such thing as a healthy sexual woman wanting sex 1 a month for very prolonged periods of time. Especially a woman around 30...

in every men forums there is a sick woman that playing "attention whoring" on what she think desperate men , by claiming the cant get a man or she cant get date , no body hitting on me ,to make men of that forum offer her their ****s as some of them will really believe her .
stop that it is so silly and disgusting

 

[fvgart]

I feel like Alice in f*cking Wonderland when while i'm reading the book of pook! A new world has gone open for me... thats for sure.

Its a positive comment! I really like his viewpoint

but I think I need a lots of time ( a few months/mayby my whole life) to process and use this.

BUT I wonder how to apply this stuff into my LTR
- Any advice on that?