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It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

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The Adventures of Christopher Columbus

ChristopherColumbus

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If you are to take this 'Don Juan' thing seriously, you have to examine yourself, and ask what your particular 'worldview' is. Because I take it that the Don Juan is critical of the way in which the mass of men live their lives, and therefore must think.

Worldviews - the ways in which we interpret and understand the world - tend to be either 'vertical' or 'horizontal' in nature. The vertical view is interested in virtue [virtus; maleness, worth, from vir - man, where we also get the word virile]. Here the task is to look up and aspire toward the rational ideal. This is a fundamental instinct springing from our rational desire [will]. We are the Anthropod, the animal that looks up. This is aristocratic in nature in that only a few are capable of it, or have acquired the modicum of material means required to pursue it [the importance of enough]. It is concerned more with excellence than equality; with the will [rational desire] than some representation of a base 'reality'. It does not settle for the base, but looks to overcome that in striving for the summit of human experience.

Contrast that with the modern penchant for always looking down toward some underlying base reality as an explanation [and justification] for our actions.... that is, in so far as one is curious and not distracted 24/ 7 by mass/ social media. But this thought can also be an alternative form of media to be consumed; one doesn't think for oneself, one subscribes; thought becomes a fashion as it is manufactured for the mass mind.

Some might say that the pursuit of virtuous ideals is unrealistic, that the ideal is removed from reality. But that is to beg the question - to look at it from the perspective of realism. Rather we should suspend our disbelief [bracket our own belief for a moment] thereby enabling ourselves to engage in another worldview. The idealist has no ignorance of reality; indeed, he sees it for the chaos it is, and chooses to superimpose an intelligible order on it as opposed to seeing some intelligible order beneath it. This is the difference between humanism and naturalism. Where naturalism is reductive to 'Nature', humanism is a kind of super-naturalism.... super as in overcoming... it's lineage can be traced from Plato to Nietzsche. Take Eros for example. At the base level it is pornography, but at the peak Eros has been sublimated into something like poetry. There is a spectrum, and gradations within it, spheres within spheres, multiplicity in contrast to simplicity, synthesis counter-balancing analysis, the world as Cosmos instead of our own small cogito.

Just a thought.
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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So I have met a few ladies in Starbucks in the past few weeks. We have a good conversation, and the light kino is welcomed. I get the number and we talk about meeting the following weekend.

Here's my quandary; do I text them mid-week to lock in a time for the weekend, or do I leave it 'til the weekend [less needy] and just text them say the Saturday morning to ask when they are free?
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Had a positive response to my mid-week text to a lady I met in Starbucks. We've organized to meet for a coffee on Saturday. Hoping here just to get to know her a bit better. Next time, will look to go out for a drink.

I have another date also organized for Saturday evening [second date with Emily the Chinese girl]. I then have another coffee date on Sunday with a girl I've known for a while, but have found difficult to meet for one reason or another.

Also, meeting a mate for dinner Friday night, then beers at the local bar. I shall have to be careful how much I drink as I want to be in good form for the weekend dates. When out at the bar will just relax and have a good time. I may push myself a bit to get a number. But I've found that the bar numbers never really go anywhere here.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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No it isn't. Success is counted in getting laid.

It is as I thought, you aren't escalating when you should be.

Are you even kissing these girls?
No, success for me is getting into a relationship that could potentially lead to a LLTR.

I am escalating, but slowly. Do it too fast here [in Korea] and you scare them off. So for example, with the Chinese girl Emily, I touched her arm a free times during the high points of conversation. I felt she was not very receptive to that, so I didn't escalate further. She'll either warm to me on the next date, or it will fizzle out. You have to work with what you got, not with some set of preconceived notions.

Another woman I met in Starbucks [Bora] was very receptive to Kino [if anything I use it too much], and was actually leaning in looking for more. I'll see her this weekend also.

Also, because I am looking for a relationship, I can afford to take it a little more slowly with these girls, and screen them. When/ if I succeed with one, I shall then be on the side-lines for a bit.
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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Cultural issues which I am ignorant of aside, you cannot properly screen for a girl that has her "beta male" shield up bc you refuse to be sexually aggressive. She will know what to hide. Taking things slow does not magically turn a potential ho into a housewife.
I have no problem being aggressive, I like to call it 'gentlemen aggressive'. But I have lost too many girls here where it was too quick, too soon. There is a common prejudice towards foreigners here that they are all players. So you need to dial it down a bit. I think the trick is to find a middle ground, and err on the side of comfort rather than attraction if need be.

Culturally, they are super-sensitive to Kino. They actually have a term for it here - 'skinship'. Apparently the woman lets the man knows when she is comfortable with it.

There are many variables at play for me here; what is the woman like? what is the venue, coffee shop or bar [I have given up on the night-clubs here], is she open-minded? has she been overseas? etc.

But yes, I get your point, you have to show intent. I am quite prepared to move things along with these woman one way or the other. I call it 'spinning plates light' - make sure you're meeting new woman, so you are not overly invested in something that may not be going anywhere. I say 'light', because I'm not really looking for casual sex [though I doubt I'd turn it down], but for a relationship.
 

oOh Nasty

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@ChristopherColumbus

While you aren't wrong, the others have a point. This is based on my belief that all women are inherently the same. That they're looking for a man to take the lead.

Cultural issues which I am ignorant of aside, you cannot properly screen for a girl that has her "beta male" shield up bc you refuse to be sexually aggressive. She will know what to hide. Taking things slow does not magically turn a potential ho into a housewife.
Even Asian girls are possible hos. So you may as well assume that they're hos and hiding something. This, in my opinion, is not necessarily a negative thing to work from.

My suggestion is to become a charming serial dater. Then you'll be able to realize that even these Asian girls are putting up a front, because you'll notice that they'll all start acting the same, and start shying away at certain subjects when it comes to sexuality, etc. It's just part of the game. I know you'd like to proceed like a gentleman, but don't give these girls the benefit of the doubt until they deserve it.

BTW, of what ethnicity are you?
 

ChristopherColumbus

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@ChristopherColumbus

My suggestion is to become a charming serial dater. Then you'll be able to realize that even these Asian girls are putting up a front, because you'll notice that they'll all start acting the same, and start shying away at certain subjects when it comes to sexuality, etc. It's just part of the game. I know you'd like to proceed like a gentleman, but don't give these girls the benefit of the doubt until they deserve it.

BTW, of what ethnicity are you?
I like that suggestion. Actually, I get plenty of dates, and find it quite easy to meet woman.

As far as the gentleman things go.... the emphasis is on the 'aggressive gentleman'. I think they find that attractive. I think if I keep up the dates, I'll sooner or later find a sexy lady.

I'm Caucasian myself.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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- Never hide your d*ck or be ashamed of your own sexuality. Do you want to fvck these girls or not? Far too much poncing around going on.
I am not afraid of escalation, but I do so at my own pace and on my own terms.

I know I escalate well enough [but perhaps too much] because they will tend to ghost me after one or two dates. This doesn't worry much as I am meeting enough woman at the moment.

I am confident that if I keep meeting woman and escalate [at the appropriate pace] then something will stick sooner or later.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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So meeting Bora shortly for a coffee. I met her two weeks ago at Starbucks. I like the first date to be coffee and building a bit of comfort, and then a drink at a quiet bar for the second date.

Also meeting Emily the Chinese girl later on today for a coffee... first time one on one with her, last time was a double-date She in very shy. Same modus operandi... build some comfort [flirt with my eyes] and look to take her out for a drink next time.

Tomorrow, have plans to meet another woman who I've known for a few months, but have not met often. She has initiated contact with me a few times, which is promising. Frankly, I think she is well out of my league. But I will try not to let this 'limiting belief' stop me from moving things forward.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Had the best day of dating I've had for a while.

Met Bora for a coffee, and it seemed like the sparks were flying from the get go. As we were walking to the cafe, there was massive body contact on her part with her body and hips swinging into mine. At the cafe had good eye contact, and good flirty conversation. I also got a good response from a bit of light kino. Kept it short, about an hour, and when leaving I held her hand for a while as she made sure to lock in the time for our next meeting - next weekend for dinner and drinks. I will go for the kiss close then.

The coffee date with Emily also went well. I tried to keep a lid on the kino as I felt she tensed up a bit with it last time. But I just can't stop myself... I think it is deeply ingrained in my dating game now. Anyway, I just kept it light, and found she did not flinch at all this time round. Also, very solid eye contact and conversation. Locked in another coffee date [she will pay this time] and maybe a dinner/ drink date.

Meeting Dayhe tomorrow. Even though my worse self thinks this lady is out of my league, I will push myself to up the ante a bit with her. Given that my other dates seem to be going somewhere, I feel I can afford to lose her if she doesn't respond positively to my advances. I guess this is 'abundance light'.
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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From Byron's Childe Harold's Pilgrimage


Not much he kens, I ween, of woman's breast,
Who thinks that wanton thing is won by sighs;
What careth she for hearts when once possessed?
Do proper homage to thine idol's eyes,
But not too humbly, or she will despise
Thee and thy suit, though told in moving tropes;
Disguise e'en tenderness, if thou art wise;
Brisk Confidence still best with woman copes;
Pique her and soothe in turn, soon Passion crowns thy hopes.

XXXV.

'Tis an old lesson: Time approves it true,
And those who know it best deplore it most;
When all is won that all desire to woo,
The paltry prize is hardly worth the cost:
Youth wasted, minds degraded, honour lost,
These are thy fruits, successful Passion! these!
If, kindly cruel, early hope is crossed,
Still to the last it rankles, a disease,
Not to be cured when Love itself forgets to please.






Glanced many a light caique along the foam,
Danced on the shore the daughters of the land,
No thought had man or maid of rest or home,
While many a languid eye and thrilling hand
Exchanged the look few bosoms may withstand,
Or gently pressed, returned the pressure still:
Oh Love! young Love! bound in thy rosy band,
Let sage or cynic prattle as he will,
These hours, and only these, redeemed Life's years of ill!

LXXXII.

But, midst the throng in merry masquerade,
Lurk there no hearts that throb with secret pain,
E'en through the closest searment half-betrayed?
To such the gentle murmurs of the main
Seem to re-echo all they mourn in vain;
To such the gladness of the gamesome crowd
Is source of wayward thought and stern disdain:
How do they loathe the laughter idly loud,
And long to change the robe of revel for the shroud!
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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Pilgimage

Twenty, two hundred, or two thousand years,
The passage of time before me retreats;
Perusing here and there, I cast a care
To the messy past, where now is so neat.
And wonder what it be I want to meet -
Tales of romance [may they seduce my mind!],
Or clues long-lost on forgotten sheets
Like a trail of bread-crumbs left to find?
What is it curiosity has left behind?

But perhaps the past never profits me,
Nor the future; only the present’s real.
As I sit beneath Asiatic trees,
With scent of pine and fallen bark I feel
Wordsworthian! And thoughts begin to peal,
Which while away an hour or two.
Yet art’s catharsis can’t completely steal
From the soul its philosophic cue;
I wake from idle pleasure, there remains a due.

I stand astride like Atlas in two lands
Between the classic and the modern torn,
And wait for words to wash upon the sands,
And thank God for rhythm, and metered form;
No leisured Lord am I - apt to adorn
His verse with antiquated imagery,
Save that gleaned in an adolescent dawn.
…Then again, not landed, but over a sea
Mediterranean – birth-place of poetry.

Need I roam the continents of the globe
When I can travel through both space and time,
And let the subtle text those forms disrobe,
Staid and comfortable in my sunny clime.
And those that travel late beyond their prime,
Wanting recompense for a life-time’s work,
Where recreation scarce pierced the grime
Of routine - their natural instincts they shirked-
Have the grand guided tour, where ignorance still lurks.

But still I hope to make my pilgrimage,
First to old London, then by foot to Rome;
To pay respects to blood and heritage,
And then a homage to my spirit’s home.
There in a land gird by sand, sea and foam
I see grand arches raised by Providence
Nay, more, white-blue marbled airy domes,
Magnanimous and just to every sense,
Where there ten poems I'll pen nigh ten years hence.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Women ghost for a lot of different reasons. Who cares?

This is all about you - not them.

Have you kissed anyone yet?

It's actually at the point where I wouldn't give a damn if you dated one of my plates. I'd see you as safe hands - a nice fluffer.

The girls probably see you as the same. A non-threatening man to take some value from.

The weird thing is that you have the balls to approach (I commend you for this), yet you are clearly doing this from an R-selected 'friends' frame. This will get you plenty of numbers and dates, but is no good for you - and will not filter for interested women. Hence, your sh*tty results and poor escalation.

You say that you want a LTR... you are going the wrong way about it.
I think near all agree on Sosauve that a man needs to be a man, lead, and make things happen on his own terms. I doubt anyone has a qualm about that.

The differences come with the pace in which you execute the program. Ten different guys will pace themselves ten different ways depending no doubt on on a consideration of their stance and circumstances such as values, beliefs, location, and age etc. Meeting and seducing woman is not a world-view for everyone, but just one sphere within others.

But good point about the kiss. I am not a complete turtle, and shall most definitely go for the kiss on the third date. Keep in mind, that with a history of three whole dates behind us, this kiss could be of more significance than a prematurely rushed one on the first night .

Also, I like to see my passion build for a particular woman, where that passion gathers as in a reservoir to finally burst through its restraint.


Pretty woman seated next to me,
Traveling to some destiny,
I'd break the peace and ask the way,
Yet with a toy you happily play.
Did you per chance find the latest app?
It makes iambics..... and fills the gaps.
What? Not to speak unless introduced?
Yes, we've that code though of different use.
With us it tests both feeling and will,
To wall it up and keep it still,
Until it gains a strength and power
Where waterfalls are wont to shower.
It tells the aim of a wall before-
To restrain the passion to see it pour.
What? My words make little sense?
Well, to icy reason I've no defense.
For when I see such beauty in you,
I know no longer what I do,
But manage a smile, and a good day...
The first thing to mind is what I say.
Against this life it seems a crime
Not to respond so in briefest time.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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I find the best 'cold approaches' happen spontaneously -- I don't approach, rather I respond.

Case in point. This morning, on the way to work, I stop to chat with a colleague of mine who is also a friend. As I'm about to carry on to class, I notice a lady walking by checking me out with a smile. I instantly return her smile, and hold her eye contact. Since we are going in the same direction, I walk with her starting a conversation. She is also a teacher, and has just recently arrived to the city from Hong Kong. We talk for only two minutes [it's class-time], but exchange names with a handshake, which is warmly held on her part. It was important NOT to prolong the meeting or ask for the number, which would have conveyed neediness. I know I can easily ask her for a coffee next time should we bump into each other, which is likely.

I think the key to this [for the quick response] is to be clear-minded, unfiltered, and in a kind of flow state.. where all seems well with the world. It helped that at the time I was socializing with a friend... thinking primarily here in terms of mental state as opposed to just the social proof. I was also well-dressed in a smart suit.
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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Think of the time you felt in a congenial and philanthropic mood, and decided to make some light-hearted conversation with one of those awkward colleagues we all know.... to be polite and all, and expecting a five minute chat before getting on with other business. And then before you know it the chair is moved over, and he has settled in fully expectant of an hour's chin wag. You now feel crowded and imposed upon, and see he lacks a certain social savviness. You quickly find some excuse to back-track out of the conversation in order to restore your professional distance.

I think this is exactly how it is with a woman when she first shows some interest, but the man then comes on too strong, too early.
 
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ChristopherColumbus

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Last weekend, I had loosely organized my second dates on my first dates with two ladies [I know, better perhaps to leave that for a few days later... unless it happens naturally].

I went no contact throughout the week, and just today, the day previous to the dates, sent the texts to confirm.

Both reply confirming the dates. I thought this reply was sweet:

Me: Hi Bora! How was your day? Are you still OK to meet tomorrow?^^ [I know... a bit cute.. but this girl is cute]
Bora: Hi CC~ Thanks to you, I'm doing great. Yes, See you tomorrow at 7pm^^

I think this helps to confirm a lot of the advice you get about keeping texting to an absolute minimum.
 

SteR

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Have you had any luck with any of these women yet? You seem to be very good at opening and setting up dates but I just wonder whether anything's come of them?

Also what's your goal here? Spinning plates or an LTR?

Good luck!
 

SteR

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Ah, I don't know if he has had any further success yet.. I was just enquiring.

And yes, I guess you're right on the latter point.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Have you had any luck with any of these women yet? You seem to be very good at opening and setting up dates but I just wonder whether anything's come of them?

Also what's your goal here? Spinning plates or an LTR?

Good luck!
The goal is an LTR. Anything less just seems like too much work.

I feel relatively satisfied with my interactions with woman at the moment. I'm in no huge rush. That said, if nothing pans out in the next few months, I guess I will have to re-think my approach.

Two dates today, I expect to escalate with a little light kino on a Chinese lady [she is very shy, but warming to me]. The evening date is with a Korean lady, and she seems very warm [2nd date]. I expect to be holding her hand and kissing her later in the evening.
 
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