So, last night I was standing around in my girlfriends apartment, and I happened to glance at her cell phone and it was a text from her ex boyfriend (the guy she was dating before me). I played it cool, and acted like it didn't bother me, which it doesn't that much. So, I decide to ask about it. She first hits me with "I can't control what people do". She then says that "About 3 weeks ago my computer accidentally sent him an email with a picture of the 2 of us". Not sure what to make of it, I didn't get to upset, but I would like other peoples opinion. It seems to me I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
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Text from the EX
- Thread starter earlkeese
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zekko
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I would actually have no problem with this, a lot of people stay civil and friendly after dating. Doesn't mean that nothing is going on, but it doesn't mean that it is either. Just keep your eyes open.earlkeese said:
The lying/trying to cover it up business is another story, I wouldn't care for that.
SecondHalf
Master Don Juan
^^^ this, plus ... what a bad lie!zekko said:
If this is the best she can do, then you will find out by just watching.
The defensiveness of the text is concern too.
SH
Bokanovsky
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That's just womanspeak for saying "Three weeks ago, I decided to try to make my ex jealous by sending him a pic of the two of us".Mauser96 said:
DavenJuan
Master Don Juan
First, you DO care. Otherwise you wouldnt have posted it. And thats fine, but i dont think if you lie to yourself, and then us, we can really give you accurate advice. Advice may differ depending on how YOU truly felt about it.
With that being said, I dont think the "text" themselves are a big problem, as long as there has been an established expectation between you two regarding things like that. And apparently, it seems there has not been.
What I would have a bigger problem with is the potential "covering" it up. If she in fact knew that YOUR computer somehow sent an email to him THREE WHOLE WEEKS AGO, why is she just now telling you this? not that its a huge deal, but wouldnt you let her know if the roles were reversed and you sent your ex a photo from your current GFs computer?
This is to even assume you shes telling you the truth, it seems quite the stretch of imagination.
With that being said, I dont think the "text" themselves are a big problem, as long as there has been an established expectation between you two regarding things like that. And apparently, it seems there has not been.
What I would have a bigger problem with is the potential "covering" it up. If she in fact knew that YOUR computer somehow sent an email to him THREE WHOLE WEEKS AGO, why is she just now telling you this? not that its a huge deal, but wouldnt you let her know if the roles were reversed and you sent your ex a photo from your current GFs computer?
This is to even assume you shes telling you the truth, it seems quite the stretch of imagination.
plate's_empty
Senior Don Juan
yep, yep, yep....and yep.
and this ecspecially....
and this ecspecially....
Did he dump her? Either way she's still got some type of feelings for him it seems.Bokanovsky said:
feh gonna say no way in hell a computer will decide to send something with attachs to anotehr person, but lets say for some reason I don't know, why would she send a pic of then to any other person? and why the hell she still ahve then?
i'm guessing you are a rebound, so bang her and make her do all effort I don't think it will go too well for you.
well I guess since she is not smart you can see anything bad comming a lot before that happen.
i'm guessing you are a rebound, so bang her and make her do all effort I don't think it will go too well for you.
well I guess since she is not smart you can see anything bad comming a lot before that happen.
She dumped him because he got a vasectomy and she wants kids (gulp).
So, she replies back to the text and says she is with her boyfriend, blah, blah. He then replies back and says "You are so rude and confusing. I am glad you moved on". So, I really think the timing of the text was bad and they have been talking on the low and she is trying to cover her tracks. Why else would he react that way if that hadn't been talking?
So, she replies back to the text and says she is with her boyfriend, blah, blah. He then replies back and says "You are so rude and confusing. I am glad you moved on". So, I really think the timing of the text was bad and they have been talking on the low and she is trying to cover her tracks. Why else would he react that way if that hadn't been talking?
SecondHalf
Master Don Juan
Your girlfriend is still involved.
Nuff said.
SH
Nuff said.
SH
plate's_empty
Senior Don Juan
yeah, agreed.Alvafe said:
Might want to detach yourself emotionally from this one....or else one day, everything's going all peachy and hunky dory and next thing you know she tells you she's still in love with her ex and she's moving in with him.
I'd keep her as a plate though, and treat her as such. Definitely not LTR material.
Zekko makes good points. Although OP, from what you've written here, and I know that textual tone can be misconstrued, it sounds like she's a bit defensive and dishonest. I'm not sure what your tone was toward her about the text, but if it was fairly neutral, her response seems a little defensive.
Just ignore it, keep your options open, and spend less time with her. Put her IL to the test. She's clearly got options, and seems to be OK with telling lies to your face. As a person who sends emails with attachments at least 30-50 times per day for the past 10 years, I've never once "accidentally" sent the wrong attachment. In fact, I don't think I've ever sent an email to an unintended recipient. I'm not saying I'm awesome, I'm just saying her story is highly unlikely and painfully hard to swallow
Just ignore it, keep your options open, and spend less time with her. Put her IL to the test. She's clearly got options, and seems to be OK with telling lies to your face. As a person who sends emails with attachments at least 30-50 times per day for the past 10 years, I've never once "accidentally" sent the wrong attachment. In fact, I don't think I've ever sent an email to an unintended recipient. I'm not saying I'm awesome, I'm just saying her story is highly unlikely and painfully hard to swallow
The last thing to add is after he replied back to her, I asked "Do you feel bad". And she said, "Yeah, kind of". And was visibly upset. That's probably the clincher, as I'm not sure she would be upset if she sent him a text that she was with her boyfriend.
Women are excellent actresses. In this case, her acting has you second guessing things which is the goal. It's your job to see past the bullsh!t and do what's best for you.earlkeese said:
Look at 2 things:
1. The facts. What are they telling you?
2. Her behavior. What is it telling you? Is her behavior typical of a women with high IL? Does a woman with high IL spend time on her ex?
Your instincts drove you here, listen to them.
Bokanovsky
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She's definitely hiding something. And apparently, she's not holding your intelligence in particularly high regard. How can a computer, on it's own accord, email a picture to somebody? That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.earlkeese said:
QFT. If she had sent the picture of you guys together, you can probably dismiss it as her being b!tchy and trying to jab at the ex. The fact she sent it to him, with HIM in it...she probably misses him and wants him back. His response back to her about her "being confusing" is your queue to pull the ripcord now, no questions asked, no reason given.Bokanovsky said:
This is why we say "look at her behavior". Behavior tells all about a women's intentions. Her behavior here is predictable: She leads this guy on...until you catch her, then she promptly reverses herself leaving him scratching his head about the sudden, unpredictable shift in interest level, and leaves you coming to SoSuave questioning your survival instincts. How selfish is this broad?
If you leave her, she'll promptly run back to the ex only to branch swing on him again in the near future. Turn this one loose, sir! The more often we give a pass to this kind of behavior, the more we hurt ourselves and the further we enable women to keep being children.
I realized I didn't give you guys 100% of the story. She said her outlook crashed and the email sent when the exchange server came back up, which still can't happen. Even if, wouldn't that guy reply to the email rather than text 3 weeks later? The assumption being there was no contact between them for 3 weeks. It's insane.
Current Status: She is calling and texting me constantly. Her last text was "you ok?". Actually pretending she doesn't know why I won't respond. Epic.
Current Status: She is calling and texting me constantly. Her last text was "you ok?". Actually pretending she doesn't know why I won't respond. Epic.