super AFC - where do i start??? Need Help to turn life around

[seanj20]

I feel like a super AFC right now. Need Help to turn life around = i'm 23 years old. just go out of college but didn't do much with girls in college but now i'm starting to regret that. i tried to focus mostly on grades in school. and also cus i usually sucked around girls. They never seem interested and than i just stopped trying, especially after having a really bad experience with this one girl in college who i thought liked me, and she did (she told mutual friends that she liked me), but nothing ever happened and one time when i tried to kiss her while drunk she didn't want to and pushed me back, said i tried to rape her when all i did was try to kiss her (other people were there to back up my story) later on she ended up getting with my friend instead. She still wanted to stay friends but i couldn't stand her cus she strung me along and played me. This really messed me up bad, and was messing with my studies so i stopped trying to get with chicks and instead focused on school. Unfortunatelly for me even though i did well in school i can't land a job either.

I have very little to no game, am skinny but dont look bad, am awkward, and nervous around girls, never had a girlfriend and i hate to admit it but am a virgin. i need help. Do i have any chance/hope to turn my life around? I dont have a job right now, but am looking for something with my degree in finance. I feel like i picked the wrong degree because i'm not that social or outgoing. I also have anxiety issues and dont have a lot of confidence. I'm also not very social and have hard times interacting with groups of people somtimes. Part of that is why i'm having a hard time getting a job. Worried/Scared to death about interviewing, and i feel like i' dont have enough experience.

So basically i lack experience in all departments and i am starting to feel hopeless/useless. Been feeling more depressed lately. I'm a pretty smart guy, but i feel kinda lost. I've known about PUA and the game but never really believed it so i never tried. Now I want to get into it because i want to turn my life around. I want to be confident, work out and not be so skinny (makes me feel awkward), and start getting girls and find a job. My worry is do i still have a chance or is it too late?

so here i am. I need help badly. I have some questions that i hope you guys can help answer.
1) do i still have a chance/is there hope for me to turn my life around (prob a stupid question but i need to hear it)?
2) where do i start - what books should i read (please no bootcamps or seminars because i'm too broke from not having a job) ALso will this stuff help? Everytime i tried to read a self help book i just couldn't keep reading it after the first chapter. probably because A) I'm afraid of change B) some of these books just say is think positive and all your problems will go away...
3) how do i gain confidence
4) any tips of getting a job and doing well in interviews? need confidence here - what books should i read, will pua material help here?
5) where do i meet girls now that i'm out of college. best places for hookups?

Anyway i'll take all the help i can get. Also any words of encouragement and hope are really appreciated.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Sounds like you have a pretty good grasp of where your failings lie. However, the one thing that's going to hold you back, is stupid sh!t like this:

Everytime i tried to read a self help book i just couldn't keep reading it after the first chapter. probably because A) I'm afraid of change

You're wasting your time, and everyone else's time if you're asking for advice just to mentally masturbate yourself about the idea of improvement. There is no magic formula -- change and self-improvement involve hard work and uncomfortable situations. If you're not prepared to meet that challenge head-on, you're not going to be in a position to reap a lot of rewards from life. The goal of life isn't to stay inside this comfort bubble and never feel scared, or lost, or stupid, or ashamed or whatever. Life is a demolition derby - you try to take what you want from it, consequences be damned. You only live so long. In the end, reading all the advice in the world means NOTHING if you aren't willing to go out there and, yes, potentially risk a few bruises.

1) do i still have a chance/is there hope for me to turn my life around (prob a stupid question but i need to hear it)?

Yes, there is hope for you, because you want to change enough to have written your post. However, as I mentioned before, eventually you are going to need to start taking real, tangible steps towards improving your life or you will be caught in an endless cycle of theories and routines rather than the number one best thing you can gain - experience. Even if you endure the most soul-crushing rejection, you've just improved yourself 1,000x more than if you had just sat home on your ass and surfed the internet. Nothing helps you "get it" or make the game "click" in your mind, like GETTING OUT THERE and trying, failing, or succeeding. Doesn't matter.

2) where do i start - what books should i read (please no bootcamps or seminars because i'm too broke from not having a job) ALso will this stuff help? Everytime i tried to read a self help book i just couldn't keep reading it after the first chapter. probably because A) I'm afraid of change B) some of these books just say is think positive and all your problems will go away...

You need the Book of Pook. Scroll to the bottom left corner of the forum, click on the DJ Bible, and look for the Book of Pook. It's very long and focused mostly on "inner game", which is what you need a big dose of. You'll get out of it what you put into it. Depending on the progress you make with that, you may wish to look into the "Style Life Challenge", which has some good daily exercises to help you break out of your comfort zone (outer game).

3) how do i gain confidence

You won't like the answer. But it's experience. Confidence comes from a sense of familiarity with any given situation, combined with a detachment from the outcome. When you are not used to chatting up a cute girl, and you feel like your world will end if you can't get her to like you, there is a 0% chance of coming across as confident. Only time and repeated practice and battle scars will leave you confident with women.

However, one thing will help drastically, and you touched on it. Working out. Go to the gym 5 days a week and get on a real strength training split. You have control over the way your body looks. Get strong. When your body is strong, so is your mind. People don't realize the profound impact that working out has on your brain chemistry. It will naturally make you more confident and self-assured.

4) any tips of getting a job and doing well in interviews? need confidence here - what books should i read, will pua material help here?

You need to increase your self-esteem and ability to think on your feet. You need to socialize, a LOT more, I can tell. Doing so will make you more comfortable in any social environment, including interviews.

5) where do i meet girls now that i'm out of college. best places for hookups?

It varies wildly depending on the kinds of girls you like, as well as whether your strength lies in "day game" (bookstores, coffee shops, parks, restaurants, beach, etc) or "night game" (clubs, bars, parties). Get involved with some sort of clubs or groups if you're hurting for friends/female prospects. Sign up for a theater class at your local community college. Start taking martial arts. Take a class at your local gym where all the hotties work out. I'm sure other people can go into better detail on this, because right now I think you need to focus way more on yourself first.

Good luck to you.

 

[seanj20]

thanks man for the quick reply. it was what i needed to hear and i agree with you that fear of change is a terrible thing and i have been working on improving that fault recently. I have gotten better at it and look to improve even more. Thats part of the reason i made this post. I wanted to know where to start on turning my life around. I think another problem i have is that i get too caught up in the overwhelming amount of information that is out there and i get overwhelmed and just give up or i end up looking for information and then never applying it or not knowing where i should start. So i think having that djb as the starting point is great and thanks for letting me know about it.

First things first is i am gonna start working out and get back into shape. I need this to start feeling good about myself again. I've noticed that in a lot of social situations esp with strangers that i'm the skinny kid and i get overshadowed by everyone else. I noticed this during one of those job fairs. I just didn't feel comfortable talking to people and part of it was because i just felt like a branch next to everyone else. I was like a mouse. I want to improve myself in all social situations and not just with chicks and i think this is a great place to start.

Also i just wanted to thank you again man. I seriously was starting to get depressed and i needed some hope and you did it. hopefully more people reply and give me some more advice.

 

[kingsam]

book - how to win friends and influence people - dale carnegie - its like 7 bucks and less if used...

 

[Diaforetikos]

First off, where do you live man? Reason I ask is because when I was learning this stuff, I wish I could hang around and learn from someone who had confidence. Someone with wit and charm.

Remember, who you hang around the most influences you the most.

Anyways, basically what curtains and kingsam said are all the info you need. Just make sure you have the 'want' to change.

Good luck man.

 

[Spartan301]

so here i am. I need help badly. I have some questions that i hope you guys can help answer.
1) do i still have a chance/is there hope for me to turn my life around (prob a stupid question but i need to hear it)?
2) where do i start - what books should i read (please no bootcamps or seminars because i'm too broke from not having a job) ALso will this stuff help? Everytime i tried to read a self help book i just couldn't keep reading it after the first chapter. probably because A) I'm afraid of change B) some of these books just say is think positive and all your problems will go away...
3) how do i gain confidence
4) any tips of getting a job and doing well in interviews? need confidence here - what books should i read, will pua material help here?
5) where do i meet girls now that i'm out of college. best places for hookups?

Anyway i'll take all the help i can get. Also any words of encouragement and hope are really appreciated.

1) Only YOU can answer that. Just consider this; if you keep doing the same action, you'll simply get the same result.

2) You start with lifestyle. If there is any one lesson I learned, is that LIFESTYLE TRUMPS GAME. What makes you think you can be a success towards women if you haven't established your OWN life yet?

3) Confidence comes from one of two sources; experience and faith. If you don't have experience, what does that leave you with? You can't start in the game by recollecting past experiences, especially if those experiences aren't good ones. Faith will get you started, and for every successful interaction, catalog it in your mind so you can call upon that mental state again.

4) the last thing you need to bag a decent job is pickup skills. be honest, be attentive, be hungry. Interviewers are surely going to see that, instead of some incongruent pickup traits.

5) Anywhere. I suggest first is to find your own passions, that way you are a king of your own domain. Why go to a place you know nothing about? It'll not only make you look clueless, but unattractive.

Hope these basics helped. Let me know if you have any questions.

 

[Huffman]

book - how to win friends and influence people - dale carnegie - its like 7 bucks and less if used...

I didn't finish the book, but I thought it was absolutely horrible: from beginning to end it describes sucking up to others, making presents etc...

 

[LegendaryGame]

seanj,

follow curtains advice, great post to your questions. Start with the DJ bible, couple it with an excercise routine. Bodybuilding.com has a great 16 week workout chart layed out for training to jumpstart you back into shape.

Select a great diet, get 8 hours of sleep and go out 2-3 times a week to socialize, join some type of activity.

You don't have to do this all in 1 day but do each step gradually until you have completely changed how your schedule is. THats a great way to begin.

You won't get women if you aren't okay yourself. It's never too late

 

[kingsam]

I didn't finish the book, but I thought it was absolutely horrible: from beginning to end it describes sucking up to others, making presents etc...

your the exception look at the reivews on amazon even the few low scores arnt very bad comments

its not at all about all sucking up either

 

[seanj20]

thanks for all the advice guys. i'm gonna start implementing some of these things into my life right away. Gonna take it slowly as to not overwhelm myself. i already started reading the djb, and reading a lot of encouraging posts on here. Also am starting to work out.

 

[CarlitosWay]

thanks for all the advice guys. i'm gonna start implementing some of these things into my life right away. Gonna take it slowly as to not overwhelm myself. i already started reading the djb, and reading a lot of encouraging posts on here. Also am starting to work out.

Yeah take babys steps everyday to improving yourself, e.g. approaching more people, smiling more/crack jokes, eating less like a pigeon, train in a gym. Next thing you know months/year down the road you're going to look back and be like "What the hell was wrong with me?"

 

[Huffman]

your the exception look at the reivews on amazon even the few low scores arnt very bad comments

its not at all about all sucking up either

Come on I don't care about Amazon, I'd rather hear your personal opinion. I honestly think the book can help you succeed in many endeavours, but I didn't really like where the author was coming from.

P.S. "from beginning to end" was probably an overstatement, since I didn't read all of it anyway