Struggling to deal with dry spell

[thecurtainfalls]

I'm kind of at my wits' end these days. For the last 3 months I have tried ridiculously hard to close the deal with one of the many plates I have spinning and I just can't. To an outsider it looks like I have a bunch of attractive good options lined up, but none of them are panning out.

- Hot younger classmate 8/10 (inexperienced virgin girl): Sends off tons of signals that she's interested, other friends notice our chemistry and remark on it. Doesn't matter though because this girl is repressed to hell and too fvcked up in the head to really be ready for a hook up or a relationship

- On again/off again fvck buddy 8.5/10: Seems like I'm always in a relationship when she's single and vice versa. Went for drinks with her the other night where she complimented me ("You're good looking") and was giving buying signs like crazy, then goes on to mention how she thinks she's in the beginning stages of a relationship with some douche and that she wouldn't feel right hooking up with anyone else out of respect for his feelings.

- 10/10 married chick: She's into me but uses me mostly to emotionally cheat on her husband. I'm not going to put the moves on her because she's married, but if she ever pulled the trigger I wouldn't push her off. This of course hasn't happened yet either.

- Recently met fun chick through social circle: only like a 6/10 so she was like my good backup option. Things were rolling really well between us I thought, then she goes on vacation for FIVE DAYS and in that time manages to slut it up with some dude... and then TELLS ME ABOUT IT over beers last night... FML

- Old high school acquaintance: Probably a 5.5/10 and every time I start to put some effort towards gaming her I feel disgusted with myself for dropping my standards that low, and I have sabotaged my attempts with her multiple times.


I'm starting to feel really depressed about my 3 year LTR that ended a year ago again now. Yes, our personalities were incompatible in the long run and she is kind of a horrible person. But at least she was an 8/10 and we had some really good times together. I never thought it would be this hard to get back in the saddle and find something that made me similarly happy.

It's like my confidence is too tied to recent results... when I'm on a roll, I feel invincible, and when I've had a string of defeats like I have recently, I start to doubt my confidence and ability.

I guess I'm looking for some advice or words of encouragement if anyone's got em.

 

[DJjazzyJeff]

The quickest fix for me is always to drop expectations temporarily for things I can't control. You can't COMPLETELY control how a woman will react to you or what she'll do with you. There are too many variables. Pick a couple of things about yourself you want to work on (body, confidence, communication, etc.) and put all of your expectations on these things that you can control or make better. With your focus on the right things the girls will come, but in order to get out of the vicious cycle you are in you are going to have to do something different to get your confidence back.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

The quickest fix for me is always to drop expectations temporarily for things I can't control. You can't COMPLETELY control how a woman will react to you or what she'll do with you. There are too many variables. Pick a couple of things about yourself you want to work on (body, confidence, communication, etc.) and put all of your expectations on these things that you can control or make better. With your focus on the right things the girls will come, but in order to get out of the vicious cycle you are in you are going to have to do something different to get your confidence back.

I like this advice, thanks man. I'm already a 6-times-a-week gym rat, so I'll probably want to work on improving my courage/confidence to approach. I tend to lean on social circle game a lot and I haven't had a lot of success with cold approaching in bar environments, so maybe I'll try and work on that for a bit.

 

[5string]

Simple. It's a dry spell bro. Don't let it bounce around in yer head. It'll mess you up. You'll be invincible again sure enough. Note to OP...would be wise to stay away from the married gal. Bad news.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Simple. It's a dry spell bro. Don't let it bounce around in yer head. It'll mess you up. You'll be invincible again sure enough. Note to OP...would be wise to stay away from the married gal. Bad news.

Thanks dude, yeah I tend to be an overly analytical person to begin with, so I have a hard time not letting this get to me. And the worst part is, as the dry spell rolls on it starts the snowball effect and every day it feels like I'm farther and farther down the well. I appreciate the words of wisdom. Also, I know what you mean about the married girl. It's crazy, I've known her since way before she was married, and I was even at her wedding... haha... I doubt that one will ever pan out but dear god she is gorgeous, you'll have to take my word on that. Easily the hottest girl that's ever been even somewhat attracted to me.

 

[5string]

Thanks dude, yeah I tend to be an overly analytical person to begin with, so I have a hard time not letting this get to me. And the worst part is, as the dry spell rolls on it starts the snowball effect and every day it feels like I'm farther and farther down the well. I appreciate the words of wisdom. Also, I know what you mean about the married girl. It's crazy, I've known her since way before she was married, and I was even at her wedding... haha... I doubt that one will ever pan out but dear god she is gorgeous, you'll have to take my word on that. Easily the hottest girl that's ever been even somewhat attracted to me.

Don't do the married chick. Somebody else will no doubt, but nothing good will come of it. I know it's tempting but don't go there. I know a guy who's wife cheated on him a couple years ago. When he found out he walked up to the top of his street and bang, he was gone. He had a little daughter. Then his wife married the guy she was cheating with! True story. I'm just glad he wasnt a good friend. But really, everybody has dry spells. Concentrate on what you like to do. It'll all fall into place soon enough for you. try not to dwell on it. The world does not revolve around tang....at least for a true dj.

 

[thecurtainfalls]

Keep swinging the bat...Once the word "no" or "failure" means nothing to you, everything from there is smooth sailing.

Remember: no matter how many girls say "no", you need only a relative few (or only 1!) to say, "yes."

My personal sense is that you're a "nice guy"...all of the women you mention seem to be using you as an emotional sponge to some extent. You definitely seem more of a "friend" to these women. You need to make the transition from nice-guy to caveman...make a sexually aggressive pass at ALL of these women...keep the ones who show interst...and simply discard the ones that reject your advances.

EDIT: Don't even bother listening to a girl tell you about her sexual liasons...if she starts talking about another guy, yawn exagerratedly, and say, "I'm not the guy to talk to about this."

I'm a recovering nice guy, but I'm not an AFC either. With the first girl I listed, the inexperienced one, I actually recently experienced a pretty awkward moment with her because I keep trying to push the boundaries of our interaction a little farther than she's comfortable with. I recently had to next her because she enjoyed flirting but wasn't receptive to much else due to her inexperienced/sheltered nature. I'm definitely an emotional sponge for the married girl, but that's largely because we're mostly longtime friends.

The other girl, who was telling me about her hookup, definitely could tell that I was not interested or pleased with what she was saying. I chalk that situation up to bad luck, I mean I had this girl pretty much eating out of my palm for the last couple weeks until she just had to go slut it up on vacation. And once she forgets about this douche I probably still have a decent shot, but it's just an example of how my timing's all off and I'm getting owned at every turn.

No question, though, I've been extra aggressive the last couple of months trying to get something going. Your point is taken, however.