Step Up Bootcamp

[SalParadise]

Hi. I'm Sal. My life has improved a hell of a lot since I came to this site; it has helped me to get things in perspective, get a lot more control over myself and my emotions, bulk up, get better grades and generally improve myself in every way.

However, no girlfriend.

I've decided that I'm going to take responsibility for this area of my life. So it's time for a bootcamp. I've tried the bootcamp twice and didn't get very far, basically put masses of pressure on myself and ended up wimping out. I won't let that happen again - that's why I want the help of you DJs to give me pointers and kick my ass if I get off track.

For Week 1 I'm going to do the eye contact exercises, but also I'm working on limiting beliefs and thought patterns with the use of Anthony Robbins material. From then on it's going to be the official bootcamp.

I'm currently living in the sticks, in a house of horrors. So this bootcamp will take longer than it's usually meant to. But it should get done.

Seeing as the boards are getting swamped in journals right now, let's be economical. If anyone new to this site wants to join in with me on this experiment, then read this - Bootcamp - and start posting your results on this thread! Come on.

Bootcamp is updated weekly on Fridays.

 

[Zadig]

I'm up for this. I would like to improve my confidence levels in dealing with girls specifically and people generally. I'm a high school Junior in West Michigan. As I haven't read any Tony Robbins stuff, I'm just going to do the Bootcamp unmodified. I may update daily or somewhat less often, but we'll see. Looking forward to this though.

 

[SalParadise]

Join

Great. Good to have you joining this, Zadig.
Tomorrow will be Week 1, Day 1 for anyone else who is thinking about joining up.

If you want to join the bootcamp then check out these threads if you haven't done so already:

DJ Bible (condensed)

Full DJ Bible and Bootcamp Course

...and then post a reply on this thread to confirm you are in.

 

[Zadig]

Week 1, Day 1

Well, my outing wasn’t too bad. Worked out during the day, wedging in bible and bootcamp readings throughout.

In the evening I headed out to a commercial district, and just went from store to store, attempting eye contact with everyone, and if I got it for a few seconds, I’d give a greeting. I was only able to complete this sequence 10 times. First thing I noticed was how rarely people maintained eye contact. That’s too bad, because I definitely need to work on maintaining it. After a few seconds I either have to say hello or look away.

Smiling and saying “hello” a lot is something I’ll have to get used to. It seems to me that smiling and saying “hello” to a person for no reason seems pretty transparent, but I figured that’s ok since I’m in training and will never see these people again.

I guess there isn’t that much to tell. Getting into a situation to say “hello” was just really difficult. It gave me a glimpse of how difficult the road ahead will be. I did feel a sense of empowerment though.

So all told I have 10 out of 50 greetings, and 1 out of 2 trips done.

 

[Zadig]

Week 1, Day 2

Went to the mall today. Made what eye contact I could, but the mall didn’t seem to be the most conducive atmosphere. When somebody meant my gaze, I would hold it for awhile, but look away after 2-3 seconds. I’m not sure whether this was me being intimidated, or just them leaving my scope of vision. Knowing myself though, I’d guess I’m chickening out. I think it’s really born out of a lack of self-confidence, this turning away. So I think this really makes sense as a confidence building exercise.

Having a real smile is difficult. Many times I’d half-smile in a way I’m sure looked fake. Might as well not even smile if that’s the best I can do. I’ll work on my smile in the mirror or something over the weekend.

Only initiated two greetings. The noisy and fast-paced aisles weren’t conducive, and I was just a ***** I guess. I have to be willing to put more of myself out on the line, otherwise I’m just wasting my time..

I’ll go over some stuff over the weekend. I might check out how other Boot campers got over their difficulties with this. Any good threads for this besides Walden’s? Christmas I won’t be doing anything, but I might Sunday. How are things going with you Sal?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

12 out of 50 Greetings Initiated
2 Times Out
0 Cold Approaches

 

[SalParadise]

Week 1 Days 1,2,3,4,5,6

I'm keeping a paper journal and transferring it up here weekly to save on screen time. However, I haven't been writing up recently as I took things easy for Christmas. So I'll summarise.

Week 1 was easy. Eye contact is one of my strengths so it was no problem making ec with 50 strangers. I spread out the eye contact missions over the week, so that I did about 10 a day. I practised smiling and making eye contact deliberately with girls working in shops, this used to be something I only did depending on my mood, but I got some very positive responses when I EC'd deliberately.

I went into a beauty salon to get a gift voucher for my sister, and I EC'd one of the sales girls. She smiled and EC'd me back, which was cool. I don't get nervous anymore, it's more like excitement.

However, I missed several excellent approach opportunities this week. I've missed plenty in the last month. Let's see if we can't rectify this in Week 4.

I was combining this with Anthony Robbins reading, as I thought that it would be useful to work on some fundamentals. I have identified ways to change my state whenever I want to, which I have so far found invaluable, and rid myself of some ****ty limiting beliefs. The most important one being, 'women don't find me attractive'. Looking back on things, I can see that almost every girl I wanted and approached did show interest in me at some point, yet each time I blew it with a simple AFC mistake! Now I'm in the mentality of learning, that's not going to carry the same ridiculous meaning.

Okay... I think it would be smart to start Week 2 now.

 

[SalParadise]

Week 2, Day 1

Overslept today and spent the day working at home. Only went out once, to go for a walk in the village. I didn't talk to any new people.

I am upset that I wrote that sentence, but it's the truth. I'm only going to be honest in this bootcamp thread. I've let Christmas throw me off course. Too much turkey and sitting around on my ass, I've put myself out of the habit of action!

I don't want to be a chump who sits on his ass all day and doesn't go out and make things happen, and I refuse to let my circumstances control me. And yet today I just settled into my comfort zone like a ****ing womb. This **** is not good enough.

Tomorrow I am going to talk to 10 people.

 

[Zadig]

Hey x-mas threw me off too. I'm going to try to finish off the 50 greetings from week 1 over the weekend. I'll start week 2 monday.

But I know how you're feeling. You're right, nobody wants to be the guy sitting on his ass his entire life. I'm going to just grab on and go out tomorrow.

 

[SalParadise]

30/31: Week 2, Days 2/3

Did two new convos on these days. I had a conversation with an old guy at the gym, he was filling in an ancient-looking exercise book with his routines in it. I spoke to this guy about his routine and about the gym in general, he couldn't stop returning to his expressed desire to see schools become stricter and for them to reintroduce compulsory Latin. Got unusual quickly.

Also talked to two girls on the bus back to The Land of No Return (the tiny village I have to live in at weekends), one of whom was my ex-gf. I talked to them about their schools, christmas, and what they do for fun. My ex kinoed me, but I didnt close her as the pool has been pissed in, I'm looking for a couple of fresh starts.

Jan 1: Week 2 Day 4

New Years Day today. New Years Eve sucked, which just strengthens my resolve to make this the best year yet. All was shut apart from the local post office. In the absence of better opportunity I talked to the woman behind the counter for about 10 minutes. I talked about what she was interested in, ie. her
kids. Then I resumed running. So that's 3 convos done, 7 more to do.

 

[Zadig]

Week 2, Day 1

Read the text and went to a local Schueller's Books. My confidence trickled out on the way there. After five minutes of being there, I had completely lost any courage or gumption. Just the idea of talking to these complete strangers is so difficult for me. Ugh.

I ran into a former female classmate from elementary school, HB 7 now. She was friendly, and has always shown some interest in me, but I was in a completely wrong state of mind. I just stuttered and didn't say anything worth remembering at all. On the way home all the things I ought to have done bounced around in my head. Man, I've got to get this down. Chance conspired to offer me a perfect opportunity, and I fell flat on my face. This can't continue.

I'm glad this is a joint thing, as Sal's successes give me something to reach for. I'll try talking to some new people at school tomorrow.
_______

O out of 10 Conversations

 

[SalParadise]

don

Zadig, it seems like you are approaching this bootcamp with the same mentality that I did when I last tried it. I could identify with your comment about 'thinking about all the things you ought to have done'.

Let yourself see it as an experiment. A strange experiment. Then this whole thing becomes a lot more fun. You'll be able to cultivate the relaxed and playful mentality that you're aiming for.

So instead of this:
'Oh ****, now I have to talk to all these people. What do I say?'
It's this:
'Okay, this is an interesting experiment. What's the most fun way of completing today's assignment?'

This attitude also allows you to feel better towards yourself. If the experiment failed.. so what! It's not like you 'failed' a test or anything. Just change your approach and try again! Eventually you'll find the solution.

Most people seem to quit this program after 24 hours so you and I are doing well.

 

[young_gun]

lol, good job to you two for sticking with it. I've tried this twice and quit on like the 4th day both times. I've gotta motivate myself to go do this here soon.

Eye contact is a funny thing. I've noticed while I'm out in the mall that about 80-90% of people will not hold your eye contact, and probably 50% make no eye contact at all. They just avoid it all together.

Anyway, I might be PMing you two here soon. I'm glad someone on here is motivated.

 

[SalParadise]

Week 2 (continued)

Here are the reports!

Sunday, Week 2 Day 5

Went to the gym today and had a convo with the woman there. She told me about what she did at the holidays and about her family. It was a fairly routine post-Christmas convo.

Monday 3rd - Week 2 Day 6

Talked to one of the cashiers at the bank. She was cool, we talked about the new year and the impersonality of the glass screen between us. She was really receptive and was clearly pleased that I came along to talk to her.

Tuesday 4th - Week 2 Day 7

Let me see - I spoke to a guy in a record shop today. Asked him about the new Winnebago Deal record. He seemed a bit nervous and kept wringing his hands in a nervous way. I notice this **** now. He enjoyed the convo though.

Wednesday 5th - Week 2 Day 8

A good day for the conversations today. I had a 10 minute convo with a guy who instructs at my gym. I found out that he went on a one year trip around the world, he told me about an accident he had where his head was almost cut off with a propellor. I find that with conversations the key things to do are:

1) Control your physiology - if you have confident body language, it sends all the right messages to your brain and keeps you in the right frame of mind.
2) Pick up on 'branches' of conversation - pick up on details and steer the conversation smoothly, like a good stand up act.
3) Bring out the other person's enthusiasm - they will appreciate the chance to talk about something they are passionate about.

Also I took the opportunity to talk to an HB7 at my school (she gets the most emotional responses from the guys). Previously I've either been too apprehensive to talk to her or have got a negative response. Anyway, this time I just came up and said 'good to be back' (first day)? She was really shy and gave me fleeting EC and smiled. I diverged into familar territory - ie. university applications, etc. which I usually try to stay out of. Then she went to catch the bus.

I'm pleased about that, because I didn't get the usual chumpish soundtrack of thoughts in my head, and my behaviour of last year now seems COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS. I look back and see a typical cut-and-dry AFC. I now feel divorced from that mentality. All I need to do is REPLACE those old habits with powerful new ones.

And another convo - brief one with a goth girl at the bus stop, just to add another convo to the list. I talked to her about Camden and black clothes.

4) Center convo around what the other person is interested in.

Spoke to a lot of girls that I've never spoken to before at my school. I find it remarkably easy to talk to people now, seems like my old feelings of nerves and insecurity (which were never really visible but were THERE) have subdued completely. This is due to the positive habits I have learnt from the Anthony Robbins book I read during Week 1.

The guy is cheesy, but his ideas work. I asked them about their holidays and the presents they got. They were very receptive and seemed pleased that I took the time to talk to them.

Thursday 6th - Week 2 Day 9

Nothing today - I was sick, spent the day working.

Friday 7th - Week 2 Day 10

Today was a learning day. Basically I spent the day second-guessing myself and engaging myself in ridiculous mental debates about approaches. I'm so busy PUSHING myself to talk to as many women as I come across and kill my old habits, that I'm not getting the chance to consider whether they're WORTH talking to.

I've got a demented coach on one shoulder and the voice of reason on the other.

To kill this silly habit I've set these game rules for week 3/4:

1) If I'm initially attracted, approach. See what she's like.

2) Three key ideas:
- I am the prize to be won
- Focus on the fun
- Express your sexuality.

Nice and simple.

In summary of Week 2, I'm able to talk to people easily. My convo skills were strong enough to allow me to talk to people easily and
casually in a way that engaged us both.

I know I can achieve the same result with women.

Here's the plan:
1) Use the new game rules.
2) Have fun with it.
3) Enjoy myself.

 

[SalParadise]

Week 3, Day 1

Weekend 8/9th: Hiatus.

Relunctantly had to put Bootcamp on the back burner for 2 days, doing revision for an unprepared-for exam. Don't shoot me!

10th: Week 3, Day 1.

Hit, miss, and room for improvement today.

Room for improvement: I had an opportunity to talk with an HB6 on the bus,
who was travelling with a baby. Plenty of openers came to mind but I didn't
take action: the 'right time' didn't arrive. Clearly, I need to TAKE these
opportunities and not wait for the nonexistant perfect time.

Miss: Approached an HB7 at the gym. I had already made some awkward convo with
her previously, and this threw me off a bit. I went up to her and said 'cool shoes!'.
Good opener (unique, observant) but I didn't follow this up with anything of merit.
Started doubting myself and my confidence faltered. Mind went blank and I walked off
after helping her out with a machine. D'oh!

Hit: Bus stop - met a cute HB8. Very vaguely knew her. I talked to her about Xmas, New
Years, and about her style. She said she used to be a skater girl, and as we talked I grew
more confident. Teased her slightly, employed some subtle kino - checked out her ring -
had great physiology and EC/smile during this convo. Did my best number close so far.

 

[deepraj]

Great journal mate, keep at it! I really like the way you are approaching the boot camp and its really inspiring. Your game rules are spot on is totally how I think the boot camp should be approached. I so need to get off my ass and start the BC, need to stop making excuses like it will not work in the UK but you are proof that it will!
Also can you let me know what Anthony Robbins books you are using?

Cheers and Good Luck

Deepraj

 

[SalParadise]

Week 3, Day 2.

No approaches today! Didn't see any girls that I would consider dating. It really is that sparse around here.

Week 3, Day 3.

Flaked off again today. I wasn't in the right mentality, focusing hard on exams and didn't make the opportunity to talk to any new girls. The problem here is that I have briefly stopped getting inspired in the mornings.

Week 3, Day 4.

Got out into town today, which is a much better pool of opportunity. Spoke to a girl in a bookstore stacking up books in a pile. Opened by saying 'is it good?' regarding the book she was stacking. Fairly interesting opener, but again didn't have much to follow it up with.

The good news is that I was much more naturally confident in this interaction, didn't have the usual annoying buzz of thought in my head. Talked to her for around 2 minutes before she got called over to serve someone at the counter.

Didn't get any of the nerves, panic that I used to get. However, did procrastinate wildly before approaching her, and the convo needs to be worked on. In this case I was talking about odd subjects, it wasn't flowing as naturally as I wanted it to.

Week 3, Day 5.

Off sick today.

So I've only done 3 out of 10 convos so far, not a good start to Week 3. However, I've number-closed a cute girl. I must catch up on the convos, and take out this girl.

From week 3 so far I've learnt that I'm not comfortable talking to girls I don't know, unless they display obvious interest in me in which case I warm to them. It's a fear of rejection.

Also, I've found that the better the state I'm in, the better I do. To this end I'm learning to improve my state of mind and my physiology whenever I want to.

 

[SalParadise]

Deepraj,

Cheers for the input. Yeah, feel free to start your own bootcamp on this thread, no time like the present to start it. It's tailored for the US but just customise it to something that will work for you.

The Anthony Robbins stuff I've been studying is -

Awaken the Giant Within (book).
Get The Edge (audio programs).

I highly recommend the book. It's cheesy but actually full of useful distinctions. You can order the Get The Edge tapes, which are quick-and-easy distillations of his ideas. I find that the book is the more substancial work and the more useful. You can usually find it mired between self-help books for desperate women in the local Borders.

 

[SalParadise]

Week 3, Day 6

Today's approaches.

1: Tourist girls.

They were wondering how to get to the bus station, so I decided to TAKE them there. I talked to them about their country, what they were doing here, their jobs etc. Their English wasn't so good so the topics of conversation were a little limited. My eye contact, smile was good. Talked to them for about 2 minutes before they left.

2: Girl in shop.

Great convo. It flowed really naturally. Used the 3-second rule, came in and said 'what's in this shop then'? becuase it was full of crap. Went from there, kept on an upbeat and energetic note, talked about where she went on holiday, Oxford, city life, gap years. It was natural and well carried out.

I am reminded of Walden's boot camp, where he remarked that 'the first 30 seconds of any approach will be fairly awkward'. I realise that this is true, that previously I have been put off from my approaches because I was guaging the girl's reaction too diligently. This time I stuck with it and really warmed to the conversation. Managed to be restrained with the humour, didn't turn into a comedy act. It was about 10 minutes, she clearly enjoyed it. Best so far.

3: Clothes shop.

Decided to go to clothes shop to talk to retail advisor, reminded of David D's advice in DJB to 'talk to women who sell men's clothing'. Stumbled over my opener, which set a poor tone for the approach. She was brisk and not into me. Attempts to lighten the tone were shot down. Ok. She wasn't particularly hot anyway! Ha ha ha. The problem here was the old 1st impression.

So that's 7 done, 4/5 to go.

 

[SalParadise]

Week 3, Day 7

No new approaches, roped into a family engagement so I couldnt do an errand today.

Did call Lydia, who I #-closed a few days ago. Was not the smoothest phone call ever, she's a little kooky and throws me with some of the stuff she says.

I've found that when I speak to women I'm still running this crazy mental dialogue - 'convey mystery now, then do this. Make comment' - like it's a freaking TEST or something. No wonder that I'm not doing myself justice.

From now on when I speak to women I'm not going to worry about these stupid DJ 'rules', and let my natural personality come out! Like Pook says in 'Be a Man' - 'let your personality shine', and 'date with all conviction'. He also says 'dont treat women like walking on eggshells', which is EXACTLY what I was doing.

Still, despite this distinction, happy to say that she agreed to a date on Thursday.

Any ideas from anyone? You guys haven't exactly been going to town with the replies.

 

[SalParadise]

Week 3, Day 11

Well, I still haven't done the convos needed to complete the week - I've only come across 4 opportunities in the last few days, and all were at the same time! I wasn't in a good state and didnt use the 3 second rule.

However, took out Lydia, girl I number-closed earlier in the week, for a meet-up. The only time she said she had available was a free period during school, so I arranged to meet her there. There is literally NOTHING to do in the village, so I took a leaf out of Pook's book and took her for an 'action date' at the playground. She seemed to enjoy this.

It was a good first 20 minutes, but after that it went downhill. I had good EC/smile, and focused on the fun. After a while the ploayground got boring so I took her for a walk. The convo dried up a bit and she had uncomfortable body language. She asked a lot of questions, I turned them around and focused the convo on her, but I grew fairly nervous without anything action to play with.

In the absence of anything else to do, I decided we should go into the school and take a look around, seeing as I hadn't been there in a while. By this point she is making convo with guys she knows who are passing by, which indicates pretty low interest level in me!

By the end of the meet-up I was in such an uncomfortable state that I started talking about myself, and didn't close it properly.
I was kicking myself for not doing any kino or a proper kiss-close (though it is early days).

So overall I was pretty disappointed with this meet-up. The areas I need to focus on are:

- conversation.
- KINO.
- staying in a positive frame of mind throughout the meet-up.

Next time I do one of these I'm going to make sure I have a couple of fun activities at my disposal.