Social insecurity

[rapsta]

Hey hey how are you all doing?
What really pisses me off is that everytime I'm sober I give too much of a fcuk what people think of me. Mostly alpha people. Or people who i somewhy categorize to be "better than me"
When i walk into a store or something.. these toughts hit my mind:
* where should i look
* oh shyt i gotta put on a smile so that people appreciate me more, even though my life is shyt at this moment
* i gotta retain preparedness in case someone asks me wierd questions etc.
* how should i act, talk, walk, look when that HB looks my way?
And much much more..

I know I should be myself, and I'm always trying to be myself but I'm still overanalyzing i think. And shyt like this actually makes you more insecure. I'm aware of that too. But I just can't shut all these things off. I'm always prepared for something. I can't relax. I just wanna fvcking relax.

Anyone got any tips on this? on how to get rid of all those thoughts?

 

[rgeere]

It's called self control ... you have to control those emotions, not let them control you.

 

[rapsta]

yeah but how man? when i can't even realize whats going on in my life? i'm all confused now. i've been confused for 4 months now. i've been confused ever since me and the girl i loved broke up. i wanna get back to reality. i can't see beyond what's happening NOW.
I feel like a schizophrenic in life now. I mean I can be really angry now, and 2 hours later im fully restored and i even forgot how it felt to be angry 2 hours ago.
Or take yesterday for example. I went home to a girl who I met clubbing this friday. We we're supposed to watch a movie but I told her i had to leave in 1,5 hours because something else came up that i had forgotten about. So after 10 minutes I was fvcking this girl. I went home after an hour to get ready for clubbing with a friend. After i took a shower and got in the car, it's like I hadn't even been at this girls place. I was still the same me that i was before i fvcked this girl.
Usually, i would have been pretty happy over banging a hot 23 year old. But shyt don't matter anymore, I cant see whats going on beyond NOW NOW NOW.

u see what i mean? i'm all confused man, i wanna get restored to the old, happy me. And yes I have a passion, boxing. But it doesn't do things any better.

 

[Spacebar]

Its ok, I suffer from those same social problems when Im sober...

Every time I hear or see someone laughing, I immediately think they are laughing at me for some reason... which is illogical, but I can't help it

I always act as if everyone around me is watching me and analyzing me, I dunno what to do, it just my natural disposition.

I am getting better tho, and I think if I just keep up my confidence and try to suppress these feelings they will go away and it will be normal.... right?

 

[Fender]

you DO know what our problems are right?

"we're too goddamned SMART"

Thats right, we're too intellectual. We analyse, think, calculate too much. DO you think a retarded eegit with IQ of 10 would have social insecurities? Do you think they would CARE about other ppl?

Now, we cant get any dumber (well...it aint recommended...) so theres only one thing we can do with our intellect. Direct it somewhere else. Channel it into the conversation, use it to absorb the message of the conversation, etc. Just don't use your intellect to predict.

Cheers

 

[ScrewIt]

PILLS/herbs.

My friend has a similar problem to yours. He has social anxiety disorder. He takes pills during the day to help him think less, decrease his brain activity so he can focus on other things at hand such as classes and college.

he's very non -social and stays home all the time, so you would understand why he has htis disorder.

 

[flyinshark]

I am also part of the gang here. I tend to analyse people's reactions to me, and the question "what do they think about me" is often in my mind. If for some reason i become the center of attention, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

If anyone has some good tips on how to learn not to give a fvck about what others think, please post it here!

 

[ScrewIt]

On another note, i would like to add that this disorder (social anxiety, social insecurity) is a form of Paranoia.

I had a less extreme version of this 4-2 years ago. I was quite a self conscious guy. Maybe it was my lack of sleep or something and waking up everyday early for class, but the problem slowly dissolved away. I admit i used to be a very analytical guy, but not as much anymore.

I think the source of the problem originated from people looking at me at a daily basis wherever i go...as a result of my good looks.

but now even if they do look, i could care less.

 

[Move]

oh how true that is.
Personally, i smoke pot and that helps shut my head up but not all the time. I go into a bit of a dreamy state and don't obsess over the smallest things.

I try to predict the future by alanyzing every avenue i can think of, and then tell myself that the most 'likely' outcome IS going to happen. So not true... but can't tell myself that.

I also try and slot someone into a box straight away. I'll ask the according questions to find out if we will have any common ground and if i get a bad response, then its 'see ya later'. Many times, later on i have found that person to be extremely interesting if i had only given them a chance...

I don't know if its too smart, insecure or hyperactivity of the brain. But i think distraction is definitely the key.
The only thing is, its hard to distract yourself when you have already run through what your going to do and what happens your head... ruins the surprise!

 

[Flint Stoner]

Originally posted by flyinshark
I am also part of the gang here. I tend to analyse people's reactions to me, and the question "what do they think about me" is often in my mind. If for some reason i become the center of attention, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

If anyone has some good tips on how to learn not to give a fvck about what others think, please post it here!

I have the same problem. But I really don't want to start taking prescribed medication to overcome it. Does anyone know any herbal remedies, or exercises that can help?

How do you even get treatment for this? What do you tell the doctor?

 

[backbreaker]

i do tend to over analyzise things at times.


I can think of at least 5 times when now that I think back on it, a woman was begging to be with me/want me to ask her out, but I didn't becuase I overanalyzised. I am at my best wehn I am not drunk, not tipsy, but "feeling good" when I am well aware of my surroundings and what i am doing, i hvae had enough drinks to not hold anything back. That's usually a paint of alize for me and it will do the trick.

 

[Sexus]

Where is the grand rule that says over analysis is bad?

Trying to shut our brain activity down? Why?

In order to OVER analyse we must have a binary opposition to match it against. What is this?

Its called a nation of mongoloids.

Take heart fellow DJ's that you do indeed have an over active mind. Use it and incoporate it into your game. Dont shut it off.

You are smarter than most so take advantage of your gift.

The greatest treasure a man can possess is the notion of self awareness. It enables him to change.

Sexus

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by Sexus
Take heart fellow DJ's that you do indeed have an over active mind. Use it and incoporate it into your game. Dont shut it off.

You are smarter than most so take advantage of your gift.

The greatest treasure a man can possess is the notion of self awareness. It enables him to change.

Sexus

Good points there! Maybe we do have some special "powers" here but we don't know how to put them to good use and they backfire on us. Maybe once we learn to use them to our advantage we will be above the rest of the guys who act without thinking and more often than not end up screwing up!

So let's cheer up, as the best is yet to come! Oh yeah, optimism is sexy, right

 

[Caldus]

Yeah I'm like that too. When I'm tipsy then I don't give a **** what other people think. But when sober I think way too much about what other people think of me. I would love to hear some good advice about how exactly to get rid of it.

 

[MetalFortress]

Originally posted by rapsta

Anyone got any tips on this? on how to get rid of all those thoughts?

Yeah. When those thoughts come up, do the exact opposite of what the thoughts are saying to do. It's not easy, but it's simple and it works.

 

[flyinshark]

Well, now that alcohol has been mentioned, i remember that i used to drink a bit in order to give myself a confidence boost.

One drink would usually suffice, and i'd then have the guts to either go talk to a girl i didnt know, or try going for a kiss. The nice part is that i needed less and less alcohol each time, and eventually i wasnt drinking at all before any move that required some courage.

And yes!!! Doing the opposite of what your mind tells you is a great solution! I learned that from my karate teacher a few years ago and sometimes i have put it into practice, with good results

 

[rapsta]

alright thanks for the replies my friends

 

[rapsta]

today I actually did the opposite.
when I was thinking about how to act or where to place my eyes in public. I told myself "let's try do the opposite, let's just pretend you don't give a shyt. let's see the people's responses then" well nobody gave a fvck. how nice i actually felt good at the end of the evening. try it out. when you're thinking about what they are thinking of you, just let loose, don't bother it too much. I mean, what can they do? are they gonna shoot you? no no no hopefully i feel the same tomorrow as well.

 

[frivolousz21]

this is easily overcome..its called breaking down the wall of FEAR!

you are all afraid of what people think of you..plain and simple..stop giving a ****...and start living ur life the way 100 percent way you want to..

and this will rapidly go away

 

[Baruch]

I had the same problem. At times I had to have a drink or two before I went out to a party because I would be a nurveous wreck if I didnt.

But lately I got involved in playing soccer as when I was doing when I was a kid (I was the happiest at that time), I started working out consitantly and making more acquintences that way. I went to that party completly sober. I had no thoughts of fear, anxiety or anything. I didnt realize it till I got home 4am in the morning. The party was a blast one of the best Ive been to in a while.

I actually wanted to come to this site and post how much SoSuave has helped me with my social anxiety.

How did it help?

Just great articles from other respected members. read over and over and over again and I try to implement all these things into my daily life.

I used to be socially active and popular when I was 15, but a family tradegy, drug addiction and moving to another country kind of ruined my life...up until lately. Where I feel like I am happy again, social and confident with myself.

Its all mental, medicines and herbs only ease it, it doesnt cure it.