Should Have Saw It Coming

[ZTIME]

I will do my best to provide a translation, in bold:

Thanks for this. It's good to get perspective on stuff sometimes. I read your early stuff in the "No contact challenge" so I know you have an understanding of this stuff.

I've been having fun doing my thing. Meeting up with a few women and having fun. (won't go into too much detail, but it's all good.) Some folks on here seem to get offended that I leave anything in this thread, but they're just copies of any texts I get, and believe me there is no damage being done.

I really have enjoyed reading your bolded definition of these texts. I always look for the good out of everything....you just tell it like it is. Thanks.

 

[ZTIME]

Broke the cardinal rule. Responded to one of those text messages for what I think was a good enough reason.

Her text: Sorry about J (her daughter).... she told me she knocked on door a few times... I told her not to do it again.

My response: J is always welcome to knock on the door. I was in the shower though. Tell her I found the note in the cups and appreciate it.

Her text: Lol awww ok I told her. She said she wrote hi in rock on driveway.

You know, I really thought that I needed to hide from this chick's texts. To be honest, it didn't bother me to respond. It was for the 12yr. old girl. I didn't want her to be hurt or get in trouble for trying to see me. She was always my favorite.

I'm sure the kid was just there visiting with one of her friends from the neighborhood I live in.

Other than this, I've been great and keeping myself very socially active. My diet and workouts are still phenomenal, and the dating scene is every bit as crazy as you've all described.

 

[Solomon]

I read the first two pages and last two put this thread reinforces my believe on why I don't date single mothers

 

[Tenacity]

Broke the cardinal rule. Responded to one of those text messages for what I think was a good enough reason.

Her text: Sorry about J (her daughter).... she told me she knocked on door a few times... I told her not to do it again.

My response: J is always welcome to knock on the door. I was in the shower though. Tell her I found the note in the cups and appreciate it.

Her text: Lol awww ok I told her. She said she wrote hi in rock on driveway.

You know, I really thought that I needed to hide from this chick's texts. To be honest, it didn't bother me to respond. It was for the 12yr. old girl. I didn't want her to be hurt or get in trouble for trying to see me. She was always my favorite.

I'm sure the kid was just there visiting with one of her friends from the neighborhood I live in.

Other than this, I've been great and keeping myself very socially active. My diet and workouts are still phenomenal, and the dating scene is every bit as crazy as you've all described.

ZTIME,

You are a great guy, it's just a shame that the market doesn't cater to "great men" anymore. Great men are out of style like Jeri-Curls.

 

[ZTIME]

Didn't think I'd post to this thread anymore, but I believe this May help others who have gone through this stuff. It's been about 10 months since the end of this relationship. I've ignored this girl, stayed NC, worked on myself, and I spin plates.

Last night I started getting a random string of texts from the ex. I normally wouldn't respond, but the first one said "I need to see you right away, I'm in trouble, can I stop by your house for a bit?" I said no, but I can meet you one of these two places." I was going to either of them anyway to watch the UFC fights.

I went and started watching the fights. She shows up 30 min later and asks if we can go somewhere more private. We go to the outside patio bar, we sit down and she starts crying. Of course I asked "what's wrong". Here are the highlights of what she said:

1. She started living with this guy because when she left she had no place to go. He offered her a place to stay.

2. She hates him and her and her children are miserable.

3. She needed me to know that she never cheated on me.

4. She has never loved anyone as much as me and still loves me.

5. She owes me soo much for helping to make sure her children are well behaved and honor roll students.

6. She's been following my Facebook through friends and knows I'm sleeping with other women, (mainly the plate).

7. She said she left because she knew I wouldn't marry her.

8. Of course it was the biggest mistake she ever made in her life, and all of her friends and family were mad at her for doing it.

Any of this crap sound familiar???

Blah,blah,blah. All of this verbal diareaha coming out of her mouth while she's crying, and all I can think of is how I could have ever dated this train wreck, and god she looks horrible!

He bar we met at was closing. It was 12:15. All I could say was I felt bad for her situation and I hope her and her kids have a good life. ToLd her to take care of herself and we parted ways.

I get home in about 10 minutes and about 30 min. Later my doorbell starts ringing. It's 12:45 at night! I open the door and it's her holding a six pack of beer. "Peace offering, I didn't want to go home. Can I come in?" I was a dumbass and let her in.

Sitting by the pool, she starts with the you really look great, and always smell great. She really misses our conversations etc. then she trays a little kino. My ex who robbed my house is sitting by my pool 10 months later trying to game me!
She even had the nerve to tell me she likes what I've done with the place (referring to my new furniture and paint)!

We finished the 6 pack. She just wanted to keep talking. I said I needed to get up early and it was time for her to go. She offered to stay, tried to kiss me, and started crying when I pushed her away. WTF?

I said "Look, we're not those people. I'm happy with my life, you're not. I don't want to be unhappy, which means that whatever you're thinking isn't happening. Go home and work on your relationship, it's probably the best thing for you."

She left and I double checked all the door locks and went to bed. So far today I've received 4 texts from her about how happy she was to see me, and how great it was to hear my voice and smell my cologne. I chose not to respond.

You know, I was never looking for anything from her. I could care less what happened with her. I didn't look her up, call her, or reach out in any way. But last night, I couldn't help feeling great that my life is just fine and she seems to be struggling. It's probably not healthy thinking that way, but I slept well.

 

[Die Hard]

That post put a smile on my face, ZTIME. Don't feel guilty about the way you felt last night. Look at it this way, when you enter a competition and finish first, you deserve to be happy about it, even though the guy who finished second is in tears...

You won, she lost. And quite honestly, she got what she deserved...

 

[Slickster]

A little disturbing that you let her into your house....

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Isn't that just like a woman? Not appreciating the good man she had when she had him. That sense of entitlement...

And now she tries to lure you back in with sex and flattery.

Good for you man! And like slickster said, don't let her in next time. If she stole your stuff, you don't know what she's capable of.

-Augustus-

 

[ZTIME]

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I felt like I handled myself pretty well. I didn't want to feel great about it as I seek no social validation from people's reactions, I try to live my life the way I want without the need of someone's approval.

Also, I originally told the ex that I would meet her in a public place, which we did. She came to my house on her own. She wasn't invited. I didn't feel threatened in any way, and the new cameras would record everything anyway.

I think she was pompous enough to believe that I would be super excited and invite her to come back and live happily ever after. Not in this lifetime.

 

[ZTIME]

FVCK HER

Agreed. Thanks for all the help. Without guys like you who posted here for months, this would have played out a lot differently. I reread the first post. That guy would have caved!

There is soo much good advice posted in this thread. I hope it serves the new comers to SS well.

 

[ZTIME]

Ztime,

Mate, you have done a major turn around on your life. Yeah you can beat yourself up for even replying or letting her in your house with her peace offering....but the real story here is even after you did those two things, you told her how it was and sent her packing.

Doesn't it feel good to know that you have balls and a backbone? To know that nothing can hold you any longer? We say over and over here that no sex is worth your self-respect and you just clearly demonstrated how that works.

Great job mate, you truly ended that like a man and showed how to walk away even when temptation makes an appearance at the door.

I read so many threads on this site about how difficult it is to break up with a chick or get dumped by a chick, and truth be told; this one was very difficult. The problem is that is was my own fault that I allowed it to happen. I was the one that discarded my own dreams for someone else's, and I paid the inevitable price for doing so.

Now, once the pieces have been picked up and re assembled into something 1000 times better it's easier to just walk away. My value is way to high to be messing with a chick like that. I date in a different league, and she would never make it.

It does feel good to have balls and a backbone, but it feels way better to have a true sense of my own value. If guys allow it to happen (which is more often then not), women will take everything they have including their own self worth, and once it's gone they leave them a mess.

I don't regret replying to her text or even allowing her through the door. It was great to know that I just really didn't care, and that she is just a distant memory. I have no hate toward her, and I celebrate in none of her happiness, she's just some chick I knew once upon a time.

Thanks again. I'll post soon in my other thread. This plate thing becoming a fun situation.

 

[guru1000]

My value is way to high to be messing with a chick like that. I date in a different league, and she would never make it.

At one time, your perceived value was in line with hers.

Interesting that "value" is a choice, irrespective of who you are or your tangible accomplishments. Herein is the central tenet of DJism a/k/a the "prize" mantra: choose your value.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Mods, sticky this thread!

Hell yes, I second sticky'ing this thread.

 

[N.Brixton]

Thank you for sharing your path ZTIME. The rage and anger I carried from my own breakup literately subsided from the span of reading your log. I'm still angry for invested so much into an unsound investment. At least now I learn it's probably a blessing in disguise. Work's been cut out for myself to become successful like you.

 

[ZTIME]

Thank you for sharing your path ZTIME. The rage and anger I carried from my own breakup literately subsided from the span of reading your log. I'm still angry for invested so much into an unsound investment. At least now I learn it's probably a blessing in disguise. Work's been cut out for myself to become successful like you.

You'll succeed as long as you allow yourself to. I go back and reread the posts to this thread from time to time. It was a pretty rough point in life for me when I found this site. There truly is a lot of great posts in here. You are right; your break up and mine truly are blessings in disguise.

 

[ztas]

Ztime,

Ain't no woman, no matter how good lookin (or which of your buttons she presses), worth the pain that you've gone through.

Easier said in hindsight of course.

Take care and remember the next 'right one' could just around the corner. Then you'll completely forget the bad experience you had.

best

 

[ZTIME]

Ztime,

Ain't no woman, no matter how good lookin (or which of your buttons she presses), worth the pain that you've gone through.

Easier said in hindsight of course.

Take care and remember the next 'right one' could just around the corner. Then you'll completely forget the bad experience you had.

best

This experience has taught me so much that I think I’ll be better off not forgetting it. Although there was a lot of pain and I was really down in the dumps, I believe that it helped me to emerge as a way better version of myself.

For the last 20 years I always thought that if you could be the guy to help the girl and to show her how much you cared every day that your relationship would last forever and you’d both live happily ever after (you know that fantasy land that guys visit every now and then). I had everything going; great career, great place to live, endless vacations, great physique, and good looks. Yet slowly, I allowed myself to lose confidence and started to work like a slave to keep my girls happy. I think that’s as BETA as a guy can get.

I see it all clearly now. Those girls did what I allowed them to do. I think that’s the secret of all relationships (professional or romantic); people will push as far as you allow them to, people will take everything you give them, and when they’re finished pushing and taking, they leave to find their next victim. It’s a shame that life works this way, but it’s better going into any game fully understanding the rules.

If the next “right one” is around the corner, she would have to bring a lot more to the table then what a lot of today’s women have to offer. I’m currently working 3 relatively hot women (plates) and quite frankly, none of them fit the exact profile I’m looking for. It’s better to keep my values in check and not settle for what I truly don’t want. I have a lot to offer and I think that women realize that, which is why they keep trying to wiggle their way into some sort of “serious” relationship.

I think a lot of guys come to this sight looking for answers on how to deal with women and relationships, but there losing the game because they truly don’t understand the rules. And without changing there playing style, they are bound to just keep losing.

 

[latinnova]

That was actually a very accurate chart posted above, The Betaization Process.

The one thing that I notice is that when you stay alpha through out a ltr, the women will want to fvck your brains out till the very end of the relationship. The problem arises when they see that you are not transforming into a beta though, something deep within them tells them this is not right, and it literally about drives them psychotic. On one hand, they are still highly attracted to you and want to fvck every night, on the other their emotionally ingrained biological side is telling them that it is time to get out because this is not someone who she can settle with since full control is not established given a certain time frame. It literally is tearing them apart in their mind and they put the blame on you and eventually they leave, even though they will fvck your brains out on the final night before the call it quits because they are still sexually attracted to you. You can slow the curve a great deal, but I do believe graph is a perfect representation of how a relationship develops.

 

[ZTIME]

This is very appropriate. PLEASE read it.


http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/forum/social-dynamics/the-betaization-process/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXUHLjraRWc

All right! Where was this graph 20 years ago? It's so disgustingly accurate that it's mind boggling. Good stuff. Betaization! I've got to remember this!

Latinnova has also got a point. I think after awhile women do expect you to start becoming more BETA which allows them to have more control in a relationship. If they don't get that, they start to plan an exit. Damned if you do damned if you don't.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Mauser,

Sadly, that graph is way too accurate. And the real sobering thought which really gets you in the gut is that in 99% of all relationships, it's where you're eventually heading.

-Augustus-