Shot Down...the tale-tale marks of Low Interest Level?...

[TheDude]

Ho hum...Damn.

Okay, got the number last Tues. waited till tonight to call. Small talk, nothing smoozy or "too nice guy", kept it short, and went in for the close. Asked her to lunch tomorrow, and this is what I got:

"Oh, well I think I am going to be too busy tomorrow. I am so busy, blah blah blah blah"

I could have asked her What about Tues? or something, but just didn't seem like she was interested and I was trying to remain DJ about it, so I just okay, see ya later.

So there is the age old question: Why the hell do chicks give you their phone number, act all excited giving it too you, and then....?

Geeezzzz..

TheDude

is down.

 

[trickynick]

I get this here and there. Women will not often be up front, it's not in their nature. I'll I can think of is that they like you being interested in them and the attention that comes from it, but when push comes to shove they don't really want much else. Don't get too bummed about it, Dude.

------------------
Look out for number one and don't step in number two!

 

[Sociopath31]

I second that.

Hey, thedude, you ever seen the "Big Labowski?"

 

[TheDude]

Yeah, I know this is fairly common. I've posted about this this whole situation, and thought I played it in a good DJ fashion. It was kinda my first DJ experiment so to speak. So I am not too bummed.

Yeah- the Big Lebowski. The Dude was the ultimate DJ, he was a Nihilist- didn't give a shyt about anything!

If anyone remembers my previous posts about this situation, and has any pointers or observations, clue me in- trying to learn from it...

TheDude
abides...

 

[bclarke675]

Just keep saying, "NEXT!", until you find a woman with sufficient interest level.

 

[Wyldfire]

After 5 days she might have forgotten why she liked you in the first place. I know many of the guys will tell me I don't know what I'm talking about...but...after 3 days a lot of women will get disgusted waiting for you to call. No one can be SO busy for over three days as to not have 15 minutes to call her. She probably thought you weren't interested enough in her. Or she may have thought she was your last choice to take out. I get pissed off at people after 3 days of waiting for them to call if I'm expecting them to. It doesn't matter if it's a guy or my own mother. Don't like my time wasted. Some women are like this and she might have been one of them.

 

[Juan_Man]

I have to side with Wyldfire on this one. I, myself, have never bought the old "Wait At Least Three Days Before You Call Her" trick. I believe that if the girl is interested enough in you, then you should be able to get away with calling her the next day. Waiting to call won't make her any more interested. By then, she probably would have moved on to another guy. However, I do believe that when you call her, you should keep the convo very short. Twenty minutes, tops.

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
After 5 days she might have forgotten why she liked you in the first place. I know many of the guys will tell me I don't know what I'm talking about...but...after 3 days a lot of women will get disgusted waiting for you to call. No one can be SO busy for over three days as to not have 15 minutes to call her.

And the fact that she's disgusted tells you a lot in itself.

If a woman really can't imagine that there may be other demands on a guy's time that are more important than she is, she's going to have a hard time dealing with the fact that you have a life of any sort that doesn't revolve around her.

This is not a good omen. It means she thinks *everything is about her* (or if it isn't, it should be.)

This is never good.

Fact is, if a woman really has high interest, you can wait *months* and she'll still be interested. And she won't resent you for it either.

One thing I've found works sometimes is to forget the fluff talk, and come right out with asking for a date in the first few seconds. *Don't give her time* to decide she doesn't want to. Go for it right away.

If she's not interested, she'll still say no. Whatever. You'll know either way. You just give her less of a chance to come up in her own mind with a reason why she shouldn't.

 

[Wyldfire]

"Months"???? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Please tell me you're kidding! Wait that long and she won't even remember who the hell you are unless she already knows you beforehand. And if she does know you already she is going to lose interest because she will assume you don't like her since you never called and she will "Next" you. Unless a woman has been involved with a guy and genuinely loves him, her interest will fade as quick as another man shows interest who she likes.

Calling within the first 24 hours screams desperation and clinginess. Calling within the first 48 hours hints at eagerness but not desperation. Calling within 72 hours shows that you are interested in the woman but have a life beyond chasing her. Anything beyond that indicates that your interest in her is low, that you fell back on her because others turned you down, and that you lack courteous follow through. Bottom line, if a girl is really interested in you and you told her you would call her, she is going to try very hard not to miss that call. So, she will be putting off whatever she can to be near the phone. After 3 days of that a woman begins to get angry and stops waiting. You get the desired result of waiting to call by waiting 3 days. Waiting longer WILL make some women lose interest.

 

[Raoul]

I remember a post by Peak I think it was where he said he waited 50 days before calling (May not have been 50 days, but it was a big number and a long damn time) and he still got a date with her. That being said, I have done the same thing as TheDude and waited about 6 days, and I still got the date. But if a girl gets annoyed that I did not call her when she wanted me to, it shows :

1) She's a "my way or else" chick. Life doesn't work that way, and neither do I.

2)I was nothing more than passing interest to her, a guy she needed for an ego boost during that time period. If I call after that time period where she got another sucker to stroke her ego, I've basically lost my usefulness to her.

If a girl really is interested, the fact that I called at all should please her to no end. It's not WHEN I call, it's that I actually DID call. I don't know about 50 days, but 6 days is NOT too long.

Just a thought.

- Raoul

 

[Wyldfire]

>>1) She's a "my way or else" chick. Life doesn't work that way, and neither do I.<<

Not necessarily. She might get the impression that you are NOT sincerely interested in her. She might think that you took so long to call to ask her out because she was not your first choice and that others turned you down. She might have been raised in a family who values good manners, courtesy and goo etiquette.

>>2)I was nothing more than passing interest to her, a guy she needed for an ego boost during that time period. If I call after that time period where she got another sucker to stroke her ego, I've basically lost my usefulness to her.<<

She might draw the same conclusion about you after not hearing from you by the third day.

>>If a girl really is interested, the fact that I called at all should please her to no end. It's not WHEN I call, it's that I actually DID call. I don't know about 50 days, but 6 days is NOT too long.<<

Okay...if your ONLY reason to wait awhile to call is to avoid looking desperate and look like you have a life...you can get that result by calling on the 3rd day. Some women take awhile to figure out if they like you or not. Some guys are the same way. Waiting too long to call DOES have the potential to lower interest instead of raising it...especially with people who place courtesy and punctuality high on their list of attractive traits in a person.

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
"Months"???? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Please tell me you're kidding! Wait that long and she won't even remember who the hell you are unless she already knows you beforehand. And if she does know you already she is going to lose interest because she will assume you don't like her since you never called and she will "Next" you. Unless a woman has been involved with a guy and genuinely loves him, her interest will fade as quick as another man shows interest who she likes.

Wrong.

A grown up chick won't 'assume' anything. A woman can be interested without it being a huge life or death deal for her. She'll have a life of her own and not care much whether I or any other guy calls her or not.

But... if she has a working brain and the convo goes well she will still remember the guy, and have the interest on hold somewhere in the back of her mind.

If she dates other guys in the meantime, so what? I call, she's free, we date. I call, she's not, or not interested, we don't. No emotional drama required.

And yes, I am speaking from experience.

Having a life of her own, and not relying on a guy's interest and attention to provide her with a life, is an attractive feature.

So I say again - if you don't call after 3 days and a woman decides that's adequate grounds for a sulk and a tantrum, you are *not* going to have a happy time with her.

Guaranteed.

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by TheDude:
Ho hum...Damn.

Okay, got the number last Tues. waited till tonight to call. Small talk, nothing smoozy or "too nice guy", kept it short, and went in for the close. Asked her to lunch tomorrow, and this is what I got:

"Oh, well I think I am going to be too busy tomorrow. I am so busy, blah blah blah blah"

I could have asked her What about Tues? or something, but just didn't seem like she was interested and I was trying to remain DJ about it, so I just okay, see ya later.

So there is the age old question: Why the hell do chicks give you their phone number, act all excited giving it too you, and then....?

To go back to the question:

Doc Love is wrong. Getting the number is not a good test of interest. All you can tell from NOT getting a number is that she is definitely NOT interested. But if you get a number it could mean:

Yes, she's interested
She feels sorry for you
She wants to end your convo and get the hell away from you
... and any number of other things.

Not even getting a *date* guarantees she's interested. She may say yes just because she's bored and has nothing better to do. Or her friend is dating and she feels left out that evening. Or whatever.

But... 'why' is not important. If she's not interested, she's not interested. End of story. That's why it's a good idea to get numbers and numbers and numbers. No interest means you next her without a second thought and move on to all your other prospects.

As for real high interest - try these signs:

She rearranges her calendar to be with you

She buys you presents and generally acts helpful and kind

She makes an effort to understand what you like and give it to you (Note - a lot of chicks are screamingly bad at this. They usually buy you and give you what *they* secretly want. When you find one who's smarter than this and has some real insight into where you're at, grab her - she may well be a keeper.)

She encourages you in whatever you do without pressuring you, or giving you a hard time if things don't work out

She tries new stuff with you that she wouldn't normally do

She contacts you regularly by phone or email

She thinks you're the funniest guy alive

She *doesn't* tell you you're nice or 'sweet'

Tall order for the first date or two? Kinda. If you don't see signs like this after three dates max, you're very likely wasting your time.

 

[Wyldfire]

You seriously think that a woman you approach (who doesn't know you from Adam) and talk to for a half hour or so is going to remember who you are after 6 months of not hearing a word from you or seeing you? Dream on.

Um, so interest level in a woman is everything and DJs must rely on it to decide whether or not a woman is "worthy" of his time. But women shouldn't care in the least about the interest level of a man in deciding whether or not he is worth her time? Of course self respecting women are going to go about their business and forget all about that guy who seemed pretty cool but didn't act interested. Part of their business will be getting interested in men who show they are interested in her.

Yes, worshipping a woman is a turn off to her. Being disrespectful to a woman is just as much of a turn off to her. Having good manners and being courteous and considerate without being needy and too eager is the perfect balance.

 

[Jake Steed]

"I believe that if the girl is interested enough in you, then you should be able to get away with calling her the next day."

--Juan_Man

But by that same token, she will gladly wait for you a week. What is important to remember is that this "rule" is made to shake AFC's of their need to call too soon. If I get the vibe that the girl is VERY eager to hear from me, I'll wait a MINIMUM of 3 days. If she seemed "ho-hum" about giving me the digits, she'll go further down on my list and I'll wait a week. I don't see anything wrong with six.

If I met a girl I was interested in and gave her my number (as a DJ I don't do that, but just for the sake of argument), I wouldn't care if she waited a week to call. It would just mean she's got a life. Besides, I'm too damn busy to care. When she called, I'd set up a date and see what happens. Who cares?

You see, that's because I'm not desperately waiting around the phone for her to call. I'm not desperately trying to hook myslef up with a relationship.

I lean more towards Raoul and WildThang's camp on this. Her being irritated and impatient are RED FLAGS on the quality of her personality. Of course there is a limit, and "months" is too long in my book.

Wyldfire, I know you're trying to give guys another point of view--a female pov, but I think we've established that you are NOT the majority of women. (although I think you fit the typical female mold more than you'd like to admit)

Wyldfire, these guys don't want to date YOU. They want to date the hottie they met last friday in the city.

Waiting at LEAST 3 days to call WORKS. I waited 4-5 days to call the girls I'm seeing and I got em all. Oh, and they're all beautiful, professional, intelligent women with great self-esteem.

You've made your point that a guy waiting to call pisses you off, but you have to look at the facts. If you don't get the girl with this technique, she never had high interest in you to begin with, as in TheDude's case.

Don't worry Dude, you saved yourself getting played with this one.

Jake

 

[TheDude]

Well, don't forget Wyldfire, that this is a woman at work, not off the street. I have known her for at least six months before, and I have seen her everyday since I got the number. Although I have been pleasant and just a tad flirty, I have not been overbearing or talked to her much (just didn't have time, and didn't want to seem like I was going out of my way to be around her at work- suffocating her as well as being indiscreet). I waited five days, not seven, and still I maintain that she was pissed. She is probably used to guys being all over her, calling her right away and her being in control. I merely asked her if she would like to have lunch. It was light and casual, conveying my interest in her without slopping all over her.

AND, judging by her behavior today, since she won't even look at me, I would say she is still pissed, like she can't even believe it. Hell, who knows...

I am taking everyone's advice about length of time to heart. Thanks all!!!

TheDude
abides...

 

[TheDude]

Oh, and Wyldfire you said:
"Um, so interest level in a woman is everything and DJs must rely on it to decide whether or not a woman is "worthy" of his time. But women shouldn't care in the least about the interest level of a man in deciding whether or not he is worth her time? Of course self respecting women are going to go about their business and forget all about that guy who seemed pretty cool but didn't act interested. Part of their business will be getting interested in men who show they are interested in her."

Yes, thats right! Of course interest level plays a HUGE part in it, because, speaking for myself, if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't be giving my number to a girl that I wasn't interested in. But women, apparently do. Goes back to my question. Why would women give their number if they didn't have a high interest level?

Nine times out of ten, it is the GUY who has to face the rejection, the GUY who has to to the asking, the talking, the approach, try to be himself but not overpowering, himself but not aloof, himself but not to "nice", himself but not too much "a jerk". Now why the hell would a guy go through all that if he wasn't interested??

TheDude

 

[Wyldfire]

Ask any woman you are friends with if a man has ever asked for her number and then never called her at all, even after saying he was going to. It happens a lot. That's why some women are very hesitant to give out their numbers to guys, even if they are interested in them. Many women have genuinely liked a guy and waited for that call that never came, and feel the same rejection. A lot of women would like to feel they could approach men. However, women are concerned that doint that makes them look easy or too aggressive and that men won't like it. THAT'S why women send signals hoping the guy will notice them. Yes, guys have to face rejection. Women have their own fears to face too...fearing being used like a piece of meat and tossed aside by a user. It's not just women's fault that most of them play games. Men have contributed equally to this problem by lying, manipulating and playing women just to get a piece of ass. It's a viscious cycle.

Dude, sounds like that woman has the same pet peeve that I do. Guess I'm not alone afterall. Waiting longer is fine IF you warn the person that you probably won't be calling for a few days. Then they have no reason to be mad.

 

[Raoul]

Wyldfire, you are mistaken if you think we sit in front of a clock waiting for the time to tick away just before we feel secure enough to call. The whole "don't call right away" thing is a part of the bigger DJ picture.

We're taught not to make women the number one priority in life. The fact is my family and friends rank higher on my priority list than some woman I just met. I may have other arrangements with them before I can see/call the woman. And I'm still in school. The older DJ's have full-time jobs, not to mention other responsibilities. So yes, "15 minutes" IS a lot of time. And I'm sure someone such as yourself who is a mother can relate to that. There is no fixed time we call, it just happens to be whenever we're free and thinking about it. The reason we tell the AFC's to wait between 3 - 9 days is because they have the habit of calling IMMEDIATELY.

That, as we all agree, is just the wrong way to do things. We need them to slide into the habit of not being so needy, and waiting a bit. And since they're not calling, they find something else to do while waiting. If it happens often enough, a habit is formed, and that AFC may have developed a hobby or pasttime he feels is more worth his time than fretting about some chick he just met, and putting a lot of emotional pressure on a relationship with that chick that may never happen.

Are we trivialising dating women? Yes. Because that's how it's supposed to be unless and until we actually get into a relationship with said woman. To quote WildThang, "No emotional drama required".

Also,

Not necessarily. She might get the impression that you are NOT sincerely interested in her. She might think that you took so long to call to ask her out because she was not your first choice and that others turned you down. She might have been raised in a family who values good manners, courtesy and goo etiquette.

Something like that. As mentioned above, she is not my first priority in life. The only woman who I hold in hig regard is my MOTHER. Everyone else has to work to move up the list. And calling within the 3 days timeframe is etiqeutte dictated by women. I am well-brought up, but no, just because I don't follow what womenfolk have decided, does not make me an ill-mannered scruffy-looking neaderthal.

She might draw the same conclusion about you after not hearing from you by the third day.

Insecure. I don't like girls who are unsure of themselves. So the filter got another one. Next!

- Raoul

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
You seriously think that a woman you approach (who doesn't know you from Adam) and talk to for a half hour or so is going to remember who you are after 6 months of not hearing a word from you or seeing you? Dream on.

I don't *think* this. I *know* this because it happened to me. I mislaid a number for a while, found it again, was kind of bored one evening, gave it a call - and got a date.

While it's not what I'd normally do, I thought it was really *very* interesting.

Um, so interest level in a woman is everything and DJs must rely on it to decide whether or not a woman is "worthy" of his time. But women shouldn't care in the least about the interest level of a man in deciding whether or not he is worth her time? Of course self respecting women are going to go about their business and forget all about that guy who seemed pretty cool but didn't act interested. Part of their business will be getting interested in men who show they are interested in her.

You're still not getting this. A woman can have high interest without being in the least neurotic or needy about it. Convo goes well, she thinks 'Cool guy...', but cool guy has a life and doesn't phone for a while. Guess what? She has a life too, and instead of obsessing whether or not cool guy still likes her she gets on with her life while he gets on with his. Maybe she wonders once in a while what happened, but she realises there are all kinds of reasons why cool guy might not have phoned, and doesn't IMMEDIATELY ASSUME IT'S ALL ABOUT HER.

That is the way it's supposed to be. If someone is already so dependent on my attention after *one short conversation* that they can't do that, I'm outta there. No looking back. Because a woman like that will assume that EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HER. And if it isn't ALL ABOUT HER, then it should be ALL ABOUT HER.

And a woman like that has nothing to offer a DJ, except a ton of stress and hassle. When there are calmer more together chicks out there, why should he waste his time with her?

But at least you've made the point that not all attention is good. The fact that a chick's interest level is high isn't enough. It's *why* it's high. If she has her **** together in other areas of her life, then high attention is an excellent thing and deserves to be pursued and rewarded.

But if she's showing high attention to make up for things missing in her own life, that high attention is going to turn out badly for the DJ in the long run. The price will be too high, and he is not going to be happy when the bill arrives.