She's Asking About Committment

[wakingup]

Been casually seeing one girl for about 4-5 months now, about 2 times a week and she stays over about once a week. I truly enjoy her companionship and the sex is great, shes very giving and enthusiastic and wants to please me. I was seeing a couple other girls but they dropped off because I've been too busy and can't really balance multiple girls. She's met my family (I actually met her through my brother) and she had Thanksgiving with my family. Last night she texts me asking if we are in a committed relationship, that she assumed we were, but wanted to clarify. I told her I'm happy to talk in person when we see each other in a couple days.

My gut tells me that I should keep her around, my heart is not totally wrapped up in her. I'm looking for advice on defining the relationship. My thoughts are to tell her that I like how things are going, that I'm not sleeping with anyone else, and that I'd like to continue as we have been, and that I want to see where it goes.

Please throw any advice or thoughts at me.

 

[dustmuffin]

Look for the threads on setting boundaries. Ask her what a committed relationship means to her. She might say get off all dating sites. You might say what about contact with ex's? They key is to make it her idea so she will buy into it. Dont make demands. Make suggestions that you bith will follow. If she dosent then you have a problem. She has to make suggestions too. Ladies night out? Look at the threads...also look at married red pill.com and the ltr info on here. Anti-dump is worth a read. If you think she is worth it then give it a try if you want. Brush up on your dread game. Don't become complacent.

 

[wakingup]

Thanks Dustmuffin. I have never done the online dating thing so that's not even an issue. I know she has some contact with at least one ex, as she is somewhat recently single and had stuff at his place, etc. So if I don't want her to talk to ex's, I should ask "what do you think about talking with ex's?" if she says its not a big deal, and it is to me, do I bluntly say "well I don't think its respectful"?

 

[Desdinova]

Becoming exclusive is a necessary step if you want to keep the woman around for a while. Women generally require it. You may not be 100% invested, but she needs that assurance. If you eventually desire to fvck other women, you can always break up with her.

 

[dustmuffin]

Thanks Dustmuffin. I have never done the online dating thing so that's not even an issue. I know she has some contact with at least one ex, as she is somewhat recently single and had stuff at his place, etc. So if I don't want her to talk to ex's, I should ask "what do you think about talking with ex's?" if she says its not a big deal, and it is to me, do I bluntly say "well I don't think its respectful"?

There are others more skilled than me at this. I would read up on it or wait for another answer. I would say that if a woman wants to be with me out of respect she should not talk or text exes. That i wont be doing it either. Plus facebook ****....read the threads there are two sides to this.

 

[sodbuster]

I'd ask her what exclusive means to her. Does it mean you quit Girls Night out looking for other guys? Quit talking to ex-boyfriends? Drop the orbiters? Drop dating sites? WHO is giving up the most? It better be equal.... THINK about what you want a woman in a serious relationship with you to do. If you disagree on a point or 2, she's going to think Puzzy will fix it in your mind,,,,, and scr@w you silly, but she may not be willing to CHANGE her mind. Then you have a FB....

 

[wakingup]

I'd ask her what exclusive means to her. Does it mean you quit Girls Night out looking for other guys? Quit talking to ex-boyfriends? Drop the orbiters? Drop dating sites? WHO is giving up the most? It better be equal.... THINK about what you want a woman in a serious relationship with you to do. If you disagree on a point or 2, she's going to think Puzzy will fix it in your mind,,,,, and scr@w you silly, but she may not be willing to CHANGE her mind. Then you have a FB....

Thanks sodbuster, we talked last night, I asked her what exclusive meant, she said "I am not wanting to date other people, are you?" I said that I can agree to that, that I'm not dating anyone else, then a long pause. I asked "was that it?" she responds "should there be more?" I said no and then she asked what I wanted out of the relationship, i told her I was having fun with her and that I want it to keep going. Her reaction was "that is so sweet." Wasn't expecting that answer to seem sweet haha, in fact, was bracing for her to push for more but she didnt.

 

[grayclif]

OP are you comfortable with only not dating other people? It seems you missed the point of SoBusters post. You need to drill down to the nitty gritty. I'm not comfortable with just "not dating other people" as a definition.

 

[wakingup]

OP are you comfortable with only not dating other people? It seems you missed the point of SoBusters post. You need to drill down to the nitty gritty. I'm not comfortable with just "not dating other people" as a definition.

I know what you mean, I am going to follow up tonight with more specifics with her. I am totally fine not dating other people, I haven't been for a couple months now just on my own accord. I am not the kind of guy who is constantly hitting on women and looking for strictly physical relationships, the companionship has to be there too, or at least perceived potential.

 

[wakingup]

I guess my concern is that I don't want to sound all demanding like, so you wanna be my girl, no talking to ex's, no going out with your friends, no associating with single guys, etc. etc. It just sounds insecure and not me. Further, I want to go out with my friends so it would seem hypocritical for me to demand something like that.

Where's the middle ground?

 

[yuppaz]

Bro don't think too hard on this one and you don't need to clarify every detail. You don't owe anyone anything, if at some point you want to bang another girl, you can break up with her and bang another girl. If she does something you don't like you can break up with her for that ****. She can do the same at any moment. She doesn't owe you **** and you don't owe her ****. All you are agreeing to by being exclusive is the opportunity to see if you two are so good for each other that you and her both don't WANT to see other people. The only trick thing for you to keep in mind is that you don't stay with someone you aren't crazy about because you are too lazy or fearful to end things if you aren't getting what you want and need anymore. That is the cause #1 for **** marriages and dudes carrying their f*ckin ladies purses around while they bang other dudes....