she thinks i'm a player -- chooses the AFC

[piday314]

So I've been gaming this girl hard. She liked me and this other guy. The other guy went with the AFC / gentlemanly approach. I went with the ****y & funny approach. She outright thinks I'm a player, and chose to be with the AFC for the time being. I know she still has decent IL in me.

So if you were in my shoes, if you wanted to win her over, how would you play this?

As a sidenote, she's very insecure, and tbh the fact that she chose this loser kinda drops my IL in her because it shows how low her standards are.

 

[Twitch]

It sounds like you were a little uncalibrated. In my experience the lower the perceived value a girl has for her self the less you want to do rapport breaking things(like harsh negs).

I wouldn't want to win her over though. Who really cares if you failed. Live an learn.

 

[piday314]

But still, provided you wanted to manipulate this girl into coming back for you, how would you play it?

@Twitch I agree that she isn't really worth my time. I've kind of been treating her this way the whole time. She could probably sense that. She's pretty cute and would have been a nice hookup.

EDIT: Would still be a nice hookup.

 

[RockaRolla25]

You can be a nice person and be ****y/funny.

There is a difference between someone saying "you know he really is a nice guy" versus "oh he's just a NICE GUY who lets people walk all over him."

 

[Iceberg]

You can be a nice person and be ****y/funny.

There is a difference between someone saying "you know he really is a nice guy" versus "oh he's just a NICE GUY who lets people walk all over him."

Agreed. Sometimes that ****y & funny stuff can come off as too forced. One chick I recently hooked up with just told me how another guy we know was trying to kick some game to her. Her complaint was that his game was based around forced ****iness and insults (negs). On the other hand, I'm just a cool guy who's easy to talk to. I'll slip in some ****iness every now and then, but it's not the foundation of how I talk to women.

But ultimately, I'd have to question how AFC this guy is and how "player" you are.

Passions always rule. And if you're some player, getting this girl all hot over you, she'd choose you over the AFC 9 times out of 10. Because no one thinks about their love life from a logical perspective. "Oh he's a safe AFC, so I'll choose him over the player." No, a girl would rather take the fun, exciting player and try to tame him.

So no offense, but I have to wonder how AFC this guy really is. If your looks are equal and your social status is equal, then she should be choosing you if you're as "DJ" as you claim to be. I wonder if despite your C&F style, this other guy might be more fun to be around.

 

[RockaRolla25]

Agreed. Sometimes that ****y & funny stuff can come off as too forced. One chick I recently hooked up with just told me how another guy we know was trying to kick some game to her. Her complaint was that his game was based around forced ****iness and insults (negs). On the other hand, I'm just a cool guy who's easy to talk to. I'll slip in some ****iness every now and then, but it's not the foundation of how I talk to women.

But ultimately, I'd have to question how AFC this guy is and how "player" you are.

Passions always rule. And if you're some player, getting this girl all hot over you, she'd choose you over the AFC 9 times out of 10. Because no one thinks about their love life from a logical perspective. "Oh he's a safe AFC, so I'll choose him over the player." No, a girl would rather take the fun, exciting player and try to tame him.

So no offense, but I have to wonder how AFC this guy really is. If your looks are equal and your social status is equal, then she should be choosing you if you're as "DJ" as you claim to be. I wonder if despite your C&F style, this other guy might be more fun to be around.

That reminds me of this girl I work with who is always saying how fat she is around me, and I never tell her "oh don't worry you're not fat." I always just change the subject because she's not even close to fat.

One time I said "Yeah you better hit that treadmill right away" in a joking way. I wonder why she always brings up fatness around me.

 

[RSanders219]

same thing happened to me a while ago.. I just moved on. I don't really care for girls that have low self-esteem.

 

[zekko]

So no offense, but I have to wonder how AFC this guy really is. If your looks are equal and your social status is equal, then she should be choosing you if you're as "DJ" as you claim to be. I wonder if despite your C&F style, this other guy might be more fun to be around.

I've read several threads lately about the girl choosing the AFC.
Makes me wonder if some of the claims of this site aren't, at the very least, greatly exaggerated.

You brought up looks and status, how often are these really equal?
Or, like you say, maybe he's just more fun to be around.

One chick I recently hooked up with just told me how another guy we know was trying to kick some game to her. Her complaint was that his game was based around forced ****iness and insults (negs). On the other hand, I'm just a cool guy who's easy to talk to. I'll slip in some ****iness every now and then, but it's not the foundation of how I talk to women.

I wonder if she was aware of c&f and negs from reading the internet? If she knew what the guy was doing he was going to come across looking lame.

You're very subtle with the ****iness, so you come across as more authentic.
Being a cool guy who is easy to talk to is going to get you a lot further with women than some lame pickup trick.

 

[francoatgrex]

I agree with the others. Besides, I don't buy into this ****y/funny concept, it's immature. We've all seen women fall head over heels in love with some guys who -for us- appear humorless, boring, etc. Maybe he's a great conversationalist, great looks, he makes her feel special yet knows how to pull her strings... a lot of possibilities, we can't tell because we don't know him/her. My advice would be to drop ****y/funny for a while and just stay with funny (humor but without exaggeration) and see what happens.

 

[RockaRolla25]

I agree with the others. Besides, I don't buy into this ****y/funny concept, it's immature. We've all seen women fall head over heels in love with some guys who -for us- appear humorless, boring, etc. Maybe he's a great conversationalist, great looks, he makes her feel special yet knows how to pull her strings... a lot of possibilities, we can't tell because we don't know him/her. My advice would be to drop ****y/funny for a while and just stay with funny (humor but without exaggeration) and see what happens.

****y/funny helps as a sprinkling on the main game. Just like ketchup goes good with fries but you wouldn't want ketchup as your main meal. ****y/funny goes well with game but you can't rely on only ****y/funny.

There's probably people out there who are great at ****y/funny but can't hold a conversation.

There's also people out there who can hold great conversations but can't be ****y/funny to save their life.

The mix is what does it.

 

[backbreaker]

I've lost women and clients becuase of my personality. Honestly, really don't care. I figure better now then later, because I'm not going to change who I am. A woman who sees me and takes herself out of the running is doing myself a favor.

Please note there is a difference, between being ****y and just being an *******. Women dont' like *******s. No one particularly likes *******s. I can be an *******, but when I am being one, I know damn well I'm being an ******* and I have already written off the person I am dealing with in my mind. I don't go into ******* mode to try to impress anyone. She did not chose him because she thinks you are a player. She chose him because he is more fun to be around and you come off as a jerk for no apparent reason.

 

[RockaRolla25]

I have met many people who have said things like "I'm tired of hooking up with girls. I want a relationship but none of the girls want me. They only use me for sex."

Likewise, I met other people who say, "I'm tired of being lumped into the friendzone as "boyfriend material" and no girls ever want to just casually hook up with me. I just want to hook up! I don't want a girlfriend!"

The bottom line is this:

Nobody is ever truly happy. They want the opposite of what they have been used to all their life.

 

[Iceberg]

I wonder if she was aware of c&f and negs from reading the internet? If she knew what the guy was doing he was going to come across looking lame.

You're very subtle with the ****iness, so you come across as more authentic.
Being a cool guy who is easy to talk to is going to get you a lot further with women than some lame pickup trick.

A - I don't know if the girl knew about it from the internet. I'm just sure she's seen enough guys try to "woo" other women by acting like big shots when they had nothing to back it up.

B - Being able to carry a conversation will do 10x more for you than C&F. That's why we advise these guys to just go out and have an awesome life before worrying about women. Just build yourself into "The Most Interesting Man in the World" and tell some cool stories, get the girl to share hers, and connect over that. It's much more realistic than wearing some C&F mask all day.

****y/funny helps as a sprinkling on the main game. Just like ketchup goes good with fries but you wouldn't want ketchup as your main meal. ****y/funny goes well with game but you can't rely on only ****y/funny.

There's probably people out there who are great at ****y/funny but can't hold a conversation.

There's also people out there who can hold great conversations but can't be ****y/funny to save their life.

The mix is what does it.

Agreed. C&F complements a personality. It can't be an ENTIRE personality.

(Not that I'm saying that's who you are, Piday314.)

Actually yesterday I was out to lunch with a girl from work (hooked up with her months ago. we're cool now.) She was talking about men's clothes and she said "Most guys don't dress as well as you." And I said, "Well yeah...most guys aren't me." And I didn't even realize what I was saying. It was ****y and it was funny (I said it with a laugh, not a straight face), but it was just a natural part of how I spoke. Not some C&F gimmick.

 

[bish0p]

"Most guys don't dress as well as you."

Just out of curiosity, how do you dress? I thought I dressed well, but apparently not as I never get complimented on it.

 

[Big Overseas 1]

Could be that the guy that the OP called an AFC was really just a fella who new better how to show his masculinity without showing off.

This kind of stuff happens all the time.

 

[Iceberg]

Just out of curiosity, how do you dress? I thought I dressed well, but apparently not as I never get complimented on it.

Don't really know how to describe it, man. I wear a lot of flannel during the winter. I work in a creative industry, so we're not really suit-and-tie types. I wear comfortable things, but it fits my personality. If I could describe my wardrobe...I guess it revolves around simplicity. You'll find a lot of solid colors and if it's not solid colors, it's a warm plaid flannel. My shoes consist of a pair of black Harley boots, brown western boots, and green Chucks.

If you knew me, you'd say "Hey that really suits Iceberg's personality." So that's my advice. Don't dress for trends. Dress for who you are. The clothes I wear today would have looked good in 1945. A solid blue t-shirt or a solid black button-up shirt will never go out of style. Nor will a nice red flannel.

One thing about me, I get an absurd amount of compliments on my clothes. Actually just yesterday, my music teacher looked at what I was wearing and said, "That's your stage clothes right there. That's your style."

Like this shirt below might be something I'd wear on any given cold day.

And the boots below it are something I already have. So I look like what I am, which is a guitar-playing, car-fixing, meat-eating guy. Depending on who you are, this might not suit you at all.


http://www.abercrombie.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10901&storeId=10051&langId=-1&categoryId=12688&parentCategoryId=12204&topCategoryId=12202&productId=725940

http://www.bootamerica.com/boots/bootcos/Harley/mens/HDElPasoBlack.html

 

[piday314]

This is all nice post-game analysis...except the game isn't over in my view. Say you wanna keep this girl in your orbit to hook up etc. What steps would you take going forward?

 

[Igetit!]

This is all nice post-game analysis...except the game isn't over in my view. Say you wanna keep this girl in your orbit to hook up etc. What steps would you take going forward?

You haven't really given enough info for this question to be answered properly. All you've said so far is that given the choice between you and this other guy,that she's chose him.


It's kinda hard to come in to a movie an hour and a half after it's already started and have a clear of what's going on.



One thing I did notice was this thing you said right here.....

So I've been gaming this girl hard.

You say that you've been gaming this girl "hard".


Obviously not. Either that,or you were "gaming" her so hard,that you forgot that you were dealing with a person.


How could you be "gaming" this girl hard and some no game-having nice guy just walk up and take her from you?

He must have something going for him.



You said...

She liked me and this other guy. The other guy went with the AFC / gentlemanly approach.

So she liked you,and she liked this other guy,and chose to go with him.


How did this go down? Both you and the other guy liked her. Do you ask her out,get turned down,then the other guy asked her out and she said yes?


You did ask her out and get turned down,right? Or did all this happen another way? Are she and this other guy dating now?


I'm sure you don't want some standard,cookie cutter,genaric type answer,you want info designed for the specific circumstance you find yourself in.


Details bro. We need details.

 

[piday314]

Hahah alright. Basically, she really likes me, but wants me to treat her with more respect. She knows this other guy is really smitten with her. She knows that he is the "good choice" for her. She WANTS to fall for the other guy. But as we know, that is not how attraction works -- it is not a choice. So right now, she's "chosen" the other guy, for one to hope that he somehow magically develops an attractive personality, but two to make me jealous. She's blatantly trying to make me jealous with this guy, talking openly about the stuff he does for her, how much he sucks up to her, etc. On the other hand, she is still openly attracted to me. Yeah, she's kinda BPD -- aka would be a great hookup. :rockon:

 

[runner83]

You haven't really given enough info for this question to be answered properly. All you've said so far is that given the choice between you and this other guy,that she's chose him.
...
How did this go down? Both you and the other guy liked her. Do you ask her out,get turned down,then the other guy asked her out and she said yes?

You did ask her out and get turned down,right? Or did all this happen another way? Are she and this other guy dating now?

Details bro. We need details.

So did you ask her out before she hooked up with this other dude?

You say there is open attraction there, but IF YOU HAD ASKED HER OUT and she was attracted to you, she would have said yes.

We need these details which you aren't giving.

Hahah alright. Basically, she really likes me, but wants me to treat her with more respect. She knows this other guy is really smitten with her. She knows that he is the "good choice" for her. She WANTS to fall for the other guy. But as we know, that is not how attraction works -- it is not a choice. So right now, she's "chosen" the other guy, for one to hope that he somehow magically develops an attractive personality, but two to make me jealous. She's blatantly trying to make me jealous with this guy, talking openly about the stuff he does for her, how much he sucks up to her, etc. On the other hand, she is still openly attracted to me. Yeah, she's kinda BPD -- aka would be a great hookup. :rockon:

You do realise that what girls say is meaningless, right? Actions are all that matter.

Forget about whatever she says, and focus on HER ACTIONS. Who is she with?

If she is attracted to you (which I don't completely believe btw, pending more details from you), she would be going out with you and/or YOU would be banging her (possibly behind this guy's back).

But assuming you are correct and she is attracted to you, why would you want to change what is apparently working (the ****y/funny approach)?

I have to be honest and say my spider senses are tingling, this thread just does not add up.

Are you sure this is not a case that you are deluding yourself into thinking you are a player when you actually have oneitis for this girl, while this supposed AFC (who may actually be alpha male, but you don't recognize it), is banging her brains out?

Just asking.