She says I'm boring and dab company WTF? Help!

[shyguy208]

OK guys I think there must be something very wrong with me. This chick, a former 1-itis, and I were trying to figure out why it was so difficult for us to be friends blah blah blah. I have given up hop with this one and have in mind nexted her but what she said to me really hit me hard.

She said that she didn't enjoy my company as much as she did with other people. She said that she felt uncomfortable and gets a little bored when we hang out. She says she didn't know why this is. As far as I can tell, all her other friends are as boring as ****! Suire they go and get drunk and stuff, just like most young 20 somethings. But other than that they don't seem to do jack **** in terms of hobbies and sports outside of work and college. Whereas I do have many other interests and she does know about some of them. The girl in question does absolutely jack **** in terms of hobbies and sports and other interests so how the hell can she tell me that I am boring?

Do I just give off a boring vibe? Is that possible? If so, can any of you tell me steps to becoming more exciting around people? I guess, what I am asking is how do I make myself more attractive to people, male and female? Be the guy that everyone wants to hang with all the time. How to be Alpha?

I mean I told her that I thought it was a problem with her and not me and that it's her negative attitude towards me that makes it difficult for me to a fun time with her. Although I do believe this to a large extent, I can't help but think that she might be right about me to some extent. I have to ackownledge the fact that there maybe a problem with my personality and the way I project myself toward people before I can improve it, right?

Any help and pointers from you guys would be great.

 

[squirrels]

Do you ever try to involve her in these "hobbies" of yours? Do fun stuff with her instead of just hanging out? I would get bored too just hearing about your hobbies and never being involved. In other words, are you showing her a good time?

If you do this already, she could just be a naturally boring person. I know women like this...the only way they ever have fun is when they're puking-drunk or high. That's their idea of a good time because they just aren't creative or motivated enough to do anything else.

If you find your experiences fun, then maybe you should try to get HER to experience some of that...then she might consider something other than debauchery "fun."

 

[icepick]

If you are a "boring" person, then you need to open up more.

Fix your thoughts until you would feel proud to tell everybody every single thought that flies through your brain. You will probably not get to that point, but it is a goal.

If you are already at that point and still you are boring, then you have to apply your mind and your imagination to the outside world in some way. Thinking about people (like friends) makes probably the most interesting conversation, but it does not have to be just that.

For example, I try to help everyone that I know. My conversation consists of many of the things on this site and is related to improvement, will power, social situations, etc.

While I am not the most knowlegable in these areas, I at least state my views and entertain the ideas of others. Before, my conversation consisted of stupid things, fluff, jokes, and dumb phrases.

While that was not boring, I was on the other end of the spectrum; I was to eccentric.

A smart dude once gave me a good piece of information. Writing will help you to have things to talk about. Pick something (anything at all) to write about and just do it. It is not school, so you can get away from academic topics if you want.

Then, you will have all this information in your own words that you just naturally remember, and it is also well thought out...and...presto! You are interesting!

Ever notice how good humanities professors are always interesting? (The bad ones can be really boring though, to focused on facts and not the integration of thier subject with every other.) The ones that come up with ideas and creative ways to explain them can talk for hours, holding your attention.

Anyways, people are the most interesting subject to people. But if you want, you can do better.

 

[Quick]

She's just one person, don't give her too much power over your life. Do you have trouble making friends with other people? Have other people told you they found you boring, or avoid hanging out with you? If the answer is no, then forget everything she said. Don't worry about changing yourself when she's the only one that has a problem. Get rid of her and hang out with people that like your company. What does she give you that you're worried about providing excitement for her. The girl you describe doesn't sound exciting herself. She doesn't have to hang out with you if she's not uncomfortable, and if she does she needs to accept you just like you are. When she gave you this confession, did she expect you to do something about it?

She doesn't sound so much like an "EX" oneitis to me.

By the way: This is the soft version of what i'm trying to say. I'm trying something new.

 

[shyguy208]

Thanks squirrels. I guess you are right. We do just tend to go out for dinners or go to the cinema. She refuses to come to parties with me or come out with me and my friends - partly (she says) because she thinks I have told my friends about her and the stuff that happened between us and that she would feel embarrassed that everyone knew and maybe prejudged her.

As for involving her in my hobbies and sports, I go driving around at high speeds weaving in and out of heavy traffic with blue lights and siren (ambulance) and saving lives in my spare time. For her to get involved in this would require her to give up time to get trained and qualified. I am also a martial artist and for her to get involved in this with me would also require a large amount of patience and training time for her to get to my level (black belt). To be honest, I don't think she has patience and will power to do either of these things.

The only thing I can think of is maybe try and get her to play tennis and badminton with me occasionally - anyone can just pick up a racket and have a knock about.

To be honest, the girl I was referring to is lost cause. I am looking to improve myself for the future women that come into my life.

Anymore ideas and pointers would be great.

 

[OddTech]

There is NOTHING wrong with you! Hell, weaving through traffic in a big auto is pretty cool to me.

This is call "incompatibility." You got a bad egg (girl). You like what you're doing and you feel good about your hobbies, that's all you need. Don't self criticize just because someone said something. You don't need her or anyone's approval. Again, there is NOTHING wrong with what you're doing.

Let her go and find someone who appreciate your hobbies.

 

[squirrels]

LOL...you look at saving lives as a hobby? The world needs more people like you.

You could EASILY get her involved in martial arts. So WHAT if she's not "up to your level"? Get her started in a basic class...being at a higher level, you can actually help teach her. (This provides incredible kino opportunities )

When I say "her", I refer to anyone, future prospects, whatever.

Tennis/badminton would be a great idea! Even stuff like pool, mini-golf, bowling...do the whole "action date" thing, do stuff that both of you can talk about later. If you HAVE to go to movies, go to thought-provoking movies or comedies. Go to stand-up comedy shows. If you get dinner, go to one of those theme restaurants instead of something boring like Applebee's or TGIFridays. GET DRUNK once in a while and go dancing, just for laughs. And definitely, like icepick was saying, express the kind of crazy stuff that goes through your head. It makes for much more...interesting...conversation than, "So what'd you do today? Not much, how bout you?"

 

[shyguy208]

icepick, I like your idea about sharing your thoughts with people as much as possible.

I also like the idea about writing about stuff. I have always wanted to read more about philosophy. I find many of the texts I have read so far quite stimulating. Maybe I should start researching and writing about the topic of self improvement (why, how, etc.) - it's a good topic to start on.

Quick, she is an Ex-1-itis. I have to work with this girl and we have been trying to be friends for some time now but all we ever did was argue (like an unhappy married couple). We were making our peace with each other and ending all ideas of a friendship when all this came out in our post friendship analysis.

I don't think that I am completely boring and I have friends to hang out with but then again I am not the Alpha male. There is room for improvement.

 

[icepick]

I am not really sure if "self-improvement" is, in and of itself, a topic? I guess it definitely is a mindset that you can write about though! Like a rock rolling down a hill smashing all the obsticales that will eventually come up.

Something good to read that really illustrates how people work, is Shakespeare. I read a few plays in school or whatever, but I read a few just recently (for the first time AFTER I found this website) and it was really stunning to see the enourmous social insight that he has.

Would the AFC/Nice guy/boring guy even have the capacity to write Romeo and Juliet, Taming of the Shrew, or Othello? Probably not. The concepts in these works are unknown to him. The best he would be able to do would be to write chick flicks.

Philosophy is good also, but sometimes it goes too far. I guess that only shows my opinion that to learn about people is to learn about life, and everything else is ancilliary to that.

Whatever you read, ALWAYS keep in mind the author. You don't want to "learn" from a person that has a worse life than you do, because the more you adopt thier ideas, the more you become like them. The author lives on in thier works.

Life itself is a topic that everyone is interested in, so "self-improvement" is a process that everyone goes through to some extent, and therefore, it is always applicable.

Never do like the academics do and forget the fun factor though. If you are always serious, you will still be boring no matter how much you know. You gotta be loose, and remember that the social fabric is the true thing that the universe is built on.

 

[DankNuggs]

don't worry about it, it isn't worth a firendship if you have to analyze how you can possibly be friends, tell her you have enough friends, wish her good luck, then cut all ties...your better off with people that appreciate you and just have fun together. Thats why you have friends...

 

[WaterTiger]

Hmmmm! Sounds like she thinks YOU'RE boring because you don't spend every second of your day entertaining HER. Like her BF's are supposed to be little puppets who's sole ambition in life is to amuse her. I bet when you ask her to join you in your hobbies she'll be like: "Oh...I don't know, doesn't sound like fun."

You're going to have to do most of the work to save or start this relationship back up. And you know what happens then, once you start doing all the work, you're going to have to keep doing it. The truth of the matter is SHE'S the boring one! There's nothing the matter with you. I think you should just LJBF her, if that. Let some other guy "amuse" her.

 

[mage]

dude, drop the self-conscious bit

If a girl says you are boring, then maybe she is boring to herself, I know people who are not interested in their life and nothing short of a fuse of dynamite would jar them from the hum drum of routine life.

Although she might be right that you are boring, to her anyway, because the most interesting person can make for the most boring company around a boring person(they don't see the entertainment).

I can just picture it, you say you hang-out, but what is really hanging out? Just I nice way of saying you sit around waiting perhaps for another class to start, or are conveniently in the same place together and have time to kill. Be specific about the activities you engage in because hanging out is hardly an activity, it makes me want to yawn. Go to the movies, take a walk, do something 'different with her than she would do with herself. People spend a lot of time meandering or as you say 'hanging out', and that stuff is not very memorable it's just run of the mill. I bet she associates you in the same category as all the other regular people who just 'hang-out', talk a little about current stuff, and then leave, it's so vanilla that your interaction with her just fades out and is forgotten just like the other people she does the same thing with and there lies the problem, she has labeled you boring.

Another thing, you seem to have put in a lot of effort to talk to her, well, I bet she can sense it and that is why she is uncomfortable because when you say stuff its like stuggling to keep it going, and she just wants to kick back, so relax and don't try to hard, cause it backfires. The best path is to let it run smoothly.

mage

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

Seems like you have a lot going for you? I presume your around 20-24 years old, as is she and her friends.

I don't think the problem is you.

But Maybe you shouldn't think everybody is below you (your martial arts theory). So what if she isn't up to your par, see if she's interested and either teach her or take classes with her, etc.

if she refuses, then, well it's up to you.

Most people in their twenties love to party, but some people, well, that's all they do.

I've always been a very ambitious person, sometimes too much for my own good, but that's just how I am. I always need to accomplish something, learn something new, however there are people who, well, their biggest accomplishment consists of getting wasted friday and saturday night, then sleeping all day sunday. then going out mon, tues, etc.

Hey, i've done these things, as many others have, but you just have to accept that fact that some people, there biggest goals are just to get drunk this weekend.

And the sad fact is, there are many 40 and 50 year olds who think this way as well.

Over the years, maybe you still remain friends with her, but it'll dwindle down to once every year talking to her or something. that's just the way life is.

Some people's goals are just to get drunk and high this weekend, while other peoples goals are to become a brain surgeoun.

Nothing wrong with any of them, just don't hang around too long where you A-Get dragged down to what they do or B-begin to hate them

Just be yourself, if she doesn't like that, then oh well.

 

[Santos]

********:
"I think you're boring and not as interesting as other people."

Translation:
"You talk too much about yourself. I want you to talk about ME like other people do."

The most interesting conversation a woman can have is one which involves HER. Her interests. Her hobbies. Her friends. How HER day was. She couldn't give a **** about your car or how you travel the world. You'd be suprised how many women refer to me as "intelligent", or "interesting". When they're actually describing themselves - it's just cos' I listen a lot more than I talk.