She needs space...where did it go wrong??

[Falcon25]

THis is one of your best, Falcon.

Thank you sir. It took thirty three years, many heart aches, and sexual experiences with all sorts of crazy women in the last sixteen years, to finally understand what is really going on.

 

[nismo-4]

Wow Falcon, your posts are really deep and insightful from a real world point of view! Keep those facts coming!

The OP needs to realize that it's over and listen to what me and Danger, Falcon, Kailex, etc. said. Just move on to another girl and don't make these same mistakes. I didn't enjoy throwing the book at the OP, but I had to give him a heads up.

 

[Jamo]

This guy just doesn't get it. He is trying to rationalize what went wrong. He doesn't understand the laws of attraction and how a woman falls in love with a man. It's not because "he becomes a good guy" or "stops being a player", none of those things makes a woman's **** tingle. IT'S CHALLENGE. If she doesn't have to work to fall in love with you, IT'S OVER. She will move on. There is NOTHING wrong with this girl's actions. If I was a girl, I would have dumped him too. He was head over heels in THREE MONTHS. Come on fellas, stop trying to rationalize this. It's over. He needs to learn to be a CHALLENGE. THESE ARE NOT GAMES, THIS IS WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR. Even if you are sixty years old, you still have to display challenge for a woman.

This girl's actions are no different than any woman, anywhere in the world. If you are a weak man, they will take advantage of the situation and suck your blood dry. She's a great girl. She even loves being spanked and hair pulled. Too bad the OP didn't spank and pull her hair outside of the bedroom. He needed to be aggressive and selfish. She wants to be put in place. You don't need to be rich to do that (though it's much, much, easier). He was the girl in the relationship after THREE MONTHS.


THE OP KEEPS SAYING "I GUESS AT THIS AGE, I STILL GOTTA PLAY GAMES."

These are not "games", these are qualities that confident, secure, succesfull men have naturally. You can't fake it. It comes from deep within the soul. Not one of my friends, or I, would ever have a girl move in after 30 days of dating. We like our privacy and freedom too much to do it that early. 80 percent of the guys out there can bang a hot girl, but can they keep em? That's where natural confidence comes in.

Don't think you are special for scoring a hot girl, or getting phone numbers, or dates. I can do that by just walking outside and talking to them. It's not that hard to get laid if you are decent looking and have a personality.

.

While I find Falcon25 posts very insightful, I find that he is excusing this chicks behavior.

As much as the OP made mistakes, he was wasting his time in trying to have any sort of LTR with this piece of work. She proved herself beyond doubt that she is a user when she accepted personal invitations by her boss.

Also if it is not "that hard" laying a particular chick, I will wager to say that she is not LTR material. For a woman the most she can give is her body (and if she is giving that up so soon then that should be a red flag! - as easily she was with you, she will be to the next guy with "skillz"), for a man it is his freedom.

I think it would be prudent for guys take into consideration if the chick he is with has ever fvcked around (for the fun of it) outside a LTR.

 

[f283000]

As much as the OP made mistakes, he was wasting his time in trying to have any sort of LTR with this piece of work. She proved herself beyond doubt that she is a user when she accepted personal invitations by her boss.

But it also shows that OP's game was weak.

If a woman sees you as an alpha male she will turn away any pursuers and will remain loyal to you. Her evolutionary detector or whatever you want to call it has detected a prime suitable male for possible reproduction which would bring forth strong offspring.

When that happens you will hear from women "i'm sorry i have a boyfriend" as a reply to lesser males than her current mate. She will react with disgust to flirtation from other males, will ignore other males, will not give signals to other males. To her she has already found a good thing and is now off limits unless a more stronger alpha male comes along.

If OP had a strong game and was seen as an alpha male she would have rejected any advances she deemed inappropriate from a lesser male.

Some women are just hors we all know that but the rule still applies most women will stay with you until a stronger male shows up in the scene and takes her away. You can put some of the blame on her but you have to realize women are weak and are easily swayed.

 

[backbreaker]

Falcon is freaking killing it.


A few things, this is why I am a huge proponet of inner game. You have none. Your tone, suggests, that you think she is the catch, not you. you think youare lucky to be with he and all your actions prove it, playing house, shacking up so quickly. No, I dont' give a **** how good the sex is i'm not ****ing a woman 6 days a week beucase I have a life outside women.

You don't make yourself unavailable because it helps you with chicks, you should be unavailable be3ucase you are busy living.

I don't think ti's so much, that the boss just took her from you, It hink after a while, she saw you for for what you are and got tired of it. We are very quick to blame others in relationships, dude you were no challenge and you had no qualms about letting a woman move in with you after giving you some tail and you have splurged, in 2 months your life now revoles around her, what woman worth a damn is going to stick around for that ****? I can't think of any.

 

[Sandow]

Dude I know the game, I've been f*cking girls for the last ten years. How do you think i got this girl. This is the first time at an attempted relationship with my own place. This is all new to me, rather than the hit it and quit it lifestyle that I was acustomed to.

 

[Jamo]

When that happens you will hear from women "i'm sorry i have a boyfriend" as a reply to lesser males than her current mate. She will react with disgust to flirtation from other males, will ignore other males, will not give signals to other males. To her she has already found a good thing and is now off limits unless a more stronger alpha male comes along.

I think replacing the word woman here with "gorilla" or "chimpanzee" seems appropriate. While it is true that we are related to the aforementioned animals, we cannot use that as an excuse to behave like them. Yes at the most basic level it does have a role in dating mechanics and it is important to address those issues (this being the major point of this site), over and above that humans have the ability to reason, think, and look ahead. It almost seems as if relationships are being treated like cars - if you can afford a more expensive one then trade up (even if the one you currently have is good enough).

This goes back to my earlier point of a woman putting out too easily and therefore being a poor prospect for a LTR. If she is giving it up too easily (no matter who the guy is), it just shows how low her ability to evaluate, to think, and her self respect is. It also shows the womans inability to value what she has. I doubt these are positive traits in a quality woman.

Yes the OP did make many mistakes (lost his cool, was too available, showed his emotions too quickly, etc as most people have eloquently argued here), but his biggest mistake was trying to place a higher value on her than he should have. She is at best a good fvck and on those grounds the OP got the most out of her. She is a sh1tty prospective LTR.

 

[MatureDJ]

I know where the OP is coming from. In my earlier years (20's), dating American women, I was always the dumpee. Later on (30's), dating Eastern European women, I was always the dumper.

The bottom line is that the party that has the demographic upper hand in the sexual marketplace will always be the dumper. I'm sure that down the road, when the OP starts dating older women, he will be the dumpee as he understand that he is the desired quality, not the woman of his age.

 

[backbreaker]

Dude I know the game, I've been f*cking girls for the last ten years. How do you think i got this girl. This is the first time at an attempted relationship with my own place. This is all new to me, rather than the hit it and quit it lifestyle that I was acustomed to.

But you tried to turn a hoe into a housewife. You obviously haven't been 'in the game" enough to know that a hoe is going to be a hoe, regardless of that she says or how good the sex is or how much education she has, or you couldn't tell she was a hoe in the first place. But she's a hoe.


You did not even screen enough to realize that she was a hoe. she feels bad about leading you on, I bet she doesn't feel a bit bad at all about all the free **** she got out of the deal though

 

[Sandow]

True, but in all honesty, she actually may have done more for me than what I did for her. If this girl never did anything, I would have dumped her a long time ago. But check my earlier post: she cooked for me, she cleaned my apt for me, she bought me giants gear when they won the nl pennant and the world series...along with the world series hat. She bought me handful of gifts when she went to Vegas to visit her family. She bough dinner at expensive restaurants. Shall I keep going?? Ok, she washed my car consecutively, and got my oil changed because I told her too. She picked me up from work often, she bought alchohol many times, even bought me my favorite wine, which wasn't cheap. She bought the nutcracker tickets which are $50 a piece. So I didn't do any screening?? Heck, I have never had a girl do so much in such a short period of time....ever!

 

[Jamo]

True, but in all honesty, she actually may have done more for me than what I did for her. If this girl never did anything, I would have dumped her a long time ago. But check my earlier post: she cooked for me, she cleaned my apt for me, she bought me giants gear when they won the nl pennant and the world series...along with the world series hat. She bought me handful of gifts when she went to Vegas to visit her family. She bough dinner at expensive restaurants. Shall I keep going?? Ok, she washed my car consecutively, and got my oil changed because I told her too. She picked me up from work often, she bought alchohol many times, even bought me my favorite wine, which wasn't cheap. She bought the nutcracker tickets which are $50 a piece. So I didn't do any screening?? Heck, I have never had a girl do so much in such a short period of time....ever!

Screening: you ****ed her too easily
Screening: she was ready to move in with you ASAP
Screening: accepting personal gifts from boss

 

[Zunder]

Sandow,

You can be a caring, compassionate, nice, and all around good guy with a woman you like.

Those are good things.

But, you NEVER VERBALIZE your feelings. You never jump the gun. Always wait till she falls for you. Protect your heart. Use the same excuse they use on us "I was hurt in the past, so I am not wearing my heart on my sleeve, I need to slow down." This makes their head spin. They're like, WTF? "I'm hot! How can this guy not fall for me, everyone else has!". Or she will walk away, knowing she can't use you. That you are armor plated. This will weed out the satanic ones.

I need you to take all emotion out of this next time. Remember, success comes when a woman falls in love with you, not with sex. So, take it SLOW. TIME is the way to a woman's heart. If you mind fuvk her, than her body, soul, and everything else becomes YOURS. No other man, not even her family, can sway her love for you. THAT IS HOW STRONG A WOMAN'S LOVE IS. But, it is the hardest thing in the world to capture.

Too much too soon, and it's over. Protect your heart, investments, and everything else. She could be a bitcvh. She could be a golddigger, who knows? But, they all want the same thing. TO WORK FOR A MAN'S HEART.


God's speed.

So fvckin true.
Faclon you are one of the best on here along with Rollo, Jophil etc. I like the way you cut straight to the bone.

I really have cometo the conculsion that almost ALL women want "the challenge", except for the ones that have hit the wall and will marry/shackup with any chump that has enough dollars or gives her that white wedding she has been dreaming of. But the hotties, or even semi-hotties just seem to want that challenge.

Basically, with one particular woman this year, I fvcked it up completely by being too available too nice too apologetic. She lost all respect for me...I got oneitis badly. I am really coming out of it now. It has been one of the harshest lessons of my life because i haven't fallen for a girl that deeply for a long long long time.

Time time time time time, it realy does take time for a woman to fall in love. Women get lusty, not as much as men (testosterone, and Rollo has made some good posts in the past about how women do not really undertand the male sexdrive and how much more of a, well, DRIVE it is compared to theirs).

I firmly believe the Hollywood movie indyustry and their love at first sight bvllshyte movies have really fvcked up a lot of men in the head. They can have lust for you at first sight, but love is another category altogether.

I will NEVER EVER EVER tell a woman of my strong feelings or love for her first EVER again. Ever if she says if first probably your best answer woudl be the Han Solo "I know".

 

[jophil28]

Heck, I have never had a girl do so much in such a short period of time..

Or one who also shut me down so quickly?

 

[Jariel]

You've had some overly harsh replies here in my opinion, but you've also had some absolutely solid advice!

Basically you are placing her at the centre of your life. You talk about how you should give her space and other things you should've done in order to keep her interested, but that's the very attitude that's killing you here.

Regardless of how much you love her (and trust me we've all been hit hard by that "special" girl) you can't live your life around her. You need to take a leap of faith or two from time to time and go against your instincts.

When you feel her pulling away, you should pull away too. When she gives you an excuse about needing space, then you should agree that it's a good idea and learn to use that space for your mates or hobbies. When she's p!ssed you off, punish her for it, withdraw your attention, cancel a date or something. Don't run back into her arms just because she gives you puppy dog eyes.

In the most basic terms, you have to be able to call a woman's bluff at all times.

Also bear in mind that if you are making any decisions based on "your heart" it's most likely the wrong decision.

 

[st_99]

Basically, with one particular woman this year, I fvcked it up completely by being too available too nice too apologetic. She lost all respect for me...I got oneitis badly. I am really coming out of it now. It has been one of the harshest lessons of my life because i haven't fallen for a girl that deeply for a long long long time.

I feel your pain bro. I think a lot of us have that one girl that wakes us up
and sets the tone on how you must be to come out a winner in this game.

Everything you thought was right at the time was wrong, been there, done
that, got the t-shirt. Never elevate a chick to goddess status like that, its all down hill from there.

 

[frivolousz21]

Sandow,

You can be a caring, compassionate, nice, and all around good guy with a woman you like.

Those are good things.

But, you NEVER VERBALIZE your feelings. You never jump the gun. Always wait till she falls for you. Protect your heart. Use the same excuse they use on us "I was hurt in the past, so I am not wearing my heart on my sleeve, I need to slow down." This makes their head spin. They're like, WTF? "I'm hot! How can this guy not fall for me, everyone else has!". Or she will walk away, knowing she can't use you. That you are armor plated. This will weed out the satanic ones.

I need you to take all emotion out of this next time. Remember, success comes when a woman falls in love with you, not with sex. So, take it SLOW. TIME is the way to a woman's heart. If you mind fuvk her, than her body, soul, and everything else becomes YOURS. No other man, not even her family, can sway her love for you. THAT IS HOW STRONG A WOMAN'S LOVE IS. But, it is the hardest thing in the world to capture.

Too much too soon, and it's over. Protect your heart, investments, and everything else. She could be a bitcvh. She could be a golddigger, who knows? But, they all want the same thing. TO WORK FOR A MAN'S HEART.


God's speed.

That is not possible, your a human not robot. So you think you can be void of emotional attachment while a woman falls in love with you, so once you have her "love" you then can allow yourself to feel something? Right.

I agree that is an extremely powerful thing.

but I completely disagree that is the hardest thing in the world to capture. That is hyperbole and way over the top. I have had many women fall in love with me and would walk threw fire for me. I don't recall it being so had to obtain. I recall the hardest thing was for me to stop self destructing because my father abandon me and I was massively insecure but not insecure in getting a women to love me.

Four women in my life I have let in far enough and long enough to love me like that. All of them to this day would say I was or am the most powerful love they have ever had.

I never had to play coy or act like I didn't care. I think that is bullshyt just completely bogus.

I get being confident, assertive, passionate, driven and all that among things to be attractive. Also being intelligent helps, having things in common helps, same ideals and ****.


Mostly the women you are with makes all the difference.

I have had women who wanted my sex and ****ed me over and it hurts, I got used twice by women older then me who played me.

I was also AFC for a time and smothered girls, was to nice, not assertive enough and got hurt.

but you know, that doesn't mean I have go be some robot militant dude.

1. That means I needed to choose higher character women.

2. Self Improve. We all know this.

3. I am extremely passionate and compassionate. Basically I wear my heart on my sleeve. And it has been by far the largest attraction for women. Dozens of women have told me the passion in my voice makes them wet and there heart flutter whatever that means.

maybe things have just worked out better for me naturally and I am skewed. These tricks and ways seem ridiculous to me. I don't think most guys walk around like little *****es, maybe they do. But I see dudes who have no idea what game is and they are confident in there little lives and have met women who love them for what they are.


Maybe we are a lot closer then it seems with our ideas. I just think there are way to many generalizations with this.

 

[Zunder]

That is not possible, your a human not robot. So you think you can be void of emotional attachment while a woman falls in love with you, so once you have her "love" you then can allow yourself to feel something? Right.

I agree that is an extremely powerful thing.

but I completely disagree that is the hardest thing in the world to capture. That is hyperbole and way over the top. I have had many women fall in love with me and would walk threw fire for me. I don't recall it being so had to obtain. I recall the hardest thing was for me to stop self destructing because my father abandon me and I was massively insecure but not insecure in getting a women to love me.

Four women in my life I have let in far enough and long enough to love me like that. All of them to this day would say I was or am the most powerful love they have ever had.

I never had to play coy or act like I didn't care. I think that is bullshyt just completely bogus.

I get being confident, assertive, passionate, driven and all that among things to be attractive. Also being intelligent helps, having things in common helps, same ideals and ****.


Mostly the women you are with makes all the difference.

I have had women who wanted my sex and ****ed me over and it hurts, I got used twice by women older then me who played me.

I was also AFC for a time and smothered girls, was to nice, not assertive enough and got hurt.

but you know, that doesn't mean I have go be some robot militant dude.

1. That means I needed to choose higher character women.

2. Self Improve. We all know this.

3. I am extremely passionate and compassionate. Basically I wear my heart on my sleeve. And it has been by far the largest attraction for women. Dozens of women have told me the passion in my voice makes them wet and there heart flutter whatever that means.

maybe things have just worked out better for me naturally and I am skewed. These tricks and ways seem ridiculous to me. I don't think most guys walk around like little *****es, maybe they do. But I see dudes who have no idea what game is and they are confident in there little lives and have met women who love them for what they are.


Maybe we are a lot closer then it seems with our ideas. I just think there are way to many generalizations with this.

Two points: So what happened to all these women that loved you?
And - you admit that you were AFC at one time, too nice etc and that you got fvcked over.
So what exactly are you saying dude?

 

[vorbis]

Sandow, like others, you've gotten some overly harsh replies here.
I agree that you were too available but at the end of the day, that's not as massive as people here are making out. At least not when the girl is saying she loves you more than anyone she has ever loved.

This to me is the crux of the issue. She is a low quality woman. Nothing to do with sleeping with other guys but how quickly she turned on you. Anyone who says "I love you" so flippantly is not to be trusted. I get you man, you're looking for a chick you can depend on, have a future with. This chick showed that she will bolt at the first sign of any issue.

Most of the advice here is aimed at how you could game her so that she'd stick around. This is fine if she hasn't been telling you she loves you. I'm telling you though, anyone (male or female) who tells someone they love them (and emphasize it) and can so easily do a 180 ... Why would you even want to trust them??

As frivolousz21, the right woman makes all the difference. With this chick, you're lucky that she bailed on you now and not when you have a marriage, house and kids. Because she's exactly the type to wake up one morning and decide she needs more excitement in her life.

 

[Kailex]

True, but in all honesty, she actually may have done more for me than what I did for her. If this girl never did anything, I would have dumped her a long time ago. But check my earlier post: she cooked for me, she cleaned my apt for me, she bought me giants gear when they won the nl pennant and the world series...along with the world series hat. She bought me handful of gifts when she went to Vegas to visit her family. She bough dinner at expensive restaurants. Shall I keep going?? Ok, she washed my car consecutively, and got my oil changed because I told her too. She picked me up from work often, she bought alchohol many times, even bought me my favorite wine, which wasn't cheap. She bought the nutcracker tickets which are $50 a piece. So I didn't do any screening?? Heck, I have never had a girl do so much in such a short period of time....ever!

Did she buy all of these things for you while she was "homeless" and "jobless"?

I'm morbidly curious about that.

 

[Sandow]

Did she buy all of these things for you while she was "homeless" and "jobless"?

I'm morbidly curious about that.

She did all this when she had her previous job as a server, and she was still living at her best friends house. During the relationship she was looking for a new place, and mentioned a few times that she wanted to get a place together (Couldn't tell if she was serious or not, but she said it). Thank god we didn't do that.

From what I hear now, she is still at her friends house sleeping on the couch, and still working a lot. I spoke to my buddy the other day who knows her, and he said he honestly does not think she is seeing anyone else...and that she is working a ton. He thinks I got a little possessive and she freaked out, since she was already under a lot of stress. But to my justification, her flaking on me through text messages was B.S. and I had every right to be mad. She viewed it as being possessive, which I don't think I am... I was just pissed at the moment.