shall I answer her birthday wishes?

[joker79]

kind of silly question but, being in complete NC, what would the appropriate behaviour be? this girl made me go nuts with push and pull and eventually blew me off (not ready for relationship, bla, bla, bla ... all BS). Now she got the message and randomly tries to establish contact. I remember that when it was her b-day she didn't have even the decency to answer my call or my txt. unfortunately i grew up polite and well-educated so my inpulse is to answer. The last thing i want to show is that am butthurt...

 

[Purefilth]

Text back.

"Who is this"

 

[joker79]

yeah, thanks Filth, thought about it.
Unfortunately we're co-workers (never again!) so it would be not credible, at least at this stage (recent NC). Or at least it would be absolutely evident that I deleted her number. it sounds butthurt, doesn't it?

 

[Smell The Glove]

Or at least it would be absolutely evident that I deleted her number.

That's the point.

It sounds butthurt, doesn't it?

No, it let's her know that you've disregarded her as a prospect and moved on.

 

[joker79]

agree, even if i can see that's her as whatsapp shows the picture. I don't see any win-win situation other than "who's this" or not answering.

 

[Smell The Glove]

shall I answer her birthday wishes?

I remember that when it was her b-day she didn't have even the decency to answer my call or my txt.

These two statements don't appear to be logically congruent btw.

 

[Igetit!]

kind of silly question but, being in complete NC, what would the appropriate behaviour be? this girl made me go nuts with push and pull and eventually blew me off (not ready for relationship, bla, bla, bla ... all BS). Now she got the message and randomly tries to establish contact. I remember that when it was her b-day she didn't have even the decency to answer my call or my txt. unfortunately i grew up polite and well-educated so my inpulse is to answer. The last thing i want to show is that am butthurt...

Honestly,I don't understand what it is you're fully trying to ask here. It'd been nice if you could have provided a bit of back information about you two.


You said she blew you off with the "not ready for a relationship" line. Course you know that's BS,but that's a different story. If she gave you the "not ready for relationship" card,then obviously you two must have already had and been out on a few dates already.


You're doing the no contact. Ok,umm WHY? What happened to make you start that?


You say that you're wondering if you should answer her birthday wishes. So she's trying to wish you a Happy Birthday,but you're not responding cause of this NC,correct? Personally,I'd answer. I don't see what your hesitation is.


What do you think would happen if you did respond to her saying happy birthday?


Let me ask you ONE simple question,and let's see if you can answer this.....


What do you want with this girl? What do you want with her...you wanna date her,just be friends,sleep with her once or twice,or what?


You made this thread cause you're after some sort of direction,but the direction we give depends on where you want to go. So...what do you want with her.?

 

[joker79]

@SmellTheGlove: why? she sent me a txt with whatsapp for my b-day. I can see that's her as there's the picture (bloody messenger).
back in time, when i did the same, she didn't answer... long story short, lot of push pull, we had sex, then she thought I wanted a relationship and backed off and since then thing have been on the razor's edge. pursued her like an AFC but eventually gave up, wasn't worth it, to unpredictable and unreliable + some other guy in the picture. Fvck that shyte.
Now am improving quickly and spinning plates and she noticed it.
Just wondering if it sounds childish and butturt not to answer as she did (she was playing games at the time). In theory i'd like to give her the same treatment but i'm sure that we can find something even more powerful (actually "whos's this" is quite powerful)

 

[zorg198]

agree, even if i can see that's her as whatsapp shows the picture. I don't see any win-win situation other than "who's this" or not answering.

Either don't answer or answer... Asking who is this sound a little bit childish .

Be the man means also grow up..


Joe.

 

[joker79]

@Igetit: been dating this girl for several months with high and lows. I tried to see what i could get out of this going through dating, sleeping with her and then see what happens. After a short period of success in which she seemed into me and showed buy signals, she started to show resistance, play games, pulling other guys in the picture and eventually tried even to LJBF me. I firmly rejected her offer and cut off all contact. Now everytime a come across her, things are quite awkward as we went from talking everyday to say "Hi" and nothing else. She randomly texts me asking how I am.
What I want is to understand how to get power back again as I'm sure she likes me and see if we can in some way restart from fresh... but I want the upper hand, I pursued her too much in the previous phase and... no thanks.. Honestly i'm not sure if it's worth to go through this pain again... but I don't want to show I'm butthurt anyway. That's where my question come from.

 

[Igetit!]

@Igetit: been dating this girl for several months with high and lows. I tried to see what i could get out of this going through dating, sleeping with her and then see what happens. After a short period of success in which she seemed into me and showed buy signals, she started to show resistance, play games, pulling other guys in the picture and eventually tried even to LJBF me. I firmly rejected her offer and cut off all contact. Now everytime a come across her, things are quite awkward as we went from talking everyday to say "Hi" and nothing else. She randomly text me asking how I am.
What I want is to understand is how to get power again

.. but I want the upper hand

So you two used to date,then things fell apart. You talk about "getting the power" back and having the "upper hand". Ok...power for what? Upper hand for what?

You're talking about "power",but you NEVER SAID what it is you wanted with the girl. Ultimately,there's something you want with her,you either want to just have sex with the chick,make her your girlfriend,friend with benefits,or something. Which one is it?


Look....I live in Texas. If I want to go to Oklahoma,I have to travel north,but if I want to go to Mexico,I have to travel south. THE PLACE I WANT TO GO DETERMINES THE DIRECTION I NEED TO TAKE. You get it?


I asked you what it is you want with her,you said "power" and the "upper hand". Ok...power FOR WHAT? A relationship? One night stand? FWB?


If you can't answer it you CAN'T be helped.

I pursued her too much in the previous phase...

Heh....well that explains her "Not ready for a relationship right now" line. You probably came off as needy to her. Might wanna just chalk this one up to a learning experience cause you're going to have a HARD TIME trying to get her to see you differently.


Not impossible,but if you didn't have the knowledge to PREVENT IT in the first place,it's unlikely you have the knowledge to reverse it as well.

Honestly i'm not sure if it's worth to go through this pain again... but I don't want to show I'm butthurt anyway. That's where my question come from.

Just answer her back. If she wishes you a happy birthday,just thank her for it. You make it seem like if you respond,you'll mess something up.

You DON'T HAVE ANYTHING with her...there's nothing TO mess up.


Even if you did try to make something happen,answering a "Happy Birthday" text wouldn't ruin it,being needy,clingy and pursuing her too much would.


Just learn from this so you want make the same mistakes with the next girl.

 

[Who Dares Win]

For fvck sake just reply with "THANKS", you dont appear bvtthurt nor too eager to have her.

 

[joker79]

@Igetit: thanks mate, yes i'll follow your advice. From this girl I wanted something serious, she seemed a good match,...but, as learned here in sosuave, i had to screen and test her before to check if it's worth it and if she's consistent... I'm not rushing for any relationship but when I see buying signals I usually go for the kill. From the outcomes I got, she's not worth it, apart from some sudden sparkles that she's able to ignite, confusing me throught random texts and unpredictable behaviour. Probably the problem stands here, she keeps me in a limbo, confusing me while she not confused at all, who knows. And that's why i need a proper answer either:

a) not to fall again in her trap or
b) getting a sort of reaction from her to re-start things properly

I want b) but honestly i'm concerned it's a). As interested girls do not confuse you, I'll let her go and answer politely but neutrally

 

[joker79]

@whodareswin: yes will do that

 

[Smell The Glove]

@SmellTheGlove: why? she sent me a txt with whatsapp for my b-day. I can see that's her as there's the picture (bloody messenger).
back in time, when i did the same, she didn't answer... long story short, lot of push pull, we had sex, then she thought I wanted a relationship and backed off and since then thing have been on the razor's edge. pursued her like an AFC but eventually gave up, wasn't worth it, to unpredictable and unreliable + some other guy in the picture. Fvck that shyte.
Now am improving quickly and spinning plates and she noticed it.
Just wondering if it sounds childish and butturt not to answer as she did (she was playing games at the time). In theory i'd like to give her the same treatment but i'm sure that we can find something even more powerful (actually "whos's this" is quite powerful)

I misunderstood what you meant by 'her birthday' wishes. I understand now that you meant her wishing you a happy birthday.