Says "I just need a little time to myself"...HELP?

[LiveYourDream]

Just to be clear, my intent in this thread is not to advocate this woman as a special snowflake that OP should jump through hoops for. My intent is to bring awareness to how significantly men and women can misunderstand one another, without even realizing it.

Pump and dumps are one thing. FWB are another. Imho, moving into and maintaining a deep, meaningful and happy LTR takes truly skillful communication and understanding. I think it's a skill everyone could hone for a lifetime, if they chose.

 

[Glassguy]

I actually had a good phone conversation with this woman this evening. It might come back around and it might be closure, but it was nice to have a calm convo and talk.

She basically told me that the first 2 months she felt like she very much wanted a relationship with me and when she was on vacation and thought I was pulling away, she felt uneasy and thought she may be better off not having anything to do with a relationship. She said that she really doesn't know what she wants to do at this point and that she was scared to be vulnerable. She said that she very much wanted to see me when she got back but since she had her daughter she didn't want me to be bored if I came down. I let her know ow that I had missed her and was only interested in seeing her at that point and didn't really care what we did had I came down. She also said that she realized during vacation that she is a happy person when she is around me and a happy person when she is hanging out with just her family, and didn't know if she wanted to take the risk of being hurt or walked away from.

I told her that i had the same fears about a relationship but if we both feel like moving forward we should (in more words). I told her how I felt about her and the past 2 months and told her that hopefully us talking tonight took some of the elephant out of the room. She told me how she felt as well and I told her to figure it out and let me know when she does and who knows what will happen down the road between us and individually. I left it at that....she was getting busy and it seemed like a good stopping point.

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Glassguy--Clarification please...how were things left between the two of you?

1. You on hold to some degree waiting for her answer if she wants to pursue a relationship? (I hope not)

2. Clarity that you both enjoyed your time together, both acknowledged that you some hesitations, and that you are potentially open to more if/when she should be inclined to see you again, but in no way are you on hold or waiting for her?

3. ?

Curious...How do you feel now? Do you feel somehow still actively tied in to her or completely liberated feeling free from your experience with her or ?

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

I actually had a good phone conversation with this woman this evening. It might come back around and it might be closure, but it was nice to have a calm convo and talk.

She basically told me that the first 2 months she felt like she very much wanted a relationship with me and when she was on vacation and thought I was pulling away, she felt uneasy and thought she may be better off not having anything to do with a relationship. She said that she really doesn't know what she wants to do at this point and that she was scared to be vulnerable. She said that she very much wanted to see me when she got back but since she had her daughter she didn't want me to be bored if I came down. I let her know ow that I had missed her and was only interested in seeing her at that point and didn't really care what we did had I came down. She also said that she realized during vacation that she is a happy person when she is around me and a happy person when she is hanging out with just her family, and didn't know if she wanted to take the risk of being hurt or walked away from.

I told her that i had the same fears about a relationship but if we both feel like moving forward we should (in more words). I told her how I felt about her and the past 2 months and told her that hopefully us talking tonight took some of the elephant out of the room. She told me how she felt as well and I told her to figure it out and let me know when she does and who knows what will happen down the road between us and individually. I left it at that....she was getting busy and it seemed like a good stopping point.

You are over invested, its game over dude But no worries, I wrote some poetry that you should send her:

"ROSES ARE RED AND VIOLETS ARE BLUE, YOUNG B!TCHES ARE FLAKEY AND SO ARE YOU"

Dude, she is seeing someone else, they don't flake after two months unless another guy is in the picture, she now considers herself higher status than you, she wants to ride the **** carousel some more.

She wants someone to have fun with not a serious relationship. Your problem is the exact opposite of what you think it is. Whenever a chick says she doesn't want to play games, they always end up doing just that.

You said that you take people at their words. Well men lie and women are the masters of lies, dishonesty and decitfullness.

You dont bring a knife to a gunfight and you sure as hell don't throw someone shooting at you more bullets. Stop comminicating with her, cease all interaction. From here on forward she is a non entity. When you are dealing with females, you have to learn to be
Cold hearted and not give a f!ck, cuz as soon as they see you care you are doomed!

 

[Glassguy]

@Glassguy--Clarification please...how were things left between the two of you?

1. You on hold to some degree waiting for her answer if she wants to pursue a relationship? (I hope not)

2. Clarity that you both enjoyed your time together, both acknowledged that you some hesitations, and that you are potentially open to more if/when she should be inclined to see you again, but in no way are you on hold or waiting for her?

3. ?

Curious...How do you feel now? Do you feel somehow still actively tied in to her or completely liberated feeling free from your experience with her or ?

I told her that i had fun the past 2 months but I wasnt interested in continuing whats happened the past week and a half since she got back from vacation. I told her to take her time figuring it out but I was going a different direction. She asked if that meant I was going to see other people and I told her that although I was hoping to still see her, I was opening up other options since a week later nothing had changed. I genuinely told her that I appreciated the conversation this evening and it seemed like it is good closure and glad we finally got a chance to talk like adults instead of texting. I was very calm and cool the entire time. She sh!t tested me at one point, saying "you changed your rhapsody password on me....I don't know if we can recover from that". I told her she should get her own account because I really wasnt worried about the rhapsody password at this point. I was nice, yet direct. Did my best to say I'm not staying where I'm at any longer and it will be ok either way.

To answer your other question, I feel relieved. I'm content with what I said, content with what I heard, and moving forward. Looking forward to my date this Friday night and then some guy time drinking a few Saturday.

 

[Sho-No-Luv]

you changed your rhapsody password on me....I don't know if we can recover from that".

Wow get a load of this chick, she got jokes too? Damn what a keeper!

 

[LiveYourDream]

@Glassguy--I am glad to see that you finished this in a way that was strong and centered, for you. I am glad you were unwavering and incredibly direct when you let her know that she was welcome to reach out again, but you were opening other options.

I have no doubt that you amplified her attraction for you, with how you connected with her tonight. I have no doubt that she will reach out again, at some point. When she does, no chit chat. CW...Set it up. Then...hang out, have fun, hook up. Enjoy yourself. On a side note, be cautious when she does return. Do not automatically drop others. Let her earn her way back to potential exclusivity. I feel cautious about her ability to really be emotionally all in with a man. I don't know her either. Be sure you don't see her through rose colored glasses when she comes back. Be honest with who she really is with you. If you choose to pass on seeing her at all or choose to let her go at some point, don't hesitate. Honor your own well-being!

Glad to hear you are moving on! Have fun with your date on Friday. Happy drinking with your buddies on Saturday!

 

[Glassguy]

@Live-

She texted me last night. First she sent me a pic of her daughter (they went to the local fair) and then later (past midnight) she sent me this:

"For the record, I think you're one of the best guys I know".

I didnt respond because I didnt know if it was even a good idea or not. Since it was late and she probably thought I was already in bed, I had time to think about responding or not.

 

[arathorngr]

Ok, this is my input about all this mess.
As soon as you had seen her pulling away, you should have pulled away more.
What she basically tells you with all this emo crap is that she does not want a relationship with YOU because HER ATTRACTION FOR YOU is really low at the moment. All these platonic discussions you have with her LOWER HER ATTRACTION LEVEL EVEN FURTHER.
STOP TALKING to her. Go ghost.
NOW.

 

[The Duke]

For all the highly experienced guys......how many times have you been with hot/cold women like the one this thread is about and it ended up being something solid that you could count on?

Women that are truly interested in you will not make a relationship with them so difficult and confusing.

Flakes like this one will sit there and tell you all sorts of sweet bull**** to keep you providing attention.

Like Sho-No-Luv said......women are the masters of lies, dishonesty and decitfullness. Don't believe their words, only their actions.

 

[arathorngr]

For all the highly experienced guys......how many times have you been with hot/cold women like the one this thread is about and it ended up being something solid that you could count on?

Women that are truly interested in you will not make a relationship with them so difficult and confusing.

Flakes like this one will sit there and tell you all sorts of sweet bull**** to keep you providing attention.

Like Sho-No-Luv said......women are the masters of lies, dishonesty and decitfullness. Don't believe their words, only their actions.

Well, she can't help it. The OP lowered her interest leverl through his actions.
EVERY woman would do the same.
Listen guys, it's not fair to accuse a dog because it is a dog or a cat because it is a cat. It's their nature.
It's OUR duty to keep their interest up, by being a real man and attractive guy.

The OP went for rapport when he should clearly should have gone for attraction. It's a usual mistake.
She may be the most consistent girl on earth but she would STILL FLAKE on a guy that didn't push the right buttons, when he should have done it.
All this was A MAJOR **** TEST.

 

[The Duke]

@Live-

She texted me last night.

"For the record, I think you're one of the best guys I know".

When a woman tells me something like this, my heart wants to believe them, but my experienced brain turns the big red light on and questions their words. Her words are saying one thing, and her flakey actions are saying another. Believe their actions, not their words.

 

[The Duke]

Well, she can't help it. The OP lowered her interest leverl through his actions.
EVERY woman would do the same.
Listen guys, it's not fair to accuse a dog because it is a dog or a cat because it is a cat. It's their nature.
It's OUR duty to keep their interest up, by being a real man and attractive guy.

The OP went for rapport when he should clearly should have gone for attraction. It's a usual mistake.
She may be the most consistent girl on earth but she would STILL FLAKE on a guy that didn't push the right buttons, when he should have done it.
All this was A MAJOR **** TEST.

You are correct with your dog/cat analogy. What exactly was he supposed to do that he didn't....could you explain the rapport/attraction thing you mentioned?

 

[arathorngr]

He should have stated what he wanted ONCE and then he should have gone fully NC. He should have created the impression that he was moving on, NOT throuth words, but through actions. Then he should have let her chase him.
A guy that he continues to talk and talk and talk about the state of the "relationship", is AVAILABLE and he is not moving on. Talking about the relationship, caring etc. is building rapport, not attraction.

When rapport is lost, it's usually lost because the attraction is lost.
And even if this is not the case, in 99% of the cases the man should try to increase the attraction. In 99% of the cases, the reason for break ups caused by women is declining attraction.

 

[BeTheChange]

This. One of the primary tenants of this website is pay attention to what a woman DOES not what she says.

A five page thread for a woman you've been seing for two months. Really? Drop this chick and move on to better prospects. You got emotionally invested way too early.

You need to read this post again and again and again:
https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/the-cardinal-rule-of-relationships/

In any relationship, the person with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.

 

[Glassguy]

When we had the first uncomfortable convo about whether I was going to see her or not when she returned from vacation, I should have just said "no problem, let me know when you're free to meet up again" and jetted. Left her with her wheels spinning. I know this, have done this, yet didnt do it.

Lesson learned. I was getting a little emotionally invested but I was cautious to what I said/did to show interest but never come across as needy/clingy/all in because that wasnt the case.

I didnt respond back to her compliment text last night. I am sure that she is being sincere but at this point I don't think I should show ANY response to her words, let alone show that I will text back at the drop of a hat or when she throws me a bone. Hell, her business is a 3 minute walk from mine and if she really wanted to see me she would walk over and put some effort into it. But she hasn't.....much less action than her words.

My intentions were clear, she has made no clear effort to let me know when she can meet up and hang out after I asked. I am sure my upcoming silence will cause her to reach out. Heck, she texted me 5 hours later after I talked to her on the phone and let her know that I am just not staying where I am at any longer and moving on. My best play is to focus on the other 2 that I have set up dates with.

When she does reach out I can either 1.) Ignore 2.) just be friendly and make NO reference at any point about us doing anything together/relationship/screwing etc and vanish again 3.) tell her that its nice to hear from her, I've started moving in a different direction/gotta run/catch up with you later and then vanish again.

Lots of red flags here. Plenty of other women out there that are much better equipped than she is. Hopefully the hot chick will knock my socks off Friday night (literally) and finish it off lol.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I didnt respond back to her compliment text last night.

Perfect choice.

Lots of red flags here.

Skip the drama.

Plenty of other women out there that are much better equipped than she is.

Exactly!

 

[arathorngr]

JUST IGNORE TILL SHE BLOWS UP YOUR PHONE

 

[LiveFreeX]

Understood. But what's the fix?

Asia.

7:48 - Leftovers don't have kids and they will do WHATEVER they can to lock down a man. [As it should be]

9:25 Comes to the realization that most regular girls in Asia come to at an early age.

Why bother with a woman with a kid and a ton of fkin drama? Westernized women dude, run the fk away! You are dealing with a b1tch that has been brainwashed by feminism, told she was wonderful and is still under this illusion. Leave damaged goods to damaged guys. I would class ALL the women on the PUA forum as damaged goods. If a woman is not trying actively to lock you down she's either damaged or you are. Women that spend their time on pursuits OTHER than locking men down are ticking time bombs.

Bottom line: If this girl is not in pursuit mode, break off the attack, turn and burn.

 

[The Duke]

Live Free- are you in the mail order bride business? lol