Riddle me this

[Fruitbat]

Thanks for the considered replies gents. Often I don’t wish to post anything which suggests a hint of a problem as people jump down your throat.

Glad one can share this in this place - the only place for many of us where we can relate and discuss our challenges, triumphs etc

This board might need a married/LTR section as many of us have moved on in life. There’s literally nowhere else online which isn’t heavily policed and infested with aggressive feminists. They would have flipped out at something here, well done all for not becoming the male equivalents of redditors!

 

[BeExcellent]

It's a tough situation to be trapped in. I lived a floor above this type of mother, and socialized her family with mine many times. I've heard all their arguments. When she went off, she went off for hours. Over nothing, usually.

Best of luck. I sympathize.

Appreciate that. She's far away and I really don't care what she thinks. I can be nice for the occassional phone call. My husband distanced himself from her over the years, so he's cool. They aren't that close. But I do see some things that he does or values to be remnant from years trying to appease and please his selfish neglectful parents.

My parents are both dead so honestly, although I miss my father tremendously, I'm a happy orphan these days.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Man you gotta real in your anger. Lay off the weight lifting drugs or fix whatever is driving your bad attitude. @Fruitbat doesn't deserve your schitt. How about a better way to get your point across?

Sadly, large sections of The Manosphere(I won't name names), especially most self-proclaimed "Men's Rights Activists" have hoodwinked and bamboozled many men into thinking it's cool to think and behave in a crass, vulgar fashion similar to that of Gainz, the minute someone says or does anything they find objectionable

Same way large sections of Feminism duped women into believing that it's acceptable to heap invective onto other women, the minute they tried to speak candidly about their domestic difficulties

 

[Fruitbat]

Here’s an update.

Got to Hanoi. I was literally bursting, it’s been a LONG time!

My wife led on the bed looking depressed and said “I have no mood”

So, I sat there pissed off. Then I for once thought I’d try it on her level. I can be a selfish lover sometimes and I love a bit of nasty dominant banging, but she often complains I don’t warm her up.
So, I gave her a massage and a foot rub. She said she wanted to sleep

I said I want nothing in return. I just think we aren’t close enough. I then told her genuinely I’ve not seen a single woman in this country who’s anywhere near as beautiful as her.

I got in the shower and there was a knock at the door….the rest was mind blowing.

I know western gals can work different but Asian girls really dig the romance stuff. I could physically tell how turned on she was.

so mission complete. At ease boys.

 

[Fruitbat]

That's not her job, you got no fvcking leadership skills, bro you suck at marriage. You should've done that, what kind of a man will c0ckblock himself by sleeping in her parents home. You should've booked the hotel, you should've planed the childcare, you just suck at being a lider, if you don't get better she will resent you for it until she hates you.

^here speaks a man contented and happy with his life.

and also not a single clue how it works in Asia.

I just had a brilliant passionate nut, wishing you the best for the same, brother

 

[Fruitbat]

Wait, you think that him knowing how her mother is, he shouldn't have a plan to not stay there to sleep, to maker her wife feel safe knowing they have a hotel waiting for them away from toxicity? You think he shouldn't have ****blocked himself by sleeping there in the first place?

Since I joined forum he's been lost for a long time, making mistakes, and not learning from them, then getting mad at other members who point the obvious. He never had any kind of leadership.

And judging by what you wrote, you never thought that it was a man's job to plan a trip, have everything set up, children taken cared of, places to visits, cause they shouldn't be with her parent all day long.

This is is simple, she maybe s harpy kunt, she may be bitchy cause of her parents, but the guy never went with plan, he just followed her lead and women are terrible making plans, and eventually they will resent you for it.

Dude, I’ve got one harpy kunt right here.

I can’t plan anything because I can’t speak the lingo. That’s the whole issue with this situation.

you take a snippet and construct whatever you want.

Seek to understand first, before being understood.

yes I’ve been here 10 years and yeah, I’m not some chick magnet, and I don’t really care. I have my own deficiencies and I am comfortable with them. That’s part of the reason I’m here. To seek help.

All you are here to do is waft your ego about. I only don’t put you on ignore because it’s pretty hilarious.
You’ve made a complete tit out of yourself here so if I were you I’d retreat back to your harem, Fonzy

 

[Money & Muscle]

My wife led on the bed looking depressed and said “I have no mood”

So, I sat there pissed off. Then I for once thought I’d try it on her level. I can be a selfish lover sometimes and I love a bit of nasty dominant banging, but she often complains I don’t warm her up.
So, I gave her a massage and a foot rub. She said she wanted to sleep

In manosphere terms, you provided comfort in hopes it would lead to sex.

In your defense, it certainly did, but I would be cautious going this route in the future.

Had she not taken care of your needs, I think you would still be here pissed off - no?
Would you be more upset if after a massage/foot rub, she actually went to sleep? My guess is "yes".

I only give my wife massages that lead to happy endings; if I'm going to rub her body - I'm going to rub her whole body. Some areas need more attention than others, whoops.

I used to not make massages sexual, and it often landed me with blue balls and resent. Not to mention the ever-increasing entry threshold for sex, as she (like most women) begin to expect a certain amount of effort when they get used to it.
^ I would advise you don't go this route in the future.

Learn to seduce her mind; don't tell her what you're going to do to her, tell her how you're going to make her feel. Be descriptive - bishes love that shiz.

 

[Fruitbat]

Appreciate that. She's far away and I really don't care what she thinks. I can be nice for the occassional phone call. My husband distanced himself from her over the years, so he's cool. They aren't that close. But I do see some things that he does or values to be remnant from years trying to appease and please his selfish neglectful parents.

My parents are both dead so honestly, although I miss my father tremendously, I'm a happy orphan these days.

as one of the few females on here, it is doubly hard for men in this situation.

not all women are the same but usually if I’m being moody after a while I’ll work out why and tell my other half why. Earlier today I straight up said the reason I’m jumpy is I have been horny as hell and I’ve about a gallon of stuff backed up (not in those words). Not getting your oats really affects my mood.

most the women I’ve been with take it out on their man and never get to the point when they say why and admit.
Women are masters at managing to never be in the wrong. Maybe it’s because we are stronger physically. We don’t mind being a wee bit vulnerable. Women never want to show it.

sorry about your parents BTW

 

[Money & Muscle]

Women are masters at managing to never be in the wrong. Maybe it’s because we are stronger physically. We don’t mind being a wee bit vulnerable. Women never want to show it.

There is an important distinction between being vulnerable and being weak/sensitive.
It takes balls to be vulnerable, but being weak/sensitive is generally viewed as beta male energy. Women would collectively rather you never do this.

And women are great at avoiding accountability because 'cavewomen' who were accountable for their actions were kicked out of the tribe. Or at least, that's what the evolutionary psychologists say. IDK, it sounds reasonable.

Men are great at avoiding accountability too, but men don't let other men get away with it. Men and women let women get away with it.

 

[Fruitbat]

In manosphere terms, you provided comfort in hopes it would lead to sex.

In your defense, it certainly did, but I would be cautious going this route in the future.

Had she not taken care of your needs, I think you would still be here pissed off - no?
Would you be more upset if after a massage/foot rub, she actually went to sleep? My guess is "yes".

I only give my wife massages that lead to happy endings; if I'm going to rub her body - I'm going to rub her whole body. Some areas need more attention than others, whoops.

I used to not make massages sexual, and it often landed me with blue balls and resent. Not to mention the ever-increasing entry threshold for sex, as she (like most women) begin to expect a certain amount of effort when they get used to it.
^ I would advise you don't go this route in the future.

Learn to seduce her mind; don't tell her what you're going to do to her, tell her how you're going to make her feel. Be descriptive - bishes love that shiz.

Cool. I actually was completely non sexual and said I’m not doing it for that reasons

truth be told as I say I can be a bit of a boys-own lover. Often I don’t even kiss her and even really care. Asian girls are kind of conditioned to be submissive in bed, but she has always complained that she likes romance.
I would indeed be blue balled and moody. However, she did say before the massage that we def would later in the day - she guaranteed it.
So I thought well let’s make this a long drawn out seduction. I’ll make her feel super special and that will enhance it for her later - so I already had a winner in the bag but I did what I did they out of selflessness really.

funnily enough all the stuff she bought that I really like (I am a confirmed underwear/clothing fanatic. Not fetish, the objects themselves don’t arouse me but I do like women in packaging lol. Straight to nude I find boring AF) she didn’t even put on!

what I’m gonna try to do now is a bit of closeness once in a while and tell myself upfront it’s not for me. She really digs it.

Surely making the relationship fulfilling for her is just a good thing full stop provided it’s not too often and isn’t given when she doesn’t deserve it.

I know it’s blue pill AF but while being a supplicating partner is a bad thing, she is a human being and a woman and once in a while being made to feel loved and appreciated is a good thing right?

 

[Fruitbat]

There is an important distinction between being vulnerable and being weak/sensitive.
It takes balls to be vulnerable, but being weak/sensitive is generally viewed as beta male energy. Women would collectively rather you never do this.

And women are great at avoiding accountability because 'cavewomen' who were accountable for their actions were kicked out of the tribe. Or at least, that's what the evolutionary psychologists say. IDK, it sounds reasonable.

Men are great at avoiding accountability too, but men don't let other men get away with it. Men and women let women get away with it.

agreed - all about emotional frame control.

“Love, I’m a bit screwed up at the moment. Work is tough etc”

“why aren’t you speaking to me! You know my life is crap because of work, you don’t support me”

big difference between weakness and vulnerability.

 

[Money & Muscle]

she is a human being and a woman and once in a while being made to feel loved and appreciated is a good thing right?

There's nothing wrong with letting a woman feel loved and appreciated, so long as you are doing this for the sheer sake of it being what you want to do. Meaning, you are giving it to her as a gift; a gift in which you expect nothing in return.
I would also put in the caveat that if she isn't doing the things to make you feel loved and appreciated, then you should not be doing this for her.

Red Pill isn't about treating women like sh*t, its just male sexual strategy. Your woman should be working to keep you around; much of that is making sure that your happiness is tended to.

Most beta men put the relationship wants/needs hierarchy like this:
Her needs > her wants.
His needs > his wants.

So his needs and wants come last every time.

A more reasonable hierarchy goes like this:
Her needs > his needs.
His wants > her wants.
^ This is the Dom/sub relationship, and it is the closest thing to fair a man can expect.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

you take a snippet and construct whatever you want.

We all go by what you shared. But forget what I wrote man, you got this.

 

[Fruitbat]

[

My wife turns until her old self around her family. It's not that different, but it's noticeable. I imagine this is stressful on her as she feels compelled to act as 2 different people, and only one of them is the person she likes.

A woman who can see the world beyond her own perspective (unicorn trait) may notice she is being a bit sh*ttier to her husband as a result. I imagine said woman would want to make that up to the man she loves most.

That being said, if this man reacts emotionally to this woman's sh*t, she is likely to blame you for all her weird and conflicting emotions.
So remaining indifferent to her poor behavior will likely pay off in these scenarios. Sounds like you've done this part well

Man you really make some great points - especially about how I get blamed if I take this emotionally.

I have been trying SO hard the whole way to be grounded emotionally but once or twice the pressure did show. I was just a bit pissy as we would say in UK.

Your insight is amazing - that’s exactly how it rolled.

Every day I woke up and told myself - your goal is to not care. To keep on being cheerful and positive regardless but get this - I’m in a house where nobody can speak my language other than my wife. I have her parents bossing us around and my wife doesn’t ask me to step in - indeed, she wants me to be complaint even though I know it’s killing her.

I found it hard to leave so it’s like pressure building. For the first week I spoke to nobody who could speak English and the moment we were alone she was completely mute. Cold shoulder. That is hard - and then she speaks normally to family in VN. It was a head****. To me she just randomly was silent.

basically mum upset her and she responds by shutting me out.

now things are different after some mid blowing sechs. Amazing how that improves things.
I know this sound beta but within limits I’m going to continue being a bit of a romantic with her as genuinely it seems to change her.

 

[BeExcellent]

You are doing your level best. I imagine the isolation also gets to you after awhile. You cannot help or defend her when you cannot understand what is being said. Thats a tough one.

Honestly I own my shjt. I'm super direct for a woman & my husband appreciates it. If I'm happy he knows, if I'm upset he knows etc.

Thanks for the kind regards about my folks. My mom stirred lots of drama. Don't miss that.

Hang in there. This is temporary situational strife.

 

[NoBiscuits]

Here’s an update.

Got to Hanoi. I was literally bursting, it’s been a LONG time!

My wife led on the bed looking depressed and said “I have no mood”

So, I sat there pissed off. Then I for once thought I’d try it on her level. I can be a selfish lover sometimes and I love a bit of nasty dominant banging, but she often complains I don’t warm her up.
So, I gave her a massage and a foot rub. She said she wanted to sleep

I said I want nothing in return. I just think we aren’t close enough. I then told her genuinely I’ve not seen a single woman in this country who’s anywhere near as beautiful as her.

I got in the shower and there was a knock at the door….the rest was mind blowing.

I know western gals can work different but Asian girls really dig the romance stuff. I could physically tell how turned on she was.

so mission complete. At ease boys.

You've got to be ****ing kidding me. In one ear and out the other.

Your woman was probably contemplating how her upbringing has damaged her as an adult, everything she left behind, and whether it was worth it to start a new life and all you can think of is "hey bebeh, wnt sum fuk?"
Are you serious?

"But she guaranteed it!" She's tolerating emotions from paying visitation duties to her broken family. All you had to do was be easy to hang out with and wait it out until you got home, but instead you open a whole new emotional front for her to battle on with this "I think we aren't close enough" nonsense after you got angry all because you couldn't put your pren!s in something immediately.

I also mentioned in detail how this wasn't just "an Asian thing" but instead something much more relatable. But you insist on thinking so anyway. Idk.

I swear, some people here, for one reason or another, are simply incapable of exercising basic sexual constraint regardless of circumstance and are thinking with their d***s 24/7/365. Just biological animal-like cells obsessed with fulfilling the rudimentary needs to reproduce through a simulated exercise in order to obtain the chemical reward from doing so. Next week will be a post from someone questioning his SWM and gaming competency because his wife doesn't want to do it in the hospital while she's dealing with stage 4 kidney cancer. Unbelievable.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Maybe she has some unresolved emotions about her parents that have been brought out from being there?

 

[Fruitbat]

hey guys. Just to let you know we did it again,
This time with all the gear.
One thing the manosphere gets right.

having sex with a woman changes their chemistry totally. She’s been totally non moody since I gave it to her ragged a few times.

I’ve been extremely romantic but also incredibly dominant in bed. Starting with a massage, foot rub and then progressing on to some pretty hardcore stuff where it’s not quite so love based.

since then her general attitude to me outside the bedroom is MUCH better.

We need it but so do they.

Nice to report a success story. Have a good day folks, I have!

She started holding my hand again when out. She doesn’t whine anymore. I drank ****tails all evening and she just smiled at me and called me an alcoholic like she used to.

It’s amazing the effect sex has on both members of a couple. I feel great. She’s smiling again.

if there’s anything in the red pill that’s true - and a LOT is true, it’s giving her a good seeing to.

I know all kinds of gainz has roasted me and he’s right in terms of damaged, fatherless western women. But Asian gal gain is different in many ways. Obviously don’t be weak, don’t let her be the boss and I do work to stop that. She often tells me Asian men are more compliant and from what I see, Asian men are pretty blue pill in many ways (while many still
Cheat with hookers - most are still dominated by their wife) so I see that as a badge of honour.

I’ve been a really loving guy recently so I might mix it up with a few late night away with the lads to keep her on her toes!