Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Real-Life Experience: Jealous Women Confused My WIFE

STR8UP

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RicFury said:
My wife was a great girl. She really was. I knew her for FIVE years, and she ALWAYS had my back, she always bragged on me, and she always respected me...ALWAYS. She was a young virgin when I got her, untouched. She got into the wrong crowd and they poisoned her mind. And I couldn't be around her every minute. She became an extremely jealous person, and she didn't want anyone to have something that we didn't have. Once she got that into her head, I found it was impossible to get through to her.
And people wonder why I espouse the idea that a woman can LOOK great, even BE great, but a gust of wind can come along and change everything. That's why the whole "quality" woman thing is a fallacy. Women are slaves to their emotions. When will guys get this through their heads?

Only problem I see.... I just read you married a "young virgin" you don't know what you're getting, but you can be assured that there will be "issues" due to her inexperience. Likely her she started to feel an itch and her friends convinced her she was missing something.

The friends are always either your best friend, or your worst enemy, never in between.
 

wayword

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RicFury said:
All of her friends in college wanted me, and almost all of them made a pass at me at one time or another, and, of course, made her want me even more. Her family loved me, he cat loved me, her dad loved me...all was perfect. We graduated college together, then had the most beautiful wedding you have ever seen. The whole community talked about it for MONTHS. Then, things began to change...

Because all of a sudden she was around all these doctors that made all this money and nurses that were all after them for their money.

Turns out, almost ALL of the nurses in her unit were all of a sudden having babies.

my wife was bragging about me and whatnot, and these older nurses were telling her how she can do better than that because they can get THEIR husbands to do whatever they wish.

All her friends told her so. All her friends told her that if I wouldn't hand over my paycheck to her, I wasn't a "REAL man." I wasn't a "REAL MAN" because I didn't make more money than her and I didn't support her completely financially. She believed it

Because all of her friends were having babies, now SHE wanted a baby. I told her "not yet" because we were only married a year, and just bought a house. Her nurse friends were married to doctors and were quitting work as soon as they had their babies. In fact, THAT IS THE RESON WHY THEY GOT PREGNANT! My wife even told me this! They wanted to quit work so bad that they got preganant, to husbands that they talked sh!t about day in and day out. MY WIFE KNEW THIS. She told me repeatedly how bad these wives treated their husbands. Yet, in the end, they got to her.
Your wife never changed. In fact, she has stayed REMARKABLY consistent.

Namely, she is a status-hor who simply wants whatever her friends want. When her friends all wanted you in college, she wanted you. When they wanted a house, she wanted a house. When they wanted a baby, she wanted a baby. When they wanted a rich sugar daddy, she wanted a rich sugar daddy.

TRUTH IS, she never really wanted YOU...only the STATUS that you gave her at one phase in life!

Blame feminism!

And, I hope you get half her shyt in divorce and some nice alimony!
 

Play the Game

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wayword said:
Your wife never changed. In fact, she has stayed REMARKABLY consistent.

Namely, she is a status-hor who simply wants whatever her friends want. When her friends all wanted you in college, she wanted you. When they wanted a house, she wanted a house. When they wanted a baby, she wanted a baby. When they wanted a rich sugar daddy, she wanted a rich sugar daddy.

TRUTH IS, she never really wanted YOU...only the STATUS that you gave her at one phase in life!

Blame feminism!

And, I hope you get half her shyt in divorce and some nice alimony!

Yes, and Deep Dish's eternal words just rang in my head after reading this thread.

Deep Dish said:
Her friends pick her boyfriends. Her religion tells her to deny her very nature and for some like Orthodox Jews and Greeks, even playing role of her friends picking her mate. Dating never happens in a vacuum free from outside influences; you’re not dating her you’re dating everyone. In a certain light, men do not get women, women get society.
 

Flyer

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regards to you. RicFury.
 

Don Juanabbe

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RicFury said:
Hello everyone! I am RicFury, and I have been enjoying this website for years! Information in here is invaluable, and has helped me to not only get the girl of my dreams, but to make her BEG me to marry her! Now, on to the sad part...

My dream girl found me five years ago. We had the PERFECT relationship. Thanks to this site, I was the ultimate DJ and she responded like any normal woman would. I was constantly getting told that I was a "real man," and how "lucky she was." All of her friends in college wanted me, and almost all of them made a pass at me at one time or another, and, of course, made her want me even more. Her family loved me, he cat loved me, her dad loved me...all was perfect. We graduated college together, then had the most beautiful wedding you have ever seen. The whole community talked about it for MONTHS. Then, things began to change...

At first, it was the same. I was the "man" and she was the "woman." We both started working full time and got a nice apartment to live in. Because she had a medical degree, she naturally made great money right from the start. I had a busineess degree, and we all know how bad the economy is in right now. Through no fault of my own, she made TWICE the money I did.
STRIKE ONE.

Then, within a year's time she wanted a new house. Why? Because all of a sudden she was around all these doctors that made all this money and nurses that were all after them for their money. After I told her "NO, we don't need a house right now" she pointed out that even though I couldn't pay for a mortgage, SHE could. Now, when your WIFE comes to you with an argumant like this, it is hard to tell her "NO" when she is indeed correct. She found her dream house, the one we talked about when we were just dating. SHE could pay for it, so why not? In a year or two, my career will take off, right?
STRIKE TWO

After we got the house, things settled back down for a while, then she decided she wanted to have a baby. Turns out, almost ALL of the nurses in her unit were all of a sudden having babies. Worse, they all started going out to eat together and talking baby stuff and whatnot. My wife started feeling left out, and they were all basically rubbing her nose in it. You see, all of her nurse friends were in their early 30s, and she in her early 20s. All of their husbands were "nice guys" aka "AFCs" and they gave their wives whatever they wanted, when they wanted. To make matters worse, my wife was bragging about me and whatnot, and these older nurses were telling her how she can do better than that because they can get THEIR husbands to do whatever they wish. Why? JEALOUSY. They were all unhappy with their chump husbands, so they wanted to make SURE my wife didn't think she had a better "MAN" than their husbands.
STRIKE THREE

They messed up my wife, let me tell you. They got into her head. All of a sudden, she didn't want a DJ. She wanted a man to spoil her, to give her anything she wanted, when she wanted it. At least, that is what she THINKS she wanted...at that time. All she could see from this point on was a "REAL MAN" who had no right to tell her NO when she wanted something. All her friends told her so. All her friends told her that if I wouldn't hand over my paycheck to her, I wasn't a "REAL man." I wasn't a "REAL MAN" because I didn't make more money than her and I didn't support her completely financially. She believed it, and all of a sudden, everything I said from then on out was WRONG. She got to where she believed them over her own husband.
YOU'RE OUT!!!!

My wife left me, convinced she was getting cheated out of her happiness, and that I wasn't treating her right. When we were dating and engaged, we had a winning formula, and we had the exact same goals. Basically, she wanted everything too fast, and I couldn't deliver fast enough, so I get dropped. I can honestly say, I DJed her to the very end, but she left, regardless.

CONCLUSIONS?
My woman was NOT a "gold-digger." She was a great girl, never touched and I was the ONLY man who could get her. She told other people our business, and she ended up listening to the wrong people tell her what to do. Because of her "girl power" friends, I became the enemy. Other jealous women may not affect a real DJ, but they CAN get to and affect another woman. You see, women may really WANT a DJ, a "REAL MAN", but they do NOT want another woman to have what they don't have. My woman should have been happy with what we had at that time: no debt, a great house, our whole lives ahead of us. She wasn't happy, so she ended it. My wife ended our marriage for no real reason at all, other than she wasn't happy. And the hardest part was:

THERE WASN'T A DANM THING I COULD DO ABOUT IT.

I'm curious, is your ex-wife happy now?

Because this is very similar to my own situation from a few years back. My woman started to listen to all her friends, and transformed from a sweet girl next door into an angry feminist type.

She was great for the first 4 years, and an absolute nightmare for the last 2 1/2.

Almost the same exact thing.

Flash forward 3 years, my ex is pretty much the most miserable unhappy person you could meet. She has left a trail of enemies behind her, and lost loads of friends.

She's with a puny little doormat of a guy that she bosses around, walks all over, uses for money and treats like shyt. Now those same women who told her all this crap about me, are dissing her new guy behind her back. They even come up to me and tell me how she took a step down in the looks and personality department when going from me to him. These same women also are no longer friends with her.

Amazing isn't it?

Not surprisingly she still isn't married and doesn't have a kid, something which she harassed me endlessly about.

I'm willing to bet your ex is similarly miserable because she has to spend all her time justifying to herself why she let a great guy like you go, and when the reasons don't fit into her paradigm she slowly has become angry and bitter for listening to all that bad advice from jealous hens.

Never underestimate the power of other jealous women, they can destroy your relationship just as much as another man stepping into the picture.

NOTE: Just as an aside, awhile back my ex saw a picture of me with my new woman on facebook, and flipped out into a jealous rage. Started chaffing my current girlfriend for no reason, even though she never met her. Started slagging her to other people that know her - to the point that my new girlfriend was going to go down to her work and punch her out....lol.

I even drove the knife in a little....I e-mailed my ex, and passed on a note from my current girlfriend, essentially saying that she better stop talking about her, given they have never met, and to back off, because 'she had me and gave me up, so she made her bed and can now lie in it.'

Not only that, some of those women have been telling her how much I make now etc. etc.....and all she can do is go home to her little wimp afc boyfriend whom the other women have dubbed a 'weasel' because of the way he looks.

Karma is real.
 

Poonani Maker

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ok, well, check this **** out...I LOVE(D) this gal to death for the longest ****ing time, ok? So about a year after we broke up, she doesn't have an internet connection so I started doing some investigative work on the site www.intelius.com, to find her relatives, whatever I could find, to peer into their lives, get the dirt (myspace and the like is so great because you can find who is connected to who is connected to who, sisters, employers, church members, and on and on and on the chain goes). Well, I found her sister (who I know she's Very close to and talks about everything with), finally, and perused her connections and comments to others about a Halloween party, work, events etc etc. I found a girl 5 years my younger who her and her sister absolutely Adore and love, made it my mission to be in a place to meet this girl and seduce her, even though she's not my type but definitely doable and thin blond. Due to my job, I am able to work and be put in any position I want to be able to cross paths with a certain person I want to meet within a hundred mile radius. I meet this unknown gal a her work, do my damned best to make a good first impression, she's smiling bright-eyed, and we get to the subject of what we're doing for this weekend. So we hung out together for a while (never had sex), and she was really happy to have met me, and my job carries status or weight. Well, I go to her church with her and she introduces me to my oneitus of 2 years and her sister, startled we talk but don't mention our previous relationship. A week later, I'm toast and this unknown gf is acting a whole lot colder towards me, barely even speaking to me, thus our relationship ends.

Women have Much more Pull that any of us guys, even if married, have over the social direction of their minds. They're All fvcked.
 

j0n024

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Dang man....the power of peer pressure really is a B1tch! Sorry Ric but like what most of the guy's have been saying..it wasnt your fault she just changed or like one person pointed out she wanted a "Phase." This actually happened to me when I was a AFC...I had a girl in HS and she started hanging with the cheerleaders....a couple of weeks later I heard one of my friends tell me that the cheerleaders where talking trash about me behind my back to my girl ..I checked to see if this was true by how my gf at the time acted around me,it was true she was more distant and started pointing out my flaws. So what I did (First act of becoming a DJ :) ) I let her go talk to her friends and maybe 10 mins later I went up to her with her cheer friends and said it wasnt working out and that I found someone new (somewhat true lol) when I was walking away I didnt look back but yelled to her for someone else to give her a ride home, it was the best feeling ever since a crowd of girls can really destroy another girl that doesnt "Measure" up to them. I saw her recently still with her cheer friends but I wont go into that story just say that I made the right choice. Good luck and you'll probably find someone new since your still on this site plus arent you not suppose to stick with one girl? I thought you had to have maybe like 3 on the line so you can just get with another one....well that's what I though. Good luck and maybe next time chat her up like your trying to pick her up again and when you see another HB that looks better then her just excuse yourself and go for it in front of her....you'll feel really good and you'll destroy her ego ...lol I know cause I did that to the girl above. GOOD LUCK!
 

RicFury

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The hardest part of this whole ordeal is that I am not a high school drop-out. I am an educated DJ in a great field, just stuck in a small town. If the right opportunity would come along, I would be able to make much more money than her in a short period of time. I tried to explain this to my wife, who refused to live away from her family. If you limit yourself to one area, you have no choice but to WAIT until a good opportunity becomes available IN THAT AREA. I never could seem to get my wife to understand this.

So she made 2x the money you made?

Please tell me that you took her to the cleaners during the divorce negotiations.....
The divorce isn't final until next summer. She walked away and left me with a house that I NEVER EVEN WANTED! Since it is in my name, I am screwed. She refused to pay the home mortgage anymore, and went back to live with her parents. My WIFE left me for no real reason, refused counseling (I had proof of this), made TWICE the money I did, and the judge didn't even make her pay HALF of the mortgage! So far, she has walked away SCOTT FREE, even taking the engagement ring I spent $3800 for.

Only problem I see.... I just read you married a "young virgin" you don't know what you're getting, but you can be assured that there will be "issues" due to her inexperience. Likely her she started to feel an itch and her friends convinced her she was missing something.

The friends are always either your best friend, or your worst enemy, never in between.
STR8UP, you are exactly right. She was a young virgin; a sweet girl from a small town that was not bitter or angry at men at all. We were married and she wanted a house, and I was against it right from the start; I felt it was too soon. I sat her down and told her that I was against the idea and told her that I did NOT want a house to come between us. But, she insisted, and I went along. That was the very first time she wouldn't listen to me, and our marriage paid the ultimate price.

wayword, you have an interesting observation that I never even considered. Good point.

I'm curious, is your ex-wife happy now?
I don't know. She moved back in with her parents and they live almost an hour away. I never see or hear from her. I haven't contacted her at all since I was served with divorce papers, almost four months ago.

I'm willing to bet your ex is similarly miserable because she has to spend all her time justifying to herself why she let a great guy like you go, and when the reasons don't fit into her paradigm she slowly has become angry and bitter for listening to all that bad advice from jealous hens.
That is so sad. To know that my WIFE is going to end up like this is just heartbreaking. I know I can't save her from herself, but we were EXTREMELY HAPPY together. We were "that couple" that everyone talked about, that everyone envied. She became a part of my family and I a part of hers. She let peer pressure and her "friends" get to her and confuse her mind so much that she turned her back on the one man who loved her enough to pledge a life commitment to her...her husband.
 

RicFury

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The hardest part of this whole ordeal is that I am NOT some high school drop-out. I am an educated DJ in a great field, just stuck in a small town. If the right opportunity would come along, I would be able to make much more money than her in a short period of time. I tried to explain this to my wife, who refused to live in another town away from her family. If you limit yourself to one area, you have no choice but to WAIT until a good opportunity becomes available IN THAT AREA. I never could seem to get my wife to understand this.

The divorce isn't final until next summer. She walked away and left me with a house that I NEVER EVEN WANTED! Since it is in my name, I am screwed. She refused to pay the home mortgage anymore, and went back to live with her parents. My WIFE left me for no real reason, refused counseling (I had proof of this), made TWICE the money I did, and the judge didn't even make her pay HALF of the mortgage! So far, she has walked away SCOTT FREE, even taking the engagement ring I spent $3800 for.

Only problem I see.... I just read you married a "young virgin" you don't know what you're getting, but you can be assured that there will be "issues" due to her inexperience. Likely her she started to feel an itch and her friends convinced her she was missing something.

The friends are always either your best friend, or your worst enemy, never in between.
STR8UP, you are exactly right. She was a young virgin; a sweet girl from a small town that was not bitter or angry at men at all. We were married and living in a very nice apartment, but she wanted a house. I was against it right from the start; I felt it was too soon. I sat her down and told her that I was against the idea (because I wasn’t making any real money yet) and told her that I did NOT want a house to come between us. But, since she had the money to pay for it, she insisted, and I went along. That was the very first time she wouldn't listen to me, and our marriage paid the ultimate price.

wayword, you have an interesting observation that I never even considered. Good point.

I'm curious, is your ex-wife happy now?
I don't know. She moved back in with her parents and they live almost an hour away. I never see or hear from her. I haven't contacted her at all since I was served with divorce papers, almost four months ago.

I'm willing to bet your ex is similarly miserable because she has to spend all her time justifying to herself why she let a great guy like you go, and when the reasons don't fit into her paradigm she slowly has become angry and bitter for listening to all that bad advice from jealous hens.
That is so sad. To know that my WIFE is going to end up like this is just heartbreaking. I know I can't save her from herself, but we were EXTREMELY HAPPY together. We were "that couple" that everyone talked about, that everyone envied. She became a part of my family and I a part of hers. She let peer pressure and her "friends" get to her and confuse her mind so much that she turned her back on the one man who loved her enough to pledge a life commitment to her...her husband.
 

aliasguy

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Hey, Ric,

Without going on and on about what has ALREADY happened and why, I'll just make a few suggestions about what you might want to do from here:

1. WALK away from the house. Just default, let the bank take it. Yeah, this will mess up your credit for some number of years. So what. Don't let her make waves about it. Don't even tell her, just stop making payments. This sounds terrible, I know, but this will work best for you. You need to be liquid right now. Start looking for an inexpensive place to live NOW.

2. CONTINUE to not talk to her or communicate with her AT ALL. I'm glad this has been the case so far. Beware of any attempt on her part to contact you. Consider changing all your numbers and your email. I'd go so far as to say you should NEVER communicate with her in ANY way (except through lawyers, as necessary) EVER again. Same for her family. REALLY.

3. ACCEPT the fact that DEEP DOWN, she was NOT "extremely happy." Get over that stuff, man. No reflection on YOU, necessarily, but if she was "extremely happy," she wouldn't be living over at her folk's place. DON'T blame yourself for her unhappiness, just accept it and move on.

4. MOVE. Go somewhere where you can get that good job or whatever you are talking about.

5. STOP ruminating on why she did this - it really doesn't matter. Whatever her reasons, the results are the same, and even if she "sees the light," and wants to "come home," you can't let her, so screw it. Forget it. You may never really know the REAL reason(s) for all this. And it doesn't matter, anyway.

6. START running around with other women, as SOON as you can. Don't get attached to ANY of them. This will help. Don't buy into the "you need time to heal" crap. Do this for at least a year.


That's what I'd recommend.

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Don Juanabbe

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RicFury said:
That is so sad. To know that my WIFE is going to end up like this is just heartbreaking. I know I can't save her from herself, but we were EXTREMELY HAPPY together. We were "that couple" that everyone talked about, that everyone envied. She became a part of my family and I a part of hers. She let peer pressure and her "friends" get to her and confuse her mind so much that she turned her back on the one man who loved her enough to pledge a life commitment to her...her husband.
She will end up like that. Mine did. I see her quite regularly as she works in an adjacent building to me, for the same company. Over three years she has isolated herself from everyone and is always, always angry.

And her arse is now as wide as an axe handle too.
 

vorbis

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aliasguy said:
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Hey, Ric,

Without going on and on about what has ALREADY happened and why, I'll just make a few suggestions about what you might want to do from here:

1. WALK away from the house. Just default, let the bank take it. Yeah, this will mess up your credit for some number of years. So what. Don't let her make waves about it. Don't even tell her, just stop making payments. This sounds terrible, I know, but this will work best for you. You need to be liquid right now. Start looking for an inexpensive place to live NOW.
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Not to hate on ya aliaguy but Ric do NOT default on the house. A delinquency will look very bad on your record. It would have the potential to affect your career as a businessman. A lot of employers look at credit reports these days. If you can't afford the payments, sell the house. If there's a loss, get your lawyer to split it with your wife.

Aliasguy's other point about chasing other women is on the money. It'll help take your mind off your ex wife.
 

honeyshark

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aliasguy said:
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1. WALK away from the house. Just default, let the bank take it. Yeah, this will mess up your credit for some number of years. So what. Don't let her make waves about it. Don't even tell her, just stop making payments. This sounds terrible, I know, but this will work best for you. You need to be liquid right now. Start looking for an inexpensive place to live NOW.

2. CONTINUE to not talk to her or communicate with her AT ALL...

3. ACCEPT the fact that DEEP DOWN, she was NOT "extremely happy." Get over that stuff, man...

4. MOVE...

5. STOP ruminating on why she did this - it really doesn't matter. ...

6. START running around with other women, as SOON as you can....
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Just to reiterate, this is all good advice, but DO NOT default on your loan. Sell the house. DO NOT DEFAULT. Defaulting will haunt you forever. Selling the house will get you money.
 

RicFury

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To just default on the house would be easier, but I don't think that is a good move. My credit is PERFECT up until this point; I am just struggling to pay for it by myself. It takes all I make to pay it. I am thinking about selling it, but the housing market is so bad right now, I doubt I would even break even.

Defaulting would only affect your for seven years....

However, how did you get only your name on the mortgage if you couldn't afford it on your salary? She had to have co-signed it.
I honestly can't remember exactly...I do know that we put it under my name because my credit score was so high, and I was a first time home buyer. Also, even though the house is under my name alone, her name is on the actual deed along with mine. So I don't even know if I can sell it without her signature...I need to find that out.
 

Ken785

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wow bro...you know ive seen this thread over the last few days and i didn't bother to click on it. Now im glad i did. I wish i could buy you a beer and tell you your wife made a mistake listening to other jealous women...and that if when you are a DJ...your wife still vulnerable to the other leaches out there and that there was no way you could have protected her...at least none that i know of in this situation if she doesnt listen to you. Im sorry bro....you should make a chat for this man...anyone in??? Please join us RicFury in the chatroom sometime if you want to talk. - Ken
 

Sandow

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Well, at that certain point in your lives, she was the one who had the upper hand because she was making twice your salary. And that is why your DJ skills weren't effective. It's hard to be the "MAN", in control if you will, when she has demonstrated higher value than you.

And because she was aware of her superiority, she didn't respond well to your authority. I think that could of been one of your mistakes, trying to make decsions, when she was the one in control of your future. Are you going to let someone below you boss you around? And it's right, she did want more. To the point where she couldn't take it anymore. Now if you were making more money than her, bought the new house, etc, then no doubt she would have stayed because you are in control.

I think in marriges, if you want it work, it's best to look at each other as equals. You being the "man" early on may have worked, but it can only lasts so long until she gets tired of it. It seems like she has a dominant, persistant attitude, so it was only a matter of time before she left if you didn't provide the things she wanted in life. In marriages, its more like a friendship. Attraction stages are long gone at this point, and just like any friendship, if you want a great relationship, the two have to be able to agree certain things, and you have to let go of some of the alpha characteristics. I'm not saying lose all of your manhood, but that's just how marriages are.
 

muscleman

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RicFury said:
1) The hardest part of this whole ordeal is that I am NOT some high school drop-out. I am an educated DJ in a great field, just stuck in a small town. If the right opportunity would come along, I would be able to make much more money than her in a short period of time. I tried to explain this to my wife, who refused to live in another town away from her family.

2) The divorce isn't final until next summer. She walked away and left me with a house that I NEVER EVEN WANTED! Since it is in my name, I am screwed. She refused to pay the home mortgage anymore, and went back to live with her parents. My WIFE left me for no real reason, refused counseling (I had proof of this), made TWICE the money I did, and the judge didn't even make her pay HALF of the mortgage! So far, she has walked away SCOTT FREE, even taking the engagement ring I spent $3800 for.

3) STR8UP, you are exactly right. She was a young virgin; a sweet girl from a small town that was not bitter or angry at men at all. We were married and living in a very nice apartment, but she wanted a house. I was against it right from the start; I felt it was too soon. I sat her down and told her that I was against the idea (because I wasn’t making any real money yet) and told her that I did NOT want a house to come between us. But, since she had the money to pay for it, she insisted, and I went along. That was the very first time she wouldn't listen to me, and our marriage paid the ultimate price.

4) That is so sad. To know that my WIFE is going to end up like this is just heartbreaking. I know I can't save her from herself, but we were EXTREMELY HAPPY together. We were "that couple" that everyone talked about, that everyone envied. She became a part of my family and I a part of hers. She let peer pressure and her "friends" get to her and confuse her mind so much that she turned her back on the one man who loved her enough to pledge a life commitment to her...her husband.
Let's take this piece by piece.

1) Waiting for an opportunity to come along? You can wait your whole life. You make enough to pay a mortgage (even if it is taking all you've got) and you have your own computer. You don't sound stupid. People with much less end up with much more. How much willpower do you have to be proactive and change the situation you're in rather than waiting for something to drop in your lap?

2) Why isn't it finalized til then? Why is she walking away with everything? Who hired the lawyer?

3) You obviously didn't have the same goals. Even if you were 100% compatible, your timing may have been completely off. You said yourself everything that happened happened too soon. YOU went along with HER decisions. How is that "DJing to the end"? You should have flat out said no, it's too soon, and that's that. Why did you get married at such a young age before you established your own independence and took care of your own self in the first place? She got a medical degree, she got a high paying job, and now she's off to whatever she wants with a $3800 ring. SHE got exactly what she wanted.

You were also dealing with a virgin. Inexperience makes everything more difficult. This notion of being "that couple" and "being so right for each other" and blah blah blah disney. Search Rollo Tomassi's posts, you will find them enlightening.

4) Yup it's sad. Such is life. Let her do what she wants to. Do your own thing. Man you need to go out there and get your sh!t in order. FIND that opportunity, get that job/business/whatever you've always wanted, maybe lay some chicks on the side, but don't commit to any of them until you've reached your life goals. What are they by the way? Do you have any? Besides the generic "be happy and have money"?

EDIT: a quick note about the money issue. Within an LTR/marriage, if she makes more than you, it's going to cause problems. It doesn't matter if you both make enough for whatever you want - it creates a sort of backwards dependence. Women seek stability and security for the long term, which nowadays is directly proportional to your bank account. In this case, it was her jealous nurse friends who told her she could "do better" because all of their husbands made more money than you did. It has nothing to do with love or the exact amounts involved. Ask yourself this - did it ever make you uncomfortable knowing that she made more than you? From your posts, it seems like it did.
 

RicFury

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Well, at that certain point in your lives, she was the one who had the upper hand because she was making twice your salary. And that is why your DJ skills weren't effective. It's hard to be the "MAN", in control if you will, when she has demonstrated higher value than you.
Sandow, you are absolutely correct.

The problem began when she wanted to buy a house. Now, she KNEW my money wasn't right to handle a big mortgage at the time, yet she still insisted. I sat her down one night before we made the final decision and TOLD HER how our lives would change if we got saddled with a home mortgage at this early stage in our marriage. Money might be tight. We would have to cut back for a while, until I got myself a good enough job to support us. We couldn't go out and "date" as much as we did in the past. We would have to hold off on having children for a couple of years. At the end of the day, I could see how important a house was to my wife, so I went along with it...

I think in marriges, if you want it work, it's best to look at each other as equals.
My wife made good money, and she was even able to save some every week. The problem was, I couldn't save any money yet, and she was footing the majority of the bills. Since she made much more than I did, she didn't want to think of it as "our" money; it was "her" money. Now, as a man, this would have NEVER bothered me in the slightest, because the way I see it, when we got MARRIED, we bacame a TEAM. Sometimes she would have to carry the ball, but most of the time I would carry the ball, like when we had children and she stayed home. I told her before we made the decision to buy our house, she would have to carry the ball for a little while until I found suitable employment, and she ASSURED me she was fine with that.

I TREATED HER AS AN EQUAL PARTNER, AND I LOST!

Four months later, she got to the point where she couldn't handle it. THIS IS WHAT I WAS AFAID OF. Just as I thought, it was too much for her to handle emotionally and she started taking it out on me. Keep in mind we (she) was doing fine financially. I tried to tell her that it was only temporary, and that things would get better, but all that did was make her think I was minimizing the problem and that I didn't care. I even told her we could sell the house and get a smaller house if she wanted to start a family, but she didn't want to give up the house. What else could I do?

That's when she came up with the idea of me giving up my check and her giving me a weekly "allowance." Now, I never agreed to anything like this, and she knew me better than that. What man would agree to that?

And because she was aware of her superiority, she didn't respond well to your authority. I think that could of been one of your mistakes, trying to make decsions, when she was the one in control of your future. Are you going to let someone below you boss you around?
The truth is, no one "bossed" anyone around at all, but I do see your point. In the beginning, I made most of the major decisions (except the marriage date and buying our house) and she was the happiest young bride you ever saw. Things began to change after we moved into our house, and it was all because of the fact she made the money. Now, money would NEVER make me feel that way about her, but it sure changed her attitude towards me. Again, I treated her as an "equal" and I LOST.

It seems like she has a dominant, persistant attitude, so it was only a matter of time before she left if you didn't provide the things she wanted in life.
With my background and clean record, there is no reason why we could not have everything we always wanted, in time. Since we started dating, our dreams were always the same. I just wasn't able to give it all to her that fast. We were only married a year and a half!

In marriages, its more like a friendship. Attraction stages are long gone at this point, and just like any friendship, if you want a great relationship, the two have to be able to agree certain things, and you have to let go of some of the alpha characteristics. I'm not saying lose all of your manhood, but that's just how marriages are.
Very well said. Everyone needs to understand this before you get married.
 

RicFury

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1) Waiting for an opportunity to come along? You can wait your whole life. You make enough to pay a mortgage (even if it is taking all you've got) and you have your own computer. You don't sound stupid. People with much less end up with much more. How much willpower do you have to be proactive and change the situation you're in rather than waiting for something to drop in your lap?
You are making a lot of ASSumptions, muscleman.

When I said "wait for the right opportunity to come along," I didn't mean I was sitting on my @ss hoping one would fall into my lap. I was saying that THERE WERE NOT MANY OPPORTUNITIES IN MY PARTICULAR AREA AT THIS PARTICULAR TIME. We live in a very small town. I was out actively searching of course, only I couldn't come up with anything GOOD ENOUGH to satisfy her. I found plenty of great jobs sure, but they were all two and three hours away. We had just bought a house HERE, and she made it clear that she did not want to move too far off from her family.

2) Why isn't it finalized til then? Why is she walking away with everything? Who hired the lawyer?
Because in my state, like most other states, you have to wait one full year before you are legally divorced, unless infidelity or abuse is involved.

She is walking away with everything because she and her family went back into the house while I was at work one day and cleaned it out. I hired my own lawyer, but my lawyer doesn't make the decisions; the JUDGE does. And it isn't over yet.

YOU went along with HER decisions. How is that "DJing to the end"? You should have flat out said no, it's too soon, and that's that.
Are you married, muscleman? Try telling your WIFE she can't buy a house when she really wants one and she makes enough money to do so and see what happens. She MIGHT have respected me even more. She MIGHT have left sooner. Who the he!! knows? It's a gamble.

Why did you get married at such a young age before you established your own independence and took care of your own self in the first place?
I COULD take care of my own self buddy, and I did it for YEARS before I even met my wife. I didn't earn a credit score of almost 800 by sitting on my @ss. We could have stayed where we were and I could have supported her fine, but she wanted MORE. More than I could give her after being out of college for only a year. She didn't want to live modestly; she wanted a bigger house that I could not afford on my own at this point in our lives.

EDIT: a quick note about the money issue. Within an LTR/marriage, if she makes more than you, it's going to cause problems. It doesn't matter if you both make enough for whatever you want - it creates a sort of backwards dependence. Women seek stability and security for the long term, which nowadays is directly proportional to your bank account. In this case, it was her jealous nurse friends who told her she could "do better" because all of their husbands made more money than you did. It has nothing to do with love or the exact amounts involved.
I agree.

Ask yourself this - did it ever make you uncomfortable knowing that she made more than you? From your posts, it seems like it did.
Sure it did, as I am sure it would with ANY man. But not near as much as it bothered her, obviously.
 

eyedogg

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RicFury,

You have gotten a ton of good advice today. Run with it, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

Best to you.

-Eyedogg
 
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