performance anxiety when i'm with a new girl in bed

[flyinshark]

I've been with the same girl for more than 2 years and broke up 3 weeks ago, so i got really used to that particular girl, to the point where i was getting boners all the time when i was with her.. in the bus if she touched my leg, while kissing, etc. and the sex was great all the time.

Now, i just met a new girl and spent the night at her place 2 days ago. Things got hot, we started undressing while making out, she was super passionate, i was passionate too, but i just couldn't get hard at all. We had to stop after a while, after i let her know that i just couldnt get it up. I told her that it's actually been like that every time when on the first night with the other girls i have slept with in the past, and that i should be okay next time, which will be this upcoming weekend.

I dunno, maybe it's a bit of stress coupled with performance anxiety, but i dont like this at all. It makes me feel less of a man. I was sooo concentrated on my d!ck being soft that i couldnt concentrate on the positive feelings i should have felt. I was not enjoying myself, because i was obsessed with getting hard, which was not happening at all. I'm sure next time it will work, for i've been in this situation before, but damn.. i dont wanna make this kinda first impression on any girl..

What do you guys make of this?
I know most guys would be super turned on when with a new girl for the first time, and it makes sense! Me, it's like, i need to get used to the girl first, get used to her style, become more relaxed, and then all is great!

I'd appreciate some feedback guys. Thanks!

 

[musclyjerk]

Sucks huh? If she's a decent lass she will wait/be patient.

The Muscly Jerk

 

[john_1234]

don't sweat it man, i've experienced this b4 too. try getting an alcohol buzz. just a buzz to loosen you up a bit, don't get hammered.

performance anxiety is something us guys don't talk about over beers. but if you noticed, there's a lot of threads about this so it seems to be very common

 

[realsmoothie]

I had EXACTLY the same problem just the other week.

I don't know where it comes from. Part of it is from the damned condom, I know that for sure. But there is definitely "performance" anxiety too.

Going at it with a new girl is a big deal in any guy's life, it's no wonder that we get stressed out.

Remember Eddie Murphy's Delirious?

"When you're 18, you're surprised you're fvcking. Your face is like "


Do I have a suggestion? Alcohol helps, yes, strangely enough. I'm 32 and am not the hardest guy like I was when I was 17, but I'll get harder quicker after a few drinks than I will straight sober - the inhibitions go away.

I'd also say give it time. I didn't get time with that last girl (#*$#& young ones).

 

[sexxyback]

smoke weed

 

[martinshernwood]

have her suck it for 4play

 

[seanchai]

Think about your ex. It's a stopgap measure, but it usually works for me.

I have too much experience with impotence and I'm still trying to get to the bottom of it.

 

[flyinshark]

It's good to know there are other guys who experienced this, it makes me feel more relaxed about it. I have actually had some alcohol that night, but a couple of hours earlier so i wasnt in tipsy mode anymore.. maybe next time i will drink some alcohol closer to the sex act so i can be a bit more relaxed.

Think about my ex, with whom i had no anxiety, okay, hehe.. it's an idea, although i probably won't want to do that too much cuz i dont wanna think about my ex. Speaking of the ex, she just sent me a text msg telling me she missed me and wanted to say hi. It's funny how girls are more into you when u ignore them, or dump them like i did with this girl.

Realsmoothie, you say it may be partly because of the condom.. well, at least you got to the part where u could put a condom on, meaning that you did get hard at some point, so you did better than me, lol. The best i could do was get 20% hard and then back to soft, so fvck, i couldnt get anything going.

As for her sucking me as foreplay, i was too scared of getting my d!ck out and have her suck it while i stayed soft. I'm not sure it would have worked. Plus, she would have felt like she's not good enough to turn me on. And i would have felt not manly enough and my ego would have taken a hit. Nothing seemed to work at that moment. I needed to relax, but i was obsessed with getting arroused.

I'm glad she's an understanding chick and we plan to spend another night together this friday night, so hopefully it will unblock then.

As for immature girls who are not patient when this happens, it happened to me once, like 3-4 years ago. I was in bed with her and she was quite hot, but i was so stressed that nothing happened at all in my pants. She seemed disapointed when we had to stop and a few hours after i dropped her at her house we started chatting and she proceeded to insult me and tell me i have a small d!ck and lots of immature bull**** like that. Let's just say that it was a horrible feeling.

Needless to say i never saw her again, even though i had this urge to get her in my bed again, get hard, and fvck her brains out and show her who's the man and show her i'm big enough to rip her into pieces. I felt like teaching her a lesson, but i instead blocked her and never spoke to her again for she was not worth my time. Anyhow.. teenage stories... I'm glad im with a more mature girl now.

 

[flyinshark]

Uhm.... i thought about viagra too :nervous:
You know, in case i spend one or two more nights with her and i still can't get excited.. Or maybe there is some other drug that relaxes you? No thanks to weed though, i dont do that and even if i did, i dont have money for it right now.